Maggie428
Today is the beginning of a bright future
Apr 08, 2014
Hi everyone. Today, on my 12th day of Optifast I discovered the Obesity Help boards and so many questions have been answered for me and I have seen so many stories that are very similar to my own. I am 44 years old and have had a weight problem all my life. I remember being the only 8 year old going to Weight Watchers with a bunch of older ladies, being dropped off my my mother or brother and picked up later and asked "well whats the damage this week?" From then it was Nutri System where I lost and then gained it all back with my first pregnancy, LA weight loss, Herbal Magic, Weight Watchers 1,2,3 times again and various other diets along the way. Oh and starving myself was in there too at one point. At the age of 36 I was diagnosed with SLE Lupus which really set my world upside down. At the time I could barely walk due to my legs hurting so bad and no feeling in my feet. I had seizures, infections and a whole gamut of things happen that were treated with drugs, drugs and more drugs the most popular one being prednisone. I couldn't continue to work at my job and had to go on long term disability and of course my weight skyrocketed. As I write this today I am 20lbs heavier now than I was when I was pregnant. It has been a constant struggle.
My self image is poor but I can throw up a bright smiley face that makes everyone think I am ok with myself. I knew it was time to change when I started not wanting to be seen. I would wear heavy sweaters or coats thinking that it would hide just how much weight I had gained. I made excuses to not go to my inlaws because I couldn't face what I thought they would be thinking or the off handed remarks that would be made about weight...not directly to me but not out of ear shot either. Don't get me wrong, I have lost some weight on the Optifast but I am still wearing baggy sweaters to hide my weight but I am feeling better about myself already, knowing that at this time next week I will be hours away from a life altering surgery. I guess I am writing this down more for me than for you...I have never told anyone my weight or about the damaging weight watchers meetings when I was so young. Not that the meetings were bad mind you, only that the leader didn't think I should be there (her son was my age and in my class and didn't have a weight problem) and the "tsk tsk" sound she would make when I didn't manage to lose every week. I have a great support network of friends and I know that this surgery is going to be the best thing for me. I cannot wait to be able to look back on this post 6 months from now and be able to tell you how much I weighed today ( can't do that yet) and how much I have lost by then. To all of you struggling with image or restrictions just remember that life is guided by restrictions...without gravity restricting you, you would float away. A restriction doesn't have to be a bad thing, make the most of what you have and be glad that you have been given the chance to start over...I know I am
Sincerely yours,
Mag
April 8,2014 surgery date April 16,2014
