This is harder then I thought it would be...
Sep 14, 2008
Never did I expect my WLS journey to be easy but I really didn't expect it to be this hard either. I am not nearly where I thought I would be and I am disappointed in myself. I am having an incredibly hard time sticking to a diet and just wish I could get over the food. I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I know I have done well with losing 40 pounds and do well on my diet for about a week and then blow it for 2 weeks and then back on for a few days. Its just a horrible spiral. I must say that I am happy when I don't gain anything back when I go off but in ways I think it would help to kick me in to gear if I was gaining. I know I don't eat nearly as much as I used to but I am not making smart choices. I have had 5 fills and finally have some restriction but really wish I could have more self control. I am putting my foot down and setting a goal, one that I can hopefully stick to. As of today I am down 40 pounds and would really like to lose 10 pounds by my 4th wedding anniversary which is Oct 2nd. I would really like to be down close to 100 pounds by my surgery anniversary and need to start working towards that now. I will keep track of my food every day for the next 3 weeks and commit to working out 3x a week atleast. If by working hard I don't make it down those 10 pounds I will be ok with it, if I don't stick to it though I am really going to need some help to get myself in a place where I can stick to this.
Second fill and my victories!
Jun 14, 2008
I had my second fill on Wednesday. I hadn't felt any restriction really after my first fill so they put 2cc's in my 10cc band bringing me to 6.5cc's. I am still on mushies but as of right now don't feel any different. I start back on regular foods tomrorow so I guess that will be the real test! I am trying really hard to be good right now, have a few unhealthy things here and there but for the most part feel I am doing ok. I really feel like I have to be careful and following the rules has given me the success I have had so far!
I weighed in yesterday and I am officially down 30 pounds! I was trilled at the weight loss but the more exciting thing was when my hubby and I went shopping last night to get a few things for our trip to Vegas next weekend. I desperatly needed a new pair of capri's or two since the ones I have were getting too big and baggy. We went and checked out the sale at Lane Bryant and I grabbed a few pairs of size 24, I was a 26 when I was banded just over 2 months ago. I tried them on and to my surprise...they were a little big! So I had the sales lady grab me a 22 in the styles I liked and they fit! I was so excited and my hubby was so proud of me that he told me to get whatever I wanted (which is very unlike him!) I didn't want to buy too much so I just bought a pair of bermuda shorts and a pair of white capris (plus a cute cotton dress which wasn't on the list in a size 18/20). I was even more excited when everything was rung up and my grand total was only $59 which is amazing for Lane Bryant!
Toot my own horn!
Jun 03, 2008
I am tired but for good reason! I worked out twice today...and enjoyed it! I NEVER thought I would say that! I went to Curves on lunch today and then the hubby and I went for a 2.1 mile walk after dinner! I feel great...tired but in a good way! I also decided to start doing some things to make myself feel good so I went and got a spray tan today, it looks pretty good and I am getting my hair cut and colored tomorrow and I think I might just do something crazy! I weighed in on Friday and was down another 2 pounds, 8 more to go before Vegas on the 21st, not sure that I will make it but its a good goal to reach for!
Time for an update...
May 28, 2008
I haven't updated in a while so I figured I better get to it! I had my first fill 2 weeks ago putting 4.5cc's in my 10 cc band. I feel a little bit of restriction which is great, before my fill I could have eaten anything in site! I did good though and the doc was very happy with my progress, not losing too fast but still losing. As of my appointment I was down from 304 to 280...yep, thats 24 pounds! I am so happy with the number and just need to start feel like I am losing weight. I finally set up a mini goal for myself, figure I can't reach the big goal with out stepping stones along the way. So here it goes...my hubby and I are leaving for Vegas on June 21st and I want to be down to 270 by then. I know I can do it if I stick to the rules...I will admit I have been horrible the last few days and am making a promise to myself right here and now that I will get back on track so I can make it to that goal. I also joined Curves yesterday and went back again today even though I really wasn't in the mood to work out. I am SO glad I went though, I feel great after working out!
I go back in for my second fill on June 11th and they said they would probably only do 1/2 to 1 cc which I think will do me pretty good. I have noticed that I am tighter in the morning and then at night I could eat a lot more but I won't let myself...atleast I try not to let myself! Thats it for now! 270 here I come!
On the road...
Apr 12, 2008
Well I am officially on the road to a new me! Surgery went great on Tuesday and I am feeling pretty good. I am having a hard time getting in enough protein and water but it gets better everyday! I don't want to become obsessed with the scale but I did weigh myself today and since I started my pre-op diet last saturday I have lost 14 pounds! I can't wait to see where I am at this time next year!
Tomorrow is the big day...
Apr 07, 2008
I am so freaked out and wondering if I am doing the right thing. I can't seem to shake my fear of not waking up from my surgery and abonding my family. My son is with my parents tonight, this is the first night I have been away from him since he came home from the hospital and it is so hard. I am having a hard time with him not being here but it was for the best since we have to be at the hospital at 5am! I know he is the main reason I want to get healthy which really motivates me but I can't help but worry that I won't be here for him after tomorrow. I am sure I will be posting in a few days that everything went fine but right now I just want to call and cancel!
Is this a fat suit?
Mar 30, 2008
So I must say that the more weight I gain the more I feel like I am in a fat suit and I will just wake up with it gone...but every morning I get up and look in the mirror and my fat suit is still there. I can't wait for the day I get out of bed and look the way I feel. I must say I have always been a fashionista, (not to toot my own horn or anything.) even being a fat girl I have always gotten compliments on my style and been asked for style advice. I just returned to work after a 3 month maternity leave and everyone was so excited to see my cute clothes that I haven't been able to wear for so long! The truth is though that it is very hard work to be a trendy fat girl, especially when on a budget and I can't wait to get rid of this fat suit for good and have more freedom when I shop.
I watched an epidose of the Tyra Banks show a few weeks ago about a girl dressed up in a fat suit and she realized how differently she was treated opposed to when she was her thin self and I must say, I have noticed that so many times...I mean that I have been treated different that a thin person, I haven't ever been thin myself! I notice it every time I go to get a pedicure, my mom, sister and I go and neither of them have a weight issue. They always get a better pedicure and it always takes longer. It's so frustrating becuase I pay the same price and am always sitting around waiting for them! Anyway, just thought I would vent a little about my fat suit....it will be gone soon!
Fears...
Mar 29, 2008
So I had my pre-op nutrition class on Wednesday and it made me so much more excited for my surgery! I also decided that I am going to join Curves, I know I will never work out at home and with Curves I can go on my lunch break.
I can't seem to shake my fears of surgery though, I know the risks are low and the doctor told me they are really low since I am so healthy other than my weight. But I am so scared I won't come out of surgery, its driving me insane! I told my husband I want to go have family pictures done this weekend just in case but he thinks I am nuts! Lets just say I won and we are having pictures done tomorrow. I really just want my surgery day to be over with so I can realize all this worrying is for nothing!
