mannecote
Fibromyalgia complications!
Mar 12, 2009
Very Frustrating!I knew that there was a possibility that there might be some irritation from the Aleve but wow! the pain was exhausting. So for the time being I have been reaching out for help. I plan on contacting my Rhumatologist for additional counseling on the meds once I've heard from a few people. I've spoke with my surgeon already and she is concerned in the same way I am.
Fellow Bandsters have been a great support. I will continue with my journey forward in weight loss.
Another fill in the band
Nov 19, 2008
This is day two of my latest fill. I had a nice long talk with my surgeon/friend about not wanting to know how much is in my band. I had been very discouraged that I had not lost weight. She was pleased that I had maintained. In talking with her I let her know how depressed I truly am. I started counseling and am waiting for confirmation that I have a seat in group counseling for adults who have lost a parent. I'm not doing anything I use to love. I'm not knitting or even going to the pool. I am just too sad to do these things I so enjoy, talk about classic symptoms of depression. Oh well, I am getting help and especially now that the holidays are here.
I had made some headway and was just down under 230 but regained the weight and I was beating myself up.
I had a huge fight with my sister. I thought I lost her from my life because of misunderstandings. I'm so upset over all of this. There are some things in life one has to just accept because there isn't anything to be done about them.
Work has been a little hectic. My boss is wonderful and he is getting so busy. I'm very happy that he is busy and needs me because that means I have a job to go to. I have so many blessings. I just am not able to shake the sadness. I know it will take time to adjust to my losses and I also know that I will miss them for the rest of my life. I have a family that I can enjoy and that want to spend time with me. How silly of me, I think to be sad when there is so much going right in my life. I guess this is an example of the head to understanding the heart, or the other way around. I think both would be appropriate.
I know I will get through this rough time in my life and I will be a better person for it. I will take the new skills I will learn in conseling and be more effective at communicating with people I love and care about. I will be not have unrealistic expectations of those people in my life that are close to me. I will make and effort to be more gentle with myself.
At the surgeon/friend, I ran into an aquaintance who had her surgery the same day with the same surgeon. We had met at a volunteer opportunity a year before and had worked on a benefit together. It was nice of her to say she didn't recognise me because of the weight loss.
I still do not see myself as being any less fat! I know I've lost weight because of the size of my clothes and because of the number on the scale but my body image is still very poor. I guess that is why I'm also depressed because I hate what I look like. I want all the weight to be gone now. It didn't accumulate overnight. I need to be kind to myself. I have no patience with myself. Another lesson to be learned.
I read postings every day in the Forum. They are helpful.
I will keep adding changes to my journey, especially about how I feel about myself.
Moving Forward
Oct 22, 2008
My journey in weight loss has been a joy, I have made progress. I am relying on others as my mirror. I still don't have a true vision of what I look like.
I guess going backwards from today would be the best way for me to journal what has taken place in my life.
Yesterday I was in a fashion show sponsored by the hospital I had the LapBand done in. I felt like a bit of a fraud compared to the others who had such great weight loss of 100 pounds or more. The lady with the greatest loss had taken off 200 pounds through bipass surgery. She looked simply incredible. Years younger than the photo showing her at her largest weight. I received compliments on how I looked but some how didn't feel I qualified as I hadn't had the great losses experienced by the others. Perhaps next year I will feel more worthy to stand with these wonderful ladies.
I haven't been able to bounce back from the cold I caught recently. I'm still tired and kicking myself because I am just too tired to go swimming like I had been. I haven't been consistant with my swim exercise program since the end of July.
This is where my story takes a turn and I will go from July to present.
July 21st, my mother was admitted to the hospital. I was working at a golf tournament for the boss and my sister was at work and neither of use were able to be with her in the Emergency room. We had been there with her the last 3 weekends and nothing was found to be very wrong with her. My sister and I were stunned that she was admitted and did all we could to bring the hospital staff up to speed at to who our mother was. We wanted the staff to have all the tools they needed in order to get her home as quickly as possible.
She went through a battery of tests and some were painful to her. We were assured she didn't have cancer by the hospitalist caring for her. We felt we dodged a bullet as cancer runs in her family. During her stay at that hospital I was appalled at how she was treated. Ignored because she was elderly and left in a soiled bed. My friends were there during the day and helped with her bed baths and shampoos and made sure she had food she could eat and a clean bed at all times. My sister and would switch off to care for her in the evenings and my children (all adults) came by to say hello.
some of my grand children even stopped by for a visit accompanied by their mother.
Mom just didn't get better and seemed to actually be getting sicker and weaker. One evening I noticed that she was unable to use her left hand and she was unable to lift her left leg. I got the nurse and thought she had a stroke. The nurse assured me nothing was wrong. The next morning a neurologist examined her and found she had a stroke, geeze that is what I had diagnosed the night before. I know nothing could have been done to stop the stroke because of the medication she was receiving, but at least acknowled that I was right. That nurse was unable to look me in the eye. I wonder why?
I had my mother transfered to the hospital were I work. My boss, the department chair was very agressive in finding her a bed and getting the chairs of the department involved in her care. She was transfered the next day.
Right after mom's stroke I got a frantic call from my cousin in Canada that my aunt died suddenly. I was devastated, I loved her so much. There had been nothing noted unusual that week when she went for her check up. I reluctantly left my mother and drove 400 miles to the funeral. I actually planned to stay a few days but that was not to be. Rigth after the service I received a call that my mother wasn't doing great and it might be a good idea to get home as quickly as possible.
I left the next morning and drove straight to the hospital. My sister had gone home but there were a couple of doctors waiting to talk to me. I was taken to a private room where I was informed that my mother had cancer and it was very aggressive and growing rapidly. I was in shock. How could this happen.
Being the oldest in the family it was my responsibility to inform my sisters and children of what was happening. It made me sick inside. I knew what the outcome would be. I didn't want mom to go through all kinds of uncomfortable treatments that wouldn't work anyways. I wanted her last days to be filled with peace and love.
I spoke with my sister who was the co-healthcare proxy and explained to her what was the condition and what the outcome would be. We needed to be in agreement as to what was going to be done.
After 48 hours my sister came to the understanding that there was nothing we could do for mom except to keep her comfortable.
We contacted our other sisters and made sure they were able to come and see mom before she got sicker and unable to enjoy their company.
We were able to transfer her to hospice for her last 2 days of life. We were all with her. My children, my sisters, my cousin, my granchildren, my friends. We had the opportunity to share our love with her. To say good bye.
Family and friends came from Canada and also from the immediate area for the funeral. We also were able to share a meal after the service to celebrate her life. I left the restaurant with an empty feeling in my soul.
With a couple of weeks passing I tried to get back into my life, I was at work and heard a mothers cry as her infant died in her arms. I cried silently for her loss. I could not understand the pain she was going through at the loss of her new born daughter but I could understand the loss of a loved one. I returned to my social activity and asked about our little mascott and found that he had passed away unexpectedly during and CTscan with contrast. He was years old and such a charming child. It is thought he was allergic to the dye used in the contrast and had a massive heart attack.
I am trying to regain some of my life but nothing seems to work. I snapped at my friend Charlie when he asked how I was doing. He was kind in return. He died a week later and left behind a young son and daughter and a lovely wife. My heart is broken for them all. My head is spinning from this hurt. I walk around numb and don't know how I will ever recover from this. I called and got some counseling. I will be attending a grief support group in December sponsored by hospice and I am looking forward to that.
I've had so many great losses in the last 2 months.
So today, I'm here missing my mom, missing my aunt, missing my friend and at times feeling alone.
Silly, I know I have wonderful children and grand children but no one can replace my mom.
Each day I will honor her memory.
I will find little reminders of her in my children and grandchildren.
I will look at old photos and cry.
I will look at those same photos and laugh some day.
I will remember her love of life.
She never said she was ready to die.
She loved being alive and being with those she loved.
2 days post op
May 20, 2008
The one challenge so far is swallowing those crushed pills. Major goss stuff in those Aleve. But I need to take twice a day. I don't fell the pain is so bad that I need the prescribed pain med. I'll hold onto to it till the beginning of next week then get rid of them.
I've had a bottle of Isopure and that went down nice. It took two sittings to get 20 ounces down but that was 40 grams of protein. Hurray.
Today I'm onto oatmeal. Yum!
3 Days Pre-op
May 16, 2008
I've been waiting for 11 months to get to this point. It has been a struggle with my emotions and sometimes a battle with the insurance company. My surgeon was a great asset in fighting for my right to be healthy. I did my share of fighting as well but with the doctor and the hospital system behind me, my voice was much louder than protesting alone.
With the surgery happening on Monday (5/19) morning I've been reading through the forum and the discussions have given me lots of information on what to expect.
