update to life, I guess.

Jun 21, 2011

Wow, it's been since last summer.  Funny how when you get to a 'normal' weight and lead a 'normal' life you tend to not think about being morbidly obese.
Let's see....since last August I had the hernia repair.  I've been working hard.  My boyfriend and I bought a place together. 
I'm over 2 years out, and can eat whatever I please.  Only get diarrhea when I eat sugar, no dumping.  So...I'm having to REALLY be careful now.  I see how the weight can creep back on.

Been having a lot of abdominal symptoms and pain, and guess what?  Another hernia, and the mesh moved off the previous hernia repair.  So July 6th is my date to get it all fixed, and a panni to boot- the surgeon wants that excess skin out of the way.  It isn't a fancy cosmetic surgery- I won't even have a belly button when it's done.

I'm nervous about it.  When I had the RNY, it was the hardest, most painful thing I'd ever done, but was always worth it.  I was excited to do it, even at my worst.

I think it's the thought of going through all of that surgery nonsense again...the coughing, the iv sticks, the drains, no showers...all of that stuff, including pain.  But my gut hurts now, so what's the difference, right?
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Always interesting- more surgery...blecch.

Aug 18, 2010

I really don't feel too awful, except for when the alien in my belly pops out and I start puking...yep, it's a big ole' incisional hernia.  I lie in bed on my side, and it's as if a cantelope is coming out of my skin...very strange.  And it makes noises, too! 
So let's see....I'm still losing weight, about a pound a month.  I didn't do the 16 months of lots of weight loss like other RNY'ers.  I pretty much stopped losing at 9 months, but I am in a good spot.  Yes, I'd like to be around 140, but I'll be happy with 150.  And once I have the Panni (hopefully in December)  I should lose pounds AND inches.  It's tough to have size 6-8 legs and size 12 waist!

I'm glad I had the surgery.  I eat normally.  I am still alone, which was a surprise.  I always thought that if I was thin, the men would like me.  Guess what?  Didn't happen.  Oh, well.

I went white water rafting, which is something I never would have done fat.  I LOVE buying clothes.  I'm happy.

Nervous about surgery, because frankly I'm sick of pain.  But this puppy hurts, and I need to fix it before something goes wrong. 

Never said life wasn't interesting!!!
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over a year out, forgot to post here! Living life.

Apr 16, 2010

I posted my one year photos back in March, but it seems I forgot to blog here. 

I seem to be doing fine.  My 1 yr appt was great, Dr S was thrilled (there is a picture of us- he's the one with the big grin).  My labs are good, except my b12 was on the low side, so I upped that.
I used the Bariatric Advantage Lap Band Chewables for the first 6 months, but kept getting annoyed at how inconvenient it was to try to get over to the Dr office from work (25 miles)  when they were open.
So...went to the Bariatric Advantage website, and discovered that they are a little bit cheaper ordered directly, and after looking at all the levels, I switched myself to the 'stronger' chewables.  The downside is that they have zero iron, and very little calcium, so I have to add those, but hey, Bariatric Advantage sends me those too, every 90 days!  The calcuim tastes like tootsie rolls, which is yummy.  I've had a lot of trouble handling iron- other kinds make me sick, my gut ache for hours...just not good.  With the BA chewables, I don't have any of these problems, and I take 60 mg.
Otherwise, I eat pretty much what I want, if I'm willing to pay the price.  A couple of days ago we had lunch brought in at work, and I ate a yummy chopped salad.  It was the 4 Oatmeal-Raisin cookies that I munched down that afternoon was my downfall.  I had such stinky gas, I was postively lethal!!!  We're talking dog leaving the room, something died up there lethal.
If I really want something, I will eat it.  I CRAVED a cinnabon for MONTHS!    So finally I bought a small one, and cut it in half.  Besides being on the pot all night, the funny thing was...it just didn't taste as good as I remembered.  I have no interest in ever having one again.
I am getting to be a really good cook.  I do a lot of Curry things, and seafood.  I did a wonderful layered Tilapia that I ate all week.  yummy.
The downside...skin.  I'm old, and flabby.  I know I can get stronger, so am going to work with a trainer.

the upside...I am a fashion plate, thanks to Ross, Marshalls, TJMaxx, The Rack...find all sorts of trendy things to wear for cheap.  My blood sugar is normal.  Sleep apnea is gone.  Cholestrol is normal.

People treat me differently now that I'm thinner.  It seems that I'm smarter, kinder, and more interesting.  I dated a nice attorney for a little while- me and a rich lawyer!  But I'm the one that broke it off...I'm too interested in my life right now to focus on some guy.

I'm writing up a storm.  I WILL be published before the year is out.  I have kids that I love with my whole heart, that have grown up well, and are living good lives. 

Sometimes yes, I feel very alone, but hey- I own that remote!  God bless all of my friends here, and keep you safe on your own journey!
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Happy New Year!

Jan 05, 2010

okay, it's been awhile.  Got the pacemaker.  Then found out I had cataracts!  so the month of December involved:
physical therapy 3x per wk for my back
Cardiac Rehab 3x per wk for my heart
working both jobs
trying to write
trying to sell Avon
having 2 cataract surgeries, pre and post op checks.

to quote Erin Brockovich, "I'm really quite tired"

sitting in Oregon right now, heading to Disneyland tomorrow.  I'm going to fit in all the rides, going to run around like crazy, going to have FUN.

I am officially down 101 pounds...won't be changing my ticker until I get home, because I can't get to it from here, I guess. 

GOALS:  finish the book.  Then finish the next book.  Sell the books. 
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Another month gone, and new hardware installed!

Nov 11, 2009

Well, the weight loss is going great, I'm in between a 12 and a 14.  My hair seems to be falling out less and less, so that's good.  I've got some saggy skin, but hopefully things will still tighten up.
I went into the hospital last week, looked like a heart attack.  Good news is that my heart is beautiful, valves work, no crud in the arteries...but it won't beat correctly because of an electrical problem.
soo....long story short, I got a pacemaker installed, and I feel good!  I didn't realize how tired I've been the last few weeks, needing to sleep. 
That's one thing to remember- not EVERYTHING wrong is associated with WLS.  The first thought was I wasn't eating enough, or drinking enough...but it had nothing to do with it.
It was so nice to be a hospital patient where obesity wasn't my primary problem.  I fit on the tiny cardiac tables, didn't feel embarrassed by my fat. 
they still have a hell of a time getting blood or starting iv's,  but now I know it's not because of fat, it's because my veins are small, and they roll. 
it's those little things that mean a lot.
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Six months....or is that six and a half?

Oct 18, 2009

Okay, it's been a while.  Wow...I am now in a size 14 jean from Old Navy, I cut my hair super short, mainly because I'm too darn bald on top...this way I can scrunch it up. I'm starting to wear makeup, and even jewelry.  I'm feeling confident. 
The skin issue....yeah....no....it's not so great.  My panni is getting smaller, and I am feeling like I might not have too much trouble with that, but it's my midriff, above my bellybutton area that has the hanging skin.  This I don't like.  When I look in the mirror naked, I am NOT happy with what I see. 
But I have a neck now, a real neck!  And I took a bath yesterday.  It has been years since I dared to get myself in and out of a bathtub.  And I no longer go for pedicures- I can do it myself!  And I LIKE doing it myself!
I have been making 'milkshakes' with protein powder and sf flavored syrups...that has kept me from craving sweets.  I still am not eating as much as I should- there is not enough time in the day to get that much in.  And my liquids...well, lets just say that I need to work on that, too. 
But...when I am feeling stress, I still want to eat.  I bought a box of Chicken in a biscuit crackers and some cheese in a can, which was massive comfort food pre surgery.  I ate about 10 crackers with cheese.  They tasted like crap, and I had the most explosive diarrhea all night!  I'm talking colonoscopy prep level of shite.  
I think wanting to eat when overwhelmed is going to be a lifelong craving for me.
But it's surprising how much I really want 'good' food.  I bought some pears, and am taking one to work tomorrow for a snack, with a nice piece of cheddar cheese....yum!
Dating....hmm.  I just don't know.  Maybe I'm not pretty enough, maybe I'm still 'too big'...somehow the men I am attracted to just aren't attracted to me.  and vice versa.  I want a partner, mate, whatever it's called- not just a man in the house, but a partner- someone to be partners WITH.  A best friend, a sexy beast, a confidante...and if I don't find him, oh well.  I at least have placed a much higher value on ME than before.  I like my own company.  I like having control of the remote.  I am enough.
But a sexy beast would be nice to have around....
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17 Weeks or 4 months?

Jul 22, 2009

Here I am again.  Let's see.....I started dating.  weird.  I still feel like the unacceptable fat girl.  I met a couple nice guys, but I think I'll leave the internet dating world for now- just not ready.  I did stupidly sign up on eharmony for 3 months, so I'll keep moving forward with that, since there are no refunds.
I didn't like one man who always wanted to hold hands, hug, and give me kisses.  I was so uncomfortable I actually dumped him...walked away after a movie date, and never returned his calls.  That was mean of me, not unlike dates I have had happen to me.  But then I found myself in the frozen food aisle, looking at all the unhealthy foods I could eat, just like before surgery.  Trigger, or what?  So now I'm seeing a counselor.
I see that while I'm not eating poorly, in fact probably barely get in 1000 calories a day; when anxious, I head to the old comfort food.  Gotta nip that in the bud while I can.  I am NOT going to gain this weight back.  This whole thing has  been way too hard for me to give up on myself.
But I am writing again, and plan to finish this book.  My study looks great, and I hung a picture of Julia Child where I can see her....she didn't get famous until her 50's. 
My weight is weird.  I've been weighing on my home scale, and posting it here.  According to my home scale, I weigh about 180...but last week at my PCP, I weighed 201.  I know it's my scale, because when my sister and bro in law were here a couple weeks ago, they were surprised at how low their weight was. 
So I'll leave my tracker alone for now, and check in at the exercise room on their scale every week.
I am wearing size 16 pants very comfortably, and the 40C bra with two extenders became one extender, and I'll probably take the extender off soon.  Now if I could only fill the C cup....sigh.  I regret the breast reduction from 20 years ago now...that's for sure!
I cut my hair off short.  It's falling out like crazy, and easier to handle.  When I lose more, I think I'll go shorter.  Don't think I'll ever go long again...don't care what anybody says.
I still look in the mirror and see all that is wrong with me...hence the counselor.  Saggy leg skin, no muscles in my butt...it hurts to sit on the toilet!  baggy arms and belly, my ass looks like a fallen quiche.  so pretty...so pretty.
But I'm still here....still moving forward.  No choice. 
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Three months out

Jun 24, 2009

I know it hasn't been that long since the last post, but I'm 13 weeks out as of today, and 3 months out as of tomorrow.  I got more clothes from Teddi, bless her heart!  Maybe it's wearing a new blouse to work that doesn't have to cover my fat ass, maybe it's the fact that my hair is shorter than its been in years and I love it,  maybe it's because I got on the scale and I weigh 195....haven't weighed that since I was 25....so 31 YEARS.  
I'm sitting at my desk with my legs crossed.  That hasn't happened in so long, I can't remember.  For the first time in who knows how long, I don't feel like the sweaty, red-faced ankle crossed, shirt pulling down fattest girl in the room. 
Oh, I still have a long way to go.  My belly and butt are still big, though I know they are much smaller than before.  Maybe when the panni goes down farther....but I think I'll still have that with skin no matter how much weight I lose.
I walk the dog twice a day, briskly.  It's no marathon or 5 mile treadmill thing, but when I did NOTHING before, it's a big thing.
Also doing the water aerobics 3x per week and I love that.  Anything in the water makes me happy.  My sister will be coming by to see me in the next week or two, and I'll be able to take walks with her, without wanting to die.  Horace teased me this weekend, because for the first time, I was having to slow down to wait for him, not him wait for me.
The food thing is getting easier, because I'm not going to stress about it.  I am struggling with getting more iron in.  The iron supplement makes me flu-like, so I've been avoiding it.  I need to keep my nutrients and vitamins up.
I'm happy. 
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11 weeks and feeling good!

Jun 12, 2009

Finally, finally, finally I am feeling good.  Not sorta-kinda- up today, down tomorrow good.  Just....good.  I'm now down to 202 on my scale.  I know I said I wouldn't weigh myself, but clothes seem to be fitting now.  I have been wearing size 16...not 16W...regular pants.  The legs are super baggy, because my legs are turning into sticks.  But my belly and butt are still big...tight zip up size 16 tight, though...not tight size 26 tight.
Saw the surgeon a week ago, and my labs were all just a little low-normal...so he added Vit A, K, C, B12 and iron to my daily vitamins.  If I was eating better, this probably wouldn't have happened.
I am eating much better now.  Getting into a 2 hour routine of small stuff.  I don't sweat the breakfast eating as much as before, because the pouch isn't too interested in a lot for the first few hours.  So I stick to a protein drink...normally Click; on the way to work and when I first get here, then either some yogurt or a little oatmeal.  After a couple of hours, I start to feel hunger, and am able to eat.  Hummus is my new favorite thing.  I don't stress the water drinking at work, either, because the later in the day, the easier it is to drink.  By nighttime I can easily get liquids down.
I think getting my bowels in order has made a huge difference, too.  I was going 4-5 days between pitiful poos.  Now my liquid and fiber seem in sync. 
Some of my favorite things right now....Chili, hummus, any fish, langustino from Trader Joes, seafood boulibase from trader joes.  Wheat thins.  Watermelon is still ruling.  I love, love, love it.  Haven't done a lot of salads yet, but might start to nibble on spinach leaves. 
It's funny how I jones for good food now.  I can walk by donuts or cookies, and say 'meh'.  I really don't want it.  I'm still afraid of sugar, and hope that this fear lasts forever.  I can deal easily with about 6 grams, but haven't tried anything higher.  But I can tolerate half an orange, and that could be high...I'm scared to look.  I don't want to know if I'm not a dumper.  I want to believe that sugar will knock me down.
Moved to a new place, which makes everything nice, too.  Walk Gus twice a day.  Starting evening water aerobics 3x per wk.  little steps.  But I think this is going to end up being a great year!
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2 months post op

May 25, 2009

Last week I finally started to feel better.  Partly because I received a lot of 'new' clothes from friends closets.  It is so nice to wear things that fit, that are different, a new girl kind of thing.  Another reason I feel better is that I actually DO feel....better.  I have energy.  I'm sleeping well.  My bowels move.  I don't feel so fragile.  It seems like for the longest time, I feel like I'm going to break apart.  Now  I feel strong. 
Eating and drinking are still an issue, I think.  I have been trying to log everything, but it is not an easy chore for me.  Don't get me wrong- I'm not overeating.  I'm UNDER eating.  I put protein first, but fill up so fast.  And drinking water is a lot of work.  I'm not starving, but it is hard to get it all in. 
I haven't been weighing myself at home, because my scale is old and weird, but also because I don't want to become weight obsessed.  I read a lot of posts here where people get very caught up in the scale.  Everybody is different, and I know that farther out I will monitor more closely, but right now, I know that I had weight loss surgery.  I am going to lose weight.  Those are two facts.  As long as I don't graze, or eat bad things, this will happen.
I am lucky that my surgeon is good for me mentally.  His advice has kept me grounded.  He wants his patients to live a normal live, to go on with living, not be tied down to a bunch of WLS regimens.  As long as I take my supplements and follow his directions, I think I will get there.
This has been not fun at all.  But maybe next post I will be peppier!  Right now I'm getting ready to move, and worried about money...that makes everything gloomier. 
But all in all...life is good!
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About Me
Mesa, AZ
Location
25.3
BMI
RNY
Surgery
03/25/2009
Surgery Date
Jan 05, 2009
Member Since

Friends 24

Latest Blog 20

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