Stupid Carbs...

Oct 01, 2016

So, I'm struggling. I thought I haven't having any issue saying goodbye to my Sweet Treats. As long as I still got my Sugar Free popsicles, I felt like I had slain the Sugar beast. I thought, I only eat a small amount of carbs, I am good. I refused to admit that I was still riding that Sugar Dragon. I know Carbs break down in my system the same way that Ice Cream used to. Just because it's Baked Kettle Chips doesn't mean it's okay to eat or that the carbs won't effect me. I monitor my grams of Sugar intake like a Hawk. No item with more than 8 grams per serving. So when the chips say you can eat 18 and it's only 2 grams of sugar, I eat 3 servings of said chips to satisfy my head, zoned out, munchie hunger, never paying attention to the carbs per serving. I may have only had 6 grams of sugar but what did I just do to myself in the carb catagory. 

I am kicking myself because I know I should be losing more weight and I feel like I am making serious changes in my life to accomplish this, why is elimating carbs my issue? I have done it before. I lived the Atkins way of life for months. I know it wasn't permanent so I must not have been that good at it, but I have done it. You'd think with the added dramatic effect of having surgery, something would've clicked by now but NOPE. I still want the chips. I still want to eat toast and english muffins. God, English Muffins are like Crack to me. I may have mentioned that before. I know this part is going to SUCK and I am having issues committing to it. 

My boyfriend and I have been talking about my issue, off and on now, for a few weeks. We were having the conversation yet again this morning and it was said conversation that made me want to log on and get my frustrations out. He is sitting next to me now and I know he is so tired of hearing me talk about this stuff..I know how I sound..I know I can't preach what I need to do and then sit next to him and eat a piece of pizza. (Even if it was a thin crust chicken, spinach and artichoke pizza...it was still a pizza..) I can't overload him and make him not want to listen to me because all I do is talk about weight loss, yet still eat bad things and complain. 

I feel like I obsess over this stuff..like it's my every waking thought..and I don't want to get to the point where I burn out and stop. I don't want to be so frustrated by the progress that I say this is good enough. 95 lbs is still a success story, right? Go ahead and eat the toast. Eat another slice. Nothing to be ashamed of. When I was at 394 lbs my dream was to get to a 16/18. Queen Latifah(ish) With being 5'8, I thought if I lost more, I'd lose my womanly curves. Now I am here. I am a 16/18 and everyone says how amazing I look. How proud they are of me. How I look like a different person. I know I could stop. I could start eating more crap and probably maintain this. Stay under 275 lbs and be ok.    

I keep re-reading http://www.bariatriceating.com/2015/03/avoid-the-top-10-post-op-mistakes/. I didn't know how many of those mistake I had been making without even realizing it. It's eye opening and it made me realize I am not alone. People who have Bypass Surgery have issues maintaining their new lifestyle and sometimes stumble. Sometimes you have to admit you need help and do some research. Sometimes you need a slap in the face. 

I want more for myself. I want to reach my goal of 175 lbs, not only because that number has always seemed to be what a normal woman was supposed to be, but because it means I have accomplished one of the hardest things there is to do and I will have done it because I drove myself. I buckled down, did what I needed to do, sacrificed what I need to, changed what I needed to, to make my Dream Come True. I want to know that I have that kind of Power inside of me.  

Ok, rant over. I feel better. Thanks OH :)

2 comments

Over 80 lbs lost..

Aug 10, 2016

This morning I woke up and weighed in. I now weigh 278.9, which means since surgery I have lost 81.1 lbs. That's 100+ lbs since I went to my Consultation last May. I have to take pictures and depend on peoples reactions to believe it tho. I know I have lost a lot but my body does and doesn't feel like it, if you know what I mean. I still feel like me. I still look like me. But I also went from 4X-3X to 1X clothes and can jog down the stairs now. People see me and say I look like I lost 1/2 of myself. I still have over 100 lbs to go before I hit my "goal" and I don't feel like I deserve the praise. Is that normal? I guess that doesn't matter, I have never been very normal.

I keep shocking myself. I walk past a mirror and automatically look, but there are times when I have to do a double take. I can't believe that is me. In clothes, I look like a different person, but naked, I feel I look the same. It's like being Bipolar. Sometimes I feel amazing. Stunning. Like I am on top of the World and look like a model. And then there are times when I feel like I have hardly lost any weight and stare at all the naked giggliness in the mirror in despair. It's exciting and sooooo frustrating!!

My family thinks it's funny. Like I should KNOW how good I look and shouldn't be shocked at the fact that I am losing weight. 'Duh Melody, you had surgery, OF COURSE you are losing weight.' I try to explain that I weigh less than what I did in High School. I am wearing clothes that I have never fit before and I'm trying to wrap my head around it. I still see how much weight I have to lose so it's hard to look at what I have lost so far. I am not even 1/2 way there. 

After saying all that, here comes the bipolarness of it. When I take pictures now and compare them to a year or more ago, I LOOK AMAZING!

      


Anyway, I wanted to post since it's been awhile. Really had nothing new to say but since I went over 80 lbs lost, I thought it was time to update. My next goal is to get to 270 lbs by our Lake Chelan vacation on 9/3/16. It's less than 10 lbs now, I can do it! 

2 comments

current thoughts

Apr 21, 2016

I'm almost 60 lbs down at 3 1/2 months. I feel great. Everyone compliments me when they see me but is it normal to disregard their praise? Act like they are imagining the process they are talking about? 

I still feel HUGE so when they say how small I am, I almost want to call them liars. It's like YES!!! LOOK HOW MUCH I'VE LOST and at the same time I HAVE BARELY LOST ANYTHING!

I am so confusing..lol

3 comments

Things seem off..

Apr 11, 2016

I swore before I had this surgery that I wasn't going to be one of those people who "test" their pouch. That I was never going to drink coffee or a diet soda again. Here I am, almost 6 weeks out, and I have eaten more than I should, drunk an entire cup of coffee in one day and drink Diet Vernors right along with my water. I didn't want to live my life in fear that everything and anything could hurt me. I was scared to eat anything. I figured that as long as I was at home, in case I dumped, I would be ok. And so far, I have been fine. I didn't have an adverse reaction to coffee or soda. My issues have been with chicken and boiled eggs. Those hurt. I feel funny afterwards. For now, those are on the backburner. We'll try again on 3-6 months. You live and you learn, right?

After the 3rd week my weight loss completely stalled. As soon as I put soft foods back into my diet, it completely stopped. I know that I was eating too many carbs at one point. Mashed potatoes and cream of wheat. Tried crust off of my boyfriend piece of pizza. Toast the next day. My body wasn't getting enough protein and not enough exercise. I have been trying to switch it up. I walk a few minutes on the treadmill every or every other day. I drink protein shakes and snack on meat to try to increase my protein intake. I know it really comes down to moving more too. I need to break a sweat daily in order to see serious progress. 

I had a surgery that rearranged my intestines. I am mad at myself that my laziness has stalled my progress. I need to figure out how to get over this tired all the time feeling and motivate myself. 

I bet that sounded like rambling. It's after midnight and my mind is racing. I just want to see more progress. I'm tired of it taking up my thoughts every waking minute. I know that surgery wasn't magic, I just thought I'd lose more initially, making it easier for me to move around...it just hasn't happened yet. 

I need to go to sleep. I know sleep is just as important as diet and exercise. 

 

3 comments

Easter

Mar 29, 2016

Well, if I had any doubt about my weight loss, my boyfriend family reassured me that I have absolutely lost weight. I was bombarded with questions about the surgery, my recovery, how much I'll lose by the next time I see them, how proud they are of me.. Etc..

After almost 50 lbs loss, people finally are seeing it. Only 150lbs to go! 

4 comments

Struggling a bit..

Mar 17, 2016

Gotta admit I've been struggling a bit. I am unable to get 60 oz of water in, averaging about 25-30 a day. I'm barely getting any protein in too. I get about 1\2 of a protein shake in & try to eat Tuna to compensate. I know it's not enough. Plus, everything makes me sleepy. Every time I eat, I need a 2-3 hr nap.

The frustrating part is the scale isn't moving. I've only lost 20lbs since 2\26 & I feel like it should be more. I had my stomach cut & intestines re-routed and it doesn't seem to be working. I know I'm still healing and it's going to take time but I'm barely consuming 600 calories a day, shouldn't that equal more of a weight loss. 

I'm just frustrated and tired. So very tired. 

 

3 comments

Finally feeling normal

Mar 11, 2016

It's taken a few days but I'm finally feeling like my old self. The pain of my incisions are gone and the sharp pain I had in my side decided to give me a break today. I could even lift my arms long enough to straighten my hair. Food wise, I'm trying to branch out with my pureed foods.. See what reactions I have. 

I am a little disappointed with my weight loss. I know my body is healing and it's going to take a bit for my body to start doing its thing, so I'm trying to get over it. I have lost a bit but now that I'm in the low 350's, I just want to see 349, ya know? 

Anyway, all is good and I'm excited. Can't wait to see some progress..

0 comments

3 days post-op

Mar 04, 2016

The pain has subsided a lot but when I sip water, it's painful. Anything more than a small sip hurts for a few seconds but then passes. I haven't had anything other than water, ginger tea and sugar free popsicles. I worry that it's not enough but it's literally all I can get down. 

One of my bandages came off after a shower too. They put the tape in a crease and didn't cover the bottom completely so water got under it. When I crawled into bed, my pajamas pants were damp and I thought it was covered in blood. Luckily, it was mostly a clear liquid and no smell, so I read I'm OK but it scared me. I had a slight fever earlier that day and was worried it was infected somehow. 

I'm also worried that I haven't lost any weight yet. I actually gained 7 lbs after surgery but I also read that's normal too. Don't weight yourself for a week, a month, three months.. I've read it all, but I had to know. Right now I'm just going to focus on getting my fluids in and walking. I know those are two of the most important things to do. Progress will happen when it's supposed to..

1 comment

Stressed

Feb 27, 2016

I just got into a huge fight with my Sister, which went from zero to 100 in about 1 minute. Luckily, we've both apologized and have agreed to move on but, in the course of the argument, she hinted that she was no longer going to come stay with me after the surgery. Since my boyrfriend can only take 2 days off, she was going to come stay with me on Thur and Friday. After our little blow out, I don't know if she will anymore. I mean, it got BAD. Bad like, never speak to me again, curse words were exchanged and I even blocked her from FB. Again, we've made our peace but what if she doesn't come over now? Will I be okay on my own only 2 days after surgery? I don't need this stress right now. I already feel like I am 30 sec away from a Panic attack over this surgery, I don't need to worry about being alone or having complications because I was only because she escalated things so quickly. 

I just don't know what to do. 

4 comments

It's getting closer..

Feb 25, 2016

I've noticed that the closer my surgery gets, the more I am here. It's less than a week and my insides are in a panic. I still can't believe I am doing this. It is SO drastic. I am risking my life! The thought of walking into that hospital makes me sick to my stomach. I know it is going to make my life so much easier, and healthier. But I almost want to find an excuse to not have to go thru with it. I am so scared. I worry about needles and tubes down my throat and infections and the pain. Just the thought is making me tear up. How am I supposed to get thru this if the thoughts make me feel like I am going to have a panic attack? 

I know I have to do this and I have no real intention of stopping this process. I am just freaking out. I am in a panic that only gets worse as the day gets closer. It's less than a week away and I don't know what to do. 

2 comments

About Me
Location
36.7
BMI
RNY
Surgery
03/01/2016
Surgery Date
Jun 10, 2015
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