8 Months Out

Jul 11, 2007

Wow, its been a while since I posted. I am now going on 8 months out and have came a long way. I weight 185 now and my doctor gave me a goal of 165 so I am only 20 pounds away. I feel better, I get out more and have starting caring what I look like again as far as hair and make-up and clothes. I just got into a size 11-12 and I am thrilled with it but when I look in the mirrow I still see the same person.
   I know its a problem but I have no confedance in my looks and keep thinking I should weigh less by now. Its funny for I can't focus on the fact I have lost 120 ponds in 8 months all  can see is I am not at my goal of 130 and that goal is way to thin for my doctors taste and though he gave me a goal of 165 he told me please dont go under 150 if you feel you still need to lose.
  The only reason I want to be 130 is so when I quit smoking i won't freak with some weight loss. But another part of me just wants to be on the really thin side of normal and would love to see a size 6 or 4 even. Eating is another issue for I try to eat good and always feel like when I doI over eat even though I only hit around 1100 calories on a really big food day so then I go a day without to try to make up for it. BAD HABIT I know and I gotta bust this. I keep telling myself if I can just see I look normal I will quit that.
   I also worry for I know the surgery has gotta be wearing off soon and th rest of the weight will be up to me and though I dont set me time goals to hard I feel myself rushing them when I get a little closer. For expample my first goal was to be 200 pounds by my 38th birthday and when I hit it two months early I decided to be 180 by then and now my birthday is two weeks away and I am cutting my calories super low and working out like a feind to get there when I should just be happy I hit the 200 mark like I said.
  My next goal is to be at my doctors goal by the end of summer and I know if I hit 180 and I am going to be stressing with that. before I hit my 200 goal the end of summer goal was 180 so I am really pushing myself hard. I also wonder what I am going to do if I hit my personal goal,Where will my focus be then?
  Time will tell!

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eastpointe, MI
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44.3
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Mar 01, 2006
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