Maddsmarie
Long Overdue Update
Mar 30, 2008
Well.... I cannot believe how the time has ZOOMED by! I am finally updating. So here is what has happened lately...
I went in for surgery on Wednesday March 19th. Things went as planned and relatively smooth. On surgery day, I weighed 243.6. My RNY was laporscopic and I went home after three days. I have been home for the last week and a half. I cannot believe how many friends adn family have reached out to me these last two weeks. I have to admit that almost everyone who knows me now knows about my surgery. And I am fine with it. No worries.
Well, today I am 11 days post-op. I weighed when I got up and am down to 228. I have lost 15 pounds! WOW!!! I am now back on full liquids. I eat things like strained cream soups, puddings, cream of wheat, and protein shakes. It has been going well.
Send me a message if you have questions about my experience so far.
I went in for surgery on Wednesday March 19th. Things went as planned and relatively smooth. On surgery day, I weighed 243.6. My RNY was laporscopic and I went home after three days. I have been home for the last week and a half. I cannot believe how many friends adn family have reached out to me these last two weeks. I have to admit that almost everyone who knows me now knows about my surgery. And I am fine with it. No worries.
Well, today I am 11 days post-op. I weighed when I got up and am down to 228. I have lost 15 pounds! WOW!!! I am now back on full liquids. I eat things like strained cream soups, puddings, cream of wheat, and protein shakes. It has been going well.
Send me a message if you have questions about my experience so far.
Liquid Diet ~ Day 2
Mar 06, 2008
Okay. So remember when I said that this wasn't so bad? I was wrong! Being on a liquid diet sucks! I am cranky and continually thinking about food. Now I mentally have no desire to eat real food. I am committed. I am strong. But my stomach and my fat head are not getting the message. I refuse to give in! I got my hair cut today and changed my avatar to my new picture. My mom was showing me some pictures from my cousin's wedding in September. I didn't think that 40 pounds made a big difference. But it does!
Liquid Diet
Mar 05, 2008
Today I started my pre-op liquid diet. I have to say that I have only had breakfast so far but I think that it will be okay. I am sure that the first few days will be rough but I can do it. I am determined to make all the mental changes necessary to be successful in changing my life. I don't just want to lose weight. I want to be healthier in mind, body, and spirit. I think that I have been selling myself short for so long. Now I am working towards making the changes because I am starting to believe that I am worth it. I have to admit that I am kind of faking it till I make it. And I know that before long, I will look back and see that I am worth it. 
I got my first bill from the surgeon's office. I have to get it paid by the 13th or they cancel my surgery. Scary thought!
14 days and couting....
I got my first bill from the surgeon's office. I have to get it paid by the 13th or they cancel my surgery. Scary thought!
14 days and couting....
Last time in the bar for awhile...
Mar 01, 2008
Well, spring break has officially begun. 
My fellow teachers all planned a little get together at a local bar. I generally try to avoid bars. I tell others that it is because of the cigarette smoke but let's be honest. I hate being the fat friend in the bar.
So I went last night. I had a pretty good time but I am not comfortable in that setting at my current weight.
As I drove home, I can't help but tell myself ~ that was your last time in a bar as the fat friend. I will not be that person any more. Now I know that without work, I will always be fat inside my own mind. That's why I am working so hard towards healing myself mentally.
So today, I am glad I went to the bar as I am ~ 250 pounds and unhappy. But I know that this will improve over time. And someday down the road, I will look back and these feelings will be a memory.
"Here's towards continuing on my personal journey. Cheers!" was my own toast as I drank a yummy beer.
My fellow teachers all planned a little get together at a local bar. I generally try to avoid bars. I tell others that it is because of the cigarette smoke but let's be honest. I hate being the fat friend in the bar.
So I went last night. I had a pretty good time but I am not comfortable in that setting at my current weight.
As I drove home, I can't help but tell myself ~ that was your last time in a bar as the fat friend. I will not be that person any more. Now I know that without work, I will always be fat inside my own mind. That's why I am working so hard towards healing myself mentally.
So today, I am glad I went to the bar as I am ~ 250 pounds and unhappy. But I know that this will improve over time. And someday down the road, I will look back and these feelings will be a memory.
"Here's towards continuing on my personal journey. Cheers!" was my own toast as I drank a yummy beer.
Down another 5 pounds and not going crazy
Feb 21, 2008
Well, I took off the morning from school in order to see my Dr at the weight management clinic and then went to the counselor.
First, I saw Dr. Baskett. She is so upbeat and positive. I really feel like she is excited for me. I was down another 5 pounds. :) She also gave me the liquid diet I go on 10 days before surgery. It isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.
Then, onto the counselor's office. Let me just say, that it was one of the smartest things I have done in a long long time. I cried from the moment I got into her office until the moment I left. However, she really showed me that I am not crazy, this is natural, and instead of always thinking of what is coming next, I need to live in the now. I need to control what I can for today. And tomorrow, I will control tomorrow.
The thing that really changed my thinking was a idea by Mark Twain. This isn't the exact quote, but here is my understanding of it. Why is it that we always think in order for something to be good, it must feel good? And if it feels bad, it must be bad? In other words, my feelings feel bad. But in the long run, it's good for me to experience these feelings and to learn from them. A huge AHA moment.
First, I saw Dr. Baskett. She is so upbeat and positive. I really feel like she is excited for me. I was down another 5 pounds. :) She also gave me the liquid diet I go on 10 days before surgery. It isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.
Then, onto the counselor's office. Let me just say, that it was one of the smartest things I have done in a long long time. I cried from the moment I got into her office until the moment I left. However, she really showed me that I am not crazy, this is natural, and instead of always thinking of what is coming next, I need to live in the now. I need to control what I can for today. And tomorrow, I will control tomorrow.
The thing that really changed my thinking was a idea by Mark Twain. This isn't the exact quote, but here is my understanding of it. Why is it that we always think in order for something to be good, it must feel good? And if it feels bad, it must be bad? In other words, my feelings feel bad. But in the long run, it's good for me to experience these feelings and to learn from them. A huge AHA moment.
Insurance Approval
Feb 19, 2008
Well, I sent my students outside, like always, for recess. I thought "Hmmm. Maybe I should check my cell phone. Maybe someone called. It was the weight clinic. My insurance has approved me on my first request! I was so excited. I just cried and called my mom. :) I fill like I am so ready to continue on my way.
I visit with my surgeon a week from today. 7 days. 165 hours. I can't believe it! We will set a surgery date when I meet with him. I cannot wait! I just want to know already. Even if it is weeks away, at least I will know. I can prepare. :) (I am a bit of a planner.) Everyone is pretty supportive ~ everyone except my siblings. They are supportive on the surface. But I think somewhere deep inside, they are jealous or scared or who knows what! But I am the one doing this and they will support me eventially. I cannot put my own agenda on others.
WLS, here I come!
I visit with my surgeon a week from today. 7 days. 165 hours. I can't believe it! We will set a surgery date when I meet with him. I cannot wait! I just want to know already. Even if it is weeks away, at least I will know. I can prepare. :) (I am a bit of a planner.) Everyone is pretty supportive ~ everyone except my siblings. They are supportive on the surface. But I think somewhere deep inside, they are jealous or scared or who knows what! But I am the one doing this and they will support me eventially. I cannot put my own agenda on others.
WLS, here I come!
Sunday Night
Feb 17, 2008
Well, it is Sunday night and I should be preparing for my week of teaching that looms ahead. But all I can think about is my surgery. I am waiting to see if my insurance will pay. I am lucky enough to have insurance that may pay but I am just not sure if they will approve me. I guess that I have to be a realist and prepare for the possiblity that they may decline.
I feel like a mental patient. I am so lucky to have a dear friend who tries to understand and always seems to say the right thing. I think that there are times that she is overwhelmed. My depression has been overwhelming lately. I have never felt deep sadness like this. I have been fighting it and am seeing a counselor this Thursday. My surgeon's office also offers post-op counseling groups but the key words are post-op. I am pre-op and am trying to deal with the issues now.
I just want to be my regular self again ~ but healthy. I am just doing my best to live day by day. I have to make sure to get lots of light, get dressed and out of the house, and eat properly.
I feel like a mental patient. I am so lucky to have a dear friend who tries to understand and always seems to say the right thing. I think that there are times that she is overwhelmed. My depression has been overwhelming lately. I have never felt deep sadness like this. I have been fighting it and am seeing a counselor this Thursday. My surgeon's office also offers post-op counseling groups but the key words are post-op. I am pre-op and am trying to deal with the issues now.
I just want to be my regular self again ~ but healthy. I am just doing my best to live day by day. I have to make sure to get lots of light, get dressed and out of the house, and eat properly.
