Michelle W.

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I'm under 300lbs!! I told my husband today that I wish I had kept track of my weight while I was high school. I've been a large person most of my life and I'd love to be able to say, "yeah I'm smaller now than I was when I was 18!" Or 16 or whatever. I've had to have my dress pants taken in several times and I'm wearing some clothes I haven't worn in years. I don't want to spend much money on clothing when I know that my body is continuously changing but it's just so exciting. I think I'll be halfway to my goal in another month or two and that's even more exciting. Now I just need to get strict with my exercise plan.

This last week home from the hospital I've been so angry. My husband took a week off of work so that he could be home and support me but I feel like he just wanted the time away from work for himself. I'd be supportive of that if it weren't for the fact that I don't feel very supported myself. The first few days I was not only preparing my own meals, but cooking for him as well. He didn't do any cleaning in the house other than laundry; which was absolutely necessary doing to the heavy weight of carrying it up and down stairs. So basically, he's been home for nothing but playing video games and surfing the net. 

I go back to work tomorrow and I'm really excited if only so I can get out of this house. I didn't expect to be waited on hand and foot but I thought I'd get a little more help than I have at home. He went to sign back in from leave today only to find out that he signed up for leave until Wednesday. Instead of signing in early to save his leave days, he's going to stay home. Am I wrong for feeling angry? The only reason he took leave was to take care of me and he hasn't done that. Now I'm going back to work and he's going to continue sitting at home making an even bigger mess of things. And I'm sure I'll be expected to cook him dinner when I come home from work as well. It's been building up for awhile now but this surgery has only highlighted how I feel like I have two jobs and no safe space to go to relax.

Eating used to be my comfort from this, it would make me happy. Now I'm not sure what to do since talking about it only makes him defensive. I can't wait to be healed enough to really hit it in the gym. I need some stress relief!

I made it. The surgery wasn't anything I expected. My initial thought was "pain" yet so many people told me their stories and I thought that the pain couldn't nearly be as bad as I anticipated. This was my first major surgery and not only did I have the RNY, but also had my gall bladder removed. Waking up the day after surgery in the ICU and being forced to perform some minor bodily scrub down was excruciating. But I powered through and once the drainage tubes were removed, things felt almost normal again.

I've recovered a lot of my energy, although my body is still tender in places of course. I'm anxious to return home as the hospital bed is becoming uncomfortable. Normally I sleep on my stomach or side and this is nearly impossible here.  I'm also still nervous as to how to exactly go about the next few phases: How much of my liquid diet should I be expected to eat per meal? How many grams of carbs should be my max per meal? If I manage to avoid dumping syndrome during the liquid phase, will I be less likely to experience it further down the road? Unfortunately this is when the language barrier comes into play. While my doctor and hospital staff have been exceptional, it is sometimes difficult to communicate. I'm hopeful that I can find most of my answers through OH and the friends that I have made here.

Well my work approved my leave! Of course we had several employees unexpectedly quit so now I feel incredibly guilty that I'm leaving my job with next to no one to run the branch. My boss asked if it was possible for me to move the date but it's too far along for me to go back now. I feel like if I don't take the time to do it now I'll put it off again like I did 3-4 years ago in Georgia. I'm excited and of course nervous. There's parts of me that scream, "you can do this without surgery!" but I know it isn't true. I know that the remorse I feel now in light of the foods I may never get to eat again is nothing compared to the benefits that I'm going to gain. Day three of my liquid diet, one more week 'til surgery.

Well my husband stopped into our local health clinic to pick up his own referral and found out that mine was approved as well! I honestly think that having the surgery date pre-set within such a short time frame helped push it through. That and I clearly met my insurance's guidelines for the surgery. I'm very, very excited but my nervousness is starting to come through as well. I know that I will make it safely through surgery without complications but the days and weeks that follow are what worry me. I've been trying to change my habits so that I can be ready for such a large lifestyle change but sometimes I feel like I'm completely on my own. My husband is supporting my decision but is himself letting "loose" with his eating habits. I fear that his continued bad decisions will eventually eat away at my resolve and cause me to also make bad decisions. I hope that the results will be enough to keep me going and maybe even convince him to change his eating habits back to the way they used to be so that we can both be healthy.

On Monday I met with my surgeon in Frankfurt. He thinks I'm a great candidate for the surgery and sent his recommendation to TRICARE. We also set a date for my surgery: March 13th. It's rather quick, but with all the time restrictions I have at work, it's really for the best. Unfortunately I don't qualify for FMLA since it's been just under a year that I started with my employer. So instead I'll need to use up my vacation time and file for short-term disability. Which won't be nearly long enough since I'll need to be back to work within 2 weeks. Next stop is back to my primary care doctor for a letter to give my employer. This seems like a never-ending process and I haven't even gotten the full approval for the surgery itself yet!

Well my evaluation appointment date is set! I'll be going to Frankfurt Monday, February 18th to meet with my surgeon. He'll make his recommendation and then it'll be back to TRICARE insurance for a referral for the surgery itself. Hopefully this won't be too lengthy of a process. I'm mostly concerned with missing too much work at this point. I just got a promotion and, as a supervisor, I need to be a model employee. I set up my appointment for President's Day for just that reason; I won't need to miss work. In the meantime I'm also figuring out how to go about claiming the short term disability the surgery will cause as well as FMLA so I don't lose my job!

Well I found out on Friday that my referral to see the bariatric surgeon was approved! Tomorrow I'll visit my insurance office to schedule my appointment. I'll be visiting the doctor in Frankfurt who will assess my overall health and make his recommendation either for or against surgery. I'll then have to wait for my insurance provider (TRICARE) to grant me another referral for the surgery itself. Baby steps! I'm excited to finally be on my way.