A New Year, A New Me

Jan 01, 2011

So here it is, another New Year except this time, it's different.

I know, I know, you have heard that many times either from your friends, the media or even inside your own head. I have too. I'm tired of hearing it, actually. I've been through a lot of these New Year's resolutions and unfortunately, it's always been the same one, to lose weight, which I might add has never come to fruition.

Sure, I've lost a few pounds here and there. Hey, I even lost a whopping 50lbs one time! But alas, I have 150 to lose. I lost the 50 and the idea of losing the rest (at the time would've been around 75) was just too much of a monumental effort in my opinion.

I never believed in weight loss surgery. I never really thought of it as the "easy way out" as so many people on here have been told my their supportive (NOT!) co-workers and (sometimes) family members. No, I actually thought it would be way too much to put my body through. I couldn't imagine voluntarily having major surgery for anything. Ahhh... I was so young and naive.

Now, here I am 2 days away from turning 39. The dreaded 4-0 looming over my head like an anvil in a Looney Toons cartoon. I'm staring down at those numbers that start with 4 with anger, not really dread. I don't want them to come and it's for one reason and one reason only. My mother had her first heart attack at 46. Yup, 46 yrs old. She wasn't anywhere near as heavy as I am but she enjoyed the occasional smoke (well, at least a pack per day if that's occasional) and up until about 8 yrs before, she liked her drink. Yes, I'm not referring to Diet Coke.

So now, here I am. I was just diagnosed as pre-Diabetic and my lovely PA wants to put me on blood pressure meds. I fought that tooth and nail. I said "nope, no way, I ain't gonna do it!" I'm not that person! I can't have Diabetes! I can't be getting Diabetes! I refuse!

I know it's not that easy. You can't just declare you don't have or want something and that makes it true. For all of you out there who love "The Office", you will remember Michael's famous line of declaring bankruptcy. Luckily Oscar set him straight by advising him that just because you declare it, it doesn't mean you've done it.

Anyway, my thoughts have changed completely about WLS, I've done a complete 180 in the past 6 months. I've tried losing weight and yeah, I can but then it comes back with a vengeance, almost like it was mad at me for trying to get rid of it. Then I try again a few months later, maybe trying something new. "Starvation will rid me of this extra poundage forever!" (Yes, I declared it.) But no, it came back, angrier than ever and now it has made a permanent home in, around and on my body. I don't like it one bit and I'm putting up with it NO MORE!

Like I said, drastic times call for drastic measures. I'm getting rid of this fat suit this year. Yup, 2011 has been declared as "Year of the Megan" by myself and my husband. Yes, he agreed to it and for that I am thankful. No more putting up with all the crap I've put up with all my life and no more putting up with this weight that has been weighing me down for almost 34 years. I've had it!

Yes, I want WLS surgery this year. As you can see from my previous blog posts, I've already started this journey. I'm not sure I'm enjoying it so far, as so many people say I should but I'm doing it all the same. I've also decided to let you all in on why I want this surgery. 20 enlightening (ok, not so much but they are true to how I feel) reasons and I'm thinking that a lot of you reading this will agree with at least some items on this list so I'm not holding back. 

Further reading should be done at your own risk. Ok, not really but it sounded serious.

1. Basically, I hate being fat
2. I hate that all of my thoughts about myself are tainted by the fact that I am fat
3. I don't want to compensate for bending over or doing anything physical by leaning a certain way or not doing it at all because I'm fat
4. I want to run. A lot. I want to run a marathon someday and then do the IronMan in Hawaii. I want to bike, swim and run and I know I can. I biked 245 miles during a weeklong bike trip 4 years ago. I trained for it and can do it again.
5. I want to hike up high mountain. I want to not feel like I'm carrying around a person on my back who I don't like
6. I want to dress like a ho. Yup, you read it right. I want to for once in my goddamn life, dress like I'm going out to a club and show some skin and feel great and proud of myself all the while wearing high-heeled boots (something I have NEVER worn) up to just below my knee with a short skirt and look HOT!
7. I want people to notice me for me and not for being fat
8. I want to get a better job and have the self-confidence to try. I'm tired of being stuck in a workplace where there is no chance of advancement
9. I want to not be tired all the time
10. I want to not feel like I'm old all the time
11. I want to buy a little black dress and black high heels and look awesome
12. I want to buy my first bikini and not just buy one or the first one I find. I want to spend hours looking for the perfect 5 and buy all of them and wear them around the house and be proud of how I look!
13. I want to downhill ski again
14. I want to roller skate
15. I want to horseback ride
16. I want to feel SEXY!
17. I want my every thought of every day not to be about hiding myself and wearing clothes that will make me disappear. I want to be better for me and for my husband who deserves better.
18. I want to be happy
19. I want to run into everyone I used to know in my hottest outfit and make them eat their words and thoughts about how they thought I looked before.

20. Last but not least, I've decided that I'm going to take out an obituary in the local newspaper after I've lost all the weight and explain ever so eloquently that the person my ex-husband cheated on has past away but the kick-ass, awesome-looking, strong, beautiful woman has survived!!!!

Happy New Year everyone on OH. I hope all of your hopes and dreams come true.

Luv,
Megan

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