MetalMeli
I'm broken
Jul 09, 2009
I'm not going to get into details but there is a reason I am fat thats beyond the fact that I loved food and eating out. This fat suit served a purpose. It kept people away. I was in control of who I let past the walls I have up around me and I didnt have to deal with men hitting on me.
Since I've back to work this week I've been bombarded with compliments. At first they made me feel good. I was happy that people had noticed the difference in my appearance. Especially since I dont see the changes that much.
I cant walk around at work anywhere without someone stopping me to tell me how great I look or how pretty I am. At first it made me smile but now its making me cry. I dont know what to say. I'm not used to this sort of attention. I don't really know how to react to it.
A guy at work (who I've know for a couple of years now) told me he thinks I'm really pretty. He's always told me this though. Its not just because Ive lost the weight. But finally he asked me when we were going to hang out. I dont remember what I said but he got the hint that I wasnt interested. So later in the day when I saw him again he called me pretty girl. I must have given him a weird look because he came over and whispered to me... "you dont know how to handle all the attention you're getting, do you?" I almost cried. It was really hard to hold back the tears. I was honest and told him absolutely not and that everytime someone says something nice I want to run away and cry. Then later on today some friends were telling me how happy they are that I finally got the surgery and how good I look and I started crying.
I just cant handle the compliments. I totally broke today. There was lots of drama at work so that might have something to do with it. Maybe I'm just really stressed out. All I know is that it makes me terribly sad that I'm 31 years old and crying when people tell me I'm pretty. I should be excited and happy but I'm not.
I'm scared.
I think I might need therapy to help get me through this.
