Jun 05, 2008

Yeah, I still don't know what is up with my profile or anything on OH-- seems as if everything is going haywire. 

Uploaded some pics from my hospital visit, but only 2 of them actually made it to the album (surprising)

I did post a youtube link, the slideshow from the hospital above, nothin special really. Lost the patience to continue uploading pictures when OH isn't agreeing with me.

These first two weeks have been extremely hard for me because now that I have progressed from the clear liquid diet, I've added creams.  I figured I'd have a litle more variety than what I do actually have to work with.  The cream of soups are disgusting and I often find myself eating a popsicle for an entire "meal."  What makes this worse? I'm lactose intolerant-- so adding creams isn't THAT great. 

I also need to find a way to get all of my protein in each day, I'm constantly cutting it short and I don't think I've ever reached a full 80g of protein since my surgery a week ago.  Sort of pathetic, but the shakes make me feel icky and I can't stand to eat a bazillion cups of yogurt every day.

I need to start organizing my day better. so I can actually have a little lead way to do better as I progress in my journey.  I also need an exercise regime, walking 4-5 times a day around my house isn't necessarily "making the cut"-- but I am only a week out so I cant go to the gym and lift weights or that sort of thing.

Later in the day

Jun 04, 2008

Already posted once today, oh well...

I ate cream of chicken soup today with silk... it wasn't that bad, but it wasn't great either.  I just can't wait to get onto the third week-- that's when things start getting interesting. 

I'm sure I'll get bored of the soups and things pretty quickly since ADD runs my life, and I always need variety in whatever I do. 

Also, I had my profile settings/colors in a different way than what they are now-- what happened? gay. 

If anyone even reads this, I "vlog" on youtube as well, or atleast I try to.

It's the same username as this... menginger

Hope everyone has a good day


Jun 03, 2008

It's 8:09am, I have been up since probably 6 this morning.  I don't understand why I've become such a light sleeper? It sucks.

re reading my rant....
Hopefully things will get better between my parents and I as far as them understanding ME, and also  my learning to respect their wishes .  I do, however, realize that the torment they subconsciously put me through is all from love and hope that I will do well.  Just hope we can find a better grounds on which to communicate our angers, concerns, and love.

A little update:

Today is the first day that I can have cream stuff, finally I've moved on from the clear liquids. That was getting annoying, and I was having a hard time finding any sort of variety.  Although there isn't much variety within the creams either, it's still a step up :D.  Going into the surgery I weighed in at 291.5, this morning I weighed 274.6-- so I am averaging about 2lbs per day, or something of the sort. 

Trying to drink a lot more water, because my entire body is cramping... and I'm pretty sure it's due to dehydration-- although no headaches are present.

Mixed Emotions

Jun 03, 2008

So, I am very sick and tired of hearing my parents gripe and complain about how much of a screw up I am.  I don't need this, I just want to be in a pleasant environment as I go through this life changing process. I am already miserable enough not being able to leave the house to be with people that I actually enjoy, so it's like they could atleast find the decency to be pleasant to ME-- to make it not so miserable.  I guess they are just being parents, but if that's the case... they need some lessons.

My dad always yelled and screamed at me about not doing "the right things" before the surgery. If I walked two laps around the block of my neighborhood, I suppose he wasn't satisfied unless I walked 4 laps around the block.  If I didn't go ALL out, that meant that I was being lazy and irresponsible.  I suppose he wanted me jogging 5ks every day before the surgery to build stamina? who knows....

He also kept saying that I think this surgery is just a magic trick, and I don't have what it takes to be successful... which I don't really understand given my list of medical complications that have ruined my life-- leading me to see this surgery as a little more than a "magic trick", yet a LIFE SAVER.  He just doesn't understand.

Now, after the surgery... he is still the same way.  Whenever I stand up for long periods of time, my stomach muscles begin to feel weak and my shoulders begin to hurt so bad that I can barely take standing up any longer.  He says this is from dehydration and "not doing what  I am supposed to be doing."  Like, today at the store... I HAD to get out of there and go lay in the car while my mother continued to lag within. She doesn't understand the pain that I am in-- and started to judge me on how lazy I am, and told my dad the story when he got home JUST so he could yell at me.  He came in, screaming at me about how I should be drinking a liter of water a day, and that I only drink half a bottle (which isn't true). 

He always has this thing, where he will be in the other room, talking to my mom-- screaming loud enough about me to her... so that I can hear. Why doesn't he just tell me to my face if I can hear anyways?  As he left to go out, he was saying that he knew the surgery was a mistake and how it was his fault because he let me have it.  He said that I couldn't do what needed to be done before the surgery, so it doesn't surprise him/he doesn't expect me to do what I need to do after the surgery.

Maybe I am just a spiteful person, but I don't want to have to be asked to go work out, to drink water, or anything in general.  They always ask me to do these things before I can manage to do them myself, so of course it'll seem like they are telling me what to do.  It'll always continue, nothing will change with them and our relationship.  I'll be about to walk, they'll tell me to walk in a tone that makes it seem as if they're MAKING me, which inevitably leads to " you're not responsible, we have to make you do everything" which then leads to them taking credit for the success of my surgery.  Which will happen, I promise.

I am a teenager, sometimes I just want to be left alone, the constant nagging just adds stress ontop of the stress of the recovery process and lifelong changes that the surgery expects.  I guess they just don't understand that, yet how can they when they don't give me the allowance to do what I need to do.  I just wish that they would understand it's about me, not them-- and their "caring" is taking a toll on me for the worst. 

They always have said that I have potential, I just wished they believed IN that "potential"

Waiting around

Jun 03, 2008

  I'm nearly on to stage 2 of my diet, which means REAL food!  I am already craving certain things, and have been making a list of things that I want to eat for this stage, because I always forget what I'm craving 10 minutes after it happens-- which might be a good thing, ha.  The surgery has gone well so far (had it on may 28).  There weren't any complications, until I got home and realized that I had a bloody stool one too many times-- and that I might need to have a blood transfusion.  Luckily, they stopped... and I never had to have that t-fusion.  I was feeling very weak at first, and often getting dehydrated-- resulting in headaches which equal death to me next to abdominal pain :[. 
Today, I feel much better and have a lot more energy.  Still waiting for the day that I can end my sleep suffering by sleeping on my stomach! 

About Me
Jun 02, 2008
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Later in the day
Mixed Emotions
Waiting around