Improvement...I guess

Nov 14, 2010

My attitude is improving thank god.  And the scale is moving again.  I know I need to get motivated to exercise but I have a irrational fear of the gym.  Not of exercising just of going to the gym.  I feel like people are staring at me thinking what is that fatty think she's doing here.  When I was heavier I would go to the gym with my husband and see all the skinny girls in their spandex and it was discouraging for me.  I know I need to exercise but I can't bring myself to go to the gym.  I want an elliptical machine but I have no space or money to get one.  Excuses excuses

But any who I am down to 198.4 this morning.  The weight is definitely coming off slower now but I only have 23lbs to go to meet my surgeons goal weight but to meet my goal I have 38lbs.  Eating has become a chore and I forget to eat sometimes.  I am doing better with my fluids.  I can drink water again with less of the brick feeling in my stomach.  I just keep drinking it hoping the feeling will eventually go away.  I need to work on my protein, I have ordered samples to try some different powders. I do like the chocolate from Unjury and I have a recipe that has instant coffee in it that is good but it gets old having the same thing all the time.  I am on a protein mission.

Two people finally noticed my weight loss.  One person I haven't seen in months and one of my coworkers. FYI I did not tell people at work about my surgery.  I don't know if it's because I am ashamed or just don't know what to say to people.  Probably a little bit of both.  But it did make me feel good that people notice now.  I need to go clothes shopping because most of my pants don't stay up and they are sagging terrible in the butt area, it's not pretty lol I did buy one new out fit this week and the pants were a size 14 woo hoo.  I haven't seen 14 since middle school. 

I told a few people in my family and I have had mixed reactions.  Some people think it's great that I did it others say I should have done it the "old fashioned way".  I waited until after surgery to tell people because I didn't want to get discouraged before surgery.  Ultimately I think that was the best choice for me.


I don't know why I care so much what people think.....I think it is just one of those things I need to accept about myself.

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