Henry Winkler! Help ME!!!

Jun 16, 2011

Well, I have been unemployed since May 2nd, and frankly, I suck wind through the storms.  Fortunately, for me, someone up there is always watching my back.  I was offered 2 jobs earlier this week, and will be starting with a wonderful company this coming Tuesday!  So, to address the afore mentioned coolness issue....here goes:  As I mentioned, I got a job.  I went in on Monday for the first of 2 interviews with my company.  I was called and asked to come back on Wednesday for my 2nd interview.  Man, I was stoked!  Everything was going great this particular day.  Firstly, I got up weighed and had hit my 50 pound mark, I was having a fantastic hair day, my fancy pants were rocking, and I was wearing a blouse that accentuated my recently deflated chicas that was banished to the back of the closet....abandoned by my girth many moons ago.  I was in some super sexy pumps to boot...no pun intended.  I arrived at my interview, took a seat, and waited my turn.  Before I knew it, something glorious had happened....I crossed my legs!  No...you don't understand.  I crossed my freaking legs.  Without pain.  Without having to have it pushed up against an extremely heavy piece of furniture to keep it from popping violently back to its place of origin or risking bodily harm to myself or others by its ability to push lighter, less hefty tables across floors.  While I was waiting, all I could think about was how terribly pleased I was with how my day was going, how fate seemed to be smiling on me instead of pissing on me, and how damn sassy I felt!  So, I sat there, legs crossed, deeply engrossed in my riveting words with friends game, when an Armand Assante look alike graced my presence.  He was truly striking.  As I sat there, sneaking glances at him, I had the fleeting thought that I would ask him if anyone had ever told him that he looks like Mr. Assante, and decided against it, as that would be awkward.  If I had only known...
Now....I'm not a patient person by any means, so when I realized that I had been waiting about 35 minutes, I briefly considered that maybe...just maybe I should get up and move around, when my now supervisor called my name and apologized profusely for having made me wait.  Instinctively, I popped up from my chair in a very Rockette-esh way, only to realize that my right foot...the one in the sexy little heal....was folding underneath itself.  Hindsight being what it is, this is when I should have just fallen like a bag of rocks, faked a seizure, and played dead.  Back to the folding foot....I quickly decided that my shoe wasn't the problem, but my sassy, oh-so-revelational-crossing-of-the-legs was to blame.  My entire right leg was asleep from the mid-thigh down!  The reality of what was happening was whirling through my head at the speed of light.  Not in front of Wendy!  Not before my 2nd, decision making, interview!  And CERTAINLY not in front of ARMAND!  WHY GOD?!  WHY!!????  In my horrific panic, I made the fatal decision to correct my situation by continuing to try and stand on my corpse-like leg....3 times....reaching out for anything to steady me or to prevent me from looking like an idiot.  Too late.  After my 3rd and final futile attempt to regain my dignity, I found myself, you guessed it...holding hands with, and sitting in Armand's lap!!!  Kill.  Me.  NOW.  Of course, we were both laughing hysterically at this point (him more so than I) but still.  At least he was laughing with amusement and not out of pain from me crushing him to dust, as would have been the case 3 months prior.  When I realized that I was sitting in his lap, in all my glory, much like a child whispering their Christmas list in Santa's ear, I again popped up like a Rockette. ( I know, of course, I'm thoroughly insulting the Rockette's.)  I promptly dragged my dead, 2 ton leg to Wendy's office, leaving every ounce of my dignity and the chuckles of one beautiful man behind me.  I begged her to please let  us stay in her office until we were sure he was gone, for fear that I'd make some awkward comment if I saw him, like, "get ready to let me ride you piggyback to the elevator!".  Thank God, I got the job anyway.  And now, the more I reflect on the situation...I'm a little bummed that he didn't even offer me a dollar for his impromptu lap dance!  Some people can be so insensitive...;-)  Well, I'm off to email The Fonz for tips.  Later, lovelies!

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About Me
LA
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28.0
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RNY
Surgery
03/03/2011
Surgery Date
Mar 29, 2011
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