Mary Benford

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Farewell  to 2008!!! 

 

Wow, where the heck does the time go???   Tomorrow is NYE and I thought I should take a few minutes to reminisce over the amazing events that took place this year in my life.  Let’s review:

 

·         Last NYE was spent with Norm, and a few of my closest friends.  We rang in the new year like only we could!!

·         I moved from Langhorne to Emmaus to be with Norm leaving behind everything I knew to be my everyday life.  I left my mom, family, friends, and my job only to move over an hour away.  My life was then filled with uncertancies, but somehow everything felt right.  That’s when I knew Norm was the one for me. <3  

·         I started a brand new job at a new bank.  Over the next few months, I proceeded to get two promotions.  I went from just a bank teller, to assistant head teller, and then to head teller/line supervisor very very quickly.  It was a lot of hard work, but I know 260 lbs ago, I would have never had the confidence in myself to pursue goals in my career.  I worked my last job for 3 years keeping to myself, and just hoping to not be noticed.   I’m good at what I do, and I now know it…  and now everyone else does too!

·         I realized that distance is only a state of mind.  Even though I moved a good distance from my family and friends, I know they’re only a phone call away. 

·         I’ve really come into myself over this past year.   Since last January, I’ve lost another maybe 80-90 lbs, and It’s been tough realizing that I am who I am…  I’m more than just this surgery, and the surgery doesn’t define who I am, but paved the way for who I’ve become.  I’m pretty darn comfortable in my own skin.  I like the way I look (most days)!!  I’ve lost a lot of friends over this past year, and it’s been heartbreaking, but I needed to put myself first for once in my life..   and I did just that.  My true friends have stuck by my side through everything.  All the celebrating, all the crying, all the nerves and excitement has truly paid off.  I still have a ton of work to do, but I’m certainly up for the challenge!

·         (This one’s my favorite!)  In May, Norm asked me to marry him!!!  Heck how many people get to spend the rest of their life married to their absolute best friend??!!  Since then it’s been a whirwind of planning, and getting things ready for the big day in June.  One of those things included my mom and I shopping for my wedding dress.  I truly can not wait till Norm sees me in it!!!   When I put it on, I knew it was right…   even I was speechless!  It’s the only thing I’ve put on that made me feel 100% beautiful!  We spend Wednsdays planning for the wedding to keep us on track!  (Yay for wedding wednsdays!)

·         We bought season passes to Dorney park this year, and I vowed to ride every single coaster mutiple times (because I could finally fit!) And we did just that!! 

·         I spent my birthday with the most amazing people in the entire world ,and we had a blast making it my best birthday ever!  I was truly stressing over turning 25, but with all of them by my side, I got through it holding my head up high!

·         I WORE SHORTS!  I haven’t work shorts since then lol, but I actually wore shorts in public.  (seems silly, but honestly it was a HUGE deal for me!)

·         My brother and his fiance gave me my niece Hailey, the most gorgeous little girl I’ve ever seen.  If you don’t believe in love at first sight, something like holding her for the first time would definitely change your mind!

 

 

 

2008 had been my growing up year.  I got my life in order, and focused on what was truly important.  It’s been an amazing year!

I hope you all realize what an impact you have on my life, and how much I appreciate each and every one of you!!

 

I know 2009 will be the best year yet, and like I said above, I can’t wait to become Norm’s wife.

 

We're starting off the new year with the people we love by our sides!! How very very lucky we are...   PARTY TIME!!

 

Have a safe and happy new year everyone!

Cheers to us!!

 I'm so sad it's monday and the weekend is over!   We had so much fun this weekend!

Friday we went to the drive-in and saw Dark Knight, and Step brothers...   Saturday, I went and treated myself and got my nails done, they look awesome!   Then we walked down the street and checked out this little street fair going on for a bit...

Then Matt met us here, and we headed over towards Bethlehem for Musikfest!   I was absolutely DREADING walking up and down that god-awful hill...   if you've ever been there, you know what I'm talking about.   It's so incredibly steep...   We walked around, checked out the vendors, music, and of course the beer!!!   It was a great time.  And I walked  up that massive hill without even thinking twice about it until I got to the top, and realized I wasn't gasping for breath...  Last year it was almost the death of me!   What a feeling...  Even being around all those food vendors, and the different smells of the festival...  It didn't even phase me!!!  Anyway, then after Musikfest, we went to this sushi place in Bethlehem.  It's as close to "our" place as we could get :)  It's called Tokyo Do, and they have the BEST sushi!   It was great.

Yesterday we actually slept in  bit!  What a treat lol...   then we got ourselves ready for our engagement pics.   It started pouring, and thundering and lightening right before Sharyn got here, but slowed up just enough that I think the pictures we did take will be gorgeous.  I can't wait to see them!!!      Plus, Norm bought me this ring..just because.....   and my goodness, it's soooooo pretty..    it's white gold, with a big amethyst cut into a heart, and diamonds on either side...   it's just breathtaking <3

That's the report for the weekend.   We really had a great time!

 Vacation...   to sum it all up...   it was AMAZING!   Norm and I, and my entire family had such a great time down the shore.   Lots of beach/ocean/tanning time...   lots of boardwalk/ride fun!   It was just overall a great great GREAT vacation.  

I did something I never ever thought I would ever be able to do.   I rode this thing called the sky coaster.    The only way I can figure to describe it..   is they strap you and a partner into a harness...  then hook you up to a bungee cord, and have you lay flat looking down.  (Kind of like superman like position)    Then, the bungee cord pulls you back, and up ridiculously high so you're about 4 stories off the ground, staring down at the boardwalk, and all the people looking up at you.   The people running the ride count down from 3....2.....1 and you pull a rip cord to release yourself.   Then you swing back and forth over the ocean, and boardwalk...   ugh.   I felt totally and 100% weightless.    It was horrifying, and breathtaking all at the same time.   I have the video and pictures I'll put up soon after this post.

(EDIT)   Here's the link to the video...  just copy and paste into your browser :)     Enjoy!   http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v239/hellspassion/?action=view¤t=M2U01464.flv




Other good news...   while we were ont he beach one day,my mom's phone rang.   My mom had written to a long time friend of hers who just so happenst o be a plastic surgeon.  She explained my story... and how my insurance won'tcover any of my plastics...  and basically asking him to help me before the wedding.  Well..  to my amazement, I have anapointment onSeptember 5th withDr. Skalicky....    We're not sure how all this is going to pan out..   but we're keeping our fingers crossed.  I really need my arms,and chest done.   Oh lordy would it be amazing not to haveto wear a dress with sleeves!!!    and boobs to hold it up! woot woot!!!

Also, on the samed ay september 5th, I have my follow up appointment with Dr.Marymor.   I haven't seen him since about 6 months out I believe?   Somewherea round there.  I'm really looking forward to being able to tell him how much he's helped mec hange my life!!!

Norm and I arealso potentially going to be in a magazine for how much weight we've lost, and telling our story...    :)   Life's really great right now!!!

Ps- for as worried as I was about gaining weight at the shore onvacation...   I lost 9 lbs!!!

Insane, I thinkso!!!!

Acceptance….

 

 

I’ve been doing a whole lot of thinking over these past few months after my 1 yr. surgiversary. I’ve come to some conclusions.. and revelations! It’s been anything but easy, and everyday I’m trying to really grow into myself.

 

1. I had a very hard time accepting things that can NOT be changed. I’m resisting what "is" based on what "was". I find myself dwelling on the little things about my body that I absolutely HATE. Not appreciating life, and enjoying the things that I love. I can’t change the fact that over a year, I lost so much weight that my skin hasn’t had a chance to snap back to where it’s supposed to be. It may not ever. I need to accept it, embrace it, appreciate it, and MOVE ON.

 

 

2. I’m not who I think I am. I’m not the girl who couldn’t walk up a flight of steps… I’ve worked my ass off, and achieved major successes, with many more to come. When I was pre-op, I found a few people on OH who I absolutely idolized. I wanted to be just like them. I thought they were perfect. Looking back… they prob. Were having the same problems with themselves that I am now. But from the outside, no one even sees the faults I see in myself. We have all grown up with certain comments and certain events that has given us this "image" of who we think we are. That image stays the same in our minds no matter what we look like in the mirror. I need to really listen to the compliments I’m receiving… and see myself as others do. I don’t need to put stock in what I THINK others think about me, or will think, and focus on the constant… which is my own opinion.

 

3. I can’t waste my time wishing I was someone else, or looked like someone "thinner" than me. Cause honestly, it’s not going to happen. I am who I am. I’ll never look like them, and nor should I want to. Then I wouldn’t be a unique human being. Our uniqueness is our strength. We’re not like thin people. We’re better. Here’s why: We’ve seen both sides of the spectrum. We know what it’s like to be heavy.. we’re learning what it’s like to be thinner. How many people can say something like that? We’ll always have that soft spot, and consideration for heavier people. It’s something I never want to lose. You can certainly find inspiration in others, but why should we desire to be just like them? There’s only one me in this world… don’t we owe it to ourselves to be the best person we can be? We grow up thinking different isn’t good, but in reality, our differences make us who we are. It seems the thinner you get the more judgmental of your body you become. Even with my flabby arms, and thighs, I’m different in an absolutely amazing way. I need to cherish it. The moment you start accepting yourself and be at peace with it, that’s the moment where life starts to truly work for you.

4.Again, I’ve worked so hard to get myself where I am now… and instead of enjoying and loving life, I obsess over the little tiny faults. How crazy is that? I’m never going to be perfect, and nor do I want to be. The moment I become "perfect" in my own eyes, means there’s nothing left to improve… I have nothing to take from any other person in the world. I never want that for myself. I want to constantly improve myself.. A little over a year ago, I didn’t know if I was going to live much longer. Now… I’m getting married to my best friend in the entire world.. I know we’re both going to be alive for a very long time, and we’re going to have a family.

 

Who could ask for more?

 Ugh...   It's certainly one of those days...   better yet, one of those weekends.   No matter what I eat, it's like I'm STILL hungry.   Now, this usually happens before "that time of the month" but my god....

 

I ate so much yesterday, and although I know it's all good things I'm eating, I'm still over-eating.  

 

On top of it all, I feel absolutely HUGE.   I'm bloated, my jeans are tight...   I'm cranky....

 

I'm just a ray of sunshine this weekend.

 

The scale will most certainly hate me tomorrow.   Which in turn,will make me hate the scale.

So my mom and I went out this past weekend, and tried on wedding dresses. We were mostly just browsing... once I got started, I just couldn't stop! The dresses all fit, and even the ones that were hideous, fit amazingly! We were just about to pack it up, and get ready to leave when my consultant Jodi brought one more dress over. I slipped it on, and stepped out of the dressing room. It was almost like everyone in the store just stopped, and stared at me. I saw my mom's eyes tear up, and I knew even before looking in the mirror, that this was "the one". It's absolutely beautiful. Fits perfectly EVERYWHERE. and with every other dress I was able to see small flaws in myself while wearing them... this one was perfect in every single way. I told Jodi Norm and my story... how we both had surgery ect... and she called the other consultants over to hear. They said it was something you hear on Oprah lol. They all just couldn't believe it. Needless to say, I bought my wedding dress, and I can't wait for Norm to see me in it. Side note: I have 11 months to tone up these saggy arms. Eek!

I fit into a size 8. 




  Holy crap.







I should prob. cry lol.    that's what I'm best at.   Starting off in the beginning, I wanted to go from a size 34W, to at least a 14.   I would have been happy with that..   but my god...   an 8.   

I should celebrate lol 

Well...    I did it!!!      Although I have to tell you about the paranioa going up and waiting in line.    We went to Dorney a few weeks ago, and we were standing in a line waiting to get up to the coaster Talon.   I was SO nervous.  I kept saying to Norm...  "what if i don't fit"   "do you think i'll fit?"   I was literally shaking.    I was so afraid, and convinced, that It would be a re-peat of almost 13 years ago where they would say "Ma'am, i'm sorry, but you'll have to get off the ride."    We got to the front, and were waiting for the gate to open.   Did I mention I was shaking?   I saw the seats, and I knew there was absolutely NO way I was going to fit in it...    well...   I did.    And let me tell you how much fun we had that day.   We rode everything we could In the time we were at the park.   At one point though, we were waiting in line, the people in front of us were seated, except one guy...    A kid really.    They couldn't get the restraint to close over top of him.   And what did I do when they asked him to get off?    Cried.  I felt his horrible pain...    I knew what he was feeling, and the humiliation.  I wanted to hug him.   But I knew, I just couldn't.   

Anywya, we went back again yesterday, and Norm and I...   fit together..  in most of the rides.  IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!     I just really can't believe it!    I was dying to ride a rollercoaster, and set that as one of my goals from the beginning.

Now, I can check that off my list, and move right along to the others!!!!

Ok...   so last night was Friday night..  which means karaoke at the local pub.    Norm and I, and a few of our friends met up there, got our table, and I headed up to the bar to get us some drinks.   Now, the bartender who came up to me has waited on Norm and I numerous times...    And we frequent the pub maybe every other weekend say.    Well...   she carded me.   So back to the table I went to grab my id, and when I came back, handed her my id, she looked at it....     then looked at me.     Looked at it...   and at me again.   I knew what was coming.   "This looks nothing like you at all."     I just smiled, and said "I know, but it's me."    "Well I need to see everyone's id's that came in with you just for being in here."     UGH.   was she kidding me?   This woman, who again..   has waited on Norm and I NUMEROUS times before wouldn't serve me.   She just kept saying it looks nothing like you.

Instead of everyone showing their ID's, I was so ticked off, I wanted to leave.  It was the first time that's happened to me...   but my god she was nasty.   Like I wwas trying to pull one over on her...     UM NO.   and instead of explaining to the world that I had surgery, and lost weight, and of course i don't look like i did in that picture...   We gathered up our stuff and left.

I am  sure glad my license is up for renewal in December.    

June 27th, 2009 is the day!    We decided on that date for the wedding next year, and so far have the church, country club for the reception, the dj, and the photographer.    things are really coming together nicely!!!  I'm so excited about everything,which I'm sure is driving Norm completely insane lol.    


We scheduled our engagement photo session for august 9th.  I picked out two really nice places for the pictures.  One is a rose garden, and the other is a really cool old furnace building site.   I need to go clothes shopping for it!

Oh and speaking of clothes shopping lol...   My mom is coming up the weekend of July 11th, and 12th, and we made a bunch of appointments to go look at wedding dresses.   I can not wait for that.    That same weekend, we also have a cake tasting at a bakery, that does completely sugar free wedding cakes!

Could it be any more perfect?? :)