Melissa W.

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So I have not posted in so long. I have relocated alot and am now back in TN. I chased the dream and now it is kind of chasing me. I began this journey so long ago and with such big hopes and now I am just trying to stay true to myself and make the best choices I can. I have been up and down and round and round and now... well I am standing kind in one place and it feels good. Unfortunately there have been lost relationships but I hate to say some I am not so sorry about. Sometimes dumping out what is toxic makes for an easy journey. Today, I work for a great company... Asurion. They have great insurance that now opens the door back up for me to have surgery again. I have witnessed alot of things that distanced me from the desire and yet I have to still admit I know that there is a reason I am going through this and it will make me more successful later by learning from those experiences. I am currently still deciding if I will pursue it but if I do it will likely not happen till beginning of next year. I wanted to be thin by 40 but now I don't really think thin is for me but I do want to lose weight and be healthy. Mobility in my 40's is my focus. Thanks for reading. More later I need to hussle and get ready for work!
 

So many of you know I have taken a different path other than WLS due to no insurance. After 2 denials and changing to a job that does not offer insurance I am trying something different. I have to say I am suprised how easy it is and that makes me think I am doing something wrong but I am doing what they asked. Yesterday, I ate breakfast and then after taking my pill at 10 when I have snack I realized it is working cause the thought of eating was repulsive to me. I could not believe it. I never was hungry so never ate dinner and forced myself to eat a snack before bed which all I could get down is a string cheese.  I thought ok... I will wake up hungry. But... I didn't and I made a nice breakfast. I also did eat my 10am snack. It is lunch time and I can't eat... I am so not hungry. This is so different for me. I am going to wait and try to get a bit hungry. I am amazed. I have lost all intrest in food. It is good and bad... I know I have to eat so having to eat is stressing me out instead of being stressed from eating... Ugh!!!

Wow... so much changes in just a night. I have been in a long distance relationship for almost a year on and off... On one of the off times I even dated someone for 5 months. Anyways, he has been in the process of relocating here since beginning of the year for his work. (he is in ATL now) Over the last couple weeks we have been unable to talk and he has been busy with work and I tried to walk away altogether but last night we finally connected and had a heart to heart. He offered to fly me to Cali to the funeral but I can't it is too late to make arrangements because of work. He will be here Saturday and I am nervous. Even if it doesn't work I want to stay his friend because we have a real strong connection. I am worried that even though he has seen pictures and all he will be turned off by my weight even though that will not be an issue for long. Somehow talking to him just put my mind in the right place and helped me to focus. I woke up this morning to sunshine pouring through my window and although I am still sad about my Gramps I am focused oh happiness today. I have to go back to work today and I want to go with a smile on my face. I just pray that I hear on approval today. That would be the icing on the cake. My mom has yet to speak to me and it is going on two weeks. I can't please her so I am gonna please myself. Have a good day everyone!!! I hope today will be my lucky day!!!

My granfather passed on Friday and I am pretty sad. I feel guilty because as tore up as I am over this all I can think about is that I am supposed to get my date today. That is if it is approved but I refuse to think that it won't be approved. I can't wait. I will definately miss my gramps and I am so sad that he will not be here to see me thinner. I wanted him to be the one to walk me down the aisle someday and now it will not happen and I am sad. But I know he would want this for me and that this is the right thing for me to do. I know that allthough I need to grieve I need to stay focused on my surgery and changing my life. I wish I could have said goodbye and that is the hardest is I am trying to find a way to say goodbye....