mandy d.

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so i thought i would update this quick since its been months.. im down 117 pounds, ive reached my doctors goal, hell ive actually surpassed it. im only 20 pounds away from reaching my personal goal. Im now wearing anywhere from a size 7-11 depending on the style of the pants and a s/m top. crazy! im not going to lie ive let the whole going to the gym and eating exactly the way i should slide a bit in the past 3 months, on account of me working 80+ hours.. but no excuses. i will get back on track. ive come too far to fail now. so, anyway, heres to getting back on track and making positive changes in life. til next time!

So, I thought I would update this thing since i cant sleep anyways and its been a while since ive been on here. Its been 22 weeks since my surgery and im feeling great! Ive lost 91 pounds so far! Im down to 186 and havent felt this alive in a long time. Im now wearing a size 12 jean. I cant even remember i time before now when i could just walk into a store, any store, and they would have something that fits me. its a weird feeling. i must admit, ive become a bit of a shopaholic lately. its nice to be able to find clothes, and im still losing weight pretty fast, so the sizes vary from week to week. Im finding im able to eat more now since im already at 5 months out. I have to start really watching what i eat. i dont dump, which in a way I wish i never found out, but im still able to satisfy a craving with a taste. im a little nervous though since i dont want any old habits to creep back into my life. i just have to remember to take one day at a time and work at it. alright, well, i dont really have much else. ill update again soon!

So here I am again. I just want to say thanks for the compliments ive gotten on here recently. Things are going good with me. I joined a gym last monday. Monday was a new beginning for me. I got my divorce, and then went out and joined a gym! id say it was a productive day!! lol Im down 75 pounds in just under 17 weeks. im really proud of that. I feel so much better! I know I look better too, but im still realllllly self conscious. i hate being that way. People have started saying things at work, not in a bad way, just the "oh, are you on a diet or something? you are looking great!" or " wow! you look like a totally different person!" i know they mean well, but i feel like theyre just bullshitting me. I know i look different, im fitting into clothes i havent been able to wear in years.. but i still feel the same. Ill probably always have "fat girl syndrome" but i kinda expected that. I will say however that i am a bit more outgoing.. especially with talking to new people. im a people person naturally, but i can come off as a bitch.. but i dont mean to be, im just uncomfy in public places. its hard to explain. I broke up with that boy. I mean, it wasnt anything too serious, but still. it sucks. we're friends though..with a lil something something on the side thats nice. I know i should be focusing on me right now, but ill admit im lonely. and he was what i was looking for. Maybe things will change. maybe ill meet someone else. i dont know. i guess i cant put too much stock in anything right now. i just gotta take it day by day. 
anyways, so i joined the gym. Its kicking my ass. im going to be honest and say (even though im sure ill get some flames for it) that i havent worked out for shit since surgery. for about a month i was walking 4 times a week but then it got too cold and snowy here in milwaukee to do any kind of outdoor activity. I just want to be toned. Im pretty flabby right now.. like yeah, everything shrunk, but im still pretty jiggly lol and im so WEAK!! its pathetic really. I dont want to look like ive melted away either once i reach my goal. I want to know i did everything I could before I turn to plastics. speaking of plastics, i got a second job so i can start saving up for my little nips and tucks. i dont think id get a tummy tuck, but boob job here i come! i was never real busty (thats such a lie that all big girls get boobs... did i ever get the short end of the stick) but what little i had shrunk. not terribly, im still a b cup, but id like to be at least a full c. oh yeah, and I lost my ass. i now am starting to get a case of the dreaded flat ass. ugh. not pleased about that either. i think it looks funny. its so weird. ive always had a big butt lol but now, not so much. i actually kinda miss it a lil bit. who would have thought id miss my fat butt? weird how things turn out. 
alright. im done for now. i should probably scrounge up something for dinner. till next time kids!

so here i am again. Its been almost two months since I last updated this so i might as well. Im down a total of 73 pounds. I feel good, and i look good (yay!). im back down to a size 14/16 which im pretty stoked about. Im really proud of what ive accomplished this far. Im starting to lose some hair, its not too bad, at least no one else can tell. Im going to up my protein and water intake and hopefully that will help. i had a lot of hair to begin with so at least I have that on my side. I met a boy just before christmas. Hes really sweet and I really like him. things are kinda iffy right now though. we moved kinda fast and i think it freaked both of us out. i think im going to have to have a talk with him sometime this week.  I seem to be on an emotional roller coaster right now... i hear hormones are stored in our fat cells and as we burn fat theyre released so i think im going to attribute some of my being moody to that. im just going through a rough patch right now. my divorce is finalized next monday, and im not quite sure how I feel about that. It has been 3 1/2 years already... and i havent seen him in almost 2. i doubt he'll be in court, since he hasnt been apart of anything from the start. We were young and made a mistake, so i guess live and learn right?  its hard to deal with all these feelings im having, since i can no longer just stuff my emotions with food. im still going for counseling god knows what i would do without her. shes really been my rock and i am so greatful for having her in my life. anyways, im going to keep trucking along like i have been for the past 3 months. oh yeah. i cut that asshole that i was talking about in my last post outta my life. i dont need people like that. ive got a lot to offer someone and i want someone who will appreciate me for me.. not how flat my tummy is or how big my boobs are (haha sadly, i lost them....i miss the girls!) anyways, ill update again when i remember lol oops. things have been pretty hectic in my world lately. till next time!

So, I thought I would update again while im on here and thinking about it. I missed my one month post op appointment due to family issues. Im sure im going to hear about it, but when I called the office they were packed until after new years so I will be seeing them twice in about a month. I go for my 3 month post op in the end of january. So Im still not able to get all my protein in or my water. Im at about 60 oz of water a day, and this worries me because I dont want to get dehydrated and get sick or something. I feel good, but I know thats a dangerous game to play. Im sure once im able to up my protein and h2o my weight loss should start to pick back up again a little bit. Im not expecting to lose some huge amount of weight like i did the first month, but every pound helps! 
I have decided that Im going to join a gym after the new year. I just have to come up with the money for it lol. I was walking for a few weeks, but right now, we have tons and tons of snow and its icy (i think ice is every fat girls nemesis i know its mine!!) so it makes it hard to walk. My hours at work are kinda screwed so that doesnt leave me much time in the day when I could mall walk either. I think I am going to go to my dads and use his home gym for the time being. Im so weak lol i need some muscle!! 
I had a few fears about how things were going to be different after surgery... especial on the social front. Im worried about how people are going to be different with me after I lose the weight. I know thats stupid, but the sad reality is is that its true, especially when it comes to guys. Case in point: Ive been friends with this guy for almost 3 years and for the past year or so we've been "more than friends" off and on. i go out with him and some friends the other night and it came to my attention that he likes me and everything and thinks im cute but hes not attracted to me enough to date me because of my weight. Ok, i can deal with that.. people are attracted to you or not.. personally, im not attracted to "bigger" guys. But then he went on to tell my friend that he "keeps me around" because he knows Ive had surgery and will lose more weight. Wow. i gotta admit, that really hurt. I felt like a complete ass. I mean, im not mad about the fact that he doesnt like that im over weight (i hate it too lol) but he just played into every insecurity I have. I am extremely self conscious and even though i shouldnt have, I ended up going back to his place and the entire time im there im "moo-ing" to myself in my head. Hes made the top of my shit list. If he thinks im going to just keep trucking along pining for him until IM good enough for HIM, hes got another thing coming. I know deep down I can do so much better. Hopefully I can live up to that when the time comes. Not that theres anything wrong with it, but who wants a twig when you can have the whole damn tree?!? lol
So, even though that was a shitty thing to hear, instead of what I would have done pre op and ate myself into oblivion, im going to use this as motivation to keep on doing exactly what I need to do. Drink all my water, make my protein goals, cut back on the carbs again... no sneaking a few skittles here or there. Im damned and determined to prove everyone wrong. No one thought id be able to do this and lose the weight. Im down 42 pounds and I am so proud of myself! I want to lose another 33 and then I am going to treat myself to some spa treatments. yay! who doesnt love the spa? exactly. Alright, until next time people!!

Well, I said I would update when I saw my doctor so here I am. I went on friday for my two week check up and he said everything looked good. Im healing as expected, and my weight-loss is going just as expected as well. I weighed in at 256 which brings me to a total of -21 pounds in just over two weeks. Im pretty proud of myself so far! Granted I gained a good 16 pounds in the last 5 months or so before surgery, but they are coming off and I just gotta keep truckin along! Im still having trouble reaching my protein goals, but every day it gets just a little bit easier! I really have to start drinking milk.. that would add a good almost 10 grams of protein a day and my NP said that since I hate milk I can add a little sugar free/low sugar chocolate flavoring as long as it doesnt add a ton of calories so Im gonna try and start that today. Im a little worried about going back to work next week just because Im not where I should be with the protein and water intake, but I guess I just have to keep at it one day at a time. I also need to up my exercise. Ive been really slacking at that lately. On a not so great note, I started smoking again, not as much as I was pre op, but Ive been having some family issues and some pretty heavy duty stress which of course happened what seems like the day of surgery, but thats just how my family rolls. Im aware it can cause ulcers and problems post op, and I plan to quit again soon. I know im using it as a crutch since I cant just stuff my emotions with food, but I knew this wasnt going to be easy. I just have to take it one day at a time and pray for the best. Heres to new beginnings!!

so, im 3 days post op and feeling pretty good. Im lucky to report i didnt have any complications as of yet and hope that continues to remain true. Im doing OK with my protein intake so far (fit day i have discovered is great!!), but I need to continue to work up to my 60 grams and my 64 ounces of liquids. I havent had to use my pain meds at all, but i do have some gas pains. ugh.  I have a wedding to go to tomorrow which im actually dreading, but ya know, whatever. I see my surgeon for my 2 week follow up on the 9th. Ill update then. 

So, Its been a little over a month since I last updated this this so i figured now is as good a time as any. Well, I got approved for surgery on 9/12 and I have my surgery scheduled for 10/23. I had a bone density test done this past week  and I have all my pre op lab work and physical next week. I am supposed to start my 2 week pre op diet monday but I think im gonna change it up and not just do the high protein low carb diet and do a liquid diet (well, two meals liquid one low fat low carb meal). The reason im doing this is A. I think I might actually do better on this and B. I gained 16# and Ill lose more on a liquid diet pre op. so yeah. this weekend is my last weekend eating what i want. ugh. Time is flying by like i cant believe! Only 17 days until surgery eep! Im not really nervous yet for surgery, im a lil nervous about after though. im mostly freaked about the head hunger and stuff like that. I just really wanna succeed at this. On a bright note, i am on day 14 of not smoking. It should be day 20 but i messed up and smoked a couple cigarettes at the bar (all my friends smoke and going to a bar after quitting 4 days prior NOT smart) Im just scared of failing my blood test to see if i quit smoking i mean, yeah, i quit and I dont plan on smoking again, but i just hope that its enough time.. I cant have my surgery rescheduled. I lose my primary health insurance (I have secondary insurance but gastric bypass isnt covered) on november 18th. i think im going to call my drs office this week and see if she can do the same test to see if Ill pass the test. My dr said even if I dont pass the test marginally to plead with them that i havent smoked at all and to let it be known I live with smokers and are in daily contact. I think ill be ok though. I took the same test in july and had quit for only 16 days and smoked a cigarette 4 days before the test and passed. This time It will be 19 days with out smoking at all.  Meh. Alright, time to sleep now. I have to be up 4 am for work. great. I cant wait until after surgery and i get to stay home for 4 weeks yay! Until next time.....

So, yesterday I completed my final round of testing before they submit me to my insurance company. Somehow my abdominal ultrasound slipped through the cracks and I forgot to have it done.. great! Thankfully its all over now and everything looked perfect. My dr recieved the results about 2 hours after I left and she informed my surgeons office and begged them to submit me to my insurance that same day.. we'll see if that worked. If they didnt submit me then Ill be submitted next friday and I should hear something back from insurance in about 72 hours.. yay! So now I really gotta get my ass in gear with this whole quitting smoking thing! Im quitting again monday (why oh why did I start again?!?!) with the help of chantix. It makes me feel like crap for the first week, but i gotta do what i gotta do. I will not have surgery postponed! Itll take 3 weeks before my carbon dioxide levels return to normal so hopefully i can stretch out my preop testing that long.. i uh, have to work a lot.. yeah.. thats it! im not going to be a very happy camper for the next week or so, but i shall survive. Im not going to screw this surgery up for anything... k. i need sleep now. i was out waaaaaaay too late and up way too early this am.