Trauma Queen
1/5/08
Jan 05, 2008
Bad bad me...I've not written in my profile and kept it up to date.
Soooooooo..here it goes.
I am 3 days postop from a mons repair (outer coochie lift) and revision to L arm brachioplasty.
I was to report to the hospital at 6am. My SO (Jeff)decides that morning at 4:30a that he needed to put oil and coolent in the truck. Not only was I pissed, he had to leave the door open to do it and it was the coldest morning yet..somthing like 22 degrees. So, we were late..just 15 minutes but I hate being late. I love this man, but somtimes he drives me nuts.
I check in and they got me back to preop fairly quickly. The same nurse I've had the other two PS was my nurse again. She is awesome. I was suprised they had so many people in preop that early. The nurse started the IV with antibiotics and got Jeff. I layed there in my lovely designer gown with my wrinkled ass hangin out the back waiting for Dr. Mitchell to get there. He arrived about 7:30a and marked me for surgery. He only marked my L arm and not my mons area. I asked him why and he said he knew exactly how much to take off.
I met with the anasthesia doc, nurse and alot of other folks..I got a breathing treatment because I had some phlem in my lungs. They gave me some happy meds and Wheeled me back to OR. I looked around the room and noticed all the nice shiny SHARP tools lol. I started talking alot and I must have gotten on the nurses nerves because the last thing I heard was "take a deep breath" and that was it.
I woke up in recovery in no pain but I was shaking like a leaf and couldnt stop.
Jeff came to see me and I met with Dr. Mitchell and told him the vicodin he gave me at preop appt won't cut this pain. I was in a fair amount of pain and so he grudgingly wrote me a script for percocet and informed me that he would not keep writing more scripts for me this time around, as I was on pain meds 2 months after breast reduction. Yea I got addicted bigtime on them.
I know if I ask for more I'll just keep taking them and the W/D are horrible.
So far everything looks ok. The pain in my L arm seems to hurt worse, but my lower abdomin hurts too. I was cut from hip to hip and have a drain in my R hip. I am to wear a binder which I don't understand because it doesn't cover the area that I was cut on. I asked him why and he gave me a logical answer but for the life of me I can't remember why he said I had to wear one.
My arm was wrapped up like I'd broken it. I took all that crap off when I got home.
When I stand up, my mons is all wrinkled and pulled upwards. It don't look pretty at all but then again it looked worse before. The whole purpose of the surgery was to remove the skin that hung in the toilet and prevented me from being able to clean myself. I had to lift the mons to wipe. I no longer need to lift the mons to urinate and wipe. The purpose of the surgery is working but I am unhappy with how it looks. It looks ok when I'm laying down flat on my back, but when I stand up it looks nasty. I know he had no way of knowing what it'd look like standing up, as he can't operate on my when I am standing up.
I am hoping (and praying) that when I have my first phase of abdominoplasty that he will sculpt is more and shape it more nicely. As it stands now It just brings out the wrinkles more. Gawd I look 100 years old down there. I am so wrinkled and skin hangs so bad ugh no wonder my SO will only have sex with me in the dark. :(
I am greatful to Dr. Mitchell. He is an awesome man not to mention a fab plastic surgeon. this man has alot to deal with regarding my skin. He can only do so much for me because I've stretched out so badly with the weight gain.
I have gained some weight from the fluids and swelling, but it'll come off.
I am working on getting in my protein and fluid but I have no appitite.
Soooooooo..here it goes.
I am 3 days postop from a mons repair (outer coochie lift) and revision to L arm brachioplasty.
I was to report to the hospital at 6am. My SO (Jeff)decides that morning at 4:30a that he needed to put oil and coolent in the truck. Not only was I pissed, he had to leave the door open to do it and it was the coldest morning yet..somthing like 22 degrees. So, we were late..just 15 minutes but I hate being late. I love this man, but somtimes he drives me nuts.
I check in and they got me back to preop fairly quickly. The same nurse I've had the other two PS was my nurse again. She is awesome. I was suprised they had so many people in preop that early. The nurse started the IV with antibiotics and got Jeff. I layed there in my lovely designer gown with my wrinkled ass hangin out the back waiting for Dr. Mitchell to get there. He arrived about 7:30a and marked me for surgery. He only marked my L arm and not my mons area. I asked him why and he said he knew exactly how much to take off.
I met with the anasthesia doc, nurse and alot of other folks..I got a breathing treatment because I had some phlem in my lungs. They gave me some happy meds and Wheeled me back to OR. I looked around the room and noticed all the nice shiny SHARP tools lol. I started talking alot and I must have gotten on the nurses nerves because the last thing I heard was "take a deep breath" and that was it.
I woke up in recovery in no pain but I was shaking like a leaf and couldnt stop.
Jeff came to see me and I met with Dr. Mitchell and told him the vicodin he gave me at preop appt won't cut this pain. I was in a fair amount of pain and so he grudgingly wrote me a script for percocet and informed me that he would not keep writing more scripts for me this time around, as I was on pain meds 2 months after breast reduction. Yea I got addicted bigtime on them.
I know if I ask for more I'll just keep taking them and the W/D are horrible.
So far everything looks ok. The pain in my L arm seems to hurt worse, but my lower abdomin hurts too. I was cut from hip to hip and have a drain in my R hip. I am to wear a binder which I don't understand because it doesn't cover the area that I was cut on. I asked him why and he gave me a logical answer but for the life of me I can't remember why he said I had to wear one.
My arm was wrapped up like I'd broken it. I took all that crap off when I got home.
When I stand up, my mons is all wrinkled and pulled upwards. It don't look pretty at all but then again it looked worse before. The whole purpose of the surgery was to remove the skin that hung in the toilet and prevented me from being able to clean myself. I had to lift the mons to wipe. I no longer need to lift the mons to urinate and wipe. The purpose of the surgery is working but I am unhappy with how it looks. It looks ok when I'm laying down flat on my back, but when I stand up it looks nasty. I know he had no way of knowing what it'd look like standing up, as he can't operate on my when I am standing up.
I am hoping (and praying) that when I have my first phase of abdominoplasty that he will sculpt is more and shape it more nicely. As it stands now It just brings out the wrinkles more. Gawd I look 100 years old down there. I am so wrinkled and skin hangs so bad ugh no wonder my SO will only have sex with me in the dark. :(
I am greatful to Dr. Mitchell. He is an awesome man not to mention a fab plastic surgeon. this man has alot to deal with regarding my skin. He can only do so much for me because I've stretched out so badly with the weight gain.
I have gained some weight from the fluids and swelling, but it'll come off.
I am working on getting in my protein and fluid but I have no appitite.
10/18/07
Nov 03, 2007
MEDICAL ID JEWELRY:If I could share something with you, prior to ordering any ID jewelry or cards, please think about what might be important info and what isn't.
As a Paramedic speaking from experience in the emergency field, I would like to say something about the medical ID's.
Jewelry that looks like a medical emblem or tag will be found the quickest by emergency persons, wallet cards might be found later, we don't usually start digging through purses & wallets when we get to an ill or injured person!
EMS persons do surveys on your body. We discretely undress people when needed, we look for scars, bruises, marks, all kinds of things. We are medical detectives, we take your blood for sampling, test your oxygen levels and test your heart when we can. We USUALLY know more about you than you know about yourself by the time we're done with you!!
The information that will be the most important to saving your life will be:
1. ALLERGIES TO MEDICATIONS - SO IMPORTANT!!
2. MEDICATIONS YOU ARE CURRENTLY TAKING
3. IMPORTANT MEDICAL HISTORY, YOU CAN INCLUDE WLS HERE
4. YOUR NAME & FAMILY CONTACT INFO
5. YOUR PHYSICIAN & CONTACT INFO
Obviously, everything can't be put onto your jewelry so you might want to put the most important info there and keep everything else in your purse or wallet. You can refer to your wallet card on the jewelry.
Always tell your family the above information about yourself incase you can't talk and they are called upon. Make sure they know your doctors info as well as your medical info.
Ok, you might get upset here but, these are things that ARE NOT needed on your jewelry:
Blind NG tubes - Nasogastric (NG) tubes are placed blindly. In most places, there isn't another way to do this procedure outside of the hospital and if you need it, it will be done but ONLY IN AN EMERGENCY. It is a tube that is measured on the outside of your body and inserted into your nose, down to your stomach. They are usually used by EMS for stomach pumping to get out toxins. In the hospital, you can tell them about your surgery or they will have asked your history and take precautions. IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON A NG TUBE, YOUR LIFE COMES FIRST.
Blind Intubations (ETT) - First off, you are probably unconscious if the Paramedics are entubating you. The tracheal entubations are usually done with a scope unless there is a reason that your vocal cords can not be seen and than it is blindly inserted but will be checked to make sure it isn't in your esophagus prior to inflation. If an ETT has to be inserted blindly, you really need it bad and you aren't conscious anyway! IT WILL BE YOUR AIRWAY, YOU CAN'T STOP US unless you have a DNR ... WITH YOU!!
Courtesy of Web medic :)
9/18/07
Oct 11, 2007
weight: 158
You have a BMI of 27.1.
This shows that you are moderately overweight.
Your BMI is not high enough to qualify you for bariatric surgery.
Woot!
I am recovering from my breast reduction/lift and axilla repair to L armpit and doing well.
I have had a seroma under L armpit and Dr. M has had to drain it twice. He says one more time and it's the JP drain for me :(
I honestly don't think I'll have the JP drain put in again, but who knows. If he feels I need it, then I suppose I'll endure it. I trust him completely. I am happy with my breasts considering what they started out at. Very hidious looking..like halloween scary!
My next phase when I heal is Tummy tuck w/ anchor cut. This one scares me. I am scared I won't stay sewn together. That I'll have a seperation at the T incision. I had a VERY small opening at the T incision on my R breast but it closed pretty fast now it's scabed.
My SO asked me if I am addicted to plastic surgery..I had to pause and think. I am addicted to the outcome..for the first time in my adult years, I am "normal" whatever normal is.
I never had a adult life, I went from a highschooler to a parent of indentical twins who were born early, but were healthy.
So in a sense, I am reliving my younger days.
I am always a work in progress.
You have a BMI of 27.1.
This shows that you are moderately overweight.
Your BMI is not high enough to qualify you for bariatric surgery.
Woot!
I am recovering from my breast reduction/lift and axilla repair to L armpit and doing well.
I have had a seroma under L armpit and Dr. M has had to drain it twice. He says one more time and it's the JP drain for me :(
I honestly don't think I'll have the JP drain put in again, but who knows. If he feels I need it, then I suppose I'll endure it. I trust him completely. I am happy with my breasts considering what they started out at. Very hidious looking..like halloween scary!
My next phase when I heal is Tummy tuck w/ anchor cut. This one scares me. I am scared I won't stay sewn together. That I'll have a seperation at the T incision. I had a VERY small opening at the T incision on my R breast but it closed pretty fast now it's scabed.
My SO asked me if I am addicted to plastic surgery..I had to pause and think. I am addicted to the outcome..for the first time in my adult years, I am "normal" whatever normal is.
I never had a adult life, I went from a highschooler to a parent of indentical twins who were born early, but were healthy.
So in a sense, I am reliving my younger days.
I am always a work in progress.
8/18/07
Sep 18, 2007
I am now 25 months postop and recovering from brachioplasty. (see pics)
Things are well and I couldn't be happier considering what Dr. Mitchell had to work with I look alot better,
I will never aspire to be a model, I don't expect him to preform miracles, I think he did a fabulous job considering all the skin he had to work with.
I will need some revision on my axillary area.
Weight has been VERY slow loss lately.
I stay between 161-165 and I am NOT happy. I want to be down to about 145-150.
All is well..J and I are still together.
I love him with every ounce of my being.
Things are well and I couldn't be happier considering what Dr. Mitchell had to work with I look alot better,
I will never aspire to be a model, I don't expect him to preform miracles, I think he did a fabulous job considering all the skin he had to work with.
I will need some revision on my axillary area.
Weight has been VERY slow loss lately.
I stay between 161-165 and I am NOT happy. I want to be down to about 145-150.
All is well..J and I are still together.
I love him with every ounce of my being.
7/18/07
Jul 20, 2007
Well here it is folks 2 years postop!
What a ride it has been lemme tell ya.
I've been thinking about composing a list of things I can now do because of this incredible gift of WLS.
-Cross my legs with ease. (a HUGE milestone for me)
-buy clothes off the racks anywhere
-walk anywhere and for any amount of time without dying and running out of breath.
-have so much energy I can't stand it
-have a wonderful relationship with incredible sex! yay
-Be on top hehe (see above sentence for details)
-sit in ANY resturant booth I want and FIT!
-not have to worry if i'll fit in ANY seatbelt
-reach my toenails to paint them :)
-wrap my arms around my legs and pull my feet up to my butt and sit
-buy cute clothes
-have people stare at me because I look nice and not because I'm a freak of nature.
This journey has been the single most life altering thing I've ever been through.
It has given me the courage to try new things I would have never done before.
I realise I've not lived the first 38 years of my life...Im only now living.
My bracialplasty surgery went VERY well.
My PS took off 2 1/2 pounds of excess skin on EACH arm. He told me that my arms were not the biggest he's ever done, but its up there :(
I have a pic of the skin he removed will post it soon..its graphic.
My next surgery will be breast reduction/lift.
He will tweak the axillry skin some more under my arms.
For the first time in my life, I will have small boobies!
I am not electing to get implants now.
I dont want them. I want to experience small breasts for the first time in my life.
Small and perky :)
J and I are still together.
He has been a HUGE help to me. He drains the bloodclots out of my drains and he doesnt get grossed out lol gotta love him.
I love this man with all of my heart and soul.
my son Timothy is still at Ft benning, I will be going up there mid august to see him graduate.
My grandaughter is growing fast.
Life is good.
My weight is 165 and I've been told not to loose much more lol weird huh?
telling a former 425 pound woman NOT too loose much more weight.
Ironic to me.
Im still 425 in my head.
I love this life :)
What a ride it has been lemme tell ya.
I've been thinking about composing a list of things I can now do because of this incredible gift of WLS.
-Cross my legs with ease. (a HUGE milestone for me)
-buy clothes off the racks anywhere
-walk anywhere and for any amount of time without dying and running out of breath.
-have so much energy I can't stand it
-have a wonderful relationship with incredible sex! yay
-Be on top hehe (see above sentence for details)
-sit in ANY resturant booth I want and FIT!
-not have to worry if i'll fit in ANY seatbelt
-reach my toenails to paint them :)
-wrap my arms around my legs and pull my feet up to my butt and sit
-buy cute clothes
-have people stare at me because I look nice and not because I'm a freak of nature.
This journey has been the single most life altering thing I've ever been through.
It has given me the courage to try new things I would have never done before.
I realise I've not lived the first 38 years of my life...Im only now living.
My bracialplasty surgery went VERY well.
My PS took off 2 1/2 pounds of excess skin on EACH arm. He told me that my arms were not the biggest he's ever done, but its up there :(
I have a pic of the skin he removed will post it soon..its graphic.
My next surgery will be breast reduction/lift.
He will tweak the axillry skin some more under my arms.
For the first time in my life, I will have small boobies!
I am not electing to get implants now.
I dont want them. I want to experience small breasts for the first time in my life.
Small and perky :)
J and I are still together.
He has been a HUGE help to me. He drains the bloodclots out of my drains and he doesnt get grossed out lol gotta love him.
I love this man with all of my heart and soul.
my son Timothy is still at Ft benning, I will be going up there mid august to see him graduate.
My grandaughter is growing fast.
Life is good.
My weight is 165 and I've been told not to loose much more lol weird huh?
telling a former 425 pound woman NOT too loose much more weight.
Ironic to me.
Im still 425 in my head.
I love this life :)
6/18/07
Jul 03, 2007
Well my first plastic surgery is a bracialplasty (upper arm lift) on July 11th. I am SOOOOOOOO excited.
It will be outpaitent at Brunswick hospital and I will have drains. Yay...not!
I am anticipating the bad bad scars however I am prepared and am willing to trade the 1+ pound of skin/fat on each arm for a nice ropey red scar.
My weight is 169-171.
I only seem to loose weight during my period now..weird.
My son Timothy began bootcamp at Fort Benning for the Army. I am nervous about his going to the middle east. A solider just died from florida after his hummer went over a explosive device.
Timothy seems to be doing well but I wonder if i did the right thing by encouraging him to join?? If anything happend to him I would litterally die emotionally I think :( My twins are my life.
J and I are moving in together sometime between october and january.
I'll post again either the night before PS or the few days after.
It will be outpaitent at Brunswick hospital and I will have drains. Yay...not!
I am anticipating the bad bad scars however I am prepared and am willing to trade the 1+ pound of skin/fat on each arm for a nice ropey red scar.
My weight is 169-171.
I only seem to loose weight during my period now..weird.
My son Timothy began bootcamp at Fort Benning for the Army. I am nervous about his going to the middle east. A solider just died from florida after his hummer went over a explosive device.
Timothy seems to be doing well but I wonder if i did the right thing by encouraging him to join?? If anything happend to him I would litterally die emotionally I think :( My twins are my life.
J and I are moving in together sometime between october and january.
I'll post again either the night before PS or the few days after.
5/18/07
Jun 09, 2007
Well here it is 22 months postop and my weight is between 173-175.
I have a date for bracialplasty surgery (upper arm lift) for July 11th providing the labs come out okay.
I put some pics of my upper arm skin on the pics section. My profile pic shows my arms looking "normal" but they are far from normal as you can see :(
I am not really eating much lately, the heat here in florida is BAD. I struggle to continue to get enough protein in. I consumed my first hamburger the other day very suprised that I could eat the whole thing.
My pouch is moody..some days I do ok, others I can barely eat and stay sick.
J and I are still together going on 6 months..sliding into a "lull" so to speak in our relationship. I wish things were a bit more spicy..but hey what can I do?
My bmi is 29 now..this is amazing to me.
I have a date for bracialplasty surgery (upper arm lift) for July 11th providing the labs come out okay.
I put some pics of my upper arm skin on the pics section. My profile pic shows my arms looking "normal" but they are far from normal as you can see :(
I am not really eating much lately, the heat here in florida is BAD. I struggle to continue to get enough protein in. I consumed my first hamburger the other day very suprised that I could eat the whole thing.
My pouch is moody..some days I do ok, others I can barely eat and stay sick.
J and I are still together going on 6 months..sliding into a "lull" so to speak in our relationship. I wish things were a bit more spicy..but hey what can I do?
My bmi is 29 now..this is amazing to me.
4/18/07
May 07, 2007
Wow I am such a slacker for not updating my profile. I am 21 months postop today.
My twins just turned 23 years old!
My weight is 177 and the skin is horrific as usual.
Nothing new to report really, same ol same ol thang.
J and I are still together. I love him and somtimes I get very frustrated with his online gaming...but at least he isn't calling someone else.
Trading one for another I suppose.
Alaina my grandaughter will be 1 years old on May 4th. She is growing so big and I love her so much.
It is quite different with grandkids than with your own kids.
Dizziness has still not faded very much I know I need to get some labs done.
Slacking on vitamins and smoking ciggs again.
bad bad.
My twins just turned 23 years old!
My weight is 177 and the skin is horrific as usual.
Nothing new to report really, same ol same ol thang.
J and I are still together. I love him and somtimes I get very frustrated with his online gaming...but at least he isn't calling someone else.
Trading one for another I suppose.
Alaina my grandaughter will be 1 years old on May 4th. She is growing so big and I love her so much.
It is quite different with grandkids than with your own kids.
Dizziness has still not faded very much I know I need to get some labs done.
Slacking on vitamins and smoking ciggs again.
bad bad.
3/18/07
Mar 26, 2007
I am 20 months post op today and my 40th birthday is on tuesday the 20th.
My weight is 185 now and I have about 11 more pounds to go before I no longer qualify for this surgery and I am just obese.
The weightloss has definently slowed down alot but I am not gaining. I continue to loose in spurts insted of just a pound or so there and here. I wake up and i've lost 4-5 pounds overnight.
The skin continues to be a huge issue for me, if I didn't bathe and keep the folds so clean and dry, I am sure I would have massive infections going on. I can't run, the skin flaps so bad it knocks me off balance when I walk or run. Excersise is hard with this skin. I pretty much wear a binder around my middle just to keep the flapping skin at bay.
Size 34 (mens) pants are too big for me now. I am wearing a 14 in womans pants but still wear a large to xtra large shirts due to my massive arm skin.
J and I are still together but it's rocky right now.
I love him so much..more so than any other man I've ever loved. We'll see how it all works out.
If someone had of told me 20 months ago I'd weigh 185 and be in a serious relationship with a man, Id have laughed in their face.
My life has changed so much.
Funny how weighing 425 pounds keeps you from having so many life experiences.
My weight is 185 now and I have about 11 more pounds to go before I no longer qualify for this surgery and I am just obese.
The weightloss has definently slowed down alot but I am not gaining. I continue to loose in spurts insted of just a pound or so there and here. I wake up and i've lost 4-5 pounds overnight.
The skin continues to be a huge issue for me, if I didn't bathe and keep the folds so clean and dry, I am sure I would have massive infections going on. I can't run, the skin flaps so bad it knocks me off balance when I walk or run. Excersise is hard with this skin. I pretty much wear a binder around my middle just to keep the flapping skin at bay.
Size 34 (mens) pants are too big for me now. I am wearing a 14 in womans pants but still wear a large to xtra large shirts due to my massive arm skin.
J and I are still together but it's rocky right now.
I love him so much..more so than any other man I've ever loved. We'll see how it all works out.
If someone had of told me 20 months ago I'd weigh 185 and be in a serious relationship with a man, Id have laughed in their face.
My life has changed so much.
Funny how weighing 425 pounds keeps you from having so many life experiences.
2/18/07
Feb 22, 2007
I am 19 months postop today. I went to my plastic surgery appt. on January 23rd and the surgeon said I needed to loose another 20 pounds if I want to have a LBL w/anchor cut. He said that I would heal better and it would be alot easier on him to work with me. He told me to come back in a couple of months and he would see me again after I have lost 20 pounds. I was very upset as I have been to see him about 3-4 times since last july and it's quite a trek from florida to georgia to see him. I made the huge mistake of not sleeping the night before, and eating a mexican meal before I went, bad combonation. I was tired, sick and very irritable. When his nurse said let's schedule me for the next appt. I kind of lost it. I told her (with the wating room door open and people out there) that I didn't think I would be back because he kept on putting my surgeries off and I have lost 232 pounds and I felt like he really didn't wanna do my surgrey. I said that this is the time I need him to do it as the son that is going to be helping me postop is going into navy bootcamp soon so I won't really have help if there are complications.
I walked out and after thinking about it, I felt like I had made a HUGE mistake. I called the next day and made the appt. for april 10th. I just hope he didn't over hear me say those things and he will do the surgery as ALL of the other PS I've spoken with will not even see me because I am medicare/medicaid and most of them want the full payment up front and do not file insurance. Medicare wants to not pay for reconstruction surgery. I have tons of skin issues going on and I can already tell it's gonna be a pain in the arse to get them paid. If I had the damn money to pay for these surgeries, I'd have done it already.
I am still with my BF J. We have been together now since December 12th, and the relationship is up and down. He is passionate and kind, but sometimes he would rather spend hours on this online game than spend time with me. I spend alot of time at his house and some of the things I do there bother me. The alternative is to be alone. Which I am not sure I can handle, but it sure would make me focus harder on my weight loss which was a top priority for many months before I became involved with him. I do love him and care for him, but my health comes first.
My weight is about 193-195 and I haven't lost a whole lot in a month and this is frustrating me.
Working out has not been a priority, I spend most times trekking back and forth the Buckman bridge to J's house being at his beck and call and spend alot of money on gas.
I suppose in a sense, I have lost my focus. I look very bad with clothes off and I don't even dare let J see me without a bra on..both of my breasts just sag over to either side of my chest when I'm laying down ..ewww. I need a BR/BL so bad my arm skin hangs so far down it grosses everyone around me out and I cant even wear short sleeves for fear of making others ill around me when the skin flaps around or jiggles. Yes I do care what otherrs think.
I suppose I am down today but hopeful about plastics in the future..I hope I stayed sewed together and heal fast :( this is my biggest fear is opening back up and having to pack a gigantic open wound. I almost died when i had orange stuff leaking out of my incision from the RNY I can't imgaine trying to pack a wound I can stick my whole arm into.
God help me if I have to do this.
I walked out and after thinking about it, I felt like I had made a HUGE mistake. I called the next day and made the appt. for april 10th. I just hope he didn't over hear me say those things and he will do the surgery as ALL of the other PS I've spoken with will not even see me because I am medicare/medicaid and most of them want the full payment up front and do not file insurance. Medicare wants to not pay for reconstruction surgery. I have tons of skin issues going on and I can already tell it's gonna be a pain in the arse to get them paid. If I had the damn money to pay for these surgeries, I'd have done it already.
I am still with my BF J. We have been together now since December 12th, and the relationship is up and down. He is passionate and kind, but sometimes he would rather spend hours on this online game than spend time with me. I spend alot of time at his house and some of the things I do there bother me. The alternative is to be alone. Which I am not sure I can handle, but it sure would make me focus harder on my weight loss which was a top priority for many months before I became involved with him. I do love him and care for him, but my health comes first.
My weight is about 193-195 and I haven't lost a whole lot in a month and this is frustrating me.
Working out has not been a priority, I spend most times trekking back and forth the Buckman bridge to J's house being at his beck and call and spend alot of money on gas.
I suppose in a sense, I have lost my focus. I look very bad with clothes off and I don't even dare let J see me without a bra on..both of my breasts just sag over to either side of my chest when I'm laying down ..ewww. I need a BR/BL so bad my arm skin hangs so far down it grosses everyone around me out and I cant even wear short sleeves for fear of making others ill around me when the skin flaps around or jiggles. Yes I do care what otherrs think.
I suppose I am down today but hopeful about plastics in the future..I hope I stayed sewed together and heal fast :( this is my biggest fear is opening back up and having to pack a gigantic open wound. I almost died when i had orange stuff leaking out of my incision from the RNY I can't imgaine trying to pack a wound I can stick my whole arm into.
God help me if I have to do this.
