Marneyb1209
Widowed at 34
Jan 22, 2013
While it's been a rough road lately, things are starting to look up. 2013 brings the promise of new beginnings and opportunities to improve my life and health. My husband did lose his battle with brain cancer in November but I'm grateful that he is no longer suffering and that the kids and I have a chance to make a fresh start. that's about all I can handle writing right now, I might add more later on
And my world is flipped upside down...(my name should be Alice)
Sep 18, 2012
2012 has not been my year... Back in June (the 15th to be precise) my world started falling apart around me. I had to call the paramedics because my husband was not responsive and lost control of his bodily functions. They came to the house and rushed him to the ER.
Long story short he ended up having a 9cm brain tumor (an anaplastic astrocytoma glioma grade 3) and had emergency brain surgery the next morning. They were able to get most of it but there were some major blood vessels running through the center of it so he had to follow up with radiation and chemotherapy. We were having problems long before this came about but when I realized that this had been causing his behavior changes over the past couple years I decided that all was forgiven and that I would be here for him through it all.
Fast forward to the beginning of August. A mutual friend of ours called me because a girl my husband was friends with kept calling him and asking when I was with my husband, I had already had to kick her out of the hospital for not following the procedure we had in place for visitors because of his rough recovery. Finding this out made me suspicious so I had his friend get into his cell phone, something I hadn't done to that point figuring he'd make a full recovery and that it was his personal space. I found out that he had been having an affair with her. And ALSO another woman that lives out of town. The one that is local he's been seeing since fall of last year and the long distance one he's been seeing since I was pregnant with our twins, as far as I can track. He even went to Vegas with her and I didn't think anything of it. I have never been a jealous woman nor suspicious of his having mostly women as friends.
I have since filed for divorce and am in the middle of that. His family has been both supportive (to my face) and being nasty and money grubbing behind my back.
So yeah, that's my journey down the rabbit hole and I'm tired of things getting curiouser and curiouser.
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Long story short he ended up having a 9cm brain tumor (an anaplastic astrocytoma glioma grade 3) and had emergency brain surgery the next morning. They were able to get most of it but there were some major blood vessels running through the center of it so he had to follow up with radiation and chemotherapy. We were having problems long before this came about but when I realized that this had been causing his behavior changes over the past couple years I decided that all was forgiven and that I would be here for him through it all.
Fast forward to the beginning of August. A mutual friend of ours called me because a girl my husband was friends with kept calling him and asking when I was with my husband, I had already had to kick her out of the hospital for not following the procedure we had in place for visitors because of his rough recovery. Finding this out made me suspicious so I had his friend get into his cell phone, something I hadn't done to that point figuring he'd make a full recovery and that it was his personal space. I found out that he had been having an affair with her. And ALSO another woman that lives out of town. The one that is local he's been seeing since fall of last year and the long distance one he's been seeing since I was pregnant with our twins, as far as I can track. He even went to Vegas with her and I didn't think anything of it. I have never been a jealous woman nor suspicious of his having mostly women as friends.
I have since filed for divorce and am in the middle of that. His family has been both supportive (to my face) and being nasty and money grubbing behind my back.
So yeah, that's my journey down the rabbit hole and I'm tired of things getting curiouser and curiouser.
Mixed feelings
Feb 09, 2012
Went to my surgeon's office today to get a fill (it's been close to 2 years since I've had an adjustment). I got on their scale and got mad at myself and the nice girl weighing me couldn't figure out why, she said I'm doing good and that I'm down 8 pounds from last visit.
the thing is, I'm UP 12 pounds from before Christmas. The holidays were rough for me this year and I've had a hard time getting back on track. I'm staying accountable for my actions and doing something about it which is something to be proud of but I still have the urge to kick myself for not staying on track in the first place. How do you keep from beating yourself up even when you know you're doing something to fix the problem?
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the thing is, I'm UP 12 pounds from before Christmas. The holidays were rough for me this year and I've had a hard time getting back on track. I'm staying accountable for my actions and doing something about it which is something to be proud of but I still have the urge to kick myself for not staying on track in the first place. How do you keep from beating yourself up even when you know you're doing something to fix the problem?
Things have changed...
Nov 03, 2011
Sometimes I forget how far I've come. It's nice to be able to go back on old pics and be reminded of what I've accomplished. Over 70 pounds gone and I'm enjoying living my life!
3 comments
2-2-09
Feb 02, 2009
Lots going on lately. Too much drama at my gym so I switched to a new one. That opened up a whole can of worms. I've made friends and lost friends over it. Threatened to get my ass kicked by someone that worked at the old one AND found out that for over a year I was paying for a trainer that wasn't certified. I love the new gym though (24 hour Fitness). I've started taking the yoga class that they have there and feel more balanced than I did before I had kids even, LOL. My new trainer is kicking my ass hardcore too.
The kids are talking up a storm, I can't believe how just a few months goes by and they turn into little people (not that they weren't before). Potty training still isn't going well but they've switched to toddler beds and that has been a good and smooth transtition for everyone. They're so independent and I hate the whole "testing mommy" phase they're going through too.
I'm trying to figure out how I can get to the psychologist without the kids. I'm having issues with how I see myself and it's starting to effect other parts of my life. I know I 've come a long way but I feel like I haven't. I still feel huge and unattractive, my husband is awesome and tries to reassure me all the time. It's all in my head and I know that but it still doesn't change how I feel. That probably makes no sense to anybody but me...
2 comments
The kids are talking up a storm, I can't believe how just a few months goes by and they turn into little people (not that they weren't before). Potty training still isn't going well but they've switched to toddler beds and that has been a good and smooth transtition for everyone. They're so independent and I hate the whole "testing mommy" phase they're going through too.
I'm trying to figure out how I can get to the psychologist without the kids. I'm having issues with how I see myself and it's starting to effect other parts of my life. I know I 've come a long way but I feel like I haven't. I still feel huge and unattractive, my husband is awesome and tries to reassure me all the time. It's all in my head and I know that but it still doesn't change how I feel. That probably makes no sense to anybody but me...
11-22-08
Nov 22, 2008
It's amazing how much things have changed in a year. I've had good weeks and bad weeks. I was looking at old pics just a liittle bit ago and WOW. I was feeling like I hadn't really changed that much and I guess I have... I was feeling sorry for myself and thinking that I had ONLY lost 60 pounds (which the scale reflected for the first time last night). After looking at the pics I realize that 60 pounds is quite the achievement after all. Here are pics of me from a year ago and now...
Feeling pretty darn proud of myself at the moment :)
Feeling pretty darn proud of myself at the moment :)10-11-08
Oct 11, 2008
i haven't posted much about life lately so i thought i'd do an update. my keyboard on my laptop is missing 13 keys due to my son so excuse the lack of capital letters and some poor punctuation. i've been plateaued in my weight loss for over a couple of months now and been very frustrated by it, it just broke this week and i'm finally seeing numbers in the 170's WOOT!!! i think that this is the motivation i need to get back on track with my exercise, i've felt lately that all my hard work hasn't been paying off since the scale wasnt moving. i mean you'd think with 2 hours a day 5 days a week at the gym that i'd be making progress. Well, i took this week off from the gym because my son had pneumonia and needed to take care of him. monday we head to mexico for a week with my whole family so we can spread my grandparents ashes. it's not really a sad thing, they both lived long full lives with many loved ones around them, this is more of a celebration and a chance to say good bye in a way that would have made them happy. i'm looking forward to the babies being able to play on the beach and in the ocean, it should still be warm enough for that. i know i'll be ready for the gym by the time i get back having had 2 weeks off from it. i've done 3 LF posts now and must say that its really uplifting. i'm feeling sexier than i have in years. well i better get back to packing and making dinner. more updates when i get back from the trip, i'm sure i'll post some pics too. hmm, since i'll be out of town maybe tomorrow would be a good time to drop the laptop off for repairs.....
9-19-08
Sep 19, 2008
Well, I made it past the 1 year mark. I've plateaued again and its been really frustrating. I'm still working out at the gym regularly but guess i need to re-evaluate what i'm eating and portion size, its the only thing i can think of. I'm not really sleeping very well, one of my docs prescribed sleeping pills and they don't help all that much. i haven't had this big of a problem with insomnia since i was in highschool. i also went in for a consult with a plastic surgeon, just to see where i'm at in regards to getting that taken care of, he wants me closer to my goal to proceed, which is understandable. so here's to redoubling my efforts in an attempt to get that done sometime at the beginning of the year. other than all that, not much else is coming up too quickly. got stuff coming up next month and well, then the holidays are upon us....time flies when you're over 20....moreso when you're 30 if ya ask me
7-2-2008
Jul 02, 2008
Lots going on lately. I'm enjoying the fact that I haven't missed many workouts lately. I didn't go in today because my trainer(s) are in the hospital for the delivery of their son. I was training with the mommy until she went on maternity leave and now I'm training with the daddy until she is back in a month or so. Anyway they induced this morning and I've got issues myself so I didn't go in. My son scratched the inside of my right nostril on Saturday and now it's infected really bad, I had to go to the Dr. yesterday and they put me on antibiotics for it. I barely slept last night because it swelled up. I'm doing better this today and it finally started draining so the pressure is going away. You forget how many nerves are in the nose until you hurt it. I think I'd rather go through childbirth again instead of this, seriously. I'm afraid it's MRSA which is why the heavy duty antibiotics. I've had 2 of those infections before and they weren't pretty. I at least know what to look for now and caught it early enough that I shouldn't have any scarring. It just sucks and is frustrating. I'm so careful about being clean because of being prone to these since having the babies (I'm pretty sure I got it on my skin for the first time when I was in the hospital having the twins), I never had any infections before that so it seems to be the logical time and place. Other than my latest medical drama I'm doing pretty well, I'm excited to be going on vacation in 20 days, California here I come!! San Diego, Oceanside and later in August Carmel to see my parents new house. Yay for getting out of this horrible Arizona heat.
6-20-08
Jun 20, 2008
The good, the bad and the ugly....
Some things are going much better, I've gotten a couple of projects done around the house (painting the hall bathroom all by myself), getting the back yard in better shape so I can get the kids little pool ready for the summer, and just keeping things relatively cleanish for the most part in spite of the kids.
I'm sort of plateaued with my weightloss right now but not too worried about it because I haven't been as on track as I should be. No more putting it off till tomorrow though, I've already started back on the right track and plan to lose a couple more pounds before my Dr. appointment next Thursday. I try really hard to find positives in almost everything in my life.
My grandfather passed away yesterday, I'm not as upset about it as I thought I would be. He was 94 and lived a long and love filled life. He's going to be with my grandmother now and I know how much he missed her. He had been having a rough time for the last few months and we were always being told by his caretakers that he was doing poorly and it was "only a matter of time". I have been prepared for his passing for a while now and am glad that he went peacefully. I'm not sure how to be there for my mom though, I suppose just any way that she needs me to. Well, that's about all that's going on right now.
Some things are going much better, I've gotten a couple of projects done around the house (painting the hall bathroom all by myself), getting the back yard in better shape so I can get the kids little pool ready for the summer, and just keeping things relatively cleanish for the most part in spite of the kids.
I'm sort of plateaued with my weightloss right now but not too worried about it because I haven't been as on track as I should be. No more putting it off till tomorrow though, I've already started back on the right track and plan to lose a couple more pounds before my Dr. appointment next Thursday. I try really hard to find positives in almost everything in my life.
My grandfather passed away yesterday, I'm not as upset about it as I thought I would be. He was 94 and lived a long and love filled life. He's going to be with my grandmother now and I know how much he missed her. He had been having a rough time for the last few months and we were always being told by his caretakers that he was doing poorly and it was "only a matter of time". I have been prepared for his passing for a while now and am glad that he went peacefully. I'm not sure how to be there for my mom though, I suppose just any way that she needs me to. Well, that's about all that's going on right now.
About Me
Phoenix, AZ
Location
30.6
BMI
Surgery
08/14/2007
Surgery Date
Aug 04, 2007
Member Since
