Mickmouse67

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BMI:  40                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Oct 10, 2006  I called my primary care provider about the tests that I have to have ran, but they can't get me in for 2 wks.  I am worried that I will keep having to wait for the docs and I won't be able to have my surgery before the end of the year.  For some odd reason, she wants to have a 40 minute appt. with me.  I have no idea why because she already referred me and we had discussed my intentions prior to that.  It is frustrating!   Then, to top it all off, the cardiologist is leaving      1 Nov and I will have to wait for another to come in.  I hate being this close and not being able to have things run smoothly.  I will just have to wait to see.  I may be able to go about this differently.  I know, I know - be patient!

Oct 22, 2006  I got a call from Dr. Barker's office.  I have been qualified for the surgery.  I can't say that I was approved because BCBS doesn't pre-approve anyone for surgery.  I explained to the office the problem that I was having with getting my tests run & since I live in a different state, they set me up for my tests back-to-back with my 2nd consultation appointment.  I was so greatful.  My next dates to see them are the 8th & 9th of November.  I can hardly wait!  I should find out my surgery date.  I want to get this show on the road so that I can become the person that I know that I can be.  My mother is TOTALLY supporting me.  She knows that once I shed this winter coat of fat, I will become more confident.  I lost my self-confidence while I was married because I just kept getting bigger & bigger & no matter what my ex told me, I know that my weight bothered him.  I am on my way to a healthier me - physically, as well as mentally.

10 Nov 06 WOW!!  I am so excited!!  I got my date.  I went for my stress test & my EGD.  Everything went real well.  I do have a hiatal hernia (which I already knew).  They told me that they planned on fixing that while they were in doing my surgery.  But, the most exciting thing was that I found out that I could have my surgery on the 18th of December.  I wanted to have it while my son was on Xmas break and his break starts on the 15th so it is PERFECT timing.  I can hardly wait!!

13 Oct 06  Hmmm!  I have wanted to share my good news with everyone, but the majority of people freak out.  All they can think of is the bad stuff.  I assume that it is because they haven't done all of the research that I have.  Don't they know that ANY surgery has a risk just as high as the one for this surgery.  Grrrr!  Oh well, I am not going to let it bother me because I am very happy with my decision to have this surgery. 

24 Nov 06 We had to put my grandmother in the hospital.  She was horribly sick & we found out that she has Leukemia (in an advanced form).  My grandmother is a very special person in my life.  I know that she has lived a very long life (she's 83), but I can't help but being so sad.  I once was her caregiver, but when she got sick here while back I had to send her to stay with my aunt because I work and my aunt doesn't.  She was doing pretty good and then this happened.  At least I was able to say my goodbyes to her (and my son was able to also).

26 Nov 06  It has been officially confirmed that my grandmother has leukemia.  The docs tried a couple of things to help her.  We don't want her to have to go through any aggressive treatments because she didn't want that.  My aunt will be telling them to just send her home, but to make her as comfortable as they can for her last few days.  She had already been telling everyone that her time had come and she was ready to go.  Life is so unfair some times.  She lived such a hard life & will be leaving this world in a hard way.  I pray every night that she will go with no pain.  I will miss her so very much!!  She is just like a 2nd mom to me!

(I wanted to include a pic of my grandmother here, but I haven't figured out how to do that.  So, I guess just see my photos on the left.)

29 Nov 06 Heaven got a new angel today.  My grandmother passed on to be with her maker today.  She was a WONDERFUL, caring, loving and unjudging person.  She will no longer be in pain.  I will miss her so VERY much!!! 

               

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6 Dec 06  Ok, so I watched a video of what they are getting ready to do to me in just 1 1/2 short weeks.  It was disgusting!  Kinda scary too!  I don't recommend anyone watch it before the surgery.  It just looks like I'm in for a whole LOT of pain.  I have been through different surgeries and none of them really hurt too much afterwards, but I am expecting this one to.  The video makes it look so much worse than I imagine that it will be.  Hmmm!  Guess maybe I am just getting those pre-surgery jitters.  That doesn't mean that I am going to change my mind.  I have researched this thing for quite some time & kept putting it off, but no longer - I am jumping in with both feet.

7 Dec 06  Well, now I am getting a little frustrated.  I am having to have my surgery many miles from where I live (a whole different state) and I have no one to go there with me.  I called the Dr's office to see if I would be able to drive after I left the hospital.  Of course, I knew the answer, it was no.  I knew that, but it didn't hurt to ask.  Well, my intentions are to stay with my aunt because the Dr requires me to return after 1 week for my first visit.  My aunt lives in Dallas (well, outside of Dallas), but she absolutely does NOT drive in Dallas and well, I don't have to say it, but the hospital is in Dallas.  So . . . . I am unsure of what I am going to do.  I will try to call my cousin, but she may not be able to pick me up either.  This sucks!  I wish that my mom was going to be there with me.  Besides the driving, I am a little nervous too about the surgery and would feel much better if my mom could be there.  I should have definitely done this years ago when I was married so that my husband could have been there for me.  Oh well, hopefully, I will find some way to & from the hospital.  I don't think that it would be in the best interest of my pocket book to hail a cab (besides that, I don't think they will release me to a cab either).  Ugh!!!  On the bright side, I am only 11 days away from my new life.  Hmmm!!

12 Dec 06 Well, I was supposed to start my liquid diet today, but instead I thought it was supposed to be yesterday.  Ugh!  I don't want any extra days tacked onto this liquid diet thing.  The "first" day, I did real good until evening & that is when I realized that I started my liquids too soon - so, I had a brownie.  Today I started again on my real first day of liquids.  It was very tough because I kept getting hungry all day long.  I think that Slim Fast Optima works better than boullion for curbing my hunger.  My tummy has been a mess all day.  It was gurgling and gurgling & I had to make frequent trips to the bathroom.  Boy is that fun when you are at work.  I made it though!  One day down & 6 more to go.  I will be leaving this weekend for my surgery & I am having many mixed feelings . . . should I really do this?  why can't you just lose weight on your own (not that I haven't been trying to for what seems like forever)?  is this safe (I watched the video of the surgery & it scared me & I read some of the obituaries & some of the "bad" reactions people have had to the surgery)?  I know my surgeon is a perfectionist so I am sure that I am in good hands & one of the people that post in the forums told me that she had her surgery at the same place that I am and she said that I would absolutely love the place.  What if I get too skinny?  What if I gain?  I definitely don't want to do this for nothing.  What if I lose the weight & I have a very LARGE amount of skin hanging?  What if . . . what if.  Then, I had my son take some pics of me in a 2-piece bathing suit & that did it for me!!!  I looked ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE!!!  I got brought back to reality & the reason that I am having this surgery done.  So, only 6 more days & I will be on the "loosing" side. 

13 Dec 06  Well, day 2 on the liquids outta here!!  I am so hungry!!  I am starting to get headaches & I am getting a little edgy!!  Grrrr!!!  I got reminded that I didn't update on my ride situation.  Although I feel that I am burdening my cousin, she has said that she will get me to and from the hospital.  I hate this being so last minute & not going like I planned.  Everyone either works or do NOT drive in Dallas.  My cousin tried to keep my spirits up by telling me that although it will be difficult, she could help because that's what families do.  I sure didn't want to burden anyone.  I truly thought that my mother would come with me & she would drive me to & from the hospital (although I should have known better).  Nothing on this journey has been easy except for my initial consult & my insurance approval.  Everything since then has been so friggin' difficult!!  I can't wait until this surgery is done & over with.  Perhaps, things will settle down again.  Ugh!! 

15 Dec 06  Well, this will probably be my last post before the BIG DAY ~ Monday.  I will be driving over 400 miles to have this surgery so I will be heading out VERY early on Sunday for Dallas.  Saturday will be spent getting everything together.  This has been the most difficult time getting to "my day."  I have just about made it there.  Whew!

I did want to mention the people that are supporting me through this.  My mother is supporting me every step of the way, even though she is unable to be there in the hospital with me due to work issues.  My sister had open RNY 4 years ago Dec 4th.  She is doing wonderful & is supporting me by helping me to understand what she went through.  Her husband has even brought me to one of my doctor's appts. in Dallas so that I wouldn't have to drive alone.  In fact, it was my first appt. with Dr Barker.  Another supporter or should I say supporters are many people from my work.  I haven't been shy about what I am doing.  To me, it is what is best for me all around.  One of my biggest supporters is my son.  He not only encourages me, but also taunts me with food when he knows that I can't eat anything right now ~ grrrr  haha!  And, last but not least, my new friends here on OH.  Thank you, each and every one of you for all the help & kind words & encouragement that you have sent my way!!  I hope that I can reciprocate one of these days. 

Well, I am signing off for now.  Depending on whether the doc lets my PCP take my staples out or not, will determine when I will return.  I may have to hang out in Dallas for a while.  I would really like to be home for Christmas with my family at home.  Well Hasta Luego ~ until we meet again.

25 Dec 2006  (1 week post op) - MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!!!  Well, I am back home.  I had my surgery on the 18th.  The night before surgery, I was a little nervous, but I wasn't too bad.  I had to spend the night before at my cousin's house (it was part of the way that I was going to be able to get a ride to the hospital).  My cousin was drinking wine & kept gabbing & gabbing.  All I wanted to do was go to sleep.  Eventually, I got to sleep and morning came very quickly.  We had to go over to my cousin's job before I was dropped off at the hospital. 

 We drove up to the hospital & my cousin said that it looked like it was a bad neighborhood.  The hospital was surrounded by an iron fence.  The hospital itself was very nice.  We came in the wrong door & had to walk quite a ways to get to the check-in area.  The lady there didn't have a sense of humor or much of a personality, for that matter.  When I am nervous, I like to joke some, but she didn't care for any of the jokes.  I was told to have a seat.  I waited there for about 15 minutes or so.  I met a lady that was coming in for a lap band the next week.  We exchanged a few words & then I was called up to actually check-in.  That took FOREVER!!!  The receptionist walked me to the elevators and told me to get off on the 4th floor and hand them my paperwork.  I accidentally got off on the 2nd floor & they acted as though they had no clue what the heck I was talking about, then it donned on me that I had got off on the wrong floor. 

I finally made it to the 4th floor.  Those ladies there were very sweet.  They put me in a room right away and within a few minutes, I had an IV in my arm.  I thought that was odd because I had arrived at 9am and wasn't due for surgery until 3pm.  I had my own room & I turned on the TV.  I took me a nap & then watched more TV.  They came in around 2pm and took me back to the holding area.  Well, I would have rather waited in the room because the holding area was 4 or 5 people with curtains dividing us.  We did have a TV, but the wait was SO LONG!!  Dr. Barker was behind & even though I had gotten over there at 2pm, I wasn't wheeled back for surgery until between 7 & 8pm.  I found out later that my family had been calling & calling & calling to find out how I was doing.  No one let anyone know that my surgery had been delayed.  My son called my cell phone over 30 times trying to find out if I was out of surgery.  I had the nurses call my mom when I come out of surgery.  After I was finally awake, I got ahold of the family and told them all that I was fine. 

Make sure if you have Dr. Barker & you have any questions, you ask them before you go under because you won't see him again.  I was pretty disappointed about that.  I would have liked to have him pop in to see how I was doing.  Some other internal medicine doc that I had never met came in and asked me how I was doing.  I told him that I was in pain & he said to use the pain button & then he told me that they would release me the next day.  Oh, he was nice enough to leave his business card.  That was the one & ONLY time that I saw any kind of doc.  I bet my insurance will be hit hard on that visit even though he was only in there maybe 5 minutes (if that). 

I don't remember anything after they started my anesthesia until some time in the night.  I got up a few times to go to the bathroom & walk.  They wouldn't even give me a drink until the next day.  I couldn't even have ice chips.  The nurse did give me a wet rag (only if I promised not to drink the water from the rag) to wet my mouth & lips.  That did help. 

I was in pain, but no one told me that I could keep pushing that pain med button.  The nurses kept checking on me and told me that I sure wasn't using my pain meds much.  I didn't need it all the time, but in the beginning, I sure did need it.  They finally let me know that I could push that pain button more and I did.  I finally started feeling much more comfortable.  I kept walking off & on all day the next day and the nurses were so impressed.  I didn't think that I was doing much, but they seemed to think so.  Probably because even though I didn't have anyone there at the hospital with me the whole time, I still got up on my own and walked. 

I got out and was still in TONS of pain!!  I truly feel that they should keep people one more day for this surgery.  My cousin picked me up & my aunt was supposed to meet me at my cousin's.  She called my aunt and told her that she should wait to get me until the next day because I had had it!  She said that I was totally wiped out and needed to just get into bed.  We went back to her place after going and getting my meds at the pharmacy & I crashed.  I got up & had some broth.  I didn't stay up too long before I went back and went to bed.  I kept waking up through the night so I would walk and walk in the room back & forth, back & forth.  My aunt picked me up the next day.

The rest of the week, I kept busy.  My aunt kept taking me here & there for shopping & I was exhausted.  I sure am grateful now that my aunt had me do that.  I mean, if I hadn't done all that walking, I would have been so dang sore. 

I wanted to drive home for Christmas, but I wanted to make sure that I would be able to drive the 6-8 hours that I would need to in order to get home without being too uncomfortable.  I waited until Sunday and we got up early & drove home.  The drive wasn't too bad.  I did have to get out a couple of times to walk around & then we got back on the road.  I made it home for Christmas.  I got to see my nephew who I haven't seen in probably 6-7 years.  It was nice to see him.  Christmas was VERY nice, considering that no one was in the Christmas spirit because of my grandmother's death the month before.  Not one tree was put up around here & we didn't have our traditional Christmas dinner/party.  Next year will be better!!

Ok, so I got to thinking . . . them there staples in my tummy have to come out in a week to 10 days and it has been a week today.  I figured why should I pay someone else to take them suckers out when I could do it myself.  So . . . I got all 10 staples out.  I did catch one in one of my incisions and opened it a little, but luckily I had some butterfly stitch on hand and I taped the sucker up.  I feel soooooooooo much better.  All of that pulling is gone.  I can even get outta bed without pain now!!  YEAH!!  (Oh yeah, I did have a pain ball thingy that they had attached to me right at the bottom of my rib cage in the center.  I had to remove it 3 days after I had my surgery.  It pulled a little, but wasn't really painful at all.) 

Anyways, I bet you are wondering how much I have lost . . . well, I went in a little less than my original weight (about 5 pounds).  I put all of that back on plus another 10 pounds so . . .

                              POST OP WT:  230

                              1 WK POST OP WT:  204!!  (-16lbs from my original wt)

I think all is going well.  I did start trying different foods even though I wasn't supposed to.  I did pretty good on most things, but last night I overfilled my pouch & was totally miserable & today I ate a bite of a hamburger patty & it didn't set well at all.  It all came back up.  My stomach has been kinda yucky ever since.  I think maybe I should stick to the soft foods like I am supposed to.  I am sure there is a very logical and good reason for that.  It was just so hard with all of the holiday food staring me in the face.  Since I am back home, I can start eating better and more like I should.   I am feeling really well & getting around almost 100% now.  Thank you all for supporting me & helping me in all the ways that you have.  Talk to you soon. 

30 Dec 06  Well, I went and weighed myself (since for some reason I don't own a scale - probably because I never wanted to see how fat I got).  I weighed 196!!!!!!!  I couldn't believe it.  It hasn't even been 2 weeks and I have lost 24 lbs.  I tried forever to get below 200 and now it has happened in no time at all.  My family has said that they can see it in my face & neck.  And, for the first time in a very LONG time, I can see my ankles & my calves aren't so tight that they feel like they are going to pop. 

As for food, well I went back to softer foods and they seem to set a bit better.  I am VERY tired of the nausea though.  I am still trying to figure out when I am full before I throw up.  I don't even feel hungry yet, but I am trying to make myself eat 3 times a day. 

 Ok, so I need to be lashed . . . I tried some protein shakes & bars and just about puked.  I couldn't handle either one of those.  So, I haven't been doing my protein.  I am going to try Ensure.  I think it will taste pretty good if I mix it with milk & if I have to chocolate.  My sister got on my butt because she said that I am going to be losing tons of hair if I don't get my protein in.  I am not having a problem with my liquids.  My drink of choice is just plain 'ol water.  I can't seem to get hydrated enough.  Before surgery, I ONLY drank diet soft drinks & NO water unless I was taking medicine so I am sure that my body is going through water shock ~ haha.  I remember most days to take my vitamins, but I need to start taking some calcium. 

My family has been very supportive & check up on me if they don't hear from me at least once a day.  It is nice to have the support.  My dad still thinks this surgery is stupid, but hasn't even mentioned the surgery to me at all.  I am not hiding it from him, just not talking about it. 

I have developed really dry skin.  I may have had some sort of latex bandaid or tape on me (I am allergic to latex) in a couple of places.  They have a raised red mark, which is usually what happens when my skin is exposed to latex. 

I decided to try on a pair of jeans that had been TIGHT and they are still tight, but not near as tight.  I am getting there.  I am very happy with my success, but the average 5 lbs a day is a thing of the past.  I only lost 8 lbs from Monday to Friday.  I know that is really good though so I am all right with it.  Be back on at the 2 wk mark with an update on the wt.

We have gotten snow for the past 2 days and it actually has snowed nearly as much as it did when I was a kid.  We haven't had snow like this in a long time.  I had some fun sliding around corners ~ made me feel young again (don't worry, it was a very slight slide because I wasn't going very fast, but it was fun ~ oh, and NOONE was on the roads at the time).  I'm crazy, but not that crazy.  We had no snow for Christmas, but we might have it for New Year's Eve!!  I am gonna sign off for now.  Chow!

1 Jan 2007  Well, I made it!  I am 2 weeks out and feeling much better.  There are many foods that I have decided to wait before trying again.  I hate the nausea!!  I so very badly want to guzzle a bottle of water, but my pouch doesn't let me get more than 2 or 3 small gulps in before it tells me HEY!! quit that!!!  I don't feel like I am hydrated enough, but I drink as much as I can all the time. 

I kept craving something and I couldn't figure out what it was.  I would try this or that and nothing would get rid of the craving.  I finally figured it out tonight.  It was tomatoes.  I bought some of them tiny tomatoes and I couldn't get enough of them.  It was like before surgery when I would make a pan of brownies.  That is too weird.  I am glad that it was something that was healthy!  I ate a small piece of pepperoni pizza this afternoon and did fine with it.  I am still lacking in the protein so tomorrow I am gonna push push push the protein.  I also bought some cottage cheese for protein as well. 

Ok, so I bought a set of scales.  I hopped on them just to see what my 2-wk weight was and it was 194.  I couldn't believe it.  That is a loss of 26 lbs.  I would have never been able to lose that much weight any other way.  I am really starting to love this surgery.  My incisions are itching like crazy and I keep putting creme on them.  Hopefully they won't scar too bad.  It doesn't look like it.  Dr. Barker is a good seamstress or stapleress (haha).  My energy level is still WAYYYYYYYYYY low and after I eat, I feel like I need to lay down to feel better.  I have to fight this because I will be going back to work Wednesday.  Well, time to kick the kiddo off of the PS2 & get to watching some serious Lifetime or something.

3 Jan 07  Today I went back to work.  I thought that things would be a mess, but they held everything down real well while I was gone.  It seemed as though I was missed.  Everyone was very happy for the weight that I lost.  They were all curious as to how much pain I had been through and once I explained everything to them about the surgery they seemed interested.  I even had a couple of the guys from work ask if I wanted to go to their weekly workout.  I told them not now, but maybe later after I drop some weight.  I took some toddler foods with me and thought that would be a good thing.  OMG!! The mashed potatoes with cheddar & broccoli was NASTY!!  I think I should stick with grown up foods.  I did feel a little sick today, but I was all right.  I had bacon today and it went down pretty well except when I didn't chew enough.  It is really hard to retrain myself.  I will get there.  

8 Jan 07  Another week gone & I have lost a total of 32 lbs.  I can't kick this no energy thing.  It would help if I could remember to take my vitamins, but I keep forgetting.  I was craving protein foods so I know that my body wants me to get more protein in.  The nausea is still there and very frustrating.  I know that it takes time, but that is the most annoying thing at this point.  Both the nausea & energy.  I asked Dr Barker's office if I could go back to my bowling this week, but they told me 2 more weeks to be safe.  Ugh, I am on a league and I am missing too many days, but it will be ok (its just that I have to pay them even when I am not there).  I am pretty ticked off right now because when I called Dr Barker's office originally, I was under the impression that everything would be included with my surgery except the hospital co-pay.  I have received bills for the stress test, the doc at the stress test (who I only saw 15 mins ~ I even called them ahead of time & asked them and they only mentioned the $15 co-pay), the scope procedure, the anesthesia from the scope, I even have gotten a bill for a pain pack that was inserted inside of  me when I woke up from surgery.  I didn't even know I was going to have one of those.  This surgery is getting to be as expensive as if I had the surgery closer to where I live and went out of network!!  When my sis had her surgery, everything everything was included with the exception of the $100 hospital co-pay.  I am a single mom & can't afford all of these bills!!  I sure would have waited if I would have had any clue this would cost this much (and, I probably would have found a different doc).  I am FURIOUS!!!!!!

17 Jan 07  Well, this past week was pretty disappointing at first.  I found that I didn't lose even one pound and I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong.  Then, it happened and I figured it out.  I had been constipated and didn't understand because I had been going more than ever since I had my surgery, but . . . then the other day I started my monthly.  That was what it was.  I always get constipated when it is that time and I always gain between 5 & 10 pounds every month.  I usually do my "official" weigh-in on Monday.  So, Tuesday morning I got on the scales and 3 lbs had melted away overnight.  That put me 35 lbs down!!!  Yeah!!!  (I thought that I would step on the scale while I was writing this and another pound is gone so that makes 36 lbs now!!!)  I sure miss the 5 lbs a day that I was losing the first week though.  But, people I know are noticing the difference physically with me.  I even have a couple of people at work that ask me 2 or 3 times a week how much I have lost now.  That makes me feel so good.  I sure need to feel good about myself.  I haven't felt good about myself for so very long. 

I have been craving tomatoes (the little grape ones) like crazy!!  I am doing better about getting my vitamins in.  They sit in front of my computer so I won't forget them.  The only beverage that I really like now is water, but I did drink a whole diet pepsi the other day (I used to be addicted to Diet Pepsi before I had surgery.  It was ALL I drank).  I crave other drinks, but when I get them I have to force myself to drink them.  As far as food goes, I have found that besides hamburger, bread is not a good thing for me.  Everytime I eat something with bread, I get sick.  So, I am eating very little bread now.  Most other things I do well with unless I over eat, not chew enough or drink while I am eating (and that is so hard for me not to do). 

Energy - most days I am wiped out by the end of the work day (and I work at a desk).  I have even tried taking 2 B-12s and it just isn't enough to perk me up.  I imagine that exercise would help.  I keep waiting for this bad weather to let up (but I suppose that is only an excuse).  Well, off to another week of losing.

18 Feb 07 Sorry I haven't written in a while.  I hadn't lost any weight and I was very discouraged!!  I didn't much feel like recording that.  I went 3 1/2 wks without a pound lost.  Then, after posting a few times I got the idea...drink more fluids, eat more, and take your vitamins.  I wasn't doing too well with the children's vitamins so I bought me a bottle of "big girl" vitamins and I have been feeling much better.  The energy levels have increased.  I thought that I was drinking plenty, but I wasn't drinking near enough.  I am able to stomach an occasional soda (and diet Mt Dew seems to work the best).  It usually takes me about a day to drink one can.  I still crave my Rt 44 Diet Pepsi's from Sonic, but I know that I can't drink them so I don't get them.  Water & tea seem to be the only thing that curbs my thirst.  As far as eating, well I just eat more frequently.  I still don't get the hunger pains that I used to before surgery so it is hard to tell when I am really hungry and I never feel full until it is too late.  And, well then I am sick for about 30 minutes.  

It is so cool to look down and see the change in my body.  It is weird too.  I can hardly wait to start shopping in the cute clothes.  Right now I have gone from a size 20 (should have been a 22) to a 16 in pants.  My shirt sizes have gone from XXL-XXXL to M-L.  I have even ventured out to the shorter shirts a little.  My sister has passed some clothes to me and I am shocked to find that some of them actually fit. 

My mother has even started losing weight.  She started out in the low 200s and has matched me with weight.  I can't believe it!  She didn't even have this surgery to do it either.  I am proud of her, but at the same time it is frustrating because she didn't have to go through this to lose.  My sister still looks GREAT even 4 yrs out from her surgery.  We are all getting thinner and looking MUCH better.  Now if we can all just stay that way : )

3 Apr 07                                   Happy Birthday lil' sis!!! 

Well, I have officially gotten into a size 14 pants - talk about exciting!!  I thought that I would never see that size again.  My sister had given me some pants and I thought they were all tiny pants, but there were plenty of sizes from 14 on down so I haven't had to buy many clothes.  I did buy one pair of pants before I knew she had given me some that I could fit into. 

I was doing pretty good, but obviously not eating as many times as I should.  I just knew that I didn't want to gain any weight.  I was afraid that if I ate, I would gain so I kept cutting back and cutting back.  Then, I would hit a plateau until I started eating more protein and drinking water.  Once I did, I would lose like 5 lbs.  So, I have learned to eat but protein is getting pretty blah to me.  I don't handle the shakes or the protein water so that isn't an option for me. 

BEWARE:  Take your vitamins EVERY day!!!  I would take them, but I got where I forgot them more than I would remember them.  Well, this past week I was extremely tired and I didn't know why.  I was on leave from work for spring break and didn't feel like doing anything.  Then, Sunday I woke up with no sense of balance and I was dizzy.  I stayed that way all day.  I had called my sister and she told me to eat more protein and take 2 vitamins instead of one.  I did and when it didn't go away by 7:30 that night, I went to the ER.  They checked my blood pressure, checked to see if I was dehydrated, checked me for anemia, did a chest xray, and he looked at my ears.  He couldn't find anything.  My blood pressure is always low, but it was lower than it usually has been (esp. the bottom number).  They weren't concerned.  The doc gave me a shot for the nausea and a pill for the dizziness.  They did nothing for me.  I woke up Monday the same way - I was running into walls and doors because my balance was so off.  I made an appt. with my PCP.  I also phoned Dr Barker's office (my surgeon) and they told me to have my doc run a vitamin panel.  I told my PCP that is what they said and she told me that those symptoms didn't have anything to do with vitamins that it was vertigo (before she had even examined me or anything - it was like she just generically diagnosed me - I wasn't too happy).  She told me that she could run a full vitamin panel, but that my insurance probably wouldn't cover it but that she could check my Bs, folic acid, and D without any problems from the insurance.  So, I had her do that.  I should hear something back within a week.  I kept taking the 2 vitamins a day and guess what?  I am feeling better.  I still have bouts of balance troubles, but nothing like Sunday.  So . . . . take your vitamins.  It is the ONLY thing different that I am doing that I wasn't doing before.   I truly believe that I was lacking a vitamin or two. 

More later . . . . .                       

August 26, 2007

It has been forever since I posted.  Sorry!!  I just haven't been moving the weight very much.  I believe that I am dropping inches, but no weight.  I know that it is because I have almost quit drinking water (again) and I am balancing out carbs with my protein.  I have got to get back on protein & water to get the weight I want to get off.  I am down 80lbs and if I don't lose another pound, I know that I look so very much better.  I feel 100% better.  I can't believe how much difference that HORRIBLE weight made.  I was such a different person.  No wonder my husband divorced me.  I am finding a totally NEW me.  One that I am becoming so comfortable with.  I now want to be a better person.  Not only has the weight changed, but I got a new hairstyle that I really like and come December I will FINALLY have my Bachelor's Degree.  I have been working on that degree for over 12yrs.  When I married, I got to where I didn't care if I finished my degree or not.  Now, I just want to make myself better.  Before, I thought that my husband could and would take care of me and I didn't need to be anything but a mom & wife.  I wasn't happy with myself, but that is changing now.  Too bad it took a divorce & breast cancer to get me to focus on Lisa.  But, at least I did it before my life was fatally ended.  

I am such an advocate of this surgery!!  I tell everyone (sometimes even total strangers ~ it just bursts out of me some times) that I had the surgery and about my journey.  People love to hear about my journey.  I have even talked with people that are in need of the surgery so bad that I am afraid that they may not make it much longer (of course, I talk with the ones that want to hear about it not all overweight people).  I make sure that I let them know that I had ALL of the fears that they have had about the surgery (I mean, it took me 5 yrs to decide to do this thing & I was still scared).  It was the BEST thing I could have ever done in my life.  I am such a better person!!  I actually am starting to look in mirrors now & I am wanting people to take pictures of me.  I used to avoid them at all costs.  I want to see how pretty I am becoming.  Did I actually say I look "pretty?"  Holy Moly!!  

I do have a few more pounds to go and I still have that fat that I have always had around my stomach area.  My thighs are thicker than I would like to see them as well.  I am still working on those couple of areas.  I never knew I had such a long neck ~ it was so full of double/triple chins that I hadn't seen my neck in years.  Oh!!  I almost forgot!!  I had a BIG WOW moment this weekend.  I had been wearing a size 22 jeans when I started my journey.  I had some hand-me-down jeans that I have been wearing lately ~ size 10, but this weekend I went to buy me some jeans and I got 10s ~ way too big ~ so I got 8s and one pair fit and one was (get this) too big!!!  I bought a size 6 and I could have actually gotten into a 4, but I like to feel comfortable so I like my jeans a little loose.  Can you believe it!!  I wore a size 6 out Saturday night.  I do NOT remember anything below an 11.  WOW!!!!!!!!!!  Thank you Lord for giving me the courage to go through with this surgery!!!

If you need someone to chat with, give me a shout.  I am easy to talk to and I am more than willing to psych you up or give you some encouragement.  Ta-ta for now.

14 September 2007

Not too many posts because I am at a lull on my weightloss.  I know what I need to do to get the rest of this weight off.  I am still unmotivated.  I don't have the energy that I need to get me off my butt.  I am not unhappy with my current weight, but I don't like how it is distributed.  I need to take off more fat and exercise is the only way!!  I have also really gotten into eating sweets.  I don't want to gain the weight back yet, the sweets keep calling to me.  I liked it much better when I would dump when I ate sweets.  I have done some reading and I think that perhaps I need to get away from the Diet Pepsi again.  I know that when I wasn't drinking sodas, I didn't crave sweets all the time.  

On the good side, I have been getting so many compliments.  I have not only lost weight, but I got a new hairstyle and gotten new contacts (which I wear most every day).  I even have guys telling me stuff that just stuns me.  I haven't had so much attention in so very long ~ I just don't know how to take it.  I was so big for so long that I have a problem accepting compliments.  I am getting better about it though.  It is so weird to have guys actually look at me from across a room or a parking lot or in the next car over.  I was even told many times that I look 10 years younger.  I love that since I will be turning 40 this year.  I really needed this surgery so very long ago.  It has done so much for my self-esteem!!  

Ok, so here is my promise to myself:  try to cut back (if not cut out) the sodas, drink more water, eat more protein & less sugars & carbs, and get on some sort of exercise program.  I will keep you informed.

                                                                                    

December 18, 2007 - My Other Birthday!!!

Wow!  Has time passed.  It has been a year since I had my surgery.  This was the best decision that I ever made in my life!!  I have had so much happen to me in this past year and some of it has to do with my choice to take hold of my life and have this surgery.  One of my major accomplishments is that on this past Saturday, I walked across the stage and received my Bachelors Degree.  I had been working on this degree for more than 12 years.  I had such a time trying to get this degree because I was so very close to getting my degree when I met my former husband.  He was military and we got stationed in Guam.  I changed colleges and degree plans.  We only spent 2 years there and then we moved to Louisiana.  I had to once again begin a new degree plan.  Boy was I surprised when I went from being a last semester Senior to a first semester Junior.  My attitude about school went down completely (so did my GPA).  Then, after my separation/divorce we returned to NM and I went back to my former university.  Well, guess what?  Because it had been so long, I had to start yet another degree plan and had more time added to my degree.  But, I have FINALLY accomplished it!!!  And, I did it all working 2 jobs and going to school full time.  I completed my degree with a 4.0 semester.  Wow!!  Shocked me too!!  I now have my Bachelors of Science in Psychology!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Of course, I will need to get my Masters in order to be able to do anything with it. I will begin that probably in the Fall (if not sooner).  

As I said, I have had many things happen to me in the past year.  Not only have I nearly lost 100 lbs, I have gotten a new hairstyle (which I have needed for the past 20 years).  I have learned a little more about style when it comes to clothes.  I think one of the biggest things that have happened to me in the past year is how much everyone treats me differently.  It is amazing how superficial people are and how they treat obese people so much differently than persons who are trim.  But, not only have other people's attitudes towards me changed, I have changed.  I used to get so irritated all the time at people.  I always took everything as an "attack" on me.  I was not so nice.  It was hard to see that, but I have seen that change in me.  I am a MUCH better person!!  I never realized that I was so mean.  I know that my friends probably didn't see that in me, but my former husband and my family did.  

I have also finally gotten less camera shy.  Before this weightloss, I was ALWAYS the camera person because I didn't want pictures to be taken of me.  I bet there were many years that there wasn't any evidence that I existed because I stay WAAAYYYY out of the way of cameras.  Now, I am constantly asking my son to take pictures of me so that I can see what I really look like.  Mirrors still lie to me.  I still see the fat me.  I tell people all the time that when a person loses so much weight so quickly, the mind cannot catch up so easily.  My mind still thinks that I am the obese over 
200 lb person that I was before.  It is so hard to convince myself that I am 
5 lbs from what I was when I graduated from high school years ago.  The other day my mother made a comment that got me thinking .... I had just gotten out of the tub and she was worried because it was taking me so long so she just bursted into the bathroom.  There I was naked as a jaybird and she said totally shocked, "WOW!!  You are so skinny!!  You are no bigger than a minute."  I realized that first, I must be wearing the wrong clothes if she never noticed that before and second, I was thinner than I felt.  It sure helped me to hear that because with all this saggy skin, I feel big.  I have also had people who see me all the time tell me that I look like I am getting thinner and thinner.  I haven't lost any more weight, but I must be losing inches or perhaps I am just wearing clothes (on those days) that actually fit and show off my figure.  

My former husband quit contacting my son.  He has a girlfriend and I guess that he just felt that we couldn't be friends.  I think that he thought that my efforts at trying to remain friends and keep him informed with things going on here was my attempt at trying to get him back.  I was not.  Anyways, it has been tough for my son to not be able to hear from him but he is handling it ok.  Some days are hard for him.  Prior to just here lately, I had ABSOLUTELY NO desire to begin seeing anyone.  I was hurt so badly with my marriage.  I never thought that I would ever get divorced and my former husband used to reassure me that would never happen so when it did, it devastated me!!  I thought that there would NEVER be a day that I could ever trust another man.  Well, as of late, my thinking has begun changing.  I have had a guy that has been flirting with me for quite some time.  He worked with me (well, in a different building but in the same squadron).  I always thought that it was total innocent flirting, but he has recently shown me that might not be the case.  It feels so good to have someone look at me in that way!!  I never would have thought that I would turn another man's eye again (not that I think that I am that ugly - its just that I ain't no spring chicken).  It has been exciting!!  The only problem is that he is living between 2 states right now and I don't get to see him much.  I don't think that matters because I am not expecting anything to come out of the whole thing, but as I said it is exciting to me.  It has done quite a bit for my self-esteem which I totally need!!  So, you 40-year-olds out there, don't count yourself out because someone is going to see the beautiful you not the age.

I feel so great~!~  I am tired because of the 2-job thing, but I am happy with me.  I haven't been happy with me in so long that this is a new experience for me.  I know there are things that I want & need to change about myself, but I don't look at it the same as I used to before.  It used to depress me, now it is just goals that I want to accomplish.  And, of course, plastic surgery is one of those goals.  I will wait a little longer for that until I know for sure where I am going to stop with my weight.  I realize that I may end up gaining some of my weight back & I also know that I could stand to lose a few more pounds.  So, I will make sure that I am maintaining before I work on the plastics.  (Those of you that have had breast cancer and had to have radiation, chat with me and I will tell you my experience with the whole weightloss thing and the effects of the radiation scarring.)

So, how is my BIRTHDAY?  It is WONDERFUL!!!!  Thank the Lord that He gave me the courage to take this step and to begin changing my life!!  I am so grateful!!  I am also VERY grateful for my family and my OH friends for supporting me through this whole weightloss journey.  Thank you all!!

25 December 2007                          

MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know about you, but I ate waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy too much food.  Back to the 'ol grind stone tomorrow though.  I definitely do NOT want to gain ANY weight back.  My sister got me the cutest outfit.  I didn't think that it would fit, but it fit me like it was made for me and believe it or not, the shirt was an XS!!  I hadn't even ventured to try smalls much less an XS.  The shirt fit GREAT except for one thing...my 2 different size breasts.  That is really starting to cause me problems.  They are 1 1/2 - 2 cups different now.  I really need a filler until I can get plastic surgery done.  I have been told by one surgeon that I shouldn't have any problems getting my insurance to pay for the ps due to the fact that I had breast cancer which has caused the difference (well, the radiation treatments did most of the damage).  Well, one thing at a time and I want to make sure that I am stable in my weight before I have that done (unless I can win the lottery - : ) haha).  

Hope you all had a GREAT Christmas!!  Mine was wonderful!!  See you all in the new year!!

                                                       

25 May 08  Ok so it has been a while but I believe that I need to report...I thought that I would just ask if the VA would pay to fix my breasts since there was such a big difference in the sizes of my 2 breasts since radiation & the weightloss.  I had a C cup on the right and an A cup on the left.  I hid it pretty well with the clothes that I wore but I knew it was there.  Besides all of that, my breasts were hanging to the ground since I had my surgery.  Well, the VA agreed to make my breasts asymetrical.  So, last Wednesday I had my surgery.  My surgeon decided that it would be best if I had implants put in both breasts, under the muscle.  He also felt that I needed a lift very badly.  He did wonders!!!  I have 2 new "girls!!"  They are gorgeous!!  I don't think that they ever looked this good (except maybe when I was pregnant).  The surgery went very well.  It doesn't look like I will have real bad scars considering all the cutting they did.  The biggest problem that I have had is that I really haven't been able to control the pain & I have been in quite a bit of pain!  I don't sleep longer than 2 hrs at a time.  I am not usually one that complains about pain after surgery but this is PAINFUL!!  I never knew how much a person uses their pectoral muscles for daily things.  Ugh!!  I am also having pain in my legs & back (well, pretty much my whole body except my hands & feet), even my ribcage!!  My right ankle is a cankle (as my son described it).  It is swollen to the size of my calf.  I will be returning to the doc on Tues. to have my drains removed.  I am going to mention the ankle. I can't wait until I don't have to wear a bra 24/7 - my doc didn't keep me bound he just told me to keep this sports bra on all the time.  I have already had my first shower.  It wasn't near as bad as I thought that it would be.  I am still having a tough time getting in & out of bed but I am getting better every day.  I was kinda disappointed in the VA because while I was in the hospital, they never would come to see if I was comfortable.  In fact, I had to chase the nurse down to get my pain meds.  The pain meds they gave me never took the pain away, they gave me Percocet which would just take the edge off & by the time I was 3 hrs into it, it would totally wear off.  They would give me a dose of morphine to tide me over until it was time for another dose of Percocet.  I figured that I might have some problems & I let them know that beforehand because I have been on pain meds for over 6 mos. for back & neck problems.  I figured that I might not respond real well to pain meds and that is what happened.  So I am just having to tolerate the pain.  Also, the staff nor my doc gave me too many aftercare instructions.  Everything that I have learned was from research that I did on the net. All bad