This weekend has been strange

Jun 21, 2009

 It is funny how when you make  a decision like this, you see everything thru a new lense.  I was having people over on Saturday, and needed the house cleaned, you know how we women are, but, at almost 400 lbs, was unable to do it myself.  My daughters were helping me, they are the usual house cleaners anymore, but fussing about having to do it. I just started crying and telling them that I know I should be doing it.  I am usually not that transparent about my weight and how I feel like I do not measure up because of it.  Now that I am taking the steps for WLS, I am able to do that.  I have looked at my swollen feet this weekend and thought, in a year this won't be  a problem.  We went to a friends house this afternoon,and had to walk up a hill and then up some steps to get there.  As I was out of breath half way up, I looked at my husband and said, give me a year.  Maybe it is just because I feel there is hope now.  I am not sure.  I just know that I now look at my weight differently.  I now feel like there is something out there that can help me.  And yes, I know it is just a tool.  Or, at least, I know that is what many of you have said.  I don't think I will totally understand that until I am there.  I know I must do my part.  But, it seems that, unlike the many diets I have tried over the years, this one may really, really work.  I am sure some of that comes from reading other people's amazing posts. Even the ones who fall off the wagon, or gain some weight back, I look at them and I think, yes, but you are so much better off still than where you started.  So, I guess it is hope that I am feeling, and relief that I don't have to live like this forever.  That change can happen, and I can be healthy!

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