Transfer Addiction is it real?!

Mar 24, 2012

 You are darn right it is real!!! I myself am suffering with it myself thus why I have disappeared from the weight-loss community. So here it goes...

Last July I started realizing that I was developing a problem with alcohol so would only go out a couple times a month and then it started becoming weekly then back to 2 times a month until I got tired of not remembering the night and everyone enjoying the embarassment I felt when they would tell me about it, so New Years Eve was the last time I went out to a bar.

I then started drinking wine at home just so I wouldn't humiliate myself out in public I never drank at home before this unless we were throwing a big party which was only 2 times a year. But once I realized it killed the boringness of sitting at home alone after my son went to bed it became a major problem, I was enjoying the feeling and the taste all too much but I was so sick of being alone at night while my husband was at work... There was always an excuse to go get wine or get someone to go get me wine. And then the weekend would come and my husband and I would drink at night at home since we were going out to the bar. But then he realized that I was drinking more and more all week long and then if there was alcohol in the house the next morning I would start drinking it again and spend my day drunk and then sleeping it away. I reminded myself of my mom who died at the age of 36 from alcoholism. I being 36 myself started dwelling on this fact and for some reason spent the first part of March mourning my mothers death month and drinking.

Last week I had decided I was not going to drink again I made it 2 days then a fellow WLS friend called me wanting me to meet her down the street for a glass of wine and talk. I went and the next thing I know her and I have gone through 1 large bottle of wine to smaller bottles and 3 Mikes hard cranberry and blueberry lemonades. I will never forget the look on her husbands face when I greeted him at my door late that evening. I dwelled on it for the rest of the night and went and got another bottle of wine which I don't remember drinking and woke up to my husband coming home worried sick and telling me I almost burned down our house. I had left soup cooking on the stove all night and lets just say it was crispy. He got me to bed and held me all morning telling me how much he loved me.

When I finally woke up from my stupor I immediately called my sister and explained to her what I had been doing and for how long. We cried and I asked her for help. We talked for hours while I waited for my husband to get up. When he did I sat down with him immediately started crying announced that I had a major problem and that I wanted to quit and I wanted to quit now and that I needed help doing it. So we devised a plan and that is for me to come out about my problem, create a very strong support system amoungst our friends and family and the WLS community and if it takes AA or counselling I will do it and he will be by my side all the way. You see he was already going to have the talk with me but I beat him to it.

So I wrote this letter to very select friends and family which consisted of 24 people. And here it is...

Facing the fact that I have a huge problem is only the beginning so I sit here and write to you and select other friends and family a battle plan and ask for your help and support. So here it is... Please do not enable my drinking. I cannot handle alcohol of any kind. I don't care if I beg you, just tell me that because you love me you cannot and will not get me alcohol or a ride to get me alcohol. And please do not drink in front of me at least for awhile. I will not be going to any bars because I know that I will drink. I apologize to anyone I may have hurt over the years with my drinking. I recognize now that I was not just a person out having a good time I was someone that had a problem and was blind to it. I started recognizing that I had a problem this last summer and thought I had everyone fooled, I myself was the only fool. Over the past few months this problem has only gotten worse and I am scaring myself and the reality is, is that I need to come out about my issue and face it head on. I've sat down with my husband and spoke to him about my problem and he is willing to battle this dreadful beast called alcoholism by my side.

If you feel that you cannot be supportive then unfortunately I cannot have you in my life. If you fully support me then welcome aboard and thank you!

I think this was quite possibly one of the hardest letters I have written in my life... Now to actually hit the send button!!! I can do this... Click send!!!

Sincerely,

Meagan 

The response I got was amazing and beautiful, just knowing that they are all willing to stand by my side completely humbles me. Today was day 3 of sobriety and I am still going strong!

If you know someone going through this be there to help them and if you yourself are going through this be strong and get the help that you need to fight it.

0 Comments