Jessica O.
I started getting chubby in Kindegarten. My mom claims that I used to bang on the fridge door when I was 4 years old. I believe that my parents used food to comfort me, quiet me down and use as a reward.
In elementary school, I would skip school and steal money from my family to go to the store to buy as much candy as I could. At the age of 8, I reached 100 lbs. My father always made it clear, he did not like having an "overweight daughter." But since my parents divorced when I was 5, I only saw him every other weekend. In 4th grade, I started eating all my school lunch stuff before I could pack it in my lunches. One summer, my mom had to put a lock on the kitchen door. She packed a cooler for me with breakfast and lunch. I, of course, picked that damn lock and continued to gorge myself on whatever I could find or make. I liked making cookies for myself to eat all at once.
I definitely think that my mom's lack of attention drove me towards food. She made it clearly obvious at an OA meeting once when I was in 7th grade, that my "food issues" were "all her fault." I did not argue. She left me alone from an early age. From 1st grade and on, I was partly responsible for feeding myself breakfast, lunch and dinner. I ate a lot of canned soup.
In junior high, I weighed 140 lbs. I started hiding boxed cake mixes in my room so I could eat the powder whenever I had the urge. My mom never kept sweets in the house because I'd compulsively eat them all. After school, I'd stop at our small town grocery store and buy things to binge on before anyone got home. Once, I consumed a whole family size bag of pizza rolls. There were 40 rolls in the bag. I tried to make myself vomit but nothing would come up.
My weight hovered between 170 and 180 in high school. I was extremely self-concious of my body. I would not wear anything sleeveless because I thought my arms were so huge. I started cutting myself because I was convinced nobody loved me because I was fat and disgusting. I made out with a lot of boys, thinking that if I went just far enough without having sex, they'd like me more. Alas, that was never the case and I never learned.
I met my husband a few months after I graduated high school. Within a year, I was over 200 lbs. Add a couple more years and my weight hit 270 lbs. I initially started researching weight loss surgery in 2001 but my soon to be husband did not want me to have the surgery. He was convinced I could reach my goals with healthy eating and exercise. I managed to lose 40lbs on the Atkins diet before we got married in 2002 when I was 23. Although, I fell off the Atkins diet on our honeymoon and never went back on it. I managed to gain 50 lbs back.
A couple years afer we got married, I got pregnant and gained 60 lbs. Our son died during childbirth due to hospital negligence. I lost those 60 lbs in 7 weeks and gave myself gallstones. 3 months after my emergency cesarean, I had hundreds of fine sand-like gallstones removed. A few months later, we found out we were expecting another baby. My second pregnancy, I had gained less weight and it came off quickly while I breastfed and walked with the stroller. As I started to go through the process of weight loss surgery again, I found out we were pregnant. We welcomed our third son, 3 years and 3 months later.
Sometime after our 3rd son's birth, I made the mistake of lifting my older son into a cart. 6 months later, I realized that I had developed a hernia that had grew into the size of a large grapefruit from where my vertical cesarean scar had opened up inside my body. My 5th abdominal surgery was the most difficult to recover from. My surgeon placed mesh over my cesarean incision scar to keep "everything inside." The placement of the new mesh made it difficult to manuever in and out of bed and chairs while I healed.
Since my hernia surgery in 2009, I've been trying to lose weight by myself by eating healthy and going to the gym. Unfortunately, I get frustrated after a couple months with little to no results and I revert back to old habits. Thus the process begins over. I did join Jenny Craig but it wasn't economical for me despite losing some weight. Here I am, out of hope that this weight and burden will come off only by me. I need a tool. A tool that will help me grow into the person I have always wanted to be.
About Me
Before & After
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