mallettesl

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It is official,,,,,On 03/14/08 I had all of my modifications (thats what I like to call them) done. Who in the world knew that all of the procedures would equal up to 11 hours of surgery. I must have been crazy thats along time to be out. I am happy to report that I am sore and swollen, very tired but I would not have it any other way, Its amazing how the removal of the skin and the reduction of the girls has made me feel so much better, When I look in the mirror I see fully what this whole process has been about, A body looks back at me that I do not recognize, but I am happy to get to know, I do not recall a day when I have been this small. I know right now that I am still recovering but everyday I am encouraged about what the final package will look like. I am happy with where I am. I probably could lift some weights and better tone up my legs and arms. But who am I kidding....Im tired.

I guess yesterday was National Ice Cream Sandwich Day.  OMG....my office forgot.  Guess what? My office is celebrating. Cases of ice cream sandwiches. Multiple sandwiches for everyone...Lets all be greedy and gorge on ice cream and then chips and salsa...Oh yeah, Its Friday so that means Panera. Sweets and bagels and cream cheese for breaksfast........ Dang..Can a sista get an apple or something?

Yesterday was my uncle's homegoing service. When my family got together everyone kept saying to me "You look just like your mother". It became so funny to me. Who did I look like before? Because I was heavy I didn't look like her? I just said, 'You think so?" Thank you. Thats my standard answer everytime someone says that now. I had people who didn't even recognize who I was. I could see the look on their faces trying to figure it out. One person even said to me I thought you were a friend of the family. The only time she figured it out was when I was standing right next to my mother and she said my name. How funny

I went into the womens restroom and just balled. I was fine at least I thought.  Just cruising the net putting a couple of posts on BAF. I just needed a phone call to push me over. I just could not hold it together. Im so so so tired. There is so much going on. I feel so unsettled. Im dealing with death (could not even go to the services today...not immediate family, request denied and if im absent bring us a doctors excuse), school( changed schools, 22 credits(@#$%^&* University of Phoenix Credits) not accepted..thousands of dollars wasted, "OH Shawn, you will always have those credits should you go to another school, they just don't transfer here..or any other school I looked at... so now im gonna go full time this term 4 classes, work a full time... how am i gonna do that), relationships (working on strenghtening them), parenting(I have a 10 year old), my parents (my mother is really going through right now and Im the only one here, both of my brothers live out of state), money (tired of trying to make a dollar out of 15 cents), keeping healthy (can't eat what want...can't drank)  I feel a shift is being made in me to get to the new place im supposed to be. Its on my heart. Im starting to see alot of things differently. I feel like its time to walk in my purpose. Sometimes crying is the thing that works, putting it our here works.  Ok now...I gotta fix my makeup and check my hair...

My uncle passed away. His death got me to thinking and doing some re-evaluation. My uncle was not an older man, he was in his mid-fifties, married, father of my 16 year old cousin. Never sick, moved from up here to down south. But he didn't pay attention to his weight.  I started to think about how the doctors would tell me Im too short to carry all that weight, my heart is working overtime. I need to make some changes. At the time, it was always BLAH, BLAH, BLAH then I would go treat myself to an awesome lunch. How stupid of me, how reckless of me. I think that GOD gives us the tools to make the best decisions for our lives. I had years of doctors telling me to pump my brakes. I never utilized what they could have offered me. I think that GOD puts people and examples in our lives. I got the message, I got it.

Its official...I went camping. I spent the weekend at the Lake Huron Campgrounds, just outside of Port Sanilac Michigan, right off the Lake Huron. One goal accomplished. I had always had a fear of doing things like that when I was so heavy, and now that the weight is gone I went for it.  It was beautiful. The grounds sit off of Lake Huron, gentle breeze, lots of trees and WI-FI.  I mean for real, I was willing to rough it some, but I was not going out like Daniel Boone. I mean I got nails and hair. I got to keep some form of glamour going.  The cabins had heat and air, there were community cooking stations as well as showers and restrooms. The cabins even had cable. Ok, some cable......... TBS, Discovery....channels like that. I think there were 10. It was so clean. I never expected that. I BBQ'd ...made smores, went hiking, I watched everybody fish (I could not put the Canadian Crawler on the hook) GROSS......I finally got some sleep, because it was so quiet. You never really know how much you don't get until you get some. Also, beside my party...I never saw another Black person. I found that to be so strange. I was kinda leery at first...Just keeping it real. Sometimes you have to take your preconceived notions and put them aside. Everyone was so nice. Full of conversations, Good Morning...How are you doing?...Are you enjoying yourself?. The staff was excellent..always there to help. 

The Mackinac SailBoat Races were being run the same time I was there. I could only see the sailboats way off in the distance. It was taking to long for them to pass our way.

It took a month for me to get the appointments. I go in get weighed 147 pounds. Okay Im good with that. The goal was 170.  Go see the NUT she tells me she wants me to increase my calories per day. HUH...isn't that how I got fat in the first place. She said I need to make sure that I try to get close to 1000 per day. She guess I was still eating only 700-850 per day. So asked how.  I feel full. I feel like im eating all day 3 meals and 2 snacks is what I eat. I drink more the my required 64 ounces of water per day, I drink my protein shakes and all those liquids plus vitamins keep me full. I told her I measure every single thing I eat. She said well when I eat an apple slap some peanut butter on it things like that.  Eat nuts. I said ok. I think I had a good visit with her.

Next the lab. Oh yeah took 11 vials of blood. I asked did she know I was not Pre-Op..im Post-Op. She said makes no difference. 

Next the doctor and he has a resident he is training. So they both look at the file, have a conversation with big doctor words like I was not in the room and then turn to me. The resident is just looking. He better work on that. The reason for the stare there was a pre-op photo in the file. I remember this day. I thought I was so sharp. Bright red POLO jogging suit, brand new gym shoes. BIG RED STOP SIGN is all im staying. Doc tells me im doing good but I need to to do some strength training, work out with weights and take a yoga or pliates class. Next he says you need to take the Body Mass Test and see the Exercise Physiologist.  I ask do they use the one where they float you in water (I am not ready to wear a bathing suit ). Or do they have the machine that lets you just lay on the table and it takes images.  Guess what it gets to be a surprise...YIPP-EEEEEEE. Then tells me he will see me again in about a week when my labs come back.

The Plastics Consult....again let me say not sexy at all.  I was more nervous about this appointment than any other I have had. Its not until somebody grabs all of your loose skin and begins to roll and tuck do realize how far you have come.  I'm only 5'3 and have a very short torso, so when I was heavy I was all boobs you could hardly make out a waist. 

The doctor I had my consult with is Dr. DiNick he was great even though I hated him the whole time I was there

I think I have been fortunate in the amount of loose skin that I have been left with.  I have seen some terrible situations. Yet, I have encountered serious issues with the skin that remains and now I have to do something about it.  I was extremely top heavy before WLS now I am two deflated ballons. Im pouring myself into my bras. They are truly over the shoulder boulder holders or more like pebble holders. Before the WLS I had the mass in my breasts  to make it easier to deal with the rashes that would occur, they did not flap against my chest everytime I move. If I walk down my stairs at home after taking a shower, I sound like im clapping.  I have more pain and itchiness now then I ever had before. Somedays I feel like I have been rubbed raw and baby its hot outside now. Now it is always uncomfortable and at times can be painful. Maybe when I was heavier I had so many other things going on with my health I never noticed how much it hurt to have my skin rubbing against each other. I just did the same things everyday. Shower, cornstarch, over the counter ointments and kept it moving. Now I pay attention.

So at my appointment the doctor tucked and rolled. How embarassing.  Can you imagine being able to tuck and roll sommething on your body. Next came the measuring tape. Did those numbers say they were now uneven? Are you kidding me? Okay now the doctor says let me take that picture from the front and next turn sideways. I have opted for no implants.

Next came my tummy. WLS has made my aporn even more pronounced.  All the problems that happen up top, happen on the bottom as well. I swear. I use so much Zinc oxide. Can they make that ointment less messy?  Roll the top part of your undies down so I can check how far it extends downward he says. Let me get my tape measure out again. I swear I just wanted to melt into the wall. Okay now let me take the frontal view, now turn sideways. Panniculetomy, I can't even pronounce it.  I know that he said I may have to have a horizontal as well as vertical incision. I did not even want to know what grade I was....you know keeping a little mystery.

Next: Round One with the insurance company. I don't know if its going to be a battle or not. I shall see.

Today I am at work and participating in a Webinar (can't you tell) giving it all of my attention. I have been looking at profiles..just trying to get my inspiration on . I came across something that just rang so true with me. The gentlemen said you have to "Romance Yourself". Dayum when was they last time I took myself out on a date. NEVER...It is such a good idea. Buy myself some dayum flowers, get dressed up for myself. "ROMANCE ME" I have been so caught up in tomorrow I was not taking the time to look at today and today is pretty darn good. For the first time "Mama gettin her full grown woman on...Im gettin sexy".

Its a conspiracy by the powers that be. My insurance company instituted a Wellness Day.  Did the company really need me to participate in this to tell me im still considered to be overweight on the BMI scale? Today is that day. What it means is that team of tech comes into the office and does a workup on every employee and reports it back to the insurance company. Did I tell you the results are supposed to be confidential from your employer (wink wink ) WTF???????????? How can it be confidential when Im sitting in the room with two other employees? Oh, but they do pull you into an office to have a conference about the results. Well I am going to post  these so I will always have them.

Health and Lifesyle Related Age
***********************************************
Health Related Age  38
Chronological            35

Screening Results
*****************************************************
Height                              5'3
Weight                           148
Heart Rate                       80 beats per minute
Flexibility                         16
Blood Pressure           130/72
Blood Sugar                   93
Total Cholesterol          188
HDL (good)                     61
Ratio (TC/HDL)              3.1
LDL (bad)                      115
Triglycerides                    59
Body Fat                          29.5 %
Fat Free Mass                70.5%
Target Weight Range    128.4 to 143.8

So what did I learn: My insurance company wants me to lose 7 more pounds (im so over hearing that Im still overweight). My numbers are really good they are happy with them. Thank god for WLS. My body fat average is less than the population average for women which is 30.1%. They want me to get between 16-25 %. I AM  almost on target between my true age and the age of my body. Losing the pounds should make them equal.