Michelle B.
I have tried every diet out there at least twice! I have always been over weight, even as a child. I was the fat girl in my class, from kindergarten to graduation. Now that I'm pushing 40, being over weight is causing me some health problems. I'm borderline diabetic, I have acid reflux, constant pain and swelling from my knees down, and although I don't have hypertension, my blood pressure is usually on the high side of normal. All I want is a chance to see my son grow up, graduate college and maybe give me a grand baby one day. He recently turned 15 and it hit me that he's growing up so fast! I just want to be able to be there for all the important moments.
Update:
I have found a surgeon that I want to do my surgery. The problem? My company just changed insurance companies and I have to wait til after the first ofthe year to see about coverage. UGH!!!
1/4/06
Well, the news isn't good. I found out today that my insurance requires a 12 month doctor supervised diet. I recently read through Merchant Girl's profile because I saw that she had the same insurance. I just hope I have even a small amount of the strength and patience she has shown in her struggle over the past 12 mths. I have an appointment with my PCP, and I guess I'll just wait and see what happens . What other choice do I have? It's just soooo frustrating!!
1/28/06
I've had my first appointment with my PCP. It went well (other than the fact that I've gained 6 pounds) and he had no problem helping me through this. He says he's in it with me for the long haul, and it's great to know that I have his support. My mom is having second thoughts, and she's my rock. If she decides that she doesn't want me to go thrugh with it, I guess I'll do it alone. But anyway, I had some blood drawn for test at my visit(1/25/06) and I have to return for a glucose intolerance test on this Thursday. I feel alot better now that I've actually begun the whole process. I so admire Merchant Girl for her ability to get through the year. I hope I'm as lucky as she!
I do have a short story. Just something I can't share with anyone who close because they don't understand. I went to visit my brother last night and he was hanging out with a bunch of his friends. The only other person beside him who even tried to speak to me was a mutual friend of ours whom I've known since my school days. I felt invisible! NO one asks who's this? It's like I wasn't even there. I was really hurt! Just wanted to stand up and shout at them that I'm a person too!!! Just because I'm fat dosen't mean that I don't exist!!
2/3/06
Had my GTT test yesterday, it was over 200. The nurse called me this afternoon and wants me to call Monday for an appointment for next week. The doc doesn't want to wait til my diet check in appointmeant. I'm kinda worried about that. But, then again, this is just one more reason why I need this surgery. I'm still relatively healthy and I'd like to keep it that way. I need to be healthy for my son. Lord give me the strength and the patience I need to conquer this!!!
3/2/06
Haven't updated in a while, just been busy with everyday life. I had my 2nd Dr's visit for my 12 mth diet on the 24th. I gained 4 pounds. I really don't know why, I've cut out all sugar, and I'm now eating whole wheat bread and pasta, brown rice etc. And I've cut back on my calorie intake. I've been logging all my food on Fitday. And I've started exercising, I bought myself an elliptical, which is a really fun way to get your heart rate up. So I don't know why. And right now, I'm just to tired to care. Gaining weight on a diet is very depressing.
3/23/06
I'm really bad at updating! So I have a few things to tell. Got the results of my GTT test and yep, I am intolerant. I don't have to take pills or anything, just have to watch what goes in my mouth! I also caught a really bad cold at the first of the month and haven't been exercising. I've just felt so bad! To top it off, I have my next PCP appointment tomorrow, and I probably haven't made any progress. I hate dieting!! Seems like I've been on one my whole life! I know I just need to turn it over to the Lord and let Him handle it, but I can't help stressing over it. It's like I take 2 steps forward and 4 steps back. I do love this site, though. I lurk on the Alabama message board ALOT, everyday to be exact, but it helps to hear that I'm not alone in this uphill battle of mine. I guess I need to come out of my shell and talk more. It's really hard though, I've always distanced myself because of my weight, and even though I know that this is a good place for me to vent, I still can't seem to make my self do it. But I will try harder, and at least reply to 1 post per day. I can do it!!
3/25/06
I had my 3rd PCP visit yesterday. I have lost 0 pounds! I didn't gain, though so I guess that's a good thing. We had a talk yesterday about the hoops that the insurance company is making me jump through to have this surgery, so he's only going to charge me a copay every 3rd month! So What I have paid to him before yesterday he applied to my bill! I thinks he's great! We talked about surgeons, he hadn't heard of Dr.
Freeman, but he does know Dr. Sherrer. I told him about Dr. Freeman and he was impressed with the number of surgeries he's done, and says he's going to research him.
4/2/06
The Bama Bash was yesterday, But I didn't go, had to work. But I did go to dinner Friday night with Beth M, Glenn and Brenda A,Camen G, Julie C, and Shelly....can't remember her last name but her husband was a hoot and her daughter was precious. Glenn is a hoot also, he had me laughing most of the time. Everyone was really nice and I had a great time. Beth M is a sweetheart, and she and Carmen gave some excellent advice out. It's just great to finally have some people to talk to that have and are going through what I've been through my whole life. It was just really great to meet some new friends.
4/16/06
Wow! I didn't realize how long it has been since I updated. I've been really busy lately, with work, Dusten has baseball and spring wrestling practice, and my nephew's weeding, which was yesterday. It was beautiful, but I'm glad it's over! The last 2 weeks I've been running around some much, I'm just plain wore out! Anyway, I have my weigh in this week, thursday, 4 down way to many more to go! I've also been retaining sooooo much water lately I feel more fat than usual just because I'm so bloated. I love summer, but the heat really gets to my feet and legs. Swell up like ballons. I hate it! You'd think that after 20 years, I'd be used to it, but the swelling in summer is just awful. Oh well, maybe this time next year, I'll be a loser and I won't have to deal with it anymore!
4/26/06
I just got home from the Dr., had my 4th weigh-in, and I lost 2 whole pounds! I guess it's better than gaining 2 though. So I was telling the Doc how I have to have at least 2 co-morbidities in order for my insurance to pay, and the funny thing is, he says"Let's run some test to see what we can find"! It's just hilarious! I don't have high blood pressure, no heart problems, I'm just fat. And the insurance company won't pay for the surgery now while I'm healthy, they want to wait till I'm so sick that I can't have it! It's totally absurd! I'm just so frustrated right now! On top of the whole 12 mth thing, I gotta find some more stuff wrong !
5/12/06
Been a while since I updated, it's just been a busy month so far! My son is playing baseball, having spring wrestling practices, and wrapping up the year in his high school band. We have been going, going, going lately! I'm about bushed! Anyway, I have my next appointment on the 22nd, and we leave for PCB the next day for a long awaited vacation. I haven't been out of town over night in 2 years, and I am so ready!
6/18/06
Wow, it's been a while since I've updated! It's been such a busy summer so far, it's really hard to keep up with it. We spent a week in May in PCB, and it was great! I did absolutely nothing for 2 whole days. The boys finally demanded that I take them here and there, but they did let me have 2 days! I LOVE the beach!
My PCP appoinment in May went well, I had lost 6 pounds. Of course, that's like losing a couple of hairs, really didn't make a difference in the whole picture! My next appointment is Friday and I'll be halfway there! I'm really excited about it, and proud of myself for sticking to this. Yeah me! I think that I will fill out my paper work after this visit and schedule a consult with a surgeon. I've chosen Dr. Sherer(sp) with the Cahaba Valley Group. My PCP likes him and I've read good things about him and his staff. I just want to get all the particulars out of the way so that I'm approved, I can get the next available date.
Dusten is still playing baseball, it's been the longest season ever. That is the main reason I have posted much or updated. I'm always at the ball field. We're also looking for him a car, he will be 16 in September and I want to have plenty of car knowledge before I actually purchase one. The most important thing being gas mileage!
I guess that's all for now, I'm tired from all the Father's Day activities and way past ready for bed!
7/4/06
Happy 4th of July! All went well today, had eats with the family, well at least with my Dad's side anyway. I have been working on sprucing my profile up myself and I think It looks pretty good for a first time try. I used butterflies because(a) I like them, and (b) they symbolize the metamorphosis(sp?) I hope to soon be going through. My Mom and I were talking just he other day about what a huge change this surgery will make in my life. HUGE!!!! At times I'm a little scared, it's like going into the unknown. But I know that I need to reach down and find the strength to push ahead and deal!! More on that later....
7/15/06
So all of Dusten's school activies are back with a vengence! We have started music rehearsals, and band camp starts next week. We also have Sophmore orientation on Wed. and school starts 8/7 this time. Summer seemed really short to me this year. Dusten took Driver's Ed this summer too, and I must brag and say that he was one of the only 2 out of 50 kids to make 100! Course, he has been driving with me since last September.(his b'day is the 19th) 2 and a half months and he'll have his license!! Makes me feel really old on days when really fat is enough!!!
7/17/06
I have a delima. I know it's still months away, but I'm wondering if I should go ahead and talk with my boss about being out or wait. I'm hesitant because I really don't know if I'll get approved, and I don't know if she will approve, or what her opinion is of the surgery. I'm just scared to ask! I know that this is what I need, but some people are very close-minded when it comes to gastri bypass. I do ope that when the times comes, she is as supportive of this as she always is about everything.
7/21/06
I had my 7th PCP supervised visit today, had to go in fasting because he wanted to check my sugar and triglycerides. Usually, when I got called back, there is this one certain nurse who takes my vitals, weighs me ,etc. Today there was a different one, and the whole time shes going on and on about the dangers of wls, blah, blah, blah. She's probably a size 12 or less and was complaining about gaining 45 pounds since high school. I just sat there looking at her, and when she finally paused a minute in her tirade, I just told her that she ought not consider having it if she felt so strongly about it. Well, that shut her up! She didn't say another word, even when she took me back to the exam room.. I told Dr. Corbin what had happened and what I said, and he said, "Good. Someone finaly got her to shut up!" I laughed so hard at him! He says several patients have complained about her and that she needed to be put in her place! He also said that I probably wouldn't have to deal with her again, which was a relief. Anyway, my visit went ok, I gained 2 pounds so I'm right back where I started. The dr. commented on how quickly the year was going by, and I said Not quick enough!!
9/24/06
I haven't posted in 2 mths? I'm really bad at keeping up. Let's see, where to start. I'm going to start with the good news. Beth Merchant called me Friday afternoon to let me know that my insurance has changed and instead of 12 months, I only have to do 6. I'm done!! I have put my paperwork in the mail to Cahaba Valley Surgical Group to set up my consult. I was going to request Dr. Sherer, but after talking with Beth today, I checked my provider list and Dr. Gardner is on it also. Beth said that it would be quicker to ask fr him, because Dr. Sherer is usually harder to get in to quickly. I don't mind changing, Dr. Gardner did Beth's surgery and she's doing great! I hope I get that call before the week is out. I'd love to have the surgery as my birthday present (Oct. 22) but as long as it's before Dec. 1st, I'll be happy.
Now, I'll explain that remark. And here goes the bad news
I found out a few weeks ago that my position will no longer exist after Dec. 1st. I will no longer have a job then. When I found out, all I could think of was that I might not get to have my surgery. My mom and I had already decided that no matter what happened with my job, I'd py my COBRA and have my surgery. I love my mom. Anyway, my boss has gone to the bat for me and is trying to get HR to put me in another position either here or in another office close by. She's great and I'd hate to leave, just because I know I'll never find another like her. I'm praying that they see things her way. In the mean time, I want to have my surgery BEFORE I'm without a job and health insurance. Everyone wish me luck!!!
10/9/06
OK, so, I have all my paperwork together, I've been in touch with my surgeons office, and all I'm waiting for at this point is my psych eval. It's scheduled for Thursday, Oct. 19. After that I'll get my consult and be ready to roll!! I'm soo excited, things are coming together!
I also found out last that I will be let go on Dec. 1st. Nothing else we can do about that one. My insurance will be in effect till Dec. 31st. which is a plus for me. Gives me a little more time anyway. I've decided to ride this out and take whatever severance they give me and take off till after the first of the year. My boss here will keep me informed about job openings here or in the Auburn and Sylacauga offices. If anything comes up,she's going to call me.
So, until then, I'm concentrating on getting my surgery. Nothing else.
My PC died last night so I have to do all my emil and updating from work. Hopefully I won't get caught!!
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