Pre-op Posts

Oct 10, 2009

I regret not blogging more since I started this journey, but I thought the next best thing would be to put together many of my more important posts that do give a sort of snapshot of what was happening:

Post Date 3/9/09 9:49 pm

Topic: Pre & Post - exercise question

I often hear/read that the surgery is only a tool, that you still have to make good choices and develop healthy habits like exercise.

The food part I get - that what I put in my mouth ater surgery has more importance because either I can't eat much (RNY) or I need to be darn certain that I'm getting all the protein I need (DS). It truly is a change in lifestyle. I know anyone could choose to not eat properly but the consequences are more immediate & potentially more serious.

My question is about exercise, and I'm sure there's something I'm not getting. I have (several times) lost a lot of weight, got really into exercising and of course inevitably, stopped exercising/dieting and gained it back and more, for me the feel good feeling at being thinner/healthier doesn't last. For those of you who've been post-op for awhile, what is different about having the surgery in terms of being able to sustain a good level of exercise compared to before the surgery? Wouldn't you get just as bored/tired of exercise as before surgery?

I watch shows like x-weighted and watch them put the participants through really intense exercise, I guess I wonder about the value of it if you can't sustain that level for life, aren't you just going to put it back on when you stop? I mean if we could apply ourselves to exercising regularly, wouldn't we have done it without the surgery?

I know, I know, it sounds like I'm looking for an excuse not to exercise, it's not just that though, I'm really trying to understand the difference.

Post Date 3/9/09 8:13 pm
Topic: anyone been diagnosed with ADHD/ADD

This topic has problem been discussed before, but I was just curious if anyone has been diagniosed with ADD/ADHD. I was diagnosed about 4 years ago at age 48. It answered a lot of questions for things I was struggling with all my life.

I was reading an article about a study of patients in a weight management program. In the normal population, the rate of ADHD in adults is between 3 to 5%. They tested the patients in this clinic and the rate of ADHD was 27%. When they looked at the rate in the morbidly obese segment is was 46%. They speculate that a possible reason for this would have to do with organization around meals/shopping, eating being a stimulating activity, sticking with a diet is difficult to sustain as the patient looses interest.

Then I found this article:

Conclusions:
ADHD is a highly prevalent condition in the severely obese population. Treatment of ADHD is associated with significant long-term weight loss in individuals with a lengthy history of weight loss failure. This result is likely because of the positive effects of treatment on self-directedness, persistence and novelty-seeking behaviors. ADHD should be considered as a primary cause of weight loss failure in the obese. Individuals seeking medical or surgical weight loss should be evaluated for ADHD and treated appropriately before intervention. This may improve the outcome for medically managed patients and avoid complications in surgical subjects because of poor compliance with diet and supplement requirements.

I actually have been able to keep some weight off since I was diagnosed and put on medication but still in the morbidly obese category.

Post Date 3/13/09
Topic: Emotional eating versus physiological craving?

Most of the time I accept that I am an emotional eater which has a great deal to do with why I am morbidly obese. But, when I look at how I can control my appetite when I am on a low carb diet or in ketosis on Optifast or what I see from post-ops describing their appetite with ghrelin out of the picture, I ask myself the question, If we are emotional eaters, why would we eat normally because of a physiological change in our bodies? Wouldn't we still want to over-eat regardless of what was happening physically?

I understand that if you are feeling sick, or restricted in quantity, especially in the early months, you wouldn't have the desire/space to over-eat but if we over-eat for mostly emotional reasons, once your stomach settles down, wouldn't you still want to over-eat all the time?

I guess the question I am throwing out there is - Is there more to our being driven to over-eat than emotion? Something physiological/genetic about the way our bodies handle eating?

You can certainly see from many people's experience that eating sugar/simple carbs play a big part in triggering cravings. Are we just more addicted to the serotonin rush of eating carbs?

Post Date 3/14/09 5:09 pm

Topic: you know you've had weight loss surgery when.....

I found this on another forum and thought it was very funny, some of you may have seen it again but for those who haven't:

you know you've had weight loss surgery when.....

* "I have a date" does not mean you're going out.
* You have baby food in the house and no baby.
* "I'm a loser" is a good thing.
* All of your silverware says Gerber.
* A wooden spoon isn't just for cooking.
* "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.
* New clothes fall off in a week.
* You get excited about hand me downs.
* The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please".
* Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing.
* "Jus****er for me please".
* Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing.
* You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy.
* When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.
* When you get excited that your incision was "only 4 inches".
* When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.
* Other women are calling you names behind your back.
* When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't "belong there".
* When you really don't have a thing to wear.
* You have to prove you are the person on the drivers license.
* You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.
* You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeon's card.
* You are never parted from a bottle of water.
* When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.
* Being too small for your britches.
* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.
* When you go pick up your child at school and all the other kids say WOW you're mom is hot.
* When you go to the mall and take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door.
* You truly are a "cheap date".
* When one drink makes you flipping floozy!
* When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.
* You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.
* Vitamins feel like a meal.
* You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction.
* You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?"
* You can cross your legs... both of them.
* Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra.
* When your obsession from food turns to your scale.
* They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile.
* No more velcro shoes.
* Tongs are no longer to fry chicken.
* "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties.
* When your stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables. *
* Your mother says "You don't eat enough".
* When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have success with this."
* Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him. *
* You can wear corduroy pants without igniting a fire.
* When you wave and your upper arms wave back.
* You safety pin your underwear.
* Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress.
* Cannot blame the cat for shedding.
* Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card.
* 3 Lean Cuisines a week and that's your total grocery purchase.
* The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god..did he die???

Post Date 4/29/09 12:21 pm

Topic: RE: Time to come out of hibernation... my Barix experience.

I personally find making decisions very difficult, I'm constantly second-guessing myself and fearful of making the wrong choice. The older I get and the more poor choices I've made, the less I trust myself in making decisions.

My sister is in the field of developing what are called Patient Decision Aids. Because there are many areas of health care where there is no clear "right" answer for treatment choices, patients can use decision aids to make choices based on their own priorities, values, family history and life experiences. A good example of this is for breast cancer treatment and whether to have a mastectomy or lumpectomy - statistics show that there is not a significant improvement in outcomes for one choice over the other. Based on a particular patients values, they may opt for a lumpectomy because keeping their breast is important to them and someone else may opt to have both breasts removed for piece of mind. Fortunately health services are, albeit slowly, moving in the direction of involving patients in making these kinds of decisions.

I think this is why there is a lot of conflict over weight loss surgery options because many of us want to be provided with all the options and be given the choice to go with whichever one suits our particular circumstances, there is no "one size fits all" despite the efforts of certain doctors in Ontario who feel they know what's best for everyone.

They have developed decision aids for a wide variety of medical issues but the theory is the same for all of them. It is based on the idea of weighing pros and cons but with a few added twists. It helps you identify if you have all the information you need and the support from family and professionals. It then leads you through making a list of pros and cons and assigning a value to each of them. You could have 5 pros and 10 cons but if the value you've given each of the pros is greater than the cons, you may still opt to go with a particular treatment choice.

There was a decision aid developed for wls but it's a little out of date, as far as I'm aware, not widely available. There is a copy of it at the Ottawa Civic Hospital patient library, it's a vhs tape along with a booklet.

They have a generic decision aid available on a website that you can print off and use to help making any kind of health or social decision. My son used it to help him decide which university to go to. If anyone is interested, it's available at http://decisionaid.ohri.ca/index.html, select the Ottawa Personal Decision Guide link a third of the way down the page, and then I'd suggest going with the 2 page pdf option because it's a little more detailed.

I think you are right to not dismiss your feelings about the surgeon. Weight loss surgery is unlike other surgeries in that it involves a lot of follow-up, and as we've seen in the states, needs a team approach involving many health care providers to ensure a good outcome. Just being a good cutter is not enough. I don't think surgeons in Canada get that yet, that the relationship between patient and surgeon with wls is far more important than if you were having your gallbladder out. The American health care system is miles ahead of us in recognizing this, I do think that Ontario is beginning to see the light with the development of the centres of excellence but they still have a long way to go.

I personally would not opt for surgery in Ontario until they've got a lot more experience under their belt. That is my personal choice based on my own circumstances and, please, anyone who has had surgery in Ontario or is about to, I do not mean to suggest that you did not/will not have a good experience, I'm sure many of you did/will.

May 12/09

The main reason why I chose VSG is to maintain a fully functioning stomach, I love my pyloric valve!! So basically, no dumping. Also less invasive, statistically fewer complications and fewer risks. I'm basically a bulk eater & don't have much of a sweet tooth. Having a tool (I hate that word!) that will help me control the volume of what I eat is what I feel will work for me.

Post Date 5/12/09 6:52 pm

Topic: update on my progress

I keep thinking people must wonder what the hell I'm doing here because I never get around to posting about where I'm at in my journey.

I actually started researching on this forum in 2002 would you believe (I'm a slow learner!). I won't bore you with all the details of the past 7 years, I'm sure it is a very similar story to many of you.

With my latest weight gain over the past 10 months and my advancing years (I'm turning 54 this weekend - boohoo!), I decided that if I was going to have surgery it was going to be now or never. I booked the first of many doctor's appointments in January, and after many fact gathering consultations, much research, many hours of lurking on this forum, and many cancelled appointment by my pcp (long story), I finally got to see her yesterday.

Like many doctors in Ottawa, she had referred me to Dr Dent and I'm sure was expecting me to walk in with a referral for rny. After much soul searching, I had decided I wanted to have a VSG with Dr Pop at Barix. I went in to the appointment armed to the teeth with research, a list of reasons why I wanted VSG, the ooc form all filled in, blank forms in case she wanted to do it herself, emails from OHIP re approved VSG providers, etc, etc, etc. I was also very apprehensive that even if she did agree with the VSG, she might take forever to finalize the form and get it faxed in.

Much to my delight, she basically said - what do you want - I said VSG, she said I think there are forms to fill out, I said here's one all ready done, she said let me review it, looks good, signed it and had her secretary fax it out while I was standing there. Phew!!! Needless to say I was very relieved.

So, now starts the wait. I am fully anticipating them asking for more info but am crossing my fingers and toes that it all comes together within 3 weeks or so. Although I don't have any co-morbidities other than sleep apnea, I am fairly confident that with my BMI I'll be approved.

So, I booked my consult with Dr Pop - June 15 - yeah!!!!!!

It's beginning to seem more real now, scary and exciting at the same time.

Stay tuned!!!

Post Date 7/2/09 2:59 pm

Topic: Yahoo!!!! I'm approved

Man, this has felt like a "long day's journey into night" but it has finally happened. I received my approval for VSG today. I had received an approval letter on Monday which said for RNY and I was all set to file an appeal but it turned out that it was a clerical error and I got the revised one today.

My original application was faxed in May 12, request for more info June 9 - faxed June 12 and finally today my approval.

Why I say it's been a long journey is that I was originally referred for wls in 2002 would you believe so have been playing with the idea ever since.

My consultation with Dr Pop is July 20 so hopefully will be having surgery by early October.

If it's of any use to anyone, the "further information" letter from my doctor basically said that she requested the sleeve because I had multiple abdominal surgeries (open gall bladder removal, exploratory hysterectomy) and that I was allergic to narcotic painkillers and needed nsaids for pain management for headaches etc.

I am excited about getting the sleeve, I think it is the right surgery for me and I encourage anyone who feels the same to fight for your right to chose.

Post Date 7/17/09 7:53 pm

Topic: Hi Ho Hi Ho, it's off to Barix I go.....

I know, I know, a little corny! It's Friday night of a long & difficult week & I'm a little punch drunk....

I'm leaving Sunday for my consultation appointment on Monday at Barix, it will be nice to move on to the next stage of this journey & to get to meet Dr Pop, hopefully I won't have to wait too long to get a surgery date & start making plans. It's quite a distance to travel back and forth between Ottawa & Detroit but I think it's worth the extra inconvenience for the confidence in knowing I have a great surgeon.

I had a major scare last Sunday night when I went to check my passport - I was sure I got it 3 years ago, but just in case, I dug it out of hiding - and guess what, it expired April 13! Thankfully I remembered that someone here had recenlty gone through this so quickly searched for "expired passport" and Dina's post of a few weeks ago came up with all the info I needed and I stopped panicking. So nice to have OH when you need it!

So Monday morning I was off to Walmart for new pictures and down to the passport office for an expedited renewal. Phew!

The next minor disaster was finding out that my daughter was not going to be able to come with me on the trip. Eighteen hours on the road by myself is going to feel long I am sure. The Loneliness of the Long Distance Driver! Oh well, I'll bring along some audio books to listen to.

Boy, it sure feels good for it to be my turn to say "I'm off for my consultation appointment".

I can hardly wait for "I've got my date!", that will taste even sweeter I'm sure...

Post Date 7/16/09 6:29 pm

Topic: RE: Not to start a surgery war or anything but...

I have to admit I am perplexed by the notion that surgery is a tool and it's up to the individual to work it. The extension to that thinking is that if it fails, it's your fault. I know that is technically correct, you are the one picking up the fork and making the choices but eating is such a complex issue. We have so much working against us & it is such a viscious circle of eating, beating ourselves up for eating so eat some more. Unfortunately our health care system does not pay for the cost of therapy that would help so many of us deal with the emotional side of this. I don't know if you can blame someone for failing their surgery if they are fighting insurmountable odds of addictions, metabolism, genes, physiological needs, social expectations, on and on and on....

There is no "one size fits all" on either end of the spectrum. Some people given the opportunity to make a fully informed choice would still chose RNY and that's fine - in the same way that one woman with breast cancer would decide to take the whole breast taken off versus another who would opt for a lumpectomy. I don't think anyone should be coralled into one surgery type and I feel it is totally unacceptable to not freely offer the option of a VSG or DS to anyone who feels, making an informed decision, that that is their best option.

Remember that in many health care systems, they don't even discuss whether the DS should be offered, it is there as an option, period. The issue with DS here in Ontario is one of mostly lack of knowledge on the part of physicians in Ontario treating post-op DS patients, the lack of DS trained surgeons performing it in Ontario, and OHIPs insistance on it being done open - these all contributed to a higher rate of complications - for patients that were already at a higher risk - this is something to learn from and move forward, not run in the opposite direction with your tale between your legs. If every new treatment option was treated in this fashion, we would still be living in the dark ages.

Adequate Information and making your own choice should be no-brainers in the 21st century. I think it makes it simpler to administer if they simplify the process by trying to eliminate variables/options but simpler does not take quality of life into consideration and that's where the patient's input is critical.

Post Date 7/20/09 5:59 pm

Topic: Learn from my mistakes..... (looooong)

Granted, I had a crazy couple of days before leaving for Barix yesterday and I thought I was well prepared for the trip thanks to so many who have gone ahead of me but I have very little experience travelling to the states by car (that's my excuse anyway)... (This is long, if you are in the mood for a laugh at my expense read on, otherwise, by-pass)

So I'm trucking along to the border crossing at Sarnia, very proud of myself for checking border crossing times & highway conditions in MIchigan and then I drive up to the TOLL booth (d'ah, that word should have clued me in) and I realized I needed $2.75 to get through, do I have this on me? No! The guy was really nice, watched me fumble in the bottom of my purse and let me through with $2.10 - phew! (I did offer to turn around!)

Then I get over the bridge to the customs line up and pull into what I hope is a fast moving lane, and sit, and sit, and sit, while I watch every other line moving along nicely and think to myself "Oh great, I got a border guard who gives everyone the 3rd degree" - I did get through eventually but it was very nerve-racking, next time I'll hold back a little before committing! Make sure you have your Barix appointment email and OHIP approval letter because she asked for both!! (ie what kind of medical appointment and where and how are you paying for the surgery)

So then, I'm driving along trying not to drive too fast (like I do on the 401 at 140 km) not wanting to draw any attention to myself and I'm thinking, gee people here drive really fast, no one is going the speed limit. Then we get to this loooooong stretch of construction where it's down to one lane and we're suppose to slow down and I'm trying to not be too heavy footed, - all kinds of signs about 15 years in jail if you kill a highway worker - I've got one guy behind me but he seems pretty relaxed. We finally get out the other end and can drive at the normal speed but again, I'm looking around and everyone is going really fast, no one is going the speed limit - what the heck?..... and then it hits me, the light bulb goes off - the speed limits are in miles per hour and not kilometers - D'AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a dink! I'm amazed the guy behind me didn't ram his truck into my back end!

BUT, it's not over yet (are you taking notes?) I had rushed out of the hotel this morning (in Mississauga) and was running behind, worried I wouldn't make it to Barix on time, grabbed something quick at McD's drive thru and took off. So I get across the border finally & realize I hardly have any gas. So I think to myself, I'll just wait a little while longer until I get to a nice stretch of highway, I'm sure there will be service centres along the highway like we have on the 401 - so I drive and drive, my gas gauge is going down, I keep seeing signs for Chicago and I'm thinking that's strange, where are the signs for Detroit? not realizing - have you guessed, I'm now in Detroit and didn't even know it. I guess I was expecting a long stretch of highway driving before hitting the city but it is all one long stretch of city. So now I'm getting a little nervous, am I going to run out of gas? We're now in a really scary stretch of highway where the overpasses look really neglected and in need of a coat of paint but I'm picturing running out of gas on the highway so decided to bite the bullet and got off at one ramp - and promptly got right back back on because there was nooooo way I was stopping in that neighbourhood. I kept going and finally made it to what seemed like a safer section on the way out of Detroit, it was still a little scary and I wasn't reassured when I went into the store to pay and the cashier is behind bullet proof glass!

I was very happy to get back on the highway and finally arrived at Barix at 11:15 with plenty of room to spare. I'm thinking I'll check in and then eat but didn't realize I'd have to fill in 62 pages of forms (just kidding) first. The receptionist hands me the second batch and says, if you haven't finished them when you they come for you, you can bring them to me after, so I'm thinking there must be something we have to do before the one o'clock consultation so I better just wait, we finally get called in to the consultation which turned out to be at 1:45 because Dr Pop was running late and by the time I finished the group consult and one on one, it's 4:45 and I haven't eaten since 7 o'clock this morning except for a piece of licorice, and I'm STARVING!!!!!. At one point I thought to ask about the cafeteria but by then it was closed, she said there were snack machiines but somehow it didn't seem right to sit in the waiting area eating junk food at a bariatric surgery centre and I didn't have change anyway.

Dr Pop's presentation went well - I loved his sense of humour! The 1 on 1 was good, I was really hoping to get my surgery date today if I had no outstanding issues but it was not to be, for patients over 50, he requires a stress test before signing off, this will unfortunately delay things by several weeks as I am sure it's not something you can get done quickly so I am very disappointed. One more hurdle to jump....

So to recap for any of you who will be going over for the first time although I am sure you are all much smarter than me and already knew these things:

1. Make sure you have $2.75 in cash to cross the bridge
2. Monitor the border crossing lanes before committing and have your papers in order
3. Go over with a full tank of gas & monitor your driving speed by the teeny tiny numbers on your speedometer and not the large easy to read ones
4. BRING FOOD!!

Also, don't forget to get emergency medical travel insurance, even if you are going for only one day, and if you are going to Barix, they need a copy of your drivers licence and your OHIP card.

I did finally get to eat at Max & Erma's in Ann Arbor (thanks for the suggestion Jennie) and boy did it taste good! (2 for 1 hamburgers, can you imagine, and the soup of the day was potato, cheese and bacon - yum!)

So here I sit in my hotel room which I didn't have to pay for because I used my Marriott rewards points and bonus! - they upgraded me to a suite with 2 large screen TV's! Almost makes the day worthwhile...

Next time I'll be better prepared!

Post Date 8/20/09 8:01 am

Topic: Greetings from New Brunswick

I'm sitting on the deck of a cottage overlooking the ocean writing this email (thanks to a portable Rogers Rocket stick). The weather has been good considering the lousy summer so far both here and in Ontario.

My parents were originally from New Brunswick so we spent a lot of time here as children. I'm here with my 6 brothers and sisters and mother, a fluke that we were all able to come. We're having quite the trip down memory lane.

I'm sure it's similar for most of you, but as I move closer to actually having surgery (this year I hope!) I look at every experience involving food differently, imagining myself in the same situation after surgery and how it will feel. When I am on vacation, I overindulge of course and down here, the fried clam stand is the first stop, followed not too long after by a huge lobster feed. So I'm definitely doing the funeral food thing and there are feelings of loss about not being able to participate in the same way down the road. (And maritimers sure know how to eat!)

On the other hand, I am also trying to look at the positive side, that I will be able to do so much more physically when I have lost weight (like climbing up and down the gazillion steps at Hopewell Rocks!), and I won't have any less then tactful relatives make comments or feeling like the outsider in the family because, although they all have extra weight to lose, no one has anywhere near the amount of weight I have. Between that and sufferering from depression, I have always felt like the "odd" one in my family.

I am sure a year from now I will feel like it is worth eating a smaller portion of lobster to being healthier. I'll just have to find a bathing suit that goes from elbow to knees or swim at night only!

Post Date 8/26/09 6:11 pm

Topic: My file is complete - on to the next hurdle...

My doctor faxed over the stress test/ecg results to Barix yesterday and I called today to confirm that they received them and yes, my file is complete and it is now waiting patiently on Dr Pop's desk for him to sign off. I am hoping it is does not take 3 weeks like some of you had to wait - here's hoping!

Post Date 9/9/09 11:31 am

Topic: I HAVE A FREAKING DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry for shouting)

Phewwww! (wipes brow) I can hardly bellieve it, it feels like it's taken a lifetime to get to this point..

I swear I have been around the longest waiting for this to happen (I'm slow what can I say).

Oh right, it's November 12.

I can finally say the words - get ready to make room on the bench cause I'm coming!!!!!

Yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!

Post Date 10/7/09 6:05 pm

Topic: RE: Therapy? OHIP?

Here's my understanding of therapy coverage based on my own experience:

For the most part, outside of a hospital, in order for OHIP to cover the services of af mental health professional, they have to be an MD. The terms counselling, therapy, psychotherapy are all names to describe different types of therapy practices but doesn't indicate the qualifications of the person providing it.

Psychiatrists are MDs and are covered by OHIP but like someone mentioned, very few of them do talk therapy, most do not have the time or the inclination, they prescribe medications for the most part and the wait time is long.

Psycholigst have a PHD so are called doctors but are not MDs. They can be covered under a health benefits plan but for example, mine allows $1400 a year but at a maximum of $50 a visit, leaving me to pay the balance of $100 per session which is not doable. Under that same plan, they will now also cover an MSW (Master of Social Work) who does therapy and they usually cost less, many of them have a sliding scale from $80 to $110 per hour. You do not need a referral to see an MSW.

Through my many, many years of dealing with the various types of mental health professionals both for myself and for others, I personally prefer an MSW for therapy. Please let me emphasize this is my experience, not a hard and fast rule and that different types of therapy suit different types of people.

Many psychologists use cognitive behavioural therapy to treat patients. This focuses on helping you to retrain your thought processes, changing the negative thought patterns that we all have.

Many MSW's focus on emotions, getting to the source of why we feel the way we do, perhaps looking back to your childhood to understand the root of where your emotional issues began. This is what I am engaged in right now and I find this very helpful. I think doing therapy is an important piece of being successful with this journey or in dealing with any significant change in your life.

There are psychiatrists and even family doctors who do counselling but they are hard to find, you could also consider a priest or minister or as someone mentioned, community organizations. There are very effective counsellors in every one of these professions, perhaps do some research and ask around for a recommendation from someone who's been seeing one of them.

Post Date 10/14/09 7:36 pm

Topic: Every cloud has a silver lining....

Something to throw out there for my fellow pre-ops to ponder. I was thinking today about the whole waiting process, how frustrating and stressful it is. I'm not suggesting that it is a great idea to make people jump through hoops to get what they need or that the process could not be improved significantly but...

As difficult as it was, I realized that in some ways for me, it served a purpose. Having to fight to get approval really made me committed to this surgery and I don't think that wouldn have happened if I had been handed to me easily. By the time I got approval, I new i really wanted this surgery and was ready for it.

I also think that as long and painfully drawn out as it was to get to this point, it did give me the time to really prepare for this major change in my life both mentally and emotionally - sort of like nine months of being pregnant, while not a lof of fun most of the time, gives you time to prepare for the idea of becoming a mother.

So for those of you waiting to "give birth" to your new life post-wls, there is some small consolation that you are gaining something from this process.

Post Date 10/24/09 12:44 am

Topic: I HATE MY CPAP!!!!

It's 3:30 in the morning and I've been awake since 2:30. I fell aleep without my CPAP on so when I woke up I put it on but there was no way I could get my mask to sit comfortably and by that time I was so pissed off that I coudn't fall back to sleep.

Did I tell you how much I HATE MY CPAP!!!!!

I dread going to bed some nights because when I get in bed I stare at the stupid thing and have this conversation in my head like a kid would have with their parent - "It's time to put your CPAP on" "But I don't want to" "Come on, it's good for you and you know you'll just fall asleep without it if you don't do it now" " Ah please, just a few more minutes.....zzzzzzzzzzzz"

This is going to be one of my first goals, to get rid of the damn thing.

Did I tell you how much I HATE MY CPAP!!!!!

Post Date 10/30/09 6:29 pm

Topic: RE: Mini goals

This is a great post Erica, I have been avoiding thinking about goals so this is a good kick in the butt for me to put give it some thought. I think up until lately, I've probably been too discouraged from past attempts to trust myself to reach them, or worse, reach them and then head back up.

I've started to toss around goals like riding a bike or wearing high heels, today it was wearing a belt. Maybe it's getting more real for me the closer I get.

Getting below 250 is a big one for me, I can remember going on a cruise and wanting to go horseback riding on the beach - sounded romantic - you had to weigh less that 250 to be able to go. That always stuck with me that somehow, 250 was some kind of magic number that would make me semi-okay by some obscure standard.

I was 220 when I got married and 2 years ago, I managed to get down to 218 and of course, all the way back to 285.

My all time high weight was 335 and I'm proud of the fact that I was able to keep off some of that in the last 7 years. I keep changing my ticker because part of me thinks it's silly to put my start weight as 335, and then another part of me says it was all part of my weight loss journey so be proud of it and include it in the total.

Getting into onederland is a biggy for all of us I think. I've set my personal goal as 167 which will take me out of obese and into overweight. I will be happy with that. I was in the 180s all the way through highschool, and even though I am only 5'3", I don't think it's realistic to think I'll go much lower than that. But I am willing to be proven wrong! I actually weighed 168 for a brief fleeting moment after my breast reduction in 1978, the lowest I'd ever been since about age 13 so hitting 167 would be really sweet!

So:

MG#1 249
MG#2 219
MG#3 199.9
MG#4 179
MG#5 167

Post Date 11/9/09 6:09 pm

Topic: PATS today....

Greetings all

I feel like I haven't been posting forever. I've had the most insane couple of weeks and am sooooo tired tonight. I feel really out of touch with what's going on with everyone so my apologies if I've missed anything.

I am off on my All-in-One surgery adventure - PATS, surgery and follow-up all in 9 days. I left Ottawa for Barix yesterday at noon, stopped briefly at my daughter's in London then off to Ypsilanti. Got to Barix just after 7:00 this morning and was able to get into the early nutrition class. Still didn't get out of there until 11:15 and that was with no ECG or gallbladder ultrasound. Everything looks good, labs were all normal so Thursday is a go for surgery. I'm hanging at my daughters in London until Wednesday night when I'll head back to Michigan.

No worries about the time dragging for me for the last 2 weeks let me tell you. I wish time would have slowed down. I don't feel I had the chance to organize my thoughts around getting ready for the next 10 days. Every person in my life wanted to go for a Last Supper or Last Lunch. The hospital is going to feel like a vacation!

I feel like I am really in good hands and I'm not worried about the surgery. Just need to get my head around planning what clears I'll be drinking/eating the day before and what full fluids the 2 days in the hotel and the travel day home.

Hopefully I'll do some catching up tomorrow - both here and in my brain!

milauran
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