I feel like crap...down in the dumps this holiday season

Dec 23, 2009

This time of year was always special to me.. I never got along with my family, but there was always one person in my life I could turn to..One person that could get me through anything that went on in my life, good or bad. She was my best friend. Well over the summer some things were done, and said, and now we are no longer friends. Some things were said in anger..All on my part. I feel like such a terrible person. She was my soulmate (in a friendship kind of way). We were closer than 2 sisters. Sure we had our disagreements, but we barely ever fought. But this time was different. My husband and I were having some problems, so I left him and stayed at her house for a little while. She told me if i went back she would never speak to me again.. I shared too many of my problems with her in the ways of my marriage. Well, I went back... And she lived up to what she had said. So I told her that I hated her... I know.what a terrible thing to say. At that point in time, I did hate what she was  making me do. I didn't feel I should have to choose between my best friend of 20yrs, and my husband of 6yrs (at the time). I had made her and her husband my sons god parents, against my husbands wishes. When I went in for surgery, she had been there until I got into my room after surgery. 

Well my kids birthdays have come and gone..and she didnt even send them birthday cards (i would have thought she would have sent my son one at least, after all, she gets him if something happens to my husband and i). My kids miss them, I miss them, and my husband doesnt want me to have anything to do with them... But she was a major part of my life for 20yrs.   Now I want her back in my life..regardless of what he says.. I wrote her an email..so lets see what happens...

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