Maggie B.
New Year and definitely new me...
Jan 09, 2009
I am alive. But I'm blue. It's January and that means James gets back on the road and that makes me sad. He is in a job he doesn't want to do anymore. It takes him away from us for too long and it doesn't pay well. It's demanding and he is not well supported by his partner/boss.I was wondering why I was sad and snacking so much lately and then I realized it. It's January and he is getting back on the road. I hate it. The year starts off with him leaving for IReland for 2 weeks. It's cold here and I don't have 110lbs of fat on me like I used to and I am constantly cold. I turn on the oven and the heat and the space heaters and then I am warm. for a little while. I must not be getting all my protein in b/c I am tired too.
I just have to get through these few weeks and then we can really start to get ready to sell our house and move back to Kansas City. That's our goal this year, to move out of Philly, finally. Or Phinally.
The holidays were great. I feel amazing. I hate to overstate it but I do. This was the first year I felt really great and well, free. I totally over ate too. Overtested my limits. I dumped more times than I care to count. It's like I forgot I had this surgery. Cookies, ice cream, chocolate, chips, yuck, So much junk. My boss bought a cake for us for New Years and you think I would learn that FROSTING is enemy #1. I mean MAJOR trigger food for me. I had a sliver (and I mean a sliver) of it and ate the frosting and made the major mistake of drinking afterwards (thereby flushing it right into my small intestine, causing the sugar rush, causing the dumping event- AT WORK) while speaking with parents, there I am: swirling in nausea, hot flashes, racing heart rate and all. I thought I would puke. I had to go lie on the floor for 20 minutes to help it pass and it always does, but not after true unpleasantness. My friend Barb asked me (in a very perplexed and worried tone) "Does it hurt?" No- I said, it's just really unpleasant, but it will pass. Just let me lie here on my left side on this dirty floor with my sweater over my head so the fluorescent light above me doesn't blind me and I'll be fine.
And I was.
Back to the phones I went. NO MORE FROSTING< EVER.
So that begs the question: If I know I'm going to dump, why do I eat this shit? Why why why? I am so perplexed. You think I would learn but I haven't. So my resolution is to try to practice mindful eating this year. (and to do a better job of recycling)
I have a headache now and a son trying to get on the computer so I will go but will try to blog more this year. I need to, at my lowest I have been 170. After the holidays I am up to 177! Yikes!
Happy New Year guys! If someone could help me crop my pics so I could post a new avie I would SO appreciate it.
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About Me
Overland Park, KS
Location
28.5
BMI
Surgery
11/12/2007
Surgery Date
Aug 13, 2006
Member Since
