Another delay! Third one!!! ARGHHH

Jul 13, 2009

Well I was supposed to be going under the knife today and that did not happen.   I went to see my doctor on Thursday and lo and behold he feels I was not "ready" for surgery.  This is now my third delay.  The first was because the Phsychological Evaluation was outdated and the second was because they had not really received my insurance's approval.  The fist news I get when I got to the office was, "Hey we got your approval".  I was so excited until I stepped on their scale.  I GAINED weight instead of losing and boy I knew what that could mean.  I appreciate what my doctor is doing for me, don't misunderstand me please, its just I was really looking forward to this finally.  But oh well, I guess now I really gotta really get with it! 

Whats most frustrating is that I asked him time and time again if he wanted me to lose any weight and he wanted me on any special diet pre-op and he just kept telling me not to worry about that and now THIS!!!  My God could he have not just told me that 2 weeks ago and I would have literally tried to lose the weight.  Instead my dumb butt decided to splurge on those things I knew and know I wont be having anymore.  Go figure.  How far can my old habits hinder me?  Well I say no more! Enough is enough!

Far too long I have allowed food to control me.  Let's face it I do love food!  Its funny because when he told me "You have an eating disorder and you don't want to face that" it actually ticked me off for a moment.  Quickly after I laughed though knowing that in many respects he was right.  He actually told me to go home and place a sign on my refrigerator that reads "I HAVE AN EATING DISORDER".  My husband and I looked at each other and chuckled at that suggestion but I am actually considering it.  The only thing is that I seldom find myself opening it.  My problem is and has always been that I do not eat at regular intervals or the 3 meals a normal individual is supposedly required, but when I do sit down and eat I eat big portions, I guess trying to to make up for what I did not eat the entire day.  In any respect, I understand this to be my major hinderance and I am determined now more than ever to break this unhealthy cycle that has plagued my 35 years of existence.  I have a month to change these habits and consequently shed some pounds.  My goal is 20 pounds and I know its extreme but I feel I GOTTA do this to prove to him I mean business here.

I know that all things work for our good and I take this as yet another great lesson in life.  I will up my activity level too and I am also keeping a food journal.  I am trying to eat between 1200 to 1500 calories a day that is also low fat, low sugar and low carb.  I CAN DO THIS!!!  I WILL DO THIS!!!


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Kingwood, TX
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