midwifealisa
Bridge Crossing Ahead...
Nov 01, 2010
Well, 20 days of liquid diet completed... 29 pounds gone forever... I'm here in a Texas border town ready to cross a literal bridge in the morning to have my VSG surgery. I'm excited. I'm ready. I'm not scared. I have done my research and I am so happy with my choice of doctor and this whole process (even though these past 20 days have been really hard!).As I sit here in my hotel room I'm pondering the metaphor of crossing this bridge to my new life, a choice to put myself first and make the effort, the daily, hourly, minute by minute choices that will get me across the bridge to live a life on the outside that matches who I know I am on the inside.
I'm ready to start across that bridge...
The choice to have this surgery was not one I took lightly. I did so much - TONS of research. I read every post on my chosen doctor I could find. I lurked and read and read and read the forum here, and I feel really prepared and at peace with what is ahead.
I have been in contemplation mode today... a bit lost on memory lane... thinking back to my 17th to 18th year.... the year I put on my first 100 pounds... thinking about how that happened (an abusive marriage and no coping skills - a girl doing all she knew to survive) and how much I have changed, grown, learned, loved and forgive (others and myself)... I am ready to get that body back.... I'm ready ready to put in the work....
I've been pondering how I gained my second 100 pounds... it seemed to sneak up on me... come on in the night... =) NO... really... it was a lot of putting junk in my body... a lot of giving my life to others and not putting myself on my list... not honoring my body enough to do what was important for me and my health. I'm ready to be selfish if I have to to succeed. I'm learning how to say "no" to people so that I can meet my needs too.
I have gained and lost over 1,000 pounds over the years... so much yo-yo and never success. I am blown away when I really think about what I put my body through. I am SO thankful that my body hasn't quit on me. I have been over 240 for 18 years... I have been over 280 for 10 years... I have been over 300 for most of the past 6 years....
Thank you body for hanging in here with me while I figured out my path to sanity. Thank you for the physical weight you have carried for me while I learned to unload the emotional baggage I needed to rid myself of so that I can embrace this journey to health. I choose to do what is best for us and I commit to honoring the incredible gift that you are every day. I forgive myself for the harm I have done to us and I move through this moment in peace and love.
Bridge Crossing begins tomorrow!
