Flip Flop with Food

Mar 12, 2009

I find that my relationship with food still isn't as it should be.  I wonder if it will ever get completely sorted out.  I'm beginning to think it won't - and that I'll have to watch and be careful all the rest of my life.  Does that upset me?  No, not really.  Most people that live in a first world country have to watch what they eat if they choose to be healthy.  Why should I be any different?  There is nothing wrong with having to exercise some self-control - it's good for the soul I think.  I'm sure some people would think I'm trying to talk myself into this or something ...  But I'm finding myself a little stronger with this ability and that self control is assisting me in other areas. 

Recently back home from my second total knee replacement knee surgery.  It was a whole different process this time - same surgeon, same hospital - but different anesthetist and different unit doctor at short-term rehab in the hospital.  What's that mean?  Well, it means that everything was different.  I was taken off the anti-inflammatory and the lyrica on Day 5 after the surgery this time.  Which means I was left with tylenol and hydromorphone as my only pain meds.  What this meant was that I stayed on a higher level of the hydromorphone (the maximum allowed) until just a day before I was released from rehab.  Because of the nature of the hydromorphone (narcotic - morphine) they have huge limitations on what amount they send you home with.  So, I've been trying really hard to get myself off the morphine.  I walk up routinely at around 4 AM for two or three hours now, every morning.  My body seems to be wanting another hit.  I sit there and ask myself is the pain that bad, and intellectually, I know it isn't, so I don't allow myself to take the pain med.  But man, I sure want it.  This is where I find my food relationship control is really helping me out.  I never thought how it would come in handy here.  I take that knowledge of talking my way through the food desire but replace the food addiction with the narcotic "addiction".  I'm putting that narcotic "addiction" in quotes as I'm sure it's not really bad - I'm not sweating or crazy with need.  Anyhow - just really interesting how things are all connected - and I never thought it would happen that way.

I go through stages with food.  The past few months (since my first total knee replacement in November 2008), I haven't been so vigilent about protein.  I still take my supplements routinely ... but before I was very focused on trying to make sure I had at least 90+ grams of protein a day.  If I went over 100 grams I'd be very pleased with myself.  Water continues to be a struggle.  I'm lucky if I get 42 oz in per day.  I think I've only been able to get the 64 oz/day in maybe a total of 10 days since my surgery 14 months ago. 

Some days I don't eat very much - I struggle to get in 1 cup of food.  No real interest.  Other days I easily get 1 1/2 cups in at a meal and I could graze longer.  I usually tell myself to stop grazing - you're done - you're not hungry.  I still don't really ever get hungry.  I seem to have an internal need to eat - more from my head.  Not grumbly tummy that feels empty.  I have started feeling full a few times.  All of a sudden, it's just like I know if I take one more mouthful I'll explode.  I still take a long time to eat and put the plate/bowl or fork down periodically through the meal.   I don't really have a problem with no drinking around meal times.  I do confess I have forgotten a couple of times - and will take a swig of liquid 15 minutes or so after a meal.  Nothing hurts or happens - but I get nervous when I catch myself do it.

I have about 4 more months until I go for a visit to Dr Graber's office for a face-time visit.  It would be great if I was at his goal of 160 pounds.  I have about 25 pounds left to get there.  If I carry on with how things have been going over the past few months, I won't make the goal.  BUT - if I can start getting more physical, I may be able to reach the goal.  I'm just hoping my recovery from this second knee replacement surgery works out so that I can go to a gym and get some quality work-out time done soon.  Maybe in about another month or month and a half my legs will be strong enough to have a go.  That'd be so sweeeeeeet.

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