mama23miracles
I can't remember a day in my life when I haven't been overweight. Growing up I can vividly remember being teased and made fun of because of my size. Man, kids can be so cruel! I can clearly remember when I played basketball in 7th grade. I was obviously the biggest girl on my team. We were at an away game and as I ran out onto the court, some kids from the other school began to chant, "1,2,3,4 now the moose is on the floor." I also remember a time when my high school basketball coach pulled me aside after practice one day and proceeded to tell me that I needed to cut back on my spaghetti dinners because it was quite obvious I was enjoying them.
I wasn't a loner growing up; I had friends, but I was always the "fat friend." I began dieting at a young age and became very self conscious and insecure. It was then that I started to let my weight define me as a person. I became overly obessessed with what people thought of me or how they viewed me. This was very stressful which led me to eat more and obsess about food. The more I ate, the more I gained, and the more I gained, the more I stressed about losing weight. I tried many many times to lose weight. I would lose some and then gain even more. I tried Weight Watchers, LA Weight Loss, Atkins, South Beah, The Zone, Carbohydrate Addicts, etc. The more passionate I would become about losing weight, the more I would gain. My weight literally began controlling my life (i.e. how I felt, what I did, what I didn't do, etc.) I wouldn't go to certain school functions because I was afraid of what I would look like or what people might say. Even though I was an all-star softball player in high school, I let my weight deter me from playing in college. I was afraid that I would be the "fat girl" on the field and that I wouldn't be able to keep up. So, I never tried out for the team...one of my biggest regrets in life.
After turning 30 this year, I have decided to make every effort to take control of my weight and my attitude along with the help of God. The past few years have been especially trying on me. They involve issues with infertility, multiple invitro attempts and now all 3 of my young miracle sons (4-year-old and 2-year-old twins) receiving a diagnosis of Autism. At 5'6", my weight has reached an all-time high of 254 pounds. No longer am I considered overweight....I am officially considered morbidly obese. Not only have I gotten fatter, my health has started to decline. I have high cholesterol, polycystic ovarian syndrome, irregular menstrual cycles, pre-diabetes, depression, anxiety, joint pain, shortness of breath, sleep issues, etc.
I am getting a lot of resistance from my family regarding my decision to have this surgery. They are concerned not only with the surgery but that fact that I have chosen to go to Mexico. They feel that I have made my decision too quickly and have not given it enough thought. I have thought about surgery for several years and have researched it as much as I possibly can. I feel that I am an intelligent person (Warning: about to toot my own horn --graduated 7th in high school class of 170 and graduated Cum Laude from college.) I also believe I am capable to make a responsible and educated decision. Knowing that I am responsible for 3 small boys with special needs, I would not make this decision lightly. I NEED to do this for them. I NEED to do this for me.
Throughout this whole journey, I am learning to turn it all over to God because He is in control. If it is His will for me to have this surgery, then it will happen. As far as the resistance I am getting from my family.... God uses troubles to teach us to trust Him. "....troubles produce patience. And patience produces character, and character produces hope." Romans 5:3-4.
God's ultimate goal for our lives on Earth is not comfort, but character development. When we choose to do the right thing in situations then we need to trust God's spirit to give us His power, love, faith, and wisdom.
