Heather H.
November 12, 2004
I am the 35 year old married mother of five teenage boys and I am tired. Tired of being exhausted after climbing stadium stairs at all of their football games. I am researching the the surgery and from everything I have read, I think in my heart of hearts that this is what I have been looking for to HELP me change my ways of eating, excercise and lifestyle. The Dr. says even if I did that on my own, it would not really be enough. My thyroid has messed up my metabolism, and digestion something fierce. It thinks it would be best to just remove the offending body parts.. :)
It seems drastic but I think it is high time I did something drastic to be totally honest. It is scary and exciting and gives me hope all at the same time. I look forward to talking with and meeting lots of members here and becoming a part of this warm and caring family. I have never seen such love online between members ever! It is wonderful.
I thought I should give a little background info. As I said, I am 35, turning 36 at the end of august. I am the mother of five teenagers. I am married to a wonderful man who loves and supports me. I have been overweight for most of my teen and adult life. As a young child, I was thin and healthy. When I was around 12, my younger brother died in a car accident. His step mom was drunk and rolled the jeep they were in, I have fought my weight ever since. I used it for comfort to take away pain throughout my life. I had my first baby a year out of high school at 18, and gained weight from rootbeer floats like EVERY DAY when I started breastfeeding. No one knew I was even pregnant until I delivered except my immediate family. He was three weeks early and has never had a problem with his weight. He will be 18 in March, where has the time gone?? My father died when I was 18, I watched him die of colon cancer and spent a lot of time with him when my mother was exhausted. I had to grow up REALLY fast then with being a new mom and helping my mom. I miss my father daily. I wish he were here and I ate to make me feel better. I have two younger sisters and I felt responsible for them and my new baby. I tried to mother everybody. I still do. I married at 20. Three years later I had baby number 2, and 17 months later, baby number 3. It was really hard having two babies so close together and my first husband and I were overwhelmed. I ate more food, we fell apart after my youngest was diagnosed with autism and Dr.'s told us he may never talk. He hasn't yet, and he just turned 13. He used signs and pictures. My first husband probably suffered from hypothyroid like his mom and sister, but it went undiagnosed and he was treated for depression. In 1996, he overdosed on antidepressants. I was a single mom with three little boys who wanted their daddy. I was put on paxil and some of the weight started coming off.
Over a year later, my present husband came into my life. Our mutual friends thought we were perfect for each other. My late husband and he shared the same name.AND his last girlfriend and I shared the same name. We both said..NO WAY.. at first.
My husband did not and still does not have any biological children of his own. He was only 26 when we met and within six months he wanted to get married. I told him he was crazy. He didn't understand what autism would do to his life, he didn't know what kids would do to his life. He was gorgeous and could have anyone.. why waste it on me?? lol, luckily he ignored me completely and when he returned from serving in Saudia Arabia we drove to california ( lived in Nebraska at the time) and got married with his family there. I didn't think my family was ready for me to remarry and made the mistake of not telling them before hand. They were very hurt.
We moved to california after hubby's four years in the air force were finished. Thought about staying in, and going to germany but I fell in love with california when we came out to get married. We opened our own business and hubby worked as an aircraft mechanic just like the air force. I am a photographer. About 5 years ago, my son brought home two friends (twin brothers) from a school event and asked if they could spend the night. Sure. Next day we dropped them off.. the address was a hotel. Apparently their mom had been kicked out of an apartment and were living in a hotel. They were moving to Sacramento the next day. Next day.. a call from one of the boys, asking to come back up for the weekend. Somebody had been shot outside of their hotel room in sacramento. It was about midnight, we barely knew them, had NEVER met their mom, and it was a bad part of town. Usually I am the one to say.. come on honey.. but I wasn't sure this time. This time it was hubby who said.. let's go get them.. so we did.
Weekend, turned to week, to month, to school year, to adoption.
Three years ago, after not hearing from their mom for almost six months, ( she was in jail) we asked the court to let us adopt them. They said yes, and now we are 7. Alot of work, but manageable until David was diagnosed with diabetes this year. It got alot harder. To add to our already fulfilled lives, when we first moved here, we were introduced to a young man who was basically living where ever. He seemed very intelligent yet disabled. Turns out he was a victim of one of the first school shootings here in california back in 1992. He had been shot twice in the head. He had a home, but no lights, no food, no nothing. He had a conservator, and a $230,000 trust he couldn't touch and was living on the street. YOU just know I had to find out WHAT THE HECK. The judge made me his conservator a year later, the old conservator and trustee had spent all of his trust on ???? but we fixed up his house ourselves, turned on his utilities and things went well for a bit, but realized he needed more one on one care, his left side has alot of paralysis and although he speaks 3 languages, he can't remember to eat. The judge asked us to move in with him and we agreed. He couldn't afford the bills on his social security, and we couldn't get paid to be conservators ( nothing left) so it helped us both. SOOO... my husband, five kids (three kids in one grade) , one conservatee, two dogs, two cats and ......me:) House is too small. There is never enough income, and I am exhausted from low iron and low thyroid. My kids are 13-17. Yeah, I am crazy, and too needed around here to die from surgery, so I am not going to.. OK??!! Oh yeah, I like the color green, yellow roses and have a tatoo of an eagle on my right shoulder.. I think that is everything:)
Me- at the beginning...
I received a call from Dr. Elliots office in Santa Rosa today. He accepts my insurance and has a 6-8 month waiting list that they added my name to. I have no consult date but one step closer than I was yesterday. I am still looking for a surgeon closer to me, and with a shorter waiting list in the meantime. So, yes, I guess I have decided that this has to be done. My husband is supportive, my kids are supportive and my friends are supportive. My mother and sisters are very cautious and I love them for that. They do not want there to be any risks but that is not reality, is it? I came out of hiding on the boards and everyone here is so nice and friendly and helpful. I have never seen anything like it in my life. I really enjoy spending time here and getting to know others who have felt the way I feel and want to just be healthy. I have a special needs (autistic) child and I HAVE to be here to take care of him the way he needs to be cared for. I know everyone in my family loves him but they do not understand what he wants the way I do. I need to teach him so much more so he is ready to be independent in this world without me. My other sons too. I am so blessed by the six males in my family. My husband and five sons mean the world to me. I will update as I get more information about my walk. I wish I could find a doctor closer and get this done quicker and over with but I am praying the Lord leads me in the path of his choosing, not mine. till next time...
Well, I needed to vent and this seemed as good a place as any. I found a new wonderful PCP. He diagnosed me with hypothroidism a month ago. Blood pressure is low, body temp is low, put me on Levothyroxine every day.. forever. Then, he tested my three biological sons. My 14 yr old is also hypothyroid. 14 yr olds ADHD symptoms. Supposedly after a month or two, with right doses, we will feel better, warmer and have more energy. That would be nice. NO word at all from Dr. Elliot's office. I have refrained from calling to see where I might be on the list for two months. I emailed twice, once a month.. nothing. No communication.SOO- Dr. referred me to UCSF. They got my packet of info two weeks ago and have not heard a thing from them either. Is it REALLY so hard just to communicate with people.. even if it is to tell them to kiss off or laugh and say.. yeah, right, we have people with MONEY to operate on. Ok, I am done feeling lousy. Sorry to vent. I guess it is a mind process that happens when you debate something in your head for a year, weigh the risks, weigh the benefits.. you make an informed decision and then... NOTHING. Everybody leaves you hanging and waving in the wind like garbage. I know this time will pass. I know that it will look better one day soon. When you can't sleep, can't breathe, can't eat, can't think... one day soon seems like a lifetime.
01/31/05
well somebody must have said a small prayer for me, because the dr. asked if I had heard from UCSF and I said no...wait there is more.. The post office website said they got all my required paperwork two weeks ago. I had emailed since you cannot speak to a real person if you call, and you cannot leave a voice mail for a return call. The only email available was the referral center. I just wanted to know if they even got my info two weeks ago or if I just keep waiting with no call and hope they actually did. Yes, I know this is a process. I know there are steps and things need to be done completely and throughly but what confuses me is how differently those with state medical are treated in some places. Those like me,who cannot afford regular insurance with one income coming in, ....they are bumped to the bottom of the list. Here I go ranting again. But, I am done. You know why ? This is because I believe somebody prayed for me. Somebody must have seen my profile update and asked God to help me out.
Our Dr. gave me another referral to a Dr. in Fresno this morning that takes medi-cal has an outstanding reputation and although he is extremely busy, he still has an outstanding performance record and his patients love him. I called the number my physician gave me and got through to a REAL PERSON first time I called , who scheduled for me to meet with the surgeon TOMORROW MORNING. Consult in 24 hours. Wow, to think, some people actually understand that it is the not knowing what is going on or what is expected that causes stress, frustration and probably more health problems and weight gain in some. I am so impressed and so thankful. For whomever it was that spoke to God on my behalf.. I owe you one.:) Thanks.
02/03/05
The consult went great. I really really like Dr. Parvez and his staff. He is open, honest and yet personable. He was very easy to talk with and answered every question ..A TON..without getting impatient. Before I left Fresno, I went over and had my psych evaluation before I left town. That also was painless and he wished me much success and happiness and good health. He again, was very easy to talk with and kind. I am so blessed to have God leading me through this process by the hand. The minute I prayed and turned it all over to him.. things just miraculously started going more smoothly and effortless. I have an appt with the nutritionist here at home, and then Dr. Parvez will submit everything to insurance for approval. This is really happening. I am feeling very good about everything and confident this is going to be ok. I was in such a fog to get up so early and drive down to Fresno that I forgot to take my thyroid medicine and boy was THAT a mistake. I felt like a truck had hit me, backed up once or twice and done it again but the adrenelin from finally having an appt with a surgeon and psych and getting somewhere.. helped me through it. I immediately fell asleep when I got home and slept HARD. I feel a little better today, but I will NOT do that again. till later, y'all/
02/09/05
Well, I was supposed to have my nutritionist appt. today and hubby took off from work on his lunch hour to take me because we only have one vehicle running at the moment. SO, I get there and low and behold the nutritionist is sick. Which would have been ok, i guess if they had CALLED. Then, they say- we tried to call. Now, that was not true. I have call waiting, caller id and I am home all day. Nope. Did not happen. Anyway, to make the best of it, I needed my thyroid checked again anyway so off to the lab we went and gave the vampires more freakin blood. Every two weeks for dr. and surgeon and dr. again is getting crazy. I HATE needles. Have I mentioned that? Well, so I am crabby about all of that most of the day. Hubby put up with me.
--done venting for the day.:)thanks y'all
03/01/05
Let us see if we can update without losing our sanity today, shall we. Today is my oldest son's 17th birthday. One year to legal adulthood. That just does not sound right.
My second to youngest just turned 14 on friday. Then my twins have their's on the 22nd. Can we tell what time of year hubby and I are intimate? Just kidding.
I have had TWO dietician appts. The first one we went over my pre-op diet and the second last wednesday we went over post -op diet meaning what foods and not how will I lose weight. I have decided I will not be keeping my scale. I am just not going to do that to myself. SO, all my pre op psych, nutrition, and lab work is done. Just waiting to send everything to insurance. I see Dr. Parvez on friday in Fresno. I wish I could stick around for the convention next week but it is a really long drive so close together. About 4 hours. I am not up to it. My husband's grandmother is a nurse in Fresno so we will stop and visit with her. That is the latest. I will update again soon. ta ta.
03/08/05
My appt with Dr. Parvez was rescheduled until May 6th. They received my blood work from my lab and I am anemic and thryoid is still low. So, I see my PCP wednesday to up my thyroid meds and Dr. Parvez told me to start taking prenatal vitamins morning and night. I am still walking 30 min a day. I do feel a bit better taking the vitamins. I am preop but I am working on getting used to taking in more water, so it is not a drastic change. The weather was beautiful today and on the weekend I went to hubby's football scrimmage. He plays semi pro and I do the photography. I had to rest more than I did last year. I did not like that at all. But, it will get better soon. It has to.
till later..
05/04/05
So I have my appt on Friday. The thyroid medicine is finally starting to make me feel somewhat normal again. I am not feeling near as weak as I was. I think I have everything done. Psych, dietician, lab work. I have only lost 9 pounds.. so I don't know how he will feel about that. I am just hoping that he will submit for insurance and I can get a date sometime soon. I feel like I have been waiting years and it has only been many many months. Six weeks ago, my youngest son, Davey - who is autistic, non verbal and 13 was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I am scared to death of this disease. The daily regimen of testing him, not knowing how he feels and the four to five shots a day is still overwhelming to me. I cannot imagine taking care of him, both his disorders as a life long obese person. I just can't do it. I have no energy. NONE. When he falls asleep, I collapse. Thank heavens he is in school during the day .. or I would not be able to do this. I say that, knowing I would find a way.. but I am ready for this to happen. I am ready to find that reserve of healthfulness and happiness that is missing from my life. I need this soon. Please pray something moves this along quickly and I don't have to wait much longer. God Bless.
05/07/05
The surgeon appointment went ok. Their scale said I gained two but 271 is the lowest I have weighed in three years so I don't know how that happened. Anyway, my thryoid and iron levels are normal so they will be submitting to insurance next week. I don't know how long it takes for mediCal approval but they said they are scheduling surgeries for july or august. So, I am at least waiting that long. But, I am ok with it. I have things to do to prepare, and so at least I know it is coming soon. Lord willing. I went with Michael ( hubby) to buy flowers today. He and the boys are planting them for me. I can't wait to feel well enough to do them myself. Hubby also bought himself..oops sorry me a grill for Mother's Day.. lol. The thing is huge. I mean really huge. We do have a large family but I do not think I have ever seen one this big. He is tickled pink. He can't wait to grill mother's day dinner on it for me. :) He is so cute. He took the day off to take me to my surgeon appt yesterday. He is still so hard to read sometimes. I do not know how he really feels about all this. I just know on the outside he is showing support because he knows I need it. ?? So, that is all I know. Back to your regularly scheduled program.
05/27/05
Waiting to hear anything from insurance or Dr.'s office. I have to do blood work next week to see where my iron is. Make sure it is still in normal level area. Ever since my last surgeon appt, and now that the next thing on the list is insurance approval and surgery date.. hubby has been really different. I am concerned. I do not know if it is stressed. He really likes his job, but has applied to a better paying job doing the same thing. He is an aircraft mechanic. The new job pays more but requires travel during fire season. They work on the helicopters that drop water on the forest fires and during the summers they can be gone for months. They get two days off every 14 days and can fly home then from wherever they are but this is not something I was expecting. Also, the connection that is usually there between us during our normal day and in the bedroom is GONE. I don't mean.. waning.. I mean GONE. I don't get it. Our 8th anniversary is this year and everyone always says they want a relationship like us. Of course I am thinking the worst. My self esteem won't let me think any other way. I just hope I am wrong. I am not a jealous, paranoid wife but something is seriously wrong and I am scared to be honest. I always question everything he does lately. I check his cell phone for numbers I don't know. He plays semi-pro football and he had taken his ring off and put in his bag before a game two weeks ago and just "forgot to put it back on". It is probably true but in light of the changes lately, makes me think it was not much of an accident. Please someone tell me I am paranoid and I don't have anything to worry about. I decided not to get myself worked up about the approval process. I told myself not to call and check. They will call. Also, I am really nervous about it happening and just want God to take it from here. I pretty much feel like he has full control over everything because for the first time in most of my life.. I don't feel in control of anything.
06/27/05
I wish I had something more exciting to report. My blood tests got done and the Dr. didn't call so thyroid and iron levels must be ok. Dr. Parvez, I am told is out of the office till the 4th of July... so no surgery or hearing anything from them until then. At the PCP's office my weight was 266. Stress helped me lose 6 pounds. There was a couple of days about 3 1/2 weeks ago that hubby was acting normal and we were intimate. Then, now.. I don't know how to explain it really. I don't even get it. He hugs me, rubs my feet ( if I ask) tells me adores me, and then no intimacy. No sensuality at all. Maybe I am being picky here. He does all the cooking.. course he always has. He works every day 40 hours a week. He is doing more honey do things.. but doesn't touch me. He's tired you say?? Well, yeah, but he is only 33- his labido can't be dead? I know what you are thinking.. must be somebody else. I had myself convinced of that too.. but there is literally no time to. Nobody would be in a relationship with him for maybe ten minutes a week would they? That is literally, besides work.. which.. oh poohey.. I don't know. I just know that I want this BS to stop. Do you think maybe I could update a profile ONE TIME without bitching?????
Three of my kids are in Nebraska visiting relatives. My twins went to football camp at University of Nebraska. They want to go to college there in two years and play football. My 14 yr old has been helping his grandma with the horses and fishing. They are having a great time. My oldest stayed home to finish some obligations and then he is going to visit relatives in Iowa. My youngest Davey, who is autistic and diabetic is home too. Nobody really has time to tend to him like I do.. so he stays home with mom and dad. It is really quiet around here. Even the dogs want to know what is goin on. This weekend, Michael is throwing a BBQ for his football team mates. Houseful of men, great..help?
So, I had better get back to making this house look presentable. It is going to take me all week!. Congrats to all those who are doing it... :)
07/06/05
The team bbq was so much fun. The guys were great and could not stop telling Michael how great his beer chicken and margaritas were. Michael is a very good cook. I do not do any cooking at all hardly. He is always in the mood to cook when he gets home. That is one of his concerns with my surgery coming up. He is afraid, I will not be able to enjoy his cooking. I have suggested he find some great new recipies that I can have some of. He liked that idea and has been doing his research. I feel like a selfish person for wanting more than he gives sometimes. Our sex life is still zero, and very little kissing but lots of hugs and i love you's and doing the things he thinks will please me.. so I am still confused. But, I am hoping it gets better soon???
4th of July was quiet with just Michael, I and Davey. Drew went to a friends house, the twins and Derick are still visiting relatives in Nebraska. They are all having a great time, golfing, and car races, boating, tubing, fishing, visiting and rodeos. They will be so bored when they come home..:)
I miss them, and I am enjoying the quietness. I hope to hear from Dr. Parvez soon about my approval. I know in my heart I will be approved, and I just want to know when this surgery is so I can prepare and get it over with.. get on with my life. I feel like it is on hold. I am sure everyone feels that way. I am looking forward to feeling in control of my weight, my diet, my excercise and see results for my efforts.. when I never have before. I have only failed. I don't want to fail this time and I won't. I just need the chance. I think I might call the office tomorrow and see where we are at. Dr. Parvez was out of the office for a while.. hopefully he is back and they can tell me something positive..right? Till next time..
07/12/05
I cannot believe I am actually typing the words.
I AM A P P R O V E D
I felt like this day would never come. My iron was not at normal levels on my last blood test so it is a concern and I will not have a set date until it goes to normal and stays there. But, I see it as a minor set back. I will eat spinach every day for life if I have to. Next blood tests ( friday) will be normal and I will get a set date and I will soon be joining all those who have a second chance at life. I am excited, scared, happy, nervous, and anxious all at the same time. Lord, have mercy!
07/30/05
Well things have improved somewhat in the intimacy department. He and I finally enjoyed a late night swim, which was sensual enough to lead to spontaneous combustion and he just relaxed enough to tell me that it was a bunch of little things. Like wanting a better paying job, and our bed was uncomfortable and cooler to sleep on the couch, which made privacy impossible. SOO, now that things are a bit back to normal.. I feel better.:)
Iron levels were not yet normal at last blood test. I am taking supplements and eating iron rich foods, and hoping that next round will be better. I know that there is a reason for the circumstances, whatever it is, and I am scared to death of the actual surgery, so patience is something I have a ton of right now. Three of my five boys will be coming home from visiting relatives next week. I have missed them something fierce. I can't wait to see them. I have been getting alot done around my house and my energy levels are a bit better ( i think because my mood and maybe iron levels ARE getting better) I have been trying to cut way back on my diet sodas and replace with water. SO, that could be it too. Probably all the above. Later peoples :)
It is August. 99 degrees today, warm enough for excercises in the pool. I wish I had more than one best friend sometimes.. it would be nice to excercise with someone in the afternoons. My youngest autistic son sometimes joins me, but mostly watches his movies until after supper.. then he wants to swim.:) I guess 6:00pm here in california, it is still pretty warm out. 5:00 seems to be the hottest time of day. SO, I will swim alone. It is good to have that alone time to think. My boys are still in Nebraska. I cannot afford to fly them home till next week. I hope gramma can handle my big boys ( tall) until then. I miss them SOOO much. Today was an all around bad day. Why do I update when things are bad? Not every time, but most of the time? I wanted to fly my kids home, couldn't. At my last Dr. appt I was told I gained 4 pounds, so what did I do? I came home and ate all bad stuff for the last four days. SO, I gained 4 more. What the hell am I trying to do? Things were pretty decent with me and the hubby for about a week, and now it has just settled back into that stinking rut where I feel ALONE. There is no romance, no passion, no relationship. We seem more like roomates than husband and wife, and I am sick of it. Now, I just don't care. I have tried everything, so what now? YES, i took my vitamins, my thyroid, my iron and physically i feel ok, except for eating crappy stuff like baked potato with sour cream, cheese and onion.. and doritos.. I have not eaten doritos in almost a year.. so the idiot that I am decides yeah go ahead.. nobody cares anyway.
I know that is not true.. deep down, but damn it sure feels like it.
GGEKLJDSJFU IUF {IEW JUOIJ FREOKJR EOIH OIEHROIEWROIEUIE!!!!!
08/10/05
Ok.. I am beyond frustrated. Someone help me. I have been taking the prenatal vitamins that Dr. Parvez gave me..regligiously and then taking an extra 28mg of iron a day. I had my labs done when I was not on my period.. waited about two weeks.. well my labs came back and I am one point lower than LAST time. I have to be between 35-175 and I am 27. Two months ago, before the extra iron supplement,. I was 28-DURING MY PERIOD. Will somebody please explain this if they have any idea what in the H*ll is going on? I am never going to get a date at this rate. I am beyond frustrated and need advice. I am calling my PCP in the morning for yet another appointment, I guess I am just hoping someone has a magical answer and I am betting that I am wishful thinkin'. sigh..
My three missing boys are home..:) We have swam, and cleaned our closets and just gotten right back into the routine of things. I am going to be ready when school starts! Then the house will really be quiet.. hubby gone, kids gone.. just me and the pets. :) I am going to make an appt with Dr. Ammar tomorrow for sometime this week and see what in the heck is up with the iron.. I only have until november before I will have to reapply for approval. My approval is only good until then. That is what Nenita said at Dr. Parvez's office a few weeks ago.
August 22, 2005
Today is my 36th birthday. wow, 36.. where did that come from. Everyone says that too. Like one day you were 15 and the next..bam..40. Well, yeah, that is what happened. I think I have been in denial the last 10 or so years and it has hit me hard today that I am indeed no longer in the best years of my life. Now, don't get me wrong. I am smarter, wiser, educated and happy. Deep down I really am. I just wanted to be something spectacular. I dreamed of being something really special by this time. I am a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and I am pretty good at all of those things. But, I wanted to cure cancer, or be the first woman NFL football coach. That one is still up for grabs but why didn't I go for that? Yep, scared. I have a Dr. appt today. Let's find out how to fix this iron problem and get the show on the road. That is my goal. When the surgery day finally gets here.. I will be scared but also relieved that I have help getting the things in my life that are out of control... under control. So many people have posted here that is possible. I hope it is true. So, happy birthday to me to all of you that have been born again.. in more ways than one, or two... or.. later:)
August 23
Well, you want the good news or the bad news? Good news. Husband and kids remembered it was my birthday this year ( forgot last year completely). They said Happy Birthday. I bought myself a cake, and uh that was about it. Had Dr. appt with Dr. Ammar. He didn't like my iron either. go figure. He made an appt with a Hematologist on thursday afternoon. He says, oh he may want to test bone, stomach.. I am like HUH? UH BONE? I am so nervous. I do not want anything painful. I am such a big baby and really just cannot handle any of this. But, it's gotta be done. I know if I can't handle a little pre op testing how am I going to do gastric bypass. I DON"T KNOW!!??? :) That's it for today.. till next time..
August 26, 2005
Went to the hematologist yesterday. No big needles in the bone.. thank heavens! I made myself sick with worry about that. He said my blood cells are little and rasied my Levoxyl ( thyroid med) then prescribed Ferrous Gluconate. I hope somebody can tell me something about this. Don't know what to expect. He is giving me two weeks to get levels normal and then if not, we will do IV iron. Which I have also heard is no picnic. Man, if anyone ever ever tells me that gastric bypass is the easy way to lose weight, I swear I will haul off and knock em the F out. I will I swear. People just have no idea, do they? What is easy??? ugh. It would be EASIER to walk on a treadmill and if THAT HAD WORKED, we wouldn't need surgery. Wow, some people are SOO ignorant. Ok, venting completed. Talked to my momma on the phone today and she gave me some good advice about how to try and fix things with hubby. He has gone back to acting funky. I don't know why, I know it hurts my feelings and my self esteem. I really think it is important for people to really appreciate their spouses and always make them feel like they are number 1 . I do that for him, he is just not responding. I don't understand, but I am not giving up. yet. :0)
September 23, 2005
I had my follow up appt with the hematologist yesterday afternoon. I signed onto the message boards, about to post that finally my iron levels were normal and should have a date in the next few days. I read about John Ott and kept reading until 3 am. Sometimes, my eyes so full of tears, that I could not read. I do not understand it. At all. Why God? Why do you take the ones that try the hardest? The ones we need the most, right when we need them? Those are the questions I am asking today. I am now absolutely terrified of having this surgery. I was nervous on and off again, but I think.. is this a sign? Do I heed it or ignore it? I don't want to die, and I do not want John's family to go through this, at all. I want to take my hurt away, their hurt away and fix it. I want it to be a bad pre op dream and when I wake up, it was just a bad dream. It is so so so not fair. It just isn't. I don't care that life is not fair. He deserved to be ok. He deserved, if ANYONE did, to have a new beautiful life because he was beautiful and the world needed him. I am not happy about my iron levels today, I am not happy about being close to surgery. I am scared, and I don't know if I can do it.
Peggy had her surgery yesterday and is doing well. She is a remarkable person. She took the bull by the horns and did what she had to do to have this surgery and God blessed her and the hand of her surgeon. I am truly happy for her. She also deserved a new chance at a healthy life, and got it. :) My emotions today are so hard to comprehend today. It is 8:00am and I am tired still and have the overwhelming feeling of just crawling back into bed, under the covers, and hiding from the world and my feelings today. I am probably crazy, and the psych just missed it. Here come the tears again. They are not going to stop are they? God help us.
September 26, 2005
I got a call a few hours ago from Dr. Parvez's office. They want to do surgery Thursday the 29th. That is 4 days from now!! I thought I would have a bit more notice. I am shaking, I am so nervous and a wee bit petrified. Ok, alot petrified. Maybe this is the way and maybe it is meant to be like this, so I don't have too much time to dwell on it, and work myself into a tizzy, but there is so much to do, and I want to do it right. Mom is flying out on wednesday, I think. Heidi will be on her way to see Ronnie, and hopefully not worry. I haven't called Melody, but I need to. I am rambling. I am just so scatter brained at the moment. Is it normal to not be excited right at first? I really hope so. I feel so not normal at the moment. I don't feel like myself at all. I know I will look back and say, "boy what a big baby was I?" but right now, I am not caring about that much. :) One day at a time. That is what I am going to do. One day at a time. More later I am sure. -
October 5, 2005
I am home. I got home Monday. I am briefly checking email and the boards. Do not feel like sitting too long here at the computer just yet. Will update more later.
October 8, 2005
OK, Let's see if I can catch up on a this a bit. The morning of surgery was nerve wracking. As I sat in the pre op area and watched others come in and getting ready, I asked myself.. are you really ready for this. I asked my doctor if he was ready, and prepared and asked him to do his very best. I think he did. I feel good, although tire easily and until today had great difficulty getting in my protein drinks. They are going in better now. I am using the unflavored powder to make my own. I do not like the sweet taste of the pre made ones. Going into surgery, and once the mask was on, I was breathing deeply and felt them press very firmly on my neck. They must have been putting the tube in and after surgery this hurt very badly for a few days and it was hard to swallow. I hit the morphine button every chance I could to help with the pain ( not the incision ) but it didn't seem to help much. Once they gave me Loratab, that seemed to help alot and I watched that clock for when I could have it next. I had alot of gas pain and do still somewhat but no where near what I did. I walk and walk as I have from day one. It was uncomfortable to sleep or try to in the hospital and I had to wear a binder for a week that was REALLY uncomfortable when the lower part of my incicison wanted to peak open. But, all is well and doing well so far. My mom went home and I miss her already. She was really great and it was wonderful having her here. Sometimes you just need your mom. I am feeling a bit tired and think that this is probably enough for now. I will add more about the whole experience later but I am just glad for now to be feeling on the road to recovery.
October 17
It is 18 days since my surgery and I am down 30 pounds. Unbelievable to me. I have had no complications and feel more like myself everyday. I am so happy to be on the losing side. I have waited and tried so hard to do it by myself only to be defeated time and time again. Now, with this gift that God and Dr. Parvez have given me, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was on clear liquids for two weeks. I just started pureed foods last thursday and will be on that for 4 weeks. Just to have some real food is fantastic, I don't care if it is blended into mush...:) Thanks for all the support and help and answers to a thousand questions. Those that posted back to me and talked to me in the hospital ( wendy, peggy, patty ) it felt so good to know I am not in this alone. I even have the smallest most fine lined scar from my surgery I have every seen. It will hardly be noticable when it heals. It was a little slow going at first, since I had open RNY but I feel almost normal and so happy I have a new life to enjoy. Thanks again everybody, and I just hope I can be as encouraging to others like me. :)
Starting weight and BMI
09/25/05 -275lbs- 55.1 ( surgery 9/29/05 )
10/09/05- 253lbs-
10/30/05- 242lbs-
Down 33 pounds in 4 weeks. I can live with that. I had to throw my scale around the bathroom a while since it LIED to me and told me I was down 42 pounds and then said PSYCH in a couple of days. I thought I was gaining. Turns out it was a low battery. I hate digital scales! But, I will take 33! Walked Davey around the neighborhood for trick or treat. He was great about signing "thank you" and even though he is not "little" he really had a great time. I love the outlook of autistic children and especially David. He just loves fun things so much and will continue to for some time. Hubby went with us and took him up to each door since he cannot speak and say trick or treat. We ended up walking about a mile, my first one and my calves hurt today. Let's just say I was really inactive before surgery and my walking has been minimal until now. In short bursts maybe a few blocks, but hopefully I can keep doing it, and increase my speed a little.
I feel alot better than I did two weeks ago. I was SOO tired for those few weeks, but water is going down much better now as long as I drink something warm first thing in the morning, and do not wait long in between my pureed meals. I know, still on puree. Which by the way is almost over.. thank goodness. However, I am terrified of not chewing enough also so I guess I can't win in a way. I am just taking it slow I think, and I will probably be fine. Getting in all my meds also which is good and I HAVE to find a new calcium citrate. The MINT flavored small flying discs they want us to take are HORRIBLE. I have to talk to my surgeons office about getting better tasting protein and vitamins. YUCK> But, I look at it as medicine and choke them down for now. Going to walmart and GNC later and checking out what they have that I can live with long term. I am not at the " this is the best thing I ever did for myself " stage yet, but I forsee me getting there soon. I feel better each day. Just a bit more energy, just a bit more confident and occasionally feel like I have not had it all. I hate consentrating on what I have to eat, and how I have to eat it. Once that gets better I think I will be ok. Thanks to anybody who reads and says hi. I cannot wait to meet some of the wonderful people who have emailed and said hi on the boards. If not for you, I would be so scared and paranoid about this whole process. I am finally a loser!
November 15, 2005
So, you want the good news or the bad news? Good news. I feel really great. Healing great, incision feels wonderful. I can drink well and eat small amounts. I think I am gettting all my water in, not completely sure about protein but that is almost all I eat SO I think I am. I have more energy than I did a week ago.. it keeps getting better. The bad news is only lost 2 pounds in the last two weeks. Confused am I. But, every post I read says..it happens. A lot about this time. I am not worried about it. I eat two-three times a day (about 3 oz) of food. I drink 1-2 protein shakes and add unflavored whey protein to some things. This morning I am having no sugar added swiss miss, with vanilla designer whey protein powder shake from GNC. I used a tbsp of non fat peanut butter to stir it with and it is a great tasty warm morning treat. I took my prevacid which I have to take everyday. Now I just have to get in three flinstome complete with iron chewables, two calcium pills, one actigall, and my thyroid med. MMM. Doesn't seem too hard, does it? Well, let me tell you. Some days, no. Some days, yes. See, I cannot take the iron with um... ANYTHING. Then, I also cannot take the Actigall with antacids, vitamins.. or um.. ANYTHING. So, you know it's not as easy as it looks. Now, I was able to start taking the antacid and actigall without opening and dumping out the insides into food, drink etc.. so that has helped. Being able to swallow is something I really took for granted pre-op. You just do not realize all the changes you have to make and the things you have to get used to. Ya know?
So, the hubby and kids are acting semi normal and not stressing me out. I have not had a migrane for six weeks. I wonder what I was eating drinking, not digesting etc.. that was giving me migranes. ALSO, although I have worse cramping around that time of the month.. not really having PMS. I obviously gave up sodas before surgery ( two days before) and will not have them every again. Don't like sweets -never did but would have mini chocolate reese's cups around time of the month ( about 20 ). Don't do those anymore.. uh let's see. No bread yet, probably won't do more than toast. I drink ALOT more water than I used to-obviously. Also, I guess I eat more protein. My protein levels were always low on my blood work. Not terribly so, but enough to have the Dr. say ..need more protein and was a minor concern before surgery. Now, I eat shrimp and salmon like they are not making it anymore. So, those things combined probably have something to do with the no headaches and not being so crabby. I am sure as my hormones escape melting fat.. I will have my moments but I just want to be mellow, and not so irritable like I was before. So far.. so good.
SO, I guess that is it for today. I am at the point right now where I can say.. I am glad I did this. Everything seems to be going along ok, with no real problems or difficulties. I have not really gotten sick on anything. I felt naseaus a few times a few weeks ago, but nothing since and have not thrown up anything at all. I eat slow and chew or really move a bite around in my mouth before I swallow. It is sometimes hard not to take a sip of something but I do not drink when I eat and wait 30 min to drink after. That was REALLY hard to get used to. When and if I want my spicy foods like before.. that will be a challenge indeed. One day and thing at a time. I am not close to real food yet. I am finally on soft foods as of last thursday and have three and half weeks of that... so applesauce, eggs, and etc. Till another day...
7 weeks after Surgery
November 25, 2005
8 weeks
weight 235
down 40 lbs
Ok, it has been a couple of weeks since I updated and 7 pounds for the month lost, but I am not exactly thrilled with that number since I lost 33 last month. I am not eating too much, I don't think. I was getting in about 700 calories with two protein shakes and maybe that was too much. I am trying to get all my protein from just food and I think I am only getting in maybe 500 calories now, and I dropped like three pounds in five days. Or, maybe my body is just trying to hold on to every pound. I am hypothyroid, so maybe my medicine needs adjusted. ???? I probably need more cardio, walking is not as strenous on me as it was in the beginning. 40 pounds lost in two months is nothing to sneeze at. I could not have done that without gastric bypass. I just do not want to fail at this, I mean nobody does. SO, I am looking to start swimming or add something more strenous into my daily excercise. I am eating all the right foods. I do not have anything that is not protein and only eat three to four times a day. I have also increased my water which was really hard to get in as it would just make me feel naseous to drink so much. But now it is ok, I just try to drink it all day long. So maybe that was the problem too. I know all of those seem like common sense, since they are repeated on the boards DAILY several times a day.. But, I am trying. I am. I feel like I wasted a whole month. Today is a new day. Thanksgiving was nice. Michael cooked everything with splenda, just so I could have a taste of everything. I did too. About a tsp of everything but the turkey. I had about 2 oz of turkey. I could not finish my little tiny saucer plate, because I felt satisfied about three quarters of the way through.. but it was nice that I could have it. He was so worried that I would just have a protein shake while they ate. He is such a good cook, and he loves making really yummy stuff and I mean a GOOD cook. He made green beans with almonds, pumpkin cheesecake, fruit salad, spinach salad with artichokes, He GRILLED the turkey on our huge grill for five hours. It was SOO moist and flavorful, he stuffed it with the best stuffing. The kids drooled and savored every bite till they couldn't eat anymore. They are so active and burn it all off. :) I don't get sick on anything. I also don't try to go over 5 g of fat, or 12 g of sugar on anything. I don't any bread, rice, pasta. I do drink skim milk once a day or every other day. Now, it is starting to make me a bit naseous when I drink it, so I guess I won't be for a while. Peanut butter also makes me naseous, all of them. SO, I can't eat that either. But, that is the extent of it. Something might make me kinda queasy and heart races a bit, but only for about a half hour and I don't keep eating it if it does, and steer clear the next time. Otherwise, I feel really good. I have a lot more energy and no discomfort. The incision is healing really nice. I can fit into size 22 from a size 32. That just boggles my mind, so although I did not lose pounds, the inches are disappearing before my eyes. That means more to me than what the scale says. I feel prettier. :) I hope all of you out there are doing as well. Email me anytime.
December 13th, 2005
Starting weight and BMI
09/25/05 -275lbs- 55.1 ( surgery 9/29/05 )
10/09/05- 253lbs-
10/30/05- 242lbs-
11/15/05- 240lbs-
11/25/05- 235lbs-
12/13/05- 226lbs-
Have I mentioned that 13 is my very lucky number? Well it is. Hubby and I married on friday the 13th in June, many many good things have happened to me on the 13th or associated with 13- so let's hope today has that 13 magic. I had a fitful night of sleep. I kept waking up. I went to bed fairly early, so maybe just wasn't tired, because I feel ok today. I am not tired and started a fire this morning in the fireplace to take a chill out of the air. I woke up to fog this morning. It was pretty. I am from the midwest so fog is as close to snow as I am gonna get. Hubby loves the fog, says it reminds him of Christmas when he was little. The sun has come out now and the sky is blue. It looks to be a beautiful day. After reading many posts on stalls, slow weight loss etc.. I guess I am about average. Even if I am not, at least the scale is still moving ...bit by bit.. but moving. I may be lucky and have good skin rebound. :)
I tried raising my calories as many have said I should at least have 800 and I was not getting that. The protein shakes are getting hard again, so I try to get it from food, which getting calories from my food is tough. I get satisfied fast and my surgeon said never eat till I am full. I am still somewhat measuring since many still do, but that makes it even harder to get in more calories. SO, I am just trying to keep at it. I have a gazelle now right next to my computer and facing the tv. I shut off our cable about 2 months ago. Our teenage sons went through withdrawl for about 3 weeks and now they don't even care. I just could not get anyone to turn the dang thing off. So, now when I do the gazelle, I watch a tv that is never on. :) But, I do put music on the computer. We did a corporate christmas party on friday so I finally had some real work to do.. I retouched, cropped and added our logo to over 200 plus photographs and about 300 candids. It felt good to keep busy. I love my quiet time each day during the school year when all my boys are at school and hubby is at work. If I did not have that, I would lose my mind. There is no one area here at home that is MINE. Everyone has their own space, except for me. So, my quiet days are essential to my sanity. :) I have been such a homebody for the last several years due to my weight, that now I am nervous about being out there around, you know, everyone else. I have tried to make plans to attend some of the OH functions but I always sort of chicken out at the last minute. I don't know what I am afraid of. These people know what I feel and what it has been like, why am I so nervous about whether they will accept me? Well, I better get back to work and put these images on a CD and get them Fed Ex'ed. Then to enjoy this beautiful day.....:)
Starting weight and BMI
09/25/05 -275lbs- 55.1 ( surgery 9/29/05 )
10/09/05- 253lbs-
10/30/05- 242lbs-
11/15/05- 240lbs-
11/25/05- 235lbs-
12/13/05- 226lbs-
12/29/05- 220lbs-
January 4 2006
It is kinda weird saying 2006. This weight is creeping off ever so slowly But I am almost out of the 20's and soon will be below 200 before I know it. That will feel so surreal. I feel fantastic. I can eat almost whatever I want provided it is below 5 grams of fat and 13 g of sugar. Any higher fat than that and I am sleeping before long. It hits you and you just want to close your eyes. I am so much more active than I was three months ago and all those little wow moments are adding up. I can turn in the bathtub all the way around with no problem. I know a weird one, huh? I tie my own shoes. I pull my legs up, I can stretch without holding my breath.,.. walk forever it seems without my knees and calves dying on me. I can sleep better and I just feel so much healthier. I don't really see a major difference except my face somewhat but all the extra energy is wonderful. Now, I do have my wiped out days.. but doesn't everybody? I mean, that makes me almost like normal, huh? Hubby is great, he rubs my shoulders and says, "hey i feel that shoulder bone" or runs his hand down my hips and says, "you are getting hips honey". Then he says, "please don't take that the wrong way". I know he is happy for me, and It really makes me glad that he is noticing and appreciating the little things like me. I am adding new pictures today. Tell me what you think... have a good one.
Starting weight and BMI
09/25/05 -275lbs- 55.1 ( surgery 9/29/05 )
10/09/05- 253lbs-
10/30/05- 242lbs-
11/15/05- 240lbs-
11/25/05- 235lbs-
12/13/05- 226lbs-
12/29/05- 220lbs-
01/25/05- 213lbs-
January 25, 2006
It has been a couple weeks since I updated. It has been a crazy busy new year. The pounds still creep off. I changed my vitamins from flinstones 3 times a day to one centrum chewable. I may take two. Then I also started taking Tropical Oasis liquid calcium. My saving grace!! 1 TBSP a day and I am DONE! No choking down another pill scared it is going to get stuck and it tastes like orange cream. Works for me. I buy it at mothernature.com and it has magnesium to prevent kidney stones from the extra calcium. So, I try to keep a food diary and my calories are still below 700. Maybe that is why it is slow going. I really can't eat more. So, I added an extra protein shake. Atkins Advantage premade shake. I like the convenience. Convenience foods did get me in trouble in the first place but we do not eat out at all now hardly. I can't believe the extra cash I have. I have not gone down snymore in sizes because of my big butt and hips but my waist, and chest are getting smaller. I can wear smaller shirts. Gazelle is still the only excercise I am doing because I am COLD. :) and I am not going outside till it gets warm! I feel really great, although not hungry. Timed meals work for now. I am bored with what I eat but nothing sounds good, so I just eat the same things. Cheese, meat, some vegatables and no fruit yet. I added some early on into protein drinks to make them tolerable but only one or two small frozen pieces. I make ALOT of soups and stews, and protein packed meals in my crockpot right now. Hubby and kids are getting kinda tired of those too. Any ideas anyone to spice things up a bit in my kitchen?? AND on a completely different note my Broncos lost to the Steelers in the AFC playoffs. So, I hope the Steelers win showing that we only got beat by the best!
Take care all.. till next time.
Starting weight and BMI
09/25/05 -275lbs- 55.1 ( surgery 9/29/05 )
10/09/05- 253lbs-
10/30/05- 242lbs-
11/15/05- 240lbs-
11/25/05- 235lbs-
12/13/05- 226lbs-
12/29/05- 220lbs-
01/25/05- 213lbs-
02/28/05- 200lbs-
I know it has been a while since my update. I read the boards every day except on the weekends, most of the time. A lot has been going on. My mom had surgery for women issues on the 9th, I was kinda scared. Now, I know how she felt watching me go through surgery, when I had never had to before. I am at 200 lbs, and holding. I am only 4 ft 11 inches tall, so I still look obese, and technically I am but I am fitting in somewhere between an 18 and 20 in pants. XL in shirts. That is a big step down from a 4x when I started back in September. I do not know how to describe just how I feel. I feel normal. Yes, completely normal. I don't have any emotional issues.. watch tomorrow, I will wake up a raving lunatic.
ANyway..My portions feel normal to me now. They are not compared to what I used to eat, by far. I can eat a cup of food if it is soup, stew, consistency.. but only 1-3 oz of beef jerky. Almost never 3 oz .. Each day, I find myself presently eating, drinking the same exact thing because food does not have the PULL on me it used to. I still have not tried a soda, and don't plan on it. I missed it much worse a month ago.. and almost tried one. It really isn't worth it. Ya know? I don't eat bread usually but day before yesterday I had toast with canned chicken, melted a slice of cheese on top and only ate a little over half, and felt fine and satisfied. This is a typical food/vitamin day for me:
7 am Slim Fast Low Carb protein shake: 20 g of protein 2 g of sugar
8 am thyroid meds
8:30am One cup of reg caf coffee, splenda, and sf.ff creamer
9 am Sugar Free Maple sugar instant Oatmeal, with 1 scoop of Designer Whey Vanilla Protein powder, 1 tbsp of flax seed (ground)
10am Centrum Chewable vitamin (orange flavor)
Water (8 oz)
water "
water "
noon- shrimp ( about 10-15) med sized.
1:00 B 12 sublingual
2:00 water
water
water
3:00 2 moz cheese sticks ( 1 oz each)
4:00 liquid iron Ferrous
water
water
water
6:00 Whatever family is having.. usually chili, turkey, chicken, chinese sometimes (kung pao chicken) pizza sometimes ( 1 piece) of thin crust, pepperoni, or chicken type..shrimp, beef stew, beans and pork in the crockpot, salad w, chicken or crabmeat, etc.
7:00 water or warm tea.. depends on temp outside.
9:00 Slim Fast Low Carb protein shake
10:00- liquid calcium by Tropical Oasis.. http://www.mothernature.com
BED:
( I have my gazelle sitting right next to my computer and jump on and off two or three times a day). I also run all over town.. stay busy.
Since I started doing the oatmeal concoction in the mornings, my hair is stopping from falling out. It went from one day of a handful to about 30 hairs and now I think it has stopped. Hopefully it will come back in thick like it was before. I am still staying with the oatmeal ( natural biotin) and see what happens. I found myspace.
My kids introduced me to it.
My space is http://www.myspace.com/mahouston69
Add me as a friend.. I have mostly guys that hubby plays football with and NO girls as of yet. Hopefully someone will take pity on me and pretend to be my friend. :) Speaking of friends. I miss my friend Shelly alot. She is sooo busy and works her head off that I never get to see her or spend time with her. I miss her. I gotta go for now.. take care all of you, be good to yourselves today..
Starting weight and BMI
09/25/05 -275lbs- 55.1 ( surgery 9/29/05 )
10/09/05- 253lbs-
10/30/05- 242lbs-
11/15/05- 240lbs-
11/25/05- 235lbs-
12/13/05- 226lbs-
12/29/05- 220lbs-
01/25/06- 213lbs-
02/28/06- 200lbs-
03/31/06- 198lbs-
I have been avoiding the update for the month because as you can see . 2. whole pounds in the last month. I am too frustrated to deal with it. I have heard from many that just KEEP doing what is right. Sometimes, it just happens that way. SO, I do. I am. Spring football ( semi pro) has begun and more excercise will come with it. So, that will boost things up I hope. Need to see Doc for my six month. Maybe thyroid meds needs adjusted. I just don't want to waste a day... ya know? I feel more and more like the real me everyday. What I mean is, the me that was 275 was really not a nice person. She didn't like herself and avoided others at all costs as to not take her bitterness out on everyone else. She is now emerging out of the shell, from behind the wall, and learning to trust again. I just hope next month is better. Till then...
Someone needed a scar pic from open. I like mine, so I thought I would share. :) WARNING.. bra flash.. :)
Starting weight and BMI
09/25/05 -275lbs- 55.1 ( surgery 9/29/05 ) Super Morbidly Obese
10/09/05- 253lbs-
10/30/05- 242lbs-
11/15/05- 240lbs-
11/25/05- 235lbs-
12/13/05- 226lbs-
12/29/05- 220lbs-
01/25/06- 213lbs-
02/28/06- 200lbs-
03/31/06- 198lbs
04/29/06- 192lbs- 38.8 BMI- I am only obese! YEAH!
It's May!! 05-03-06
I would no longer qualify for gastric bypass. I am under a 40 bmi, and I have had zero complications, no food issues. I can eat whatever I want. SO, you ask what do I want. Well, it varies.. which is good. I still snack on beef jerky every chance I get. I eat alot of chicken. Oatmeal for breakfast every morning with 1 scoop of Designer Whey protein powder from GNC. I feel like I have never even had surgery except for the occasional sleepy feeling if I eat too many carbs or too fast. I drink lots of water, tea and coffee. I don't avoid any particular foods except rice. I tried it once- bad idea. I can live without it. I eat alot of chicken and shrimp. I only walk. I don't do my gazelle very much anymore. I am going to start swimming here pretty soon with the warm weather. You won't be able to keep me out of the pool! :)
Things at home are so much better. At first I thought, well yeah, he is seeing my butt disappear, I would like me more too. It was never about that. Honestly, he isn't that shallow, like I thought maybe he was. It was ME. I didn't like me, and I didn't think anyone else should either. I secretly punished him for not liking an overweight sarcastic depressed me. Would you? No, probably not. I know how I got there now. I know why I was never going to leave that place without gastric bypass. I can never thank my surgeon and my insurance enough for giving me a second chance to take care of myself. To love myself and to let others love me. I am ok now with letting people close to me. I used my weight before to put up a barricade so I just wouldn't take the chance of getting hurt by anyone every again. I trust others again more now and I trust myself most of all to make the right decisions and I am so so happy. I hope this for all of you. I really do.
June 1, 2006- 8 months out and I weigh 187. I am getting closer every day. My second to youngest son graduated the 8th grade last night and I felt so old. I reflected back over my life since the 8th grade and thought how much I wasted not liking who I was. I am now starting to. I am so thankful to be able to feel "normal" again.
You all know what I mean. It looks to be a busy summer. I am still eating the same things I have been since month six. Lots of beef jerky, oatmeal for breakfast, water, water oh yeah and water. I eat meat mostly, followed by some vegetables, and sometimes fruit but not very often. I can't get enough cheese sticks. I took some new photos and making an appt with my pcp to get my iron and thyroid checked next week. God bless!
July 8th, 2006- weight 175lbs---35.3 BMI
I am 9 months out and today I have lost a total of 100lbs!!! I am finally a member of the century club. I really did it. I know I still have to get to goal, and maybe some reconstructive surgery. Maybe not. There is some loose skin but nothing too bad yet. I am 36.. hello.. and soon to be 37 next month. Hubby is worried about the boobs disappearing completely. They aren't hanging too bad yet but they are definitely smaller. ANYHOW..
I was trying on dresses in my closet and yes tried on my wedding dress that I wore in 1997 at the age of 26 on June 13th. It not only fit but is a size too big I think. It was kinda loose. It is a size 16. Now I now how the ladies feel in the dressing room, cuz I also bought a new bathing suit which I promise to take pictures of just for you, also a size 16 and the top part is a bit big but looks good on me I think! I got curves!
I was sick last week or so but not WLS related. My doctor thinks it may be West Nile Virus. High Fevers on and off for days, aching stiff neck and horrible headache. I couldn't really eat but two bites of anything, even water tasted nasty. I never threw up, but felt like I don't know what. I feel much better now and we won't know for sure if that is what it was until we get results back from CDC lab. So, you all be careful out there, even if you take vitamins religiously you could have low immune after surgery or for some time so BE CAREFUL. So I am off to find the century card club dispenser...OH dept..I feel fantastic! As for what I am eating 9 months out. The same.. lots of beef jerky and cheese when I need to grab something. I have a little of whatever i make my family... we have been bbqing a lot lately so I will have a few 2 inch pieces of keboska sausage, or a half a polish sausage. no bun. It takes me 20-30 minutes to eat that still. I will eat a small salad sometimes with veggies and chicken pieces. I order 3 strips of chicken if we go out. I usually can only eat 1-2 depending on the day. I drink water. water. water. I do occasionally have a diet sprite and the first couple drinks out of a can hurt like hell so I prefer fountain drinks or poured on ice in a glass. I can only drink a third of it as slow as I drink it. I prefer ice cold, water. I am truthfully addicted to propel. I have been buying at least 1 propel a day for almost 4 months!! I love the berry ones. I can't get enough of it. You all take care and if you have questions.. email me. I LOVE email! :)
AUGUST - I weigh 167 LBS- 33.7 BMI
Looks like it is still steady going. I have 42 lbs left to my goal weight. So, obviously I will not be to goal by my surgiversary. But, that is ok. The steady weight loss as
