milauran
Post-op Posts
Dec 05, 2009
Here is a series of my posts starting right after my surgery. I like to start reading someone's story in chronological order rather than the way most blogs are starting with the most current - call me a little backwards!
Post Date 11/14/09 11:03 am
Topic: Now a certified member of the Royal Order of Sleeve Sisters...
bestowed by Dr Pop himself no less!
Just checking in the Marriot Eaglecrest (at $50 per night through Priceline thanks to all the wonderful advice I got from many of you)
Thanks to Jennie for keeping my OH friends updated. And thanks for all your well wishes and support, it really does help knowing there are many caring people out there who know exactly what you are going through.
I'm doing really well all things considered. Don't have any gas pains so far (she knocks on wood). I'm limited on what I can take for pain relief but other than when I go to get up or sit down, I don't really have any pain.
Biggest problem so far is remembering to take small sips and wait in between. Enough discomfort and I guess I'll learn to remember.
Barix was wonderful, great care and of course a great surgeon.
More to come later.
Post Date 11/16/09 7:42 pm
Topic: I'm home safe & sound
Just a brief update on my status. After a very long 8 days, I'm home safe and sound.
I saw Dr Pop this morning before heading back to Ottawa. I'm doing really well, no nausea, no gas pains, no pain to speak of unless I am getting up or sitting/lying down (that is very painful), tolerating full fluids well. Energy level is good but I'm very aware that I need to bump up the protein levels of what I am taking in as quickly as I can. It was hard to do that living out of a hotel or travelling on the road all day today but now that I'm home, I'll be able to plan a little better.
And spending some much needed OH catching up time.....
It feels very surreal, sitting in my lazy boy chair where I spent nine months agonizing, deliberating, working towards this point and here I am, all sleeved up and sitting on the freaken loser's bench at last.. I realize how fortunate I am that it has gone so well to this point and I'm sure it will take some time to process all of thiis.
But it sure is good to be home!
Post Date 11/20/09 4:10 am
Topic: One week out, things I wasn't prepared for... long (of course)
As much as I thought I was well prepared for post-op life, some things still caught me by surprise.
Before surgery,I was worried about things like major complications, or being so nauseated that I would not being able to keep things down, but so far I have been lucky, I am having a very easy time of it.
It is the small tihings I wasn't prepared for - like taking pills. I have a really hard time at the best of times with pills. I have always had to take a pill and swallow it down with lots of liquid and a few bites of something like a carrot to carry the pill down. Of course I can't do that now so on top of having to now cut the pills into smaller pieces, I have to try to wash them down with less liquid or with something like pudding or yogurt which isn't working all that well. A minor inconvenience in the scheme of things but a pain none the less. As a result, I've avoided taking pain meds for the most part but I have a pretty high pain tolerance so I can live with it. I tried liquid extra strength Tylenol but yuck! I can't take Vicodan so they couldn't give me that in liquid form.
The other thing I wasn't prepared for was how difficult it is to remember to take small sips/bites, and to take breaks in between - no surprise to those of you who have gone through it I'm sure. If I could focus on nothing but eating or drinking it wouldn't be as hard, but because you have to eat and drink all the time, it's almost impossible (for me anyway) to stay focused every minute of the day so I either forget or take sips that are too large or too closely spaced.. I'm doing all the tricks like using a sippy cup, keeping it in my hand as much as possible (a little tricky to type and do that) and using a baby spoon but it's still a learning curve.
Fortunately because it is full fluids that I am eating/drinking at the moment, it isn't too serious (painful) but I'll have to do a better job of it when I move onto more solid food. I also thought it wouldn't be difficult to get all the fluids in because after all, you have many hours in a day to do so, but again, because it is so easy to lose track of time or get distracted, it is turning out to be harder than I thought it would be. I have Attention Deficit Disorder so staying focused is not my strong suit at the best of times.
I find myself obessing about making every bite/swallow count in terms of protein content. My sister made me a lovely squash and apple soup - it is so good! But I feel guilty eating it because it doesn't have any protein in it. I've tried adding milk to add some protein but it didn't taste as good.
Tracking the amount of liquid/protein I'm taking in I'm also finding tricky. I can pour a glass of water but if I'm busy trying to down a shake, I end up pouring most of the water down the drain and getting a fresh one so can't always tell how much I actually drank.
I thought I was prepared for dealing wth the emotional eating side of it, but I wasn't expecting to feel angry about not being able to eat what I want - angry at myself I guess - as in what the hell have you gotten yourself into. It's managable though, and I guess a natural part of the grieving process around choosing to get a destructive friend out of my life. Necessary but still painful.
All in all, I'm doing very well, being pampered by family and friends, enjoying my time off work, and of course, looking forward to eating real food down the road.
Post Date 11/22/09 6:16 am
Topic: question re pain tolerance & restriction
I swore I would not panic about somehow being the one who's wls surgery would fail. I have seen many postings about this very thing and I know it is not uncommon - and I know I am being paranoid - but!!!
I am very concerned at this point. I am eleven days post-op and I ate 950 calories yesterday. I just ate a whole egg without a problem. I am not getting any twinges of discomfort, I know I am eating pureed food which are more tolerated but still.
I have a very high pain tolerance. I think that has a great deal to do with why I recover very easily from surgery. I just don't feel the pain. I am beginning to think that my response to the restriction of my stomach (I'm VSG but we are suppose to have a similar capacity to RNY at this stage) is not going to be as affective because I don't feel it the same as most others. I wonder if anyone else felt the same.
I can tolerate everything, I have no nausea, heartburn, changes in taste buds or anything else. I hardly feel like I had surgery at this point. I know there is some issue with nerve endings not responding as normal at first and that does change but mine seems to be a bit extreme. And if it is a nerve thing, am I doing damage by overeating at this stage.
The scale has not moved in 4 days - at 11 days out. I wasn't expecting my weight loss to be as dramatic in the first week as everyone elses, mainly because I lost so much before surgery, but still.
So hit me with your posts that I am worrying for nothing, that my surgery will not fail, that the scale will move eventually, I obviously need them!
Post Date 11/23/09 2:38 pm
Topic: RE: 3 month check up - wows and confusion
I'm curious about something. I'm only 12 days out so it's early yet to reach any conclusions (she says after the scale not moving for 5 days).
I have a sort of theory and I was curious if any of you fit in this category. I have a very high pain tolerance. I bounce back from surgery really easily, I never have stomach issues, am having no problems tolerating anything and hardly feel like I have any restriction (even though I have a sleeve, I should have about as much restriction as the rny).
So I'm wondering if people with a high pain tolerance don't feel the same kind of restriction because they don't get the signals that other people do, they push the envelope more because there's nothing telling them not to.
I know that there isn't always the best signals in the first few weeks until your nerve endings settle down so I may be talking out my hat and experience real restriction signals by the end of this week.
But do any of you that don't have strong restriction signals consider yourself to generally have a higher than normal pain tolerance?
Post Date 11/24/09 5:17 pm Topic: Starting over
It struck me this week as I set about to puree some food, remembering how I'd been shopping for baby spoons and sippy cups, that this whole journey is going back to infancy. It's like a re-birth in some ways. We start out by drinking nothing but liquids like a baby does and slowly work our way through the various food stages until we're ready to tackle 'big girl" food.
Even our taste buds reset, we can find some flavours too overpowering, our sense of smell is heightened.
This re-birth is like being given a second chance - the opportunity to develop a new relationship with food, to put the role that food plays in our lives into a healthier perspective. Food is fuel, period full stop. That doesn't mean we shouldn't get pleasure from eating, that it can't be part of important celebrations in our lives. But that is it's secondary role. The focus of those occasions should be the occasion itself and not the opportunity to stuff our faces. Going out to dinner should still be enjoyable, but it's the pleasure of the company we're with and the treat of not having to cook that should be what's special. This involves a major change in mindset, not an easy thing to do.
I really enjoy travelling. When I took my trip down to Michigan for my surgery, I realized how much of that pleasure was associated with given myself full blown permission to eat whatever and whenever I wanted. After all, I'd say to myself, I have no choice but to eat in restaurant so I might as well make the most of it. It had become so automatic for me to start every road trip with 2 diet pepsis, a large bag of popcorn and a bag of red licorice, that I didn't know what to do with my hands without having those treats at my fingertips. I felt a huge sense of loss that they were no longer part of my trips.
This is where my work lies, in adjusting the filter through which I view so many of my activities, to one that will now no longer involve food in the same significant way that it did.
It is a daunting task.
Post Date: 11/28/09 4:01 pm
Last Edit: 11/28/09 4:56 pm
I feel absolutely exactly the same way as you do M, as a matter of fact I had this exact conversation with my therapist this afternoon.
This is very different for me this time. I don't feel the same and on some level, I don't want to feel the same as I did every other time I lost weight and got excited about it. I don't trust that feeling because it was fleeting, it didn't last and I'm not sure for me, if it was based in reality. I have the same experience with people saying aren't you excited? and I say, actually I am feeling more relieved that it's finally happened, it's taken so much to get here.
I want this experience to be very real, and real for me means that I am going to process the fact that this surgery means the stripping away of the coping mechanism that saw me through my whole life. Eating was the one thing I could count on that I could control, that I could use to make myself feel good in an instant - even if it was destructive in the long run. It was the thing I could use to stuff down my feelings that I didn't want to feel. So for me to feel I am going through this honestly, I want to acknowledge that loss at the same time I am recognizing that I am doing something good for myself, that I am finally growing up in terms of my relationship with food, but that the inner child in me is in a very scary place at the moment because she is know longer in charge of my eating. I don't want to rush to feeling nothing but high. In time that will come but I need to honour the loss of my life long friend as I move forward to a better place.
This is my process and in no way what I think anyone else should be doing, my therapist says I am very complex which is true, sometimes I wish things could be simpler that I could just dive in feet first and be happy. I've gone through a lot of therapy to get to this place and therein lies my hope that this time it is different, that it is for life, but feel I can't bypass any of the steps along the way and rush headlong into feeing great about it.
We do seem to have a hard time to see ourselves and our size realistically, I think it might have something to do with the speed with which it happens, our brains don't have a chance to catch up. But I think your right that it has something to do with the fact that it very different this time, that there is no going back. Maybe it could be our reluctance to accept that.
Post Date 11/29/09 8:58 pm
Topic: RE: who did you tell about your surgery???
Pretty well everyone in my life knows. I was comfortable with doing that but it is very much a personal choice. I haven't had to deal with any negativity so far.
I am comfortable with my decision to have surgery, people in our lives that are negative about it tend to do it for one of 2 reasons, they are afraid for us or they are jealous. I view that as being their issue not mine. All I can do is my best to explain that I did my research and that this is what my doctor and I decided was the best thing for me.
I really do view the surgery as levelling the playing field for us to manage food. For those of us who have yoyo dieted most of our lives, it is almost impossible for our bodies to reset back to subsisting on a normal amount of food. If you look at the fact that once reaching goal, the average wls patient lives on no more than 1200 calories a day - that is a diet for the rest of the world. The odds of someone who is morbidly obese losing weight and keeping it off is statistically miniscule, that is a proven fact. No amount of "working harder" or "doing it naturally" is going to work - period full stop. We have so much working against us in this battle from metabolism to genes to our environment. This surgery gives us the opportunity to manage food normally. There is no shame in that. It is no different then giving someone who can't walk a wheelchair. It is a tool that will allow us to live a normal life - a life we deserve.
The other reason why I tell people is because I think I can be a role model. But these are my reason and my circumstances. Someone in my office had WLS 18 months ago so it was not something new. My family and friends were supportive. Not everyone has the same circumstances so it is an individual decision.
My only thought is that that the decision to not tell should not be because of shame or guilt.
Post Date 11/30/09 6:50 am
Topic: RE: Monday Morning Weigh-In
That's frustrating I'm sure Sandy. I think Erica was stuck at 201 for like 10 days. I swear our brains really do have something to do with psychologically getting past some of these goal weights.
So last night, I went to bed last night with really positive thoughts, envisioning the pounds I was losing, I wanted to be able to post on this thread this morning with good news. Surely I wad due for some good news, after all, I am only just over 2 week out. I even went out for a vigorous half hour walk yesterday and the day before to help things along.
So I enthusiastically jump on the scale this morning and voila! I gained a half a pound which means my net loss for this week - are you ready - IS ONE HALF A FREAKING POUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Since I returned home from surgery on day 5 (I lost 6 at that point), I have lost 1.5 pounds - in 13 days - this is, what is the right word - f**cking frustrating to put it mildy,
Now I am going to go curl up in a ball somewhere and try to get to my happy place. Sorry to highjack your post with my own personal whining...
Onederland is just around the corner Sandy, it's coming for you, I can feel it!
Links to newbie threads I've been working on
www.obesityhelp.com/forums/on/4070989/Wiki-wls-Newbies-guide -to-the-galaxie-pre-op/
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/on/4070990/Wiki-wls-Newbie s-guide-to-the-galaxie-post-op/
www.obesityhelp.com/forums/on/4070739/Wiki-wls-Newbies-guide -to-the-galaxie-food-amp-vitamin/
www.obesityhelp.com/forums/on/4071433/Topic-Wiki-wls-Newbies -guide-to-the-galaxie-OH-How-To/
Post Date 12/3/09 8:42 am
Topic: RE: What are you eating/doing today?
Well I wish I could say it's a good morning, I hate that whether or not the scale moved has an impact on how I feel, I keep telling myself it's only because since 6 days post-op I have lost 1 pound (it was 2 but somewhere along the way it came back). I know all the theories about plateaus and changing things up, we repeat them over and over to encourage people but we do that when they have been losing for a while and have stopped - increasing protein, water, exercising more - but at this stage, it's all I can do to get in what I am, I'm eating approx. 700 calories and getting in my protein, but I don't think I could eat much more. My water is close but not perfect and I'm trying to get more active everyday. At almost 3 weeks out I don't think many post ops are extremely active and they are just starting to plateau. On some level I know that it's going to happen eventually but boy does this mess with your head.
Post Date 12/3/09 9:51 pm
Topic: RE: Weight Management Clinic at the Civic Hosptial
Hi, welcome to OH
i did the full Optifast program many moons ago and went back on the shakes again a few years ago. However, I would now never personally recommend anyone do an Optifast program for the following reasons:
Optifast was developed as a meal replacement for rapid weight loss prior to surgery, that is what many here use it for and it is effective for that purpose.
Bariatric experts Dr. Sharma who is the Scientific Director of the Canadian Obesity Network and Dr Yani Freedhof of the Bariatriac Medicine Institute here in Ottawa, wrote an article back in February about the need to regulate weight loss programs and although they were targeting programs more like Dr Bernsteins or supplements that make ridiculous claims, they strongly feel that no responsible program should involve having to spend a lot of money on food or supplements.
An effective program should teach you had to manage the food in a realistic way and in a healthy fashion. I don't think that rapid weight is a healthy way to lose weight despite the fact that we do that very thing with surgery. Because of the nature of what the surgery does to our bodies to guarantee long term success, we are severely restricted on what we can eat and therefore rapid weight loss is unavoidable. Dr Dent's program has a lot of good elements to it but the bottom line is that you have to fork out a lot of money with statistically very poor odds of keeping the weight off. Anyone with a BMI over 40, has a one half of one percent chance of keeping weight off and in fact the pattern is to gain it back plus more. I will say that the Optifast program is more successful for people who have less to lose.
A rapid weight loss followed by a return to normal eating is rarely successful especially for those with 100 pounds or more to lose. I've known many people who did the Optifast program including 3 of my sisters and most gained their weight back. I think Weight Watchers is a far healthier approach to losing weight that deals with eating in a realistic way and losing slowly and you are not spending thousands of dollars to do it.
If I was going to recommend a program to anyone, I'd be sending them to see Dr Freedhoff. I think his approach is much more sensible, it isn't completely free because you have to pay for the dietician and other specialists involved but still an excellent program that involves long term maintenance. He has a really good blog on weight issues, here is a link to a post he did back in February that gives a check list of what you should be looking for in a weight loss program, Dr Dent's program meets most of the criteria except for the purchasing food part. www.weightymatters.ca/2009_02_01_archive.html , scroll down to his Feb 17 entry.
Here's my thinking, if you did successfully lose weight, when you were ready to go on maintenance, you would probably be eating around 1600 to 1800 calories a day to maintain your weight. If that is not sustainable, you are doing more harm than good to go on a diet and yoyo back up. How do you know if you can stick at eating only that many calories a day? - try it out. If you started tomorrow eating as you would need to eat at a healthy weight - you will end up at that healthy weight slowly but steadily. If you can't do that now, you won't be able to do it after losing the weight. We fool ourselves by saying, oh I'll be so much more motivated to lose it quickly, or once I lose it, I'll feel so good, I'll never gain it back - but none of those things are rarely true in the long run.
Anyway, enough preaching from me, Good luck on your journey whatever you decide to do.
Post Date: 12/13/09 3:47 am
Last Edit: 12/13/09 7:45 am
Just sitting here amazed at how quickly the month has flown by. I have been so very fortunate in so many ways.
I am very grateful that I had an excellent surgeon at a top notch clinic. I am grateful that I had no complications, was able to tolerate everything I ate or drank, bounced back from surgery quickly and with good energy. I feel very fortunate to have this web site and the support of all you amazing people. My pain is gone and I feel really good.
Managing the food and water is still a struggle. It isn't so much that I can't figure out what to eat, it is more stressing about it (I'm my own worst enemy!), I do get all my protein in everyday no problem, but I find myself pre-occupied all the time with when to eat, how much, did I get enough protein, trying to remember to drink, drink, drink, taking my vitamin pills and other medication, have my bowels moved lately, remembering to journal what I ate...... I spend too much energy worrying about whether I'm eating too much and freaking out if my calories get over 900 a day and feeling guilty like I've done something wrong. I mean how crazy is that, 950 calories is still not a heck of a lot of food compared to what I used to eat. I am sure over time I will be more relaxed about this. I keep trying to picture myself back at work in 2 weeks and how I'll manage everything (and still wondering how the heck Sandy went back after 1 week!) Perhaps I'm worrying for nothing and that the structure of going to work everyday will help.
I'm trying not to dwell on the weight loss or lack of. It does mess with your head and it is battle to not see myself as some kind of failure.
The few social gatherings I've gone to have been interesting experiences, these were with work related people who knew about the surgery. I know it was completely self-induced but I found myself feeling uncomfortable because I felt different from everyone else, not normal in some way and therefore somewhat isolated from the group. I also felt like there was an elephant in the room, that everyone was watching me to see what I was eating but nobody was talking about it, kind of like trying to check out whether the alcoholic was drinking or not. As I said, these feelings were self-imposed and as a result of my unease with the situation. It's not that I missed the food so much as I did being able to partake in the activity the same as everyone else. Each time it is gets a little easier.
Bottom line is that at 54 years of age, I guess I am a little thrown off by not knowing what to expect day to day, where I am constantly having to learn and that it's taking me longer than I thought it would. I'm pretty good at jumping in to new situations and I love learning new information, but having to re-learn the basics around eating has been a challenge. Things need to make sense to me but I am constantly perplexed by for example, a glass of water going down like a lead baloon but add a package of crystal light to it and it goes down fine - or why some days you eat something and really feel the restriction and other days with the same food you don't. The mysteries of WLS...
My physical recovery from surgery has been a breeze, the mental part is still a work in progress!
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Post Date 1/3/10 7:53 pm Topic: RE: what are your mini-goals??
Great post as always Erica. Thanks for getting us thinking.
My most important mini-goal is to keep working on my mental attitude, like getting over the fact that the weight isn't coming off as quickly as I'd like, that I need to be excited about the fact that I have an stomach that makes eating less a lot easier, and that I don't have that far to go to goal - so relax already!
As for the numeric goals:
225 - just obese - no more morbid!
217 - lowest weight in 30 years
199 - enough said
169 - good bye obese, hello overweight
167 - my goal weight
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Post Date 1/6/10 3:27 pm
Topic: XPOST - What makes you think you won't regain the weight!
This is thread is from the VSG board but I thought it was a thought-provoking discussion that applies to any surgery type, it really makes you think about how you you are going to ensure success this time around. What is going to make this work versus other times in the past when you've regained? There is no magic to keeping the weight off even with surgery, failures happen, what can we do to help ensure long term success?
I know for me it is something always nagging at the back of my brain but that I almost don't want to look at too closely out of fear because I don't have the answer - but I think we all need to ask ourselves the question.
We all know the black and white textbook answers to success - follow the rules. Those rules however do not take into consideration the crap that life can throw at you, it can be very easy to fall back into old habits - holiday eating is a good example of that. I know I need to be thinking about this now and several of the posts on this thread make a couple of good points for staying on top of things - going to support groups, keep coming back to the forum for reinforcement, weighing yourself regularly. We will all slip, it's getting back on the horse that counts. I have great admiration for OHers that come back after being gone a while and seeking help to get back on track - it takes a lot of courage. I think shame can sometimes keep us from seeking help and most of us have lived with shame most of our lives.
www.obesityhelp.com/forums/vsg/4095193/What-makes-you-think-you-wont-regain-the-weight/___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Post Date 1/11/10 8:31 pm
Last Edit: 1/11/10 8:34 pm
Topic: 2 months out - ups & downs...
Two months out and it has been a very interesting journey so far. Easier than expected in some areas and a lot harder in others. The physical side of things has been great other than some heartburn that is taken care of by a prescription. The food part has also been very easy, I don't struggle with what to eat or have a hard time resisting what I shouldn't eat. The mental and emotional side of things is another matter.
I haven't run across anything yet that I can't tolerate - except for plain water - that's part of the reason why I have a hard time getting it all in.
I still struggle with drinking my water on a daily basis still. Just can seem to remember to drink, especially when I am at work - I get too distracted and my body is not telling me that I am thirsty - but I am working on it.
Exercise is another thing I've been struggling with but this week I finally bit the bullet, went to the gym and started the couch to 5k program. I was pretty nervous about whether I would be able to jog on a treadmill, never having done it before but I did it! For those of you who aren't familiar with it, you start off alternating a 60 second job with a 90 minute walk and gradually over 8 weeks or so, work up to being able to jog 5k. They recommend doing it 3 time a week only with a day in between.
I was initially disappointed in my rate of weight loss but it has been more regular lately and I'm slowly coming around to being okay with it. I think a part of it was that I wasn't sure if I was doing something wrong. Now that my weight loss is more noticeable and I'm dropping in sizes, I feel better about it.
Mentally, I would get pretty stressed about managing the food and water but I am learning to relax about it a lot more now. I'm going to stop tracking my food so carefully every day for now and see how it goes. I think it's a good idea to do it at least once or twice a week but I was getting uptight about eating anything that I couldn't weigh or measure the protein - that can be tricky when you eat out or make a recipe. Emotionally has been another thing entirely and lately I have been really struggling. I've been doing some heavy duty work in therapy about this for some time but things seem to be coming to a head right now. As my therapist explains it, there are 2 major things going on with me right now, in his experience people who experience a major insult to the body in the form of organ removal or major surgery can go through a period of emotional turmoil as the body adjusts. Secondly, addictions are all about control and for 50 some odd years I've been dealing with whatever emotional difficulties I've experienced using the one thing I had control over - food. My brain is in major panic mode as it scrambles to deal with this major loss - and I am scrambling to gain control over something, anything. It is a frightening feeling and I sometimes feel almost panicky. It is hard to get a handle on it because it is more of an instinctive response and not rational thought. I find it difficult to put how I'm feeling in words or to gather my thoughts enough to respond to posts, that's why I haven't been posting much lately.
I'm confident that this will settle down in the next few months and I am still a work in progress!
At my heaviest
The ones on the left are when I started Optifast in September, I don't have my pictures from the actual day of surgery - my daughter has them on her film camera and will be sending them to me shortly.
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Post Date 1/17/10 5:31 am
Last Edit: 1/17/10 6:13 am
Topic: Nothing morbid about me - mini goal accomplished
So I am now officially no longer morbidly obese - just obese. Although I did accomplish this once before very briefly a couple of year ago, I gained a lot of it back in short order. There is something very reassuring to know that it isn't going to happen this time, that I can get rid of my bigger clothes and never look back.
The scale is dropping pretty consistantly at the moment which is great. I went to Value Village to pick up some pants in a size 20 2 weeks ago on a Saturday, and no kidding, by the Wednesday they were too big in the waist. This really helps to make it all seem more real (a little hard on the wallet though). Oh yes, and one other wow, I can put my hand around my wrist, a little thing but something I haven't been able to do for decades.
Acting is one of my life long passions and at a heavier weight, I never felt confident enough to go to audtions. There are few opportunities for roles when you start getting on in age and your competition tend to be well established in the theatre community. This week there were auditions for an Agatha Christie murder mystery and I decided to take the plunge. It went well and I made it through to the callbacks tonight which is the final selection process, a real boost to my confidence.
I'll be brushing up on my British accent today, cross your fingers for me!
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Post Date: 2/6/10 12:58 pm
I am still alive and kicking! I haven't been posting much, just doing a lot of lurking. I'm battling depression right now, finding the right medication and all that good stuff.
Depression really sucks! I've been prone to it all my life and it really does rob you of enjoyment and the pleasure you would normally get from something like losing weight.
It also makes it difficult to be positive and supportive of others when you feel like shit.
So I'm hovering in the background, watching all of you progressing along your journeys and am very happy for you. I feel badly that I'm not offering the kind of support that was offered me but know that I am rooting for you all.
I don't think everyone will respond like i have, and I think a lot depends on what other positive things you have going for you in your life. But I found out the hard way just how big a role food was playing in my life. I live alone and I hate my job, so what is the one thing I had control over, coming home at the end of the day and no matter how lousy a day it was I could make myself feel good by eating. It is a very difficult adjustment for me to have lost that, life feels pretty empty. Some of you may experience this, others who have a fulfilling job, good marriage and a good support system may have those things to fall back on and the adjustment isn't as difficult.
I know that this will pass, that I have to go through a mourning and grieving process, that medication will help once it kicks in, but it is difficult in the meantime.
I thought I had prepared myself well for this major change in life, but I guess there's nothing like reality to slap you in the face.
Enough negative stuff! I'm keeping busy with rehearsals for the play and learning my lines so that is a positive in my life. I will be very glad to see spring arrive!
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Post Date: 2/12/10 9:20 am
Well, I cleaned my fridge today. it was quite a daunting task let me tell you. When I pulled out the bottom draw, it looked like something had been massacred under there.
While doing this two things crossed my mind: a) I could actually bend down and do this - I use to hate cleaning bottom cupboards & the fridge because it was so difficult to bend down or get on the floor and back up again, and b) I must be feeling better if I actually got off my butt and did something productive!
Unfortunately, I have never gotten a feeling of satisfaction in doing housework so it's not likely to carry me into doing other much needed chores like cleaning my stove. However, one small victory at a time.
And thank goodness for anti-depressants. Better living through drugs!
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Post Date: 2/17/10 4:48 pm
I'm curious about how people define hunger. Many of you say that you never get hungry and others say they do.
What happens to me is that I get an empty grumbling in my stomach after 3 to 4 hours or so. Sometimes I ignore it, maybe take a few sips of water, but most of the time, I'm due for a meal so I eat. I don't mentally feel hungry, I'm not driven to eat, I don't really care if I eat or not, it is just my stomach with acid churning in it that seems to need some food to work on. Part of me is glad that it does this, because otherwise I would forget to eat. I am on Pantaloc (PPI) once a day. When I was on 2 a day in the beginning, I had less stomach acid and less grumbling.
For those of you that have no hunger, does that mean your stomach never feels empty or grumbles to tell you to eat? And if that is the case, are you on an acid reducer and do you think it has any bearing on your hunger?
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I hit my 3 month mark last week and didn't get around to posting anything. Thanks so much to all of you for your kind and caring words of support over the past few weeks. I am definitely feeling better and more energetic these days so am very grateful for that.
I have been given so many clothes over the past month it has been such a help - but I keep shrinking out of them! I was thrilled to fit into a size 18 a few weeks back and even more excited when very quickly they started to get too big in the waist. I couldn't believe it today when I actually fit into a size 16 shirt and pants. It's like looking at something in a foreign language seeing those sizes on the tags of my clothes. Someone gave me a few form fitting tops today and I very tentatively tried them on - and couldn't believe what i was seeing in the mirror! From someone who always wore loose, layered clothing. all of a sudden I can't stand wearing anything that is too big for me. It's like I worked hard to get here and I want to show off my progress with clothes that fit me well.
I weigh less now than I did since I was 20 years old. I have finally moved into a stage where I can really start to feel excited because I can't even remember what it was like to be here.
Anyway, here's a couple of pictures I took today:
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Post Date: 2/27/10 6:04 pm
Topic: I have my bathroom floor - and no, this is not OT
My bathroom floor tiles are white - bright sparkling white.
Bright, sparkling white that beautifully contrasts every stinking one of my fallen strands of hair. I try to ignore it, or quickly sweep it away - but by the end of the next day, there is a whole new crop of them glaring at me...... sigh. I know it will be worth it in the long run but....
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Post Date: 3/25/10 4:49 pm
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It is better to be thin and bald than fat with nice hair
It's not working!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Topic: Post-op - what is the one thing that was harder than you thought it was going to be?
Post Date: 4/2/10 4:16 pm
And what was the one thing you thought was going to be difficult and wasn't?
For me, the answer to both question is around water. The thing I thought I would have the most difficulty with was not drinking with meals. From someone who could easily down 3 large diet pepsi's with a meal, I couldn't imagine in a million years not driniking. I have actually found it not difficult at all, strongly feel it is one of the important tools for success and even mention it to people who haven't had surgery, that you stay fuller longer and therefore takes longer to get hungry. Someone mentioned a while back about a study that showed that when you don't drink when eating, food stays in your stomach for up to an hour and a half longer.
The thing that has proven to be difficult that I didn't anticipate is getting all my water in. At four and a half months out, I still struggle daily. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day with waiting for the before and after meals part. I often just have 3 meals and no snacks because it would interrupt my getting water in. In the beginning, I couldn't drink plain water so had to do crystal light. Now I can drink it plain which I am very happy about. I think part of the problem is that I get distracted and forget to drink because mostly my body doesn't signal me that I am thirsty - so it's a very forced effort. Before surgery, I was always thirsty. I keep trying new strategies because I know it is important but it is a daily struggle. I try to drink one glass as soon as I get out of bed, then get ready for work, but if I take my morning medication to soon after the water, I get nauseated.
What about you?
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Topic: One-one-one-one-onederland!!!!!!!!
Post Date: 4/6/10 3:37 am
I thought this day would never come and I couldn't imagine what it would feel like to actually get to this magic number. I have to say it is a little surreal (so early in the morning), I keep shaking my head in disbelief.
I've been a relatively slow loser compared to some, 53 pounds since surgery in just under 5 months but this was one of the most significant mini-goals. I haven't been this side of 200 in a long, long time.
Anyway I'm thrilled to bits and just had to share.
Let me take this opportunity to thank all of you on OH for your support over the past year. It made this journey so much easier to have all of you amazing people with me.
Have a great day, I know I will!
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The topic is Toppik
Post Date: 4/18/10 8:21 am
Just wanted to let you guys know about a wonderful product (that even Dr Oz talked about on his show). It's called Toppik and it is sort of like a microfibre that you sprinkle on your head wherever you have scalp showing. It clings to your hair and really works at filling in the gaps. I feel so much better about how I look after using this.
It comes in 8 shades, if one of them does not match your hair, you can buy 2 different colours to combine. It is not cheap, it ranges in price from $27 to $89 depending on size, you probably don't need the giant size one, your hair will have grown back before you can use it all. I got the large economy size for $49, suppose to last 75 days. There are products they sell to spray on your hair before and after but I don't think they are necessary, seems to work fine and stay on without it.
You may be able to get it cheaper on eBay or somewhere in the states. I bought it from a Canadian site www.fabove.ca.
I highly recommend it.
I've also bought a scalp colouring product from the Shopping Channel, it was cheap and worked to tone down the contrast between hair and scalp but I would definitely go with Toppik if you can afford it. ________________________________________________________________________________________________
Topic: I would no longer qualify for surgery - and other observations - long
Post Date: 4/30/10 4:35 pm
At five and a half months, my BMI is now under 35 so I would no longer qualify for surgery! Nice feeling...
Some other things that brought nice feelings, I had to travel for work earlier this week which involved flying. It was so different to not have to worry about fitting in seats or making my way down aisles.
I'm presenting a whole slew of seminars for the next month or so, travelling all over Ontario, it is a weird feeling being in front of a crowd and feeling like they were listening to what I had to say and not seeing me as "a fat person" first, that my appearance didn't factor into it.
I was worried about travelling and managing my eating but it's going well. It was a little trickier when I was flying, but when I'm travelling by car, I bring my food along with me for the most part. I always make sure I have some ready protein - a little can of flavoured tuna fits into your purse nicely. I did find I tended to graze more rather than eating set meals which of course led to my not drinking enough. That continues to be my biggest challenge and the busier and more distracted I am, the worse it gets. I keep losing weight though so I'm not overeating.
I'm thrilled to death that I found a product that hides my thinning scalp, I feel so much better being out in public. I highly recommend it - Toppik. I've posted about it on a few threads.
I have been extremely fortunate up until now, I have hardly had to buy any clothes thanks to many generous people. I made my first scary trip into a "regular" store yesterday. I chose Reitmans as a safe place to start since it has both plus and regular size. As I was looking through the regular size racks, I felt like a fraud, like I didn't belong, that someone would come up to me and say "what are you doing here", I know that many of you have experienced the same thing.
I am basically in a size 16 or XL, so I picked up some XLs in the regular racks and went to my comfy zone and picked up some 16's from the plus section. I was worried about feeling foolish if nothing fit so hedged my bets by trying on both. The 16 plus were too big, the XLs fit. It feels so bizarre, hard to get my head around. My memory doesn't go back far enough to remember shopping in regular sizes.
Since I hit onederland, I find I'm a lot less focussed on how much the scale goes down. Eating in general isn't a problem, I don't find myself battling to resist eating what I shouldn't or resenting not being able to eat it. I am concerned that this is mostly to do with the decreased appetite because of the lack of ghrelin with the sleeve and that once the levels starts to increase at the 12 month mark, my appetite will return and it will be so much harder to eat properly. I guess I'll deal with that when it happens.
And yes, I can actually cross my legs....
Have a nice weekend everyone!
The latest picture of me, taken about a month ago for the play.
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Topic: 6 months since surgery - a lifetime's worth of change! Post Date: 5/12/10 8:45 pm
Last Edit: 5/12/10 9:33 pm
I did post an update not too long ago but wanted to reflect it in pictures as well.
I started my weight loss journey about 6 years ago when I managed to take off and keep off 50 pounds. I lost 33 pounds in the 2 months before surgery and 62 since surgery for a grand total of 145 pounds. I've lost a whole person - and not a skinny one either!
I can't express in words how good I feel right now about myself. Even if I never lost another pound, I could live in this body and be happy. The weight seems to be coming off pretty steadily right now so I don't think I'll be stopping any time soon. I may have to adjust my goal, it's only 23 pounds away but I'll have to work on getting my head around thinking of myself at a lower weight. It is surreal to say the least.
It isn't that my life is perfect or that I have a handle on everything, it is more that my mind is open to possibilities. The negative message - good things are never going to happen so what's the point in dreaming - is slowly fading. I have so much more confidence in my ability to take control of my future. I have choices!!
I still have things I need to work on - like exercising. It is a major mental block for me. It was very reassuring to talk to Jennie the other night, she said she didn't really start exercising until 9 months out- and look at her now - soon to be fitness instructor no less!
Water continues to be a struggle particularly when I am busy - I simply forget! It is continuous self-talk to remind myself and doesn't seem to ever become an automatic habit. There could be many worse things to struggle with so I'll live with it.
This forum has meant so much to me. I have met - either virtually or in person - some of the nicest people in the world. Your continued support, compassion and understanding has meant the world to me. I probably spend a little too much time on here but it is so much more enjoyable than housework!
For those of you waiting for your day to come, I know it can feel so agonizing to be in limbo, but it will happen for you and the time you spend waiting does really help the process of preparing yourself mentally for this enormous change you are going to experience. I know - it still sucks to wait!
Six months seems like a drop in the bucket of time - but what a big splash it has made!
7 years ago
Start of Optifast September/09
2 months out 3.3 months
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Topic: Stress and weight loss
Post Date: 5/24/10 8:25 am
I posted yesterday about the fact that I am losing weight in a more consistent fashion now than I did in the months after surgery and how odd
Pre-op Posts
Oct 10, 2009
I regret not blogging more since I started this journey, but I thought the next best thing would be to put together many of my more important posts that do give a sort of snapshot of what was happening:
Post Date 3/9/09 9:49 pm
Topic: Pre & Post - exercise question
I often hear/read that the surgery is only a tool, that you still have to make good choices and develop healthy habits like exercise.
The food part I get - that what I put in my mouth ater surgery has more importance because either I can't eat much (RNY) or I need to be darn certain that I'm getting all the protein I need (DS). It truly is a change in lifestyle. I know anyone could choose to not eat properly but the consequences are more immediate & potentially more serious.
My question is about exercise, and I'm sure there's something I'm not getting. I have (several times) lost a lot of weight, got really into exercising and of course inevitably, stopped exercising/dieting and gained it back and more, for me the feel good feeling at being thinner/healthier doesn't last. For those of you who've been post-op for awhile, what is different about having the surgery in terms of being able to sustain a good level of exercise compared to before the surgery? Wouldn't you get just as bored/tired of exercise as before surgery?
I watch shows like x-weighted and watch them put the participants through really intense exercise, I guess I wonder about the value of it if you can't sustain that level for life, aren't you just going to put it back on when you stop? I mean if we could apply ourselves to exercising regularly, wouldn't we have done it without the surgery?
I know, I know, it sounds like I'm looking for an excuse not to exercise, it's not just that though, I'm really trying to understand the difference.
Post Date 3/9/09 8:13 pm
Topic: anyone been diagnosed with ADHD/ADD
This topic has problem been discussed before, but I was just curious if anyone has been diagniosed with ADD/ADHD. I was diagnosed about 4 years ago at age 48. It answered a lot of questions for things I was struggling with all my life.
I was reading an article about a study of patients in a weight management program. In the normal population, the rate of ADHD in adults is between 3 to 5%. They tested the patients in this clinic and the rate of ADHD was 27%. When they looked at the rate in the morbidly obese segment is was 46%. They speculate that a possible reason for this would have to do with organization around meals/shopping, eating being a stimulating activity, sticking with a diet is difficult to sustain as the patient looses interest.
Then I found this article:
Conclusions:
ADHD is a highly prevalent condition in the severely obese population. Treatment of ADHD is associated with significant long-term weight loss in individuals with a lengthy history of weight loss failure. This result is likely because of the positive effects of treatment on self-directedness, persistence and novelty-seeking behaviors. ADHD should be considered as a primary cause of weight loss failure in the obese. Individuals seeking medical or surgical weight loss should be evaluated for ADHD and treated appropriately before intervention. This may improve the outcome for medically managed patients and avoid complications in surgical subjects because of poor compliance with diet and supplement requirements.
I actually have been able to keep some weight off since I was diagnosed and put on medication but still in the morbidly obese category.Post Date 3/13/09
Topic: Emotional eating versus physiological craving?
Most of the time I accept that I am an emotional eater which has a great deal to do with why I am morbidly obese. But, when I look at how I can control my appetite when I am on a low carb diet or in ketosis on Optifast or what I see from post-ops describing their appetite with ghrelin out of the picture, I ask myself the question, If we are emotional eaters, why would we eat normally because of a physiological change in our bodies? Wouldn't we still want to over-eat regardless of what was happening physically?
I understand that if you are feeling sick, or restricted in quantity, especially in the early months, you wouldn't have the desire/space to over-eat but if we over-eat for mostly emotional reasons, once your stomach settles down, wouldn't you still want to over-eat all the time?
I guess the question I am throwing out there is - Is there more to our being driven to over-eat than emotion? Something physiological/genetic about the way our bodies handle eating?
You can certainly see from many people's experience that eating sugar/simple carbs play a big part in triggering cravings. Are we just more addicted to the serotonin rush of eating carbs?
Post Date 3/14/09 5:09 pm
Topic: you know you've had weight loss surgery when.....
I found this on another forum and thought it was very funny, some of you may have seen it again but for those who haven't:
you know you've had weight loss surgery when.....
* "I have a date" does not mean you're going out.
* You have baby food in the house and no baby.
* "I'm a loser" is a good thing.
* All of your silverware says Gerber.
* A wooden spoon isn't just for cooking.
* "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.
* New clothes fall off in a week.
* You get excited about hand me downs.
* The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please".
* Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing.
* "Jus****er for me please".
* Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing.
* You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy.
* When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.
* When you get excited that your incision was "only 4 inches".
* When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.
* Other women are calling you names behind your back.
* When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't "belong there".
* When you really don't have a thing to wear.
* You have to prove you are the person on the drivers license.
* You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.
* You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeon's card.
* You are never parted from a bottle of water.
* When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.
* Being too small for your britches.
* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.
* When you go pick up your child at school and all the other kids say WOW you're mom is hot.
* When you go to the mall and take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door.
* You truly are a "cheap date".
* When one drink makes you flipping floozy!
* When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.
* You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.
* Vitamins feel like a meal.
* You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction.
* You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?"
* You can cross your legs... both of them.
* Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra.
* When your obsession from food turns to your scale.
* They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile.
* No more velcro shoes.
* Tongs are no longer to fry chicken.
* "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties.
* When your stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables. *
* Your mother says "You don't eat enough".
* When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have success with this."
* Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him. *
* You can wear corduroy pants without igniting a fire.
* When you wave and your upper arms wave back.
* You safety pin your underwear.
* Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress.
* Cannot blame the cat for shedding.
* Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card.
* 3 Lean Cuisines a week and that's your total grocery purchase.
* The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god..did he die???
Post Date 4/29/09 12:21 pm
Topic: RE: Time to come out of hibernation... my Barix experience.
I personally find making decisions very difficult, I'm constantly second-guessing myself and fearful of making the wrong choice. The older I get and the more poor choices I've made, the less I trust myself in making decisions.
My sister is in the field of developing what are called Patient Decision Aids. Because there are many areas of health care where there is no clear "right" answer for treatment choices, patients can use decision aids to make choices based on their own priorities, values, family history and life experiences. A good example of this is for breast cancer treatment and whether to have a mastectomy or lumpectomy - statistics show that there is not a significant improvement in outcomes for one choice over the other. Based on a particular patients values, they may opt for a lumpectomy because keeping their breast is important to them and someone else may opt to have both breasts removed for piece of mind. Fortunately health services are, albeit slowly, moving in the direction of involving patients in making these kinds of decisions.
I think this is why there is a lot of conflict over weight loss surgery options because many of us want to be provided with all the options and be given the choice to go with whichever one suits our particular circumstances, there is no "one size fits all" despite the efforts of certain doctors in Ontario who feel they know what's best for everyone.
They have developed decision aids for a wide variety of medical issues but the theory is the same for all of them. It is based on the idea of weighing pros and cons but with a few added twists. It helps you identify if you have all the information you need and the support from family and professionals. It then leads you through making a list of pros and cons and assigning a value to each of them. You could have 5 pros and 10 cons but if the value you've given each of the pros is greater than the cons, you may still opt to go with a particular treatment choice.
There was a decision aid developed for wls but it's a little out of date, as far as I'm aware, not widely available. There is a copy of it at the Ottawa Civic Hospital patient library, it's a vhs tape along with a booklet.
They have a generic decision aid available on a website that you can print off and use to help making any kind of health or social decision. My son used it to help him decide which university to go to. If anyone is interested, it's available at http://decisionaid.ohri.ca/index.html, select the Ottawa Personal Decision Guide link a third of the way down the page, and then I'd suggest going with the 2 page pdf option because it's a little more detailed.
I think you are right to not dismiss your feelings about the surgeon. Weight loss surgery is unlike other surgeries in that it involves a lot of follow-up, and as we've seen in the states, needs a team approach involving many health care providers to ensure a good outcome. Just being a good cutter is not enough. I don't think surgeons in Canada get that yet, that the relationship between patient and surgeon with wls is far more important than if you were having your gallbladder out. The American health care system is miles ahead of us in recognizing this, I do think that Ontario is beginning to see the light with the development of the centres of excellence but they still have a long way to go.
I personally would not opt for surgery in Ontario until they've got a lot more experience under their belt. That is my personal choice based on my own circumstances and, please, anyone who has had surgery in Ontario or is about to, I do not mean to suggest that you did not/will not have a good experience, I'm sure many of you did/will.
May 12/09
The main reason why I chose VSG is to maintain a fully functioning stomach, I love my pyloric valve!! So basically, no dumping. Also less invasive, statistically fewer complications and fewer risks. I'm basically a bulk eater & don't have much of a sweet tooth. Having a tool (I hate that word!) that will help me control the volume of what I eat is what I feel will work for me.
Post Date 5/12/09 6:52 pm
Topic: update on my progress
I keep thinking people must wonder what the hell I'm doing here because I never get around to posting about where I'm at in my journey.
I actually started researching on this forum in 2002 would you believe (I'm a slow learner!). I won't bore you with all the details of the past 7 years, I'm sure it is a very similar story to many of you.
With my latest weight gain over the past 10 months and my advancing years (I'm turning 54 this weekend - boohoo!), I decided that if I was going to have surgery it was going to be now or never. I booked the first of many doctor's appointments in January, and after many fact gathering consultations, much research, many hours of lurking on this forum, and many cancelled appointment by my pcp (long story), I finally got to see her yesterday.
Like many doctors in Ottawa, she had referred me to Dr Dent and I'm sure was expecting me to walk in with a referral for rny. After much soul searching, I had decided I wanted to have a VSG with Dr Pop at Barix. I went in to the appointment armed to the teeth with research, a list of reasons why I wanted VSG, the ooc form all filled in, blank forms in case she wanted to do it herself, emails from OHIP re approved VSG providers, etc, etc, etc. I was also very apprehensive that even if she did agree with the VSG, she might take forever to finalize the form and get it faxed in.
Much to my delight, she basically said - what do you want - I said VSG, she said I think there are forms to fill out, I said here's one all ready done, she said let me review it, looks good, signed it and had her secretary fax it out while I was standing there. Phew!!! Needless to say I was very relieved.
So, now starts the wait. I am fully anticipating them asking for more info but am crossing my fingers and toes that it all comes together within 3 weeks or so. Although I don't have any co-morbidities other than sleep apnea, I am fairly confident that with my BMI I'll be approved.
So, I booked my consult with Dr Pop - June 15 - yeah!!!!!!
It's beginning to seem more real now, scary and exciting at the same time.
Stay tuned!!!
Post Date 7/2/09 2:59 pm
Topic: Yahoo!!!! I'm approved
Man, this has felt like a "long day's journey into night" but it has finally happened. I received my approval for VSG today. I had received an approval letter on Monday which said for RNY and I was all set to file an appeal but it turned out that it was a clerical error and I got the revised one today.
My original application was faxed in May 12, request for more info June 9 - faxed June 12 and finally today my approval.
Why I say it's been a long journey is that I was originally referred for wls in 2002 would you believe so have been playing with the idea ever since.
My consultation with Dr Pop is July 20 so hopefully will be having surgery by early October.
If it's of any use to anyone, the "further information" letter from my doctor basically said that she requested the sleeve because I had multiple abdominal surgeries (open gall bladder removal, exploratory hysterectomy) and that I was allergic to narcotic painkillers and needed nsaids for pain management for headaches etc.
I am excited about getting the sleeve, I think it is the right surgery for me and I encourage anyone who feels the same to fight for your right to chose.
Post Date 7/17/09 7:53 pm
Topic: Hi Ho Hi Ho, it's off to Barix I go.....
I know, I know, a little corny! It's Friday night of a long & difficult week & I'm a little punch drunk....
I'm leaving Sunday for my consultation appointment on Monday at Barix, it will be nice to move on to the next stage of this journey & to get to meet Dr Pop, hopefully I won't have to wait too long to get a surgery date & start making plans. It's quite a distance to travel back and forth between Ottawa & Detroit but I think it's worth the extra inconvenience for the confidence in knowing I have a great surgeon.
I had a major scare last Sunday night when I went to check my passport - I was sure I got it 3 years ago, but just in case, I dug it out of hiding - and guess what, it expired April 13! Thankfully I remembered that someone here had recenlty gone through this so quickly searched for "expired passport" and Dina's post of a few weeks ago came up with all the info I needed and I stopped panicking. So nice to have OH when you need it!
So Monday morning I was off to Walmart for new pictures and down to the passport office for an expedited renewal. Phew!
The next minor disaster was finding out that my daughter was not going to be able to come with me on the trip. Eighteen hours on the road by myself is going to feel long I am sure. The Loneliness of the Long Distance Driver! Oh well, I'll bring along some audio books to listen to.
Boy, it sure feels good for it to be my turn to say "I'm off for my consultation appointment".
I can hardly wait for "I've got my date!", that will taste even sweeter I'm sure...
Post Date 7/16/09 6:29 pm
Topic: RE: Not to start a surgery war or anything but...
I have to admit I am perplexed by the notion that surgery is a tool and it's up to the individual to work it. The extension to that thinking is that if it fails, it's your fault. I know that is technically correct, you are the one picking up the fork and making the choices but eating is such a complex issue. We have so much working against us & it is such a viscious circle of eating, beating ourselves up for eating so eat some more. Unfortunately our health care system does not pay for the cost of therapy that would help so many of us deal with the emotional side of this. I don't know if you can blame someone for failing their surgery if they are fighting insurmountable odds of addictions, metabolism, genes, physiological needs, social expectations, on and on and on....
There is no "one size fits all" on either end of the spectrum. Some people given the opportunity to make a fully informed choice would still chose RNY and that's fine - in the same way that one woman with breast cancer would decide to take the whole breast taken off versus another who would opt for a lumpectomy. I don't think anyone should be coralled into one surgery type and I feel it is totally unacceptable to not freely offer the option of a VSG or DS to anyone who feels, making an informed decision, that that is their best option.
Remember that in many health care systems, they don't even discuss whether the DS should be offered, it is there as an option, period. The issue with DS here in Ontario is one of mostly lack of knowledge on the part of physicians in Ontario treating post-op DS patients, the lack of DS trained surgeons performing it in Ontario, and OHIPs insistance on it being done open - these all contributed to a higher rate of complications - for patients that were already at a higher risk - this is something to learn from and move forward, not run in the opposite direction with your tale between your legs. If every new treatment option was treated in this fashion, we would still be living in the dark ages.
Adequate Information and making your own choice should be no-brainers in the 21st century. I think it makes it simpler to administer if they simplify the process by trying to eliminate variables/options but simpler does not take quality of life into consideration and that's where the patient's input is critical.
Post Date 7/20/09 5:59 pm
Topic: Learn from my mistakes..... (looooong)
Granted, I had a crazy couple of days before leaving for Barix yesterday and I thought I was well prepared for the trip thanks to so many who have gone ahead of me but I have very little experience travelling to the states by car (that's my excuse anyway)... (This is long, if you are in the mood for a laugh at my expense read on, otherwise, by-pass)
So I'm trucking along to the border crossing at Sarnia, very proud of myself for checking border crossing times & highway conditions in MIchigan and then I drive up to the TOLL booth (d'ah, that word should have clued me in) and I realized I needed $2.75 to get through, do I have this on me? No! The guy was really nice, watched me fumble in the bottom of my purse and let me through with $2.10 - phew! (I did offer to turn around!)
Then I get over the bridge to the customs line up and pull into what I hope is a fast moving lane, and sit, and sit, and sit, while I watch every other line moving along nicely and think to myself "Oh great, I got a border guard who gives everyone the 3rd degree" - I did get through eventually but it was very nerve-racking, next time I'll hold back a little before committing! Make sure you have your Barix appointment email and OHIP approval letter because she asked for both!! (ie what kind of medical appointment and where and how are you paying for the surgery)
So then, I'm driving along trying not to drive too fast (like I do on the 401 at 140 km) not wanting to draw any attention to myself and I'm thinking, gee people here drive really fast, no one is going the speed limit. Then we get to this loooooong stretch of construction where it's down to one lane and we're suppose to slow down and I'm trying to not be too heavy footed, - all kinds of signs about 15 years in jail if you kill a highway worker - I've got one guy behind me but he seems pretty relaxed. We finally get out the other end and can drive at the normal speed but again, I'm looking around and everyone is going really fast, no one is going the speed limit - what the heck?..... and then it hits me, the light bulb goes off - the speed limits are in miles per hour and not kilometers - D'AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a dink! I'm amazed the guy behind me didn't ram his truck into my back end!
BUT, it's not over yet (are you taking notes?) I had rushed out of the hotel this morning (in Mississauga) and was running behind, worried I wouldn't make it to Barix on time, grabbed something quick at McD's drive thru and took off. So I get across the border finally & realize I hardly have any gas. So I think to myself, I'll just wait a little while longer until I get to a nice stretch of highway, I'm sure there will be service centres along the highway like we have on the 401 - so I drive and drive, my gas gauge is going down, I keep seeing signs for Chicago and I'm thinking that's strange, where are the signs for Detroit? not realizing - have you guessed, I'm now in Detroit and didn't even know it. I guess I was expecting a long stretch of highway driving before hitting the city but it is all one long stretch of city. So now I'm getting a little nervous, am I going to run out of gas? We're now in a really scary stretch of highway where the overpasses look really neglected and in need of a coat of paint but I'm picturing running out of gas on the highway so decided to bite the bullet and got off at one ramp - and promptly got right back back on because there was nooooo way I was stopping in that neighbourhood. I kept going and finally made it to what seemed like a safer section on the way out of Detroit, it was still a little scary and I wasn't reassured when I went into the store to pay and the cashier is behind bullet proof glass!
I was very happy to get back on the highway and finally arrived at Barix at 11:15 with plenty of room to spare. I'm thinking I'll check in and then eat but didn't realize I'd have to fill in 62 pages of forms (just kidding) first. The receptionist hands me the second batch and says, if you haven't finished them when you they come for you, you can bring them to me after, so I'm thinking there must be something we have to do before the one o'clock consultation so I better just wait, we finally get called in to the consultation which turned out to be at 1:45 because Dr Pop was running late and by the time I finished the group consult and one on one, it's 4:45 and I haven't eaten since 7 o'clock this morning except for a piece of licorice, and I'm STARVING!!!!!. At one point I thought to ask about the cafeteria but by then it was closed, she said there were snack machiines but somehow it didn't seem right to sit in the waiting area eating junk food at a bariatric surgery centre and I didn't have change anyway.
Dr Pop's presentation went well - I loved his sense of humour! The 1 on 1 was good, I was really hoping to get my surgery date today if I had no outstanding issues but it was not to be, for patients over 50, he requires a stress test before signing off, this will unfortunately delay things by several weeks as I am sure it's not something you can get done quickly so I am very disappointed. One more hurdle to jump....
So to recap for any of you who will be going over for the first time although I am sure you are all much smarter than me and already knew these things:
1. Make sure you have $2.75 in cash to cross the bridge
2. Monitor the border crossing lanes before committing and have your papers in order
3. Go over with a full tank of gas & monitor your driving speed by the teeny tiny numbers on your speedometer and not the large easy to read ones
4. BRING FOOD!!
Also, don't forget to get emergency medical travel insurance, even if you are going for only one day, and if you are going to Barix, they need a copy of your drivers licence and your OHIP card.
I did finally get to eat at Max & Erma's in Ann Arbor (thanks for the suggestion Jennie) and boy did it taste good! (2 for 1 hamburgers, can you imagine, and the soup of the day was potato, cheese and bacon - yum!)
So here I sit in my hotel room which I didn't have to pay for because I used my Marriott rewards points and bonus! - they upgraded me to a suite with 2 large screen TV's! Almost makes the day worthwhile...
Next time I'll be better prepared!
Post Date 8/20/09 8:01 am
Topic: Greetings from New Brunswick
I'm sitting on the deck of a cottage overlooking the ocean writing this email (thanks to a portable Rogers Rocket stick). The weather has been good considering the lousy summer so far both here and in Ontario.
My parents were originally from New Brunswick so we spent a lot of time here as children. I'm here with my 6 brothers and sisters and mother, a fluke that we were all able to come. We're having quite the trip down memory lane.
I'm sure it's similar for most of you, but as I move closer to actually having surgery (this year I hope!) I look at every experience involving food differently, imagining myself in the same situation after surgery and how it will feel. When I am on vacation, I overindulge of course and down here, the fried clam stand is the first stop, followed not too long after by a huge lobster feed. So I'm definitely doing the funeral food thing and there are feelings of loss about not being able to participate in the same way down the road. (And maritimers sure know how to eat!)
On the other hand, I am also trying to look at the positive side, that I will be able to do so much more physically when I have lost weight (like climbing up and down the gazillion steps at Hopewell Rocks!), and I won't have any less then tactful relatives make comments or feeling like the outsider in the family because, although they all have extra weight to lose, no one has anywhere near the amount of weight I have. Between that and sufferering from depression, I have always felt like the "odd" one in my family.
I am sure a year from now I will feel like it is worth eating a smaller portion of lobster to being healthier. I'll just have to find a bathing suit that goes from elbow to knees or swim at night only!
Post Date 8/26/09 6:11 pm
Topic: My file is complete - on to the next hurdle...
My doctor faxed over the stress test/ecg results to Barix yesterday and I called today to confirm that they received them and yes, my file is complete and it is now waiting patiently on Dr Pop's desk for him to sign off. I am hoping it is does not take 3 weeks like some of you had to wait - here's hoping!
Post Date 9/9/09 11:31 am
Topic: I HAVE A FREAKING DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry for shouting)
Phewwww! (wipes brow) I can hardly bellieve it, it feels like it's taken a lifetime to get to this point..
I swear I have been around the longest waiting for this to happen (I'm slow what can I say).
Oh right, it's November 12.
I can finally say the words - get ready to make room on the bench cause I'm coming!!!!!
Yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!
Post Date 10/7/09 6:05 pm
Topic: RE: Therapy? OHIP?
Here's my understanding of therapy coverage based on my own experience:
For the most part, outside of a hospital, in order for OHIP to cover the services of af mental health professional, they have to be an MD. The terms counselling, therapy, psychotherapy are all names to describe different types of therapy practices but doesn't indicate the qualifications of the person providing it.
Psychiatrists are MDs and are covered by OHIP but like someone mentioned, very few of them do talk therapy, most do not have the time or the inclination, they prescribe medications for the most part and the wait time is long.
Psycholigst have a PHD so are called doctors but are not MDs. They can be covered under a health benefits plan but for example, mine allows $1400 a year but at a maximum of $50 a visit, leaving me to pay the balance of $100 per session which is not doable. Under that same plan, they will now also cover an MSW (Master of Social Work) who does therapy and they usually cost less, many of them have a sliding scale from $80 to $110 per hour. You do not need a referral to see an MSW.
Through my many, many years of dealing with the various types of mental health professionals both for myself and for others, I personally prefer an MSW for therapy. Please let me emphasize this is my experience, not a hard and fast rule and that different types of therapy suit different types of people.
Many psychologists use cognitive behavioural therapy to treat patients. This focuses on helping you to retrain your thought processes, changing the negative thought patterns that we all have.
Many MSW's focus on emotions, getting to the source of why we feel the way we do, perhaps looking back to your childhood to understand the root of where your emotional issues began. This is what I am engaged in right now and I find this very helpful. I think doing therapy is an important piece of being successful with this journey or in dealing with any significant change in your life.
There are psychiatrists and even family doctors who do counselling but they are hard to find, you could also consider a priest or minister or as someone mentioned, community organizations. There are very effective counsellors in every one of these professions, perhaps do some research and ask around for a recommendation from someone who's been seeing one of them.
Post Date 10/14/09 7:36 pm
Topic: Every cloud has a silver lining....
Something to throw out there for my fellow pre-ops to ponder. I was thinking today about the whole waiting process, how frustrating and stressful it is. I'm not suggesting that it is a great idea to make people jump through hoops to get what they need or that the process could not be improved significantly but...
As difficult as it was, I realized that in some ways for me, it served a purpose. Having to fight to get approval really made me committed to this surgery and I don't think that wouldn have happened if I had been handed to me easily. By the time I got approval, I new i really wanted this surgery and was ready for it.
I also think that as long and painfully drawn out as it was to get to this point, it did give me the time to really prepare for this major change in my life both mentally and emotionally - sort of like nine months of being pregnant, while not a lof of fun most of the time, gives you time to prepare for the idea of becoming a mother.
So for those of you waiting to "give birth" to your new life post-wls, there is some small consolation that you are gaining something from this process.
Post Date 10/24/09 12:44 am
Topic: I HATE MY CPAP!!!!
It's 3:30 in the morning and I've been awake since 2:30. I fell aleep without my CPAP on so when I woke up I put it on but there was no way I could get my mask to sit comfortably and by that time I was so pissed off that I coudn't fall back to sleep.
Did I tell you how much I HATE MY CPAP!!!!!
I dread going to bed some nights because when I get in bed I stare at the stupid thing and have this conversation in my head like a kid would have with their parent - "It's time to put your CPAP on" "But I don't want to" "Come on, it's good for you and you know you'll just fall asleep without it if you don't do it now" " Ah please, just a few more minutes.....zzzzzzzzzzzz"
This is going to be one of my first goals, to get rid of the damn thing.
Did I tell you how much I HATE MY CPAP!!!!!
Post Date 10/30/09 6:29 pm
Topic: RE: Mini goals
This is a great post Erica, I have been avoiding thinking about goals so this is a good kick in the butt for me to put give it some thought. I think up until lately, I've probably been too discouraged from past attempts to trust myself to reach them, or worse, reach them and then head back up.
I've started to toss around goals like riding a bike or wearing high heels, today it was wearing a belt. Maybe it's getting more real for me the closer I get.
Getting below 250 is a big one for me, I can remember going on a cruise and wanting to go horseback riding on the beach - sounded romantic - you had to weigh less that 250 to be able to go. That always stuck with me that somehow, 250 was some kind of magic number that would make me semi-okay by some obscure standard.
I was 220 when I got married and 2 years ago, I managed to get down to 218 and of course, all the way back to 285.
My all time high weight was 335 and I'm proud of the fact that I was able to keep off some of that in the last 7 years. I keep changing my ticker because part of me thinks it's silly to put my start weight as 335, and then another part of me says it was all part of my weight loss journey so be proud of it and include it in the total.
Getting into onederland is a biggy for all of us I think. I've set my personal goal as 167 which will take me out of obese and into overweight. I will be happy with that. I was in the 180s all the way through highschool, and even though I am only 5'3", I don't think it's realistic to think I'll go much lower than that. But I am willing to be proven wrong! I actually weighed 168 for a brief fleeting moment after my breast reduction in 1978, the lowest I'd ever been since about age 13 so hitting 167 would be really sweet!
So:
MG#1 249
MG#2 219
MG#3 199.9
MG#4 179
MG#5 167
Post Date 11/9/09 6:09 pm
Topic: PATS today....
Greetings all
I feel like I haven't been posting forever. I've had the most insane couple of weeks and am sooooo tired tonight. I feel really out of touch with what's going on with everyone so my apologies if I've missed anything.
I am off on my All-in-One surgery adventure - PATS, surgery and follow-up all in 9 days. I left Ottawa for Barix yesterday at noon, stopped briefly at my daughter's in London then off to Ypsilanti. Got to Barix just after 7:00 this morning and was able to get into the early nutrition class. Still didn't get out of there until 11:15 and that was with no ECG or gallbladder ultrasound. Everything looks good, labs were all normal so Thursday is a go for surgery. I'm hanging at my daughters in London until Wednesday night when I'll head back to Michigan.
No worries about the time dragging for me for the last 2 weeks let me tell you. I wish time would have slowed down. I don't feel I had the chance to organize my thoughts around getting ready for the next 10 days. Every person in my life wanted to go for a Last Supper or Last Lunch. The hospital is going to feel like a vacation!
I feel like I am really in good hands and I'm not worried about the surgery. Just need to get my head around planning what clears I'll be drinking/eating the day before and what full fluids the 2 days in the hotel and the travel day home.
Hopefully I'll do some catching up tomorrow - both here and in my brain!
Post Date 11/9/09 6:09 pm
Topic: PATS today....
Greetings all
I feel like I haven't been posting forever. I've had the most insane couple of weeks and am sooooo tired tonight. I feel really out of touch with what's going on with everyone so my apologies if I've missed anything.
I am off on my All-in-One surgery adventure - PATS, surgery and follow-up all in 9 days. I left Ottawa for Barix yesterday at noon, stopped briefly at my daughter's in London then off to Ypsilanti. Got to Barix just after 7:00 this morning and was able to get into the early nutrition class. Still didn't get out of there until 11:15 and that was with no ECG or gallbladder ultrasound. Everything looks good, labs were all normal so Thursday is a go for surgery. I'm hanging at my daughters in London until Wednesday night when I'll head back to Michigan.
No worries about the time dragging for me for the last 2 weeks let me tell you. I wish time would have slowed down. I don't feel I had the chance to organize my thoughts around getting ready for the next 10 days. Every person in my life wanted to go for a Last Supper or Last Lunch. The hospital is going to feel like a vacation!
I feel like I am really in good hands and I'm not worried about the surgery. Just need to get my head around planning what clears I'll be drinking/eating the day before and what full fluids the 2 days in the hotel and the travel day home.
Hopefully I'll do some catching up tomorrow - both here and in my brain!
Recipes
Mar 08, 2009
Fabulous Ricotta Fluff Stuff
1 large container of ricotta cheese
1 box SF jello instant cheesecake pudding
dollop or two of sour cream (to taste)
A little bit of milk to lighten it up (about a cup-add last and gradually)
Mix it all up and enjoy however you want it. I love it with strawberries! It's a great fruit dip or just eating straight out of the bowl.
Variation for fluff: Do whatever flavor of pudding you like and add a little milk to get the texture you like.
Warning: Walmart's ricotta is very grainy in texture and never mixes to anything smooth and creamy. Tasty, but strange.
Fabulous Trail Mix
Base mix
1 jar peanuts
1 jar sunflower kernels
1/2 bag raisins or "berries and cherries"
1/2 small bag chocolate chips.
1 small bag macadamia pieces
1 small bag pecan halves
To this, I might add other nuts depending on what's on sale (walnuts, cashews, more pecans). I've also varied the fruit, too, so play around. Try to keep the proportions the same. It's so easy to load up the sweet stuff, but it's the nuts that are so valuable here. The balance makes the perfect sweet and salty snack and my daily breakfast. If proportions are kept, it's about 32g of protein for 8 oz.
Fabulous Custard -- full of protein, easy on new post-ops ~delicious!
3 cups milk
3/4 cup splenda
4-5 eggs (depending on size)
2 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp nutmeg (optional)
handful of coconut (optional)
Preheat oven to 375'. Beat eggs, nutmeg and vanilla together in baking dish. On the stove, bring the milk and splenda just to a boil, then stir together to the eggs. Bake for 25 min
NOTE: when the milk is coming near to a boil, you'll get a little foam on the top. Remove this foam before stirring into the eggs, or it will get a weird texture on top.
God Bless Paula Deen for flourless peanut butter cookies!
1 cup peanut butter
1 egg
1 tbsp vanilla
1 cup Splenda
Mix and roll into balls (about walnut sized) and flatten with fork dipped in Splenda. Bake at 350 for 12 minutes.
TIPS
-Do NOT overocok -- they will get crumbly since there's no gluten
-Peanut butter is naturally low sugar - the low sugar kind only reduces it by 1g per serving.
-If you're picky about artificial sweeteners, I've done a 3/1 with splenda and sugar to cut the after taste and it's good. Presently, I do full-splenda in the cookies, and roll in regular sugar and that's good too. I've also added semi-sweet chocolate chips to shake things up
OMG these are delish.
http://www.supremeprotein.com/protein-bar.html
I just tried this exact bar and I would take it over an Oh Henry bar (it tastes a lot like that) any day... I bought the little 50 g one which is 15 grams... what a pleasant treat that was.
I have also tried the peanut butter one and its yummy in my tummy.
So if you have not tried it. I am telling you to get on it. I have tried many bars and they were not enjoyable... this is sooooooooooo good.
I bought some at zellers, GNC, walmart, etc....
COTTAGE CHEESE PIE
Because peach pie deserves great peaches Hands-on time: 20 minutesTime to table: 2½ hours
Serves 8 for dessert
- CRUST
- 5 tablespoons unsalted butter
- 1¼ cups graham cracker crumbs (from 9 or 10 full-size crackers)
- 2 tablespoons sugar
- 1/8 teaspoon table salt
- 3 large eggs
- ¼ cup sugar
- 2 cups Pevely 1% cottage cheese
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- Freshly ground nutmeg
- Fresh blueberries
FILLING
Preheat oven to 350F.
Melt butter in a small bowl in the microwave in 10-second increments. In a bowl, stir together remaining crust ingredients, then butter. Press into a shallow pie pan with back of a tablespoon, sides first, then center. (If there’s too much, don’t use it all.) Freeze crust for 10 minutes.
In the same bowl, whisk eggs and sugar till smooth. Gently whisk in cottage cheese and vanilla, then pour into frozen crust. Grate nutmeg directly over top of filling as evenly as possible. Bake for 60 minutes or until filling is slightly puffed and golden and lightly set. Cool for an hour.
Cut into slices and serve with fresh blueberries.
NUTRITION ESTIMATE Per slice: 263 Cal; 11g Protein; 12g Tot Fat; 6g Sat Fat; 29g Carb; 0g Fiber; 421mg Sodium; 113mg Cholesterol; Weight Watchers 5 pointsAbout Me
Ottawa,
Location
29.1
BMI
Surgery
11/12/2009
Surgery Date
Feb 20, 2009
Member Since
