Melissa W.
The Last Thirty Days
Oct 02, 2010
In 30 days I will lay on a table in the care of Dr. H while be rearranges my insides so that I can utilize this fabulous tool, this gift... Duodenal Switch. I have so many feelings and have come so far. Just the last 2 days it has sunk in. I am trying to lose pre op and so far have lost 3 lbs. I am trying so hard! Today was a good day... I tasted some things I did not really need to but I didn't do more then taste and I felt good about it. Just a taste was enough. In turn... I realized when I was eating my salad that I was satisfied and did stop even though I was a few bites over by then... Usually I would say so what it is salad and chicken so who care if I am full but I honestly didn't like the feeling since I have been eating such small portions. I have found that it is ok to be hungry sometimes and instead of longing for what others are having I sometimes feel bad for them. I think... there are such better choices and maybe the crappy but yummy food is why you never feel good. In my family, everyone is always tired or don't feel good. It is the food they are eating... but I also realize I cannot change that. I do sometimes take a bite but that is a long way from a heaping plate. I even turned down Chinese food... I will have days I could have done better. But, I refuse to beat myself up because I am trying. It is the little things. I am going to start walking a lil bit everyday. I know I can't go far but I can do something. Today my mom and I went to Petsmart with the dogs. I dressed our girls up and took them to walk around the store. They loved it and I loved it.I am looking forward to the day they wheel me off to surgery... Nov. 2nd... I just hope my mom, my son, and my family and friends will be as happy for me as I am. This is a life saving mission... This is not magic solution nor do I think it is. I am preparing for battle with everyday that goes by. I attend groups to gear up and I read and watch videos to know what to expect. I lean on those who have went before me. I refuse to quit and finally I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am more worried about the upper Gi then the surgery itself. Today I went also to GNC to research. I have ordered some Unjury and tried that today. It was good but I did not really like what I mixed it in. I have pretty much accepted that there will be a time of grieving and will soon complete that but for now I am controlling my feelings of loss well. I think because I am looking at what I am losing and what I am gaining and the gaining just looks better to me.
I have just recently admitted to myself that I have not had the self esteem I used to. That I have torn down relationships and avoided things in my life simply due to my lack of confidence and fear of how others will react or treat me. I said I would never let anyone prevent me from being all I can be and I have but I am taking back my power. I will not rub it in although there are a few people I want to make feel as bad and they have me but it would be a waste. They would just think it was me being mean and never see what they had done to get this reaction. So, I will move on.
I realize that I will never change how the world views obesity nor will I solve allo my problems but just losing weight but I do know that I will only have to worry about how I feel and not letting them steal my joy. Never Gonna Steal My Joy.... Mandisa... she had to be thinking of me when she was doing that song. Ok, so she wasn't but I am done being held back. I don't know 100% what is to come but I do know whatever it is I am ready! I think the only thing that scares me is the unknown but then on the other hand... it is soooooo exciting! I am already window shopping... I want to do 3 things... 1. Shop at Old Navy 2. Shop at the Limited... 3. Shop at Victoria's Secret... ok 4 things... 4. Wear Seven Jeans... 1 and 4 will be the easiest to achieve... I also want to learn to walk in heels again and take Ballroom dancing lessons... ok, that is 6 things... go figure. What I want more then anything is for my son to be proud of his mom... to know just how sorry I am that my obesity made his life harder... I would love for him to say Mom... you are beautiful! I want to look in the mirror and see this person who has been trying so hard to get out for so long... I am ready!
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About Me
Nashville, TN
Location
29.0
BMI
Surgery
11/02/2010
Surgery Date
Mar 04, 2007
Member Since
