After 2 days of liquid diet...

Sep 16, 2010

12 days until surgery! This is the end of the second day of liquids for my 2 week pre-op diet. Honestly, it is not as bad as I was expecting during the day. I am able to have protein drinks which satisfy me for 2-3 hours and then other clears in between. The hard part has been in the evening when my family is eating dinner. Even preparing dinner for my daughter has been has always been so easy to take a few bites of the mac n' cheese and green beans. My husband decided he would be supportive and do liquids with me in the evening...that lasted about an hour yesterday and then I caught him sneaking food in the kitchen. I guess I have to be thankful that he is trying to be thoughtful and not eat in front of me. Tonight he had dinner with Gabby. I am okay with it - I wouldn't want to do liquids if I didn't have to either!

I guess I just want to take a second to say how supportive my husband has been throughout this process. When I started my 3 month medically supervised diet, he started with me. Over the past 4 months, he has lost 36 pounds. I lost 4 (PCOS is the devil). He looks great! It has been hard to see him drop so quickly, but I know that my time on the losers bench will start soon!

My nerves are still an issue. I cry at the drop of a hat, generally when I think about having to say goodbye to my family as they wheel me into the OR. Part of the problem is that I have a nurse brain. It isn't always the best to know all of the bad things that can happen. I assume it is easier to have faith that things will be okay when you don't have a reference for the opposite - as evidenced by my husband and family's optomism. On a side note - I was so neurotic when I was pregnant with my daughter that my midwife gave me a lecture about how having anxiety over the unknown is showing God that you don't trust in Him. Can you believe that!? That is how over the top I was! I worked at Children's Mercy Hospital for most of my career, so I have seen everything...and I was worried about it all.

Anyways...going to eat a sugar free popcicle and go to bed. I have had a terrible headache today. I don't know if it is from the lack of food or if it is completely unrelated. I quit caffeine 4 months ago, so it isn't that...

16 days until surgery

Sep 12, 2010

Another week has passed...very quickly. My world is changing in more ways than I can count. I feel like God has his hand in everything that is happening, and I have had sign after sign that I am making the right decision to have WLS.
I was offered a new job on Thursday! I am going to start working full-time on the PICC team at a local hospital. It is such a giant weight lifted off of my shoulders to be able to go back to what I love! Long story, but I was bullied out of a different PICC team in Kansas City last October. It has been very emotional for me to get over being treated so poorly, and I have no doubt that some of the bullying stemmed from my weight. I left because I hated feeling like the fat girl in high school being picked on by the head cheerleader again, and then hated myself for letting her force me out of what I was truly passionate about. Now it is all over! I am working with the PICC team one day a week now, and will transition to full-time after my leave for surgery!

My family went to a new church this morning - all 3 of us! My husband has been very resistant to going to church for the last few years, and he was willing and not grumpy about going today! It was really nice to be able to worship next to him! It is a church not too far from our home, I have a couple of friends that go there, and my daughter lasted in the nursery for the whole service without them having to page me to go get her! That was a first! 

Schedule this week:

Monday I have an appointment with my pulmonologist to adjust the settings on my CPAP before surgery. If I get anything out of this surgery, I hope it is losing that crazy CPAP machine. It has been a huge adjustment, and I can't stand it!

Tuesday I have my pre-op class and get all the information to start my liquid diet Wednesday morning. I am not nervous about the class, in fact, I am looking forward to having some one-on-one time with Dr. Price to be able to go through my laundry list of questions. I am nervous about starting the liquid diet. Just liquids for 2 weeks!! I know it is to shrink the liver to make the surgery easier, but for real...isn't there another way!?!? Tuesday is also my dad's birthday, so we will go to dinner with him and that will be my last meal.

Wednesday I start my 2 week pre-op liquid diet...I will update you on how the first day goes. I anticipate hunger and grumpiness, but God works in mysterious ways, maybe it will be wonderful!


First Post - 23 days until surgery

Sep 05, 2010

I have been reading on the forums for the past several months during my pre-surgery diet and evaluation, but haven't posted or blogged anything. I never really understood what people blog about...what should I write, and who really cares what I am thinking? I have never been one to journal or keep a diary, but I think now is the perfect time. As I embark on this weight loss journey, I need to be able to put into words what I am thinking and feeling...even if my words just go out to a void of nothingness.

My surgery is in 23 days. Whenever I think about it my eyes well up with tears, even now as I write this. I don't really know why...

No matter what I do, my mind never stops whirling. I lie in bed at night - sometimes for hours - trying to get my mind to slow down so I can go to sleep. I think about my past and my future and wonder what my life has to hold. I wonder what things will be like when I lose all of this weight that is just holding me back. I think about what I will say when I run into people that have treated me poorly and how I can handle those situations graciously. I wonder what it will be like when I will be able to take my daughter on a walk or to the swimming pool and not be unable to breathe or completely embarrassed and uncomfortable. I wonder will things really change in situations like the public swimming pool...are people really looking at me and judging me, or is it all in my head? I wonder how things will change with my husband. Will he finally be able to see who I am and love what he see's? Will he be attracted to the person I become, because he definitely isn't attracted to me now. If he is attracted to the thinner me, will I resent him for not being attracted to me when I was fat? Will people think I am taking the easy way out of fatness by having surgery? Will I be comfortable to talk to people about my experiences when they ask what I did to lose weight?

I am positive that these feelings of uneasiness are the same that most every woman on this website felt in the weeks leading up to their surgery. As I have read through the forums it seems as though I am not completely crazy - which is nice to have reinforced every now and then. I very much look forward to finding out the answers to these questions, (and the million others in my head) and realizing that I wasted too much of my life being a worry-wart, anxious, tending-toward-crazy, self-conscious, overweight person.

About Me
Shawnee, KS
Surgery Date
Apr 07, 2010
Member Since

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