missconduct
Correspondence
Jun 09, 2009
May 25, 2009
Dear patient,
It was a pleasure to see you at your recent endoscopy visit at Cleveland Clinic, Weston.
During the procedure, you were found to have normal endoscopic finding corresponding to your prior gastric surgery and biopsies were obtained. The biopsy results were compatible with normal mucosa.
Everything is normal, everything is how it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to be in pain for the rest of my life, however long(or short...) that may be. I'm supposed to wake up nauseous every day until the day that I die. I'm supposed to live my life planning my daily schedule around bathroom trips and playing the guessing game(am I going to throw that up? is that going to go down? am I going to have to run to the fucking toilet five minutes after eating that?...) till my time comes. Yup. I guess it's time I come to terms with all of that...OR...I can just say FUCK IT, drop everything and just let nature takes its course. Shouldn't have fucked with it in the first place.
Yup, CHEERS!
0 comments
Dear patient,
It was a pleasure to see you at your recent endoscopy visit at Cleveland Clinic, Weston.
During the procedure, you were found to have normal endoscopic finding corresponding to your prior gastric surgery and biopsies were obtained. The biopsy results were compatible with normal mucosa.
Everything is normal, everything is how it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to be in pain for the rest of my life, however long(or short...) that may be. I'm supposed to wake up nauseous every day until the day that I die. I'm supposed to live my life planning my daily schedule around bathroom trips and playing the guessing game(am I going to throw that up? is that going to go down? am I going to have to run to the fucking toilet five minutes after eating that?...) till my time comes. Yup. I guess it's time I come to terms with all of that...OR...I can just say FUCK IT, drop everything and just let nature takes its course. Shouldn't have fucked with it in the first place.
Yup, CHEERS!
Endoscopy
May 21, 2009
I forgot to mention in my other update that I had an endoscopy performed today by a gastroenterologist at the same hospital where I had my gastric bypass performed. Funny thing, before I was wheeled in to the endoscopy procedure room I saw my surgeon, he was walking by and I figured now's the chance to mention to him how I've been feeling and why I'm here right now and maybe he can give me some advice on what to do, what to take, what changes to make...anything...since insurance won't cover an actual appointment with him. Well, like I said in my review...before I could even open my mouth to say anything he was gone. Anyway...
This endoscopy(I've had a few, like one or two) was the fastest procedure I've ever had done. Faster than a "wam, bam, thank you mam!". They had to give me a tall glass of calm down juice(relaxant) before they gave me the actual med to knock me out because for some reason or another I became real anxious right before the procedure. According to the gastro, I'm all normal(then why the pain? Someone please explain this to me!), all he saw was a couple of nodules by the incision site(someone please explain this to me again, maybe the nodules are causing the pain...why are nodules there in the first place? I'm changing doctors, I really don't like this guy.), took some biopsies and said that he will mail me the results in a week or two. Once again, like he said about my irregular, uncomfortable bowel movements, he told me that I'm normal and whatever pain and discomfort I'm experiencing is because of the surgery itself and there's nothing he or anyone can do for me.
To be totally and completely honest I don't think any doctor out there is going to be able(or want) to help me. I think I might have to shell out out of pocket money to go see the surgeon and have him tell me what is going on. I don't care if he tells me there's nothing anyone can do because if HE says it, then it must be true and I will finally be able to put it to rest and just live with it...
0 comments
This endoscopy(I've had a few, like one or two) was the fastest procedure I've ever had done. Faster than a "wam, bam, thank you mam!". They had to give me a tall glass of calm down juice(relaxant) before they gave me the actual med to knock me out because for some reason or another I became real anxious right before the procedure. According to the gastro, I'm all normal(then why the pain? Someone please explain this to me!), all he saw was a couple of nodules by the incision site(someone please explain this to me again, maybe the nodules are causing the pain...why are nodules there in the first place? I'm changing doctors, I really don't like this guy.), took some biopsies and said that he will mail me the results in a week or two. Once again, like he said about my irregular, uncomfortable bowel movements, he told me that I'm normal and whatever pain and discomfort I'm experiencing is because of the surgery itself and there's nothing he or anyone can do for me.
To be totally and completely honest I don't think any doctor out there is going to be able(or want) to help me. I think I might have to shell out out of pocket money to go see the surgeon and have him tell me what is going on. I don't care if he tells me there's nothing anyone can do because if HE says it, then it must be true and I will finally be able to put it to rest and just live with it...
Regrets?
May 21, 2009
Hello my fellow OHers, it's been SUCH a long time. I hope everyone out there is doing well(unlikely, but it would be nice if everyone in the whole entire world would feel good...no pain...no worries...no problems...no troubles...ha...).
Anyway, as I said. It has been a couple of months since I last posted or even visited the site for that matter. Like I've done several times before I tried to leave this all behind. To live my life as if nothing had happened BUT once again I have come to the realization that I will always be a gastric bypass patient...I will never be "NORMAL"...at least not as "NORMAL" as I would like to be. Lots of things have happened during these last rough months:
HEALTHWISE: I am anemic. I don't remember exactly what the numbers are. All I remember is my ferritin level being 3 and my VITB12 level being in the 200's. I had an issue with health insurance so I had not been able to see a doctor or my surgeon(I missed the 2yr follow up) for almost a year. I'm guessing that by not being able to get regular bloodwork and physicals my overall health just deteriorated a bit(I'm being generous with that statement). I'm currently taking iron supplements which I feel are not working for shit. I'm constantly fatigued to the point of total and completely exhaustion. My NEW PCP ordered them about a month ago and I have yet to feel ANY sort of improvement. I know I'm not going to feel brand new overnight but to be quite honest I actually feel slightly worse with every day, week, month that goes by. I've also been experiencing severe gastric pains with irregular bowel movements that are just ruining my life to be quite honest. I don't think it's normal to experience discomfort AND pain EVERY day when you eat(food goes down either way so I guess that's why people(aka the doctors I have seen) turn a deaf ear to my complaints) and having to go to the bathroom three or four times a day with severe discomfort while I'm at it. Since my new insurance does not cover gastric bypass I was not able to see my surgeon so I made an appointment with a gastroenterologist at the same hospital where my surgeon works. I explained to him everything that I've been going through and his exact words were; "IT'S BASICALLY THE OUTCOME OF THE SURGERY, THERE'S NOTHING I OR ANYONE ELSE CAN DO FOR YOU"...basically, stop your whining and live with it, you made the decision now you must pay the consequences.
I'm to the point where I just give up trying to seek help. Nobody wants to help me. I mean, I don't know if they don't want to or if there's really just nothing they can do but either way I am going to live like this for the rest of my life. I don't think any sane human being out there would want to live their lives full of discomfort and pain on a daily basis. I know I don't. I am going to find my own way of helping myself. Even if it means not eating at all(if I don't eat there's no pain and there's no going to the bathroom so that's pretty much the perfect treatment to my problem).
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Anyway, as I said. It has been a couple of months since I last posted or even visited the site for that matter. Like I've done several times before I tried to leave this all behind. To live my life as if nothing had happened BUT once again I have come to the realization that I will always be a gastric bypass patient...I will never be "NORMAL"...at least not as "NORMAL" as I would like to be. Lots of things have happened during these last rough months:
HEALTHWISE: I am anemic. I don't remember exactly what the numbers are. All I remember is my ferritin level being 3 and my VITB12 level being in the 200's. I had an issue with health insurance so I had not been able to see a doctor or my surgeon(I missed the 2yr follow up) for almost a year. I'm guessing that by not being able to get regular bloodwork and physicals my overall health just deteriorated a bit(I'm being generous with that statement). I'm currently taking iron supplements which I feel are not working for shit. I'm constantly fatigued to the point of total and completely exhaustion. My NEW PCP ordered them about a month ago and I have yet to feel ANY sort of improvement. I know I'm not going to feel brand new overnight but to be quite honest I actually feel slightly worse with every day, week, month that goes by. I've also been experiencing severe gastric pains with irregular bowel movements that are just ruining my life to be quite honest. I don't think it's normal to experience discomfort AND pain EVERY day when you eat(food goes down either way so I guess that's why people(aka the doctors I have seen) turn a deaf ear to my complaints) and having to go to the bathroom three or four times a day with severe discomfort while I'm at it. Since my new insurance does not cover gastric bypass I was not able to see my surgeon so I made an appointment with a gastroenterologist at the same hospital where my surgeon works. I explained to him everything that I've been going through and his exact words were; "IT'S BASICALLY THE OUTCOME OF THE SURGERY, THERE'S NOTHING I OR ANYONE ELSE CAN DO FOR YOU"...basically, stop your whining and live with it, you made the decision now you must pay the consequences.
I'm to the point where I just give up trying to seek help. Nobody wants to help me. I mean, I don't know if they don't want to or if there's really just nothing they can do but either way I am going to live like this for the rest of my life. I don't think any sane human being out there would want to live their lives full of discomfort and pain on a daily basis. I know I don't. I am going to find my own way of helping myself. Even if it means not eating at all(if I don't eat there's no pain and there's no going to the bathroom so that's pretty much the perfect treatment to my problem).
I'm still alive(barely).
Nov 11, 2008
Just a quick note to say hi to anyone who used to read my blog. I'd write a lot but I'll leave that for another time because I'm about to meet up a friend and hang out for a bit.
Yes, I'm alive even though feeling worse than ever. Aches and pains are increasing, losing weight without trying(I'm two years plus out, that shouldn't be happening but hey...I'M NOT COMPLAINING LOL), appetite is completely gone, daily day long nausea is kicking my ass and my heart is starting to do all sort of weird shit(about an hour ago my pulse went up to 108 and I was just in bed not doing anything...except feeling bad). Also my hair's been falling out now for about two months(I thought that was over and done with...geez...I don't want to go bald!!). Still working on getting some health insurance so no doctor appointments in the near future...bummer.
On a good note. I went back to school! I'm back at Keiser University finishing up my medical assisting diploma with an associate degree in science. At first I thought the stress from going back to school is what was making me sick but it's been about three weeks and some change since I started and I'm getting worse, not better.
Yes, I'm alive even though feeling worse than ever. Aches and pains are increasing, losing weight without trying(I'm two years plus out, that shouldn't be happening but hey...I'M NOT COMPLAINING LOL), appetite is completely gone, daily day long nausea is kicking my ass and my heart is starting to do all sort of weird shit(about an hour ago my pulse went up to 108 and I was just in bed not doing anything...except feeling bad). Also my hair's been falling out now for about two months(I thought that was over and done with...geez...I don't want to go bald!!). Still working on getting some health insurance so no doctor appointments in the near future...bummer.
On a good note. I went back to school! I'm back at Keiser University finishing up my medical assisting diploma with an associate degree in science. At first I thought the stress from going back to school is what was making me sick but it's been about three weeks and some change since I started and I'm getting worse, not better.
We're never going to be friends.
Oct 27, 2008
FOOD + ME = SWORN ENEMIES.
It's a fact of life and I'm just going to have to live with it. I have come to the realization that I have practically gone from two extremes. Prior to surgery I was basically IN LOVE with food and now two years post surgery I am deathly afraid of it. I would have to say that food, calories, fat count, carb count, protein count and all that bullshit pretty much makes my whole day everyday. All I ever think about is: "What am I going to eat today?", "What CAN I eat today?", "How many calories are in that particular food?", "How many calories have I had so far?", "How many carbs/fat grams are in that cup of _________?", "Why is she/he eating that? There's like 2,000 calories on that meal alone!", "Okay, I have to keep my calories to 200 or less per meal to not get fat again!", "I have to find something I can eat that has low calories yet can satisfy me or is there a version of that with less calories? Fat free? Carb Free?"...and so on and so forth. I mean, I know in order to be successful with any type of weight loss you should watch what you eat but one thing is being diligent and another thing is being FUCKING OBSESSED!.
For example, today I went to Pollo Tropical and bought a bowl of steamed broccoli and carrots for lunch. Ate it, digested it(apparently) and got rid of it(do I really have to go into details? I'm sure you know what I mean!)...AND...even though those damn vegetables are as good as gone I can NOT stop thinking about it. Not allowing myself to eat anything else because I ate THAT. I want to eat something else(I didn't have any breakfast and have not had any protein which subconsciously I know I NEED!) but my mind is just overpowering me. All I can think about is that I'm going to get fat. I'm going to gain all 100+ pounds I lost. I'm going to be one of those failure stories that I read about every so often and cringe at the thought of...
Ugh, I don't know...I wish my head had some sort of switch I could flip off so my brain would stop overwhelming me with all these rushing thoughts, I need time to breathe.
It's a fact of life and I'm just going to have to live with it. I have come to the realization that I have practically gone from two extremes. Prior to surgery I was basically IN LOVE with food and now two years post surgery I am deathly afraid of it. I would have to say that food, calories, fat count, carb count, protein count and all that bullshit pretty much makes my whole day everyday. All I ever think about is: "What am I going to eat today?", "What CAN I eat today?", "How many calories are in that particular food?", "How many calories have I had so far?", "How many carbs/fat grams are in that cup of _________?", "Why is she/he eating that? There's like 2,000 calories on that meal alone!", "Okay, I have to keep my calories to 200 or less per meal to not get fat again!", "I have to find something I can eat that has low calories yet can satisfy me or is there a version of that with less calories? Fat free? Carb Free?"...and so on and so forth. I mean, I know in order to be successful with any type of weight loss you should watch what you eat but one thing is being diligent and another thing is being FUCKING OBSESSED!.
For example, today I went to Pollo Tropical and bought a bowl of steamed broccoli and carrots for lunch. Ate it, digested it(apparently) and got rid of it(do I really have to go into details? I'm sure you know what I mean!)...AND...even though those damn vegetables are as good as gone I can NOT stop thinking about it. Not allowing myself to eat anything else because I ate THAT. I want to eat something else(I didn't have any breakfast and have not had any protein which subconsciously I know I NEED!) but my mind is just overpowering me. All I can think about is that I'm going to get fat. I'm going to gain all 100+ pounds I lost. I'm going to be one of those failure stories that I read about every so often and cringe at the thought of...
Ugh, I don't know...I wish my head had some sort of switch I could flip off so my brain would stop overwhelming me with all these rushing thoughts, I need time to breathe.
Nothing's new.
Oct 20, 2008
Nope. Nothing.
It's been a while...
Oct 02, 2008
Well, not really. It's only been three days but still...three days turn into four...then five...then six...and so on and so forth.
I've been too lazy to write everything that I've been eating everyday on here. I HAVE been tracking it on my actual food journal though. I guess I've been doing alright. Haven't gone above 1,000 calories, keeping an eye on my fat grams and carbohydrates. Trying to meet my protein grams quota but it's not as easy as you'd think. Specially when you're trying to keep all the other numbers low. Blah. This sucks, it feels like I'm just dieting like a person with normal inners would...
I'm not going to go there just yet. I have a huge "rant" post coming, I just need to find the perfect time where I can just sit here and let loose. It's coming though, so be prepared...
I've been too lazy to write everything that I've been eating everyday on here. I HAVE been tracking it on my actual food journal though. I guess I've been doing alright. Haven't gone above 1,000 calories, keeping an eye on my fat grams and carbohydrates. Trying to meet my protein grams quota but it's not as easy as you'd think. Specially when you're trying to keep all the other numbers low. Blah. This sucks, it feels like I'm just dieting like a person with normal inners would...
I'm not going to go there just yet. I have a huge "rant" post coming, I just need to find the perfect time where I can just sit here and let loose. It's coming though, so be prepared...
"dumps like a truck, truck, truck..."
Sep 29, 2008
For those that don't know that's part of the lyrics for a SISQO song(the Thong Song). Not one of my favorite songs by any means but right now anything with the word "dump" catches my attention...
I am in fact dumping as I type this. It's not a big dump(hahaha...sorry, my immature side got the best of me) but a dump nonetheless. It's weird though, I just ate 3/4 cup of Special K Protein plus cereal, 1/2 cup of Lactaid fat free milk and three packets of splenda for taste. Something I've done twice before with NO side effects and now I'm dumping. Like five to ten minutes after I was done with it I started feeling real warm and my heart started racing. It's still racing a little bit and now I feel weak and sleepy. I dumped last night too on something I shouldn't have but that's a different story.
Yesterday was my cheat day. Yes, cheat day. I give myself ONE day a week where I'm not strict with my diet so I don't feel completely deprived and it gives me something to look forward to. I ate garbage(and lost two pounds today...I've come to the conclusion that you have to shake up your system once in a while to wake it up from what I like to call a "diet coma"(aka plateau)) and was fine all day. At the very end of the day I was craving something sweet but didn't feel like going out so I grabbed a sugar free pudding from the fridge. I have eaten those little bitches before, I add two tablespoons of fat free whipped cream just for pure joy and eat them and I'm fine. Well, last night about five to ten minutes(again) of having eaten it I started feeling the warmth and rapid heartbeat. This one was bad though, I also felt VERY nauseous and was shaking and hot/cold but sweating. I can't stand still when that's happening so I started pacing back and forth and then my legs started giving out. I was so weak I laid down and then got sleepy.
I don't know why I'm dumping like this now(I barely dump). Maybe my body is all out of whack because of the cheat day and now it's confused and thinks the good food is the bad food...ahhhh, if only that was the case...one can only dream...
I am in fact dumping as I type this. It's not a big dump(hahaha...sorry, my immature side got the best of me) but a dump nonetheless. It's weird though, I just ate 3/4 cup of Special K Protein plus cereal, 1/2 cup of Lactaid fat free milk and three packets of splenda for taste. Something I've done twice before with NO side effects and now I'm dumping. Like five to ten minutes after I was done with it I started feeling real warm and my heart started racing. It's still racing a little bit and now I feel weak and sleepy. I dumped last night too on something I shouldn't have but that's a different story.
Yesterday was my cheat day. Yes, cheat day. I give myself ONE day a week where I'm not strict with my diet so I don't feel completely deprived and it gives me something to look forward to. I ate garbage(and lost two pounds today...I've come to the conclusion that you have to shake up your system once in a while to wake it up from what I like to call a "diet coma"(aka plateau)) and was fine all day. At the very end of the day I was craving something sweet but didn't feel like going out so I grabbed a sugar free pudding from the fridge. I have eaten those little bitches before, I add two tablespoons of fat free whipped cream just for pure joy and eat them and I'm fine. Well, last night about five to ten minutes(again) of having eaten it I started feeling the warmth and rapid heartbeat. This one was bad though, I also felt VERY nauseous and was shaking and hot/cold but sweating. I can't stand still when that's happening so I started pacing back and forth and then my legs started giving out. I was so weak I laid down and then got sleepy.
I don't know why I'm dumping like this now(I barely dump). Maybe my body is all out of whack because of the cheat day and now it's confused and thinks the good food is the bad food...ahhhh, if only that was the case...one can only dream...
Food blog for 9/27.
Sep 28, 2008
Breakfast - small fruit bowl
(watermelon, pineapple, honeydew, grapes, strawberries)
Snack - 1 ounce light 100% natural string cheese
1 piece of gum
1/4 pack sunflower seeds
Lunch - 3 ounces chicken breast strips
Snack - 16 ounces Crystal Light lemonade
14 pieces Gerber cheese snacks
1 ounce light 100% natural string cheese
16 ounces Crystal Light raspberry lemonade
Dinner - Eggbeaters scramble
COOKED WITH:
1 slice turkey bologna
1/4 fat free shredded mozarella
2 tbsp. fat free butter
Snack - 2 ounces light 100% natural string cheese
Peppermint candy
16 ounces Crystal Light fruit punch
Overall
Cals: 770
Fat: 24.5
Carbs: 48.5
Protein: 78.5
I ate like a pig yesterday. A healthy pig...but a pig nonetheless. It shows, I gained two pounds today...I am aware of the fact that weight fluctuates and I shouldn't weight myself daily but whatever...
...where the fuck is that castor oil????
(watermelon, pineapple, honeydew, grapes, strawberries)
Snack - 1 ounce light 100% natural string cheese
1 piece of gum
1/4 pack sunflower seeds
Lunch - 3 ounces chicken breast strips
Snack - 16 ounces Crystal Light lemonade
14 pieces Gerber cheese snacks
1 ounce light 100% natural string cheese
16 ounces Crystal Light raspberry lemonade
Dinner - Eggbeaters scramble
COOKED WITH:
1 slice turkey bologna
1/4 fat free shredded mozarella
2 tbsp. fat free butter
Snack - 2 ounces light 100% natural string cheese
Peppermint candy
16 ounces Crystal Light fruit punch
Overall
Cals: 770
Fat: 24.5
Carbs: 48.5
Protein: 78.5
I ate like a pig yesterday. A healthy pig...but a pig nonetheless. It shows, I gained two pounds today...I am aware of the fact that weight fluctuates and I shouldn't weight myself daily but whatever...
...where the fuck is that castor oil????
Food blog for 9/26.
Sep 28, 2008
Breakfast - Starbucks' Tall Mocha Frappuccino w/ light base
1/4 bowl Starbucks' Perfect Oatmeal
1 tbsp. brown sugar
Snack - Peppermint Candy
Lunch - 1/2 bowl Ham, egg, bacon, lettuce salad
Lite ranch dressing
Snack - 16 ounces Crystal Light lemonade
Dinner - Eggbeaters scramble
COOKED WITH
1 slice turkey bologna
2 tbsp fat free butter
1/4 cup fat free shredded mozarella
Snack - 16 ounces Crystal Light Lemonade
1 ounce light 100% natural string cheese
4 ounces sugar free raspberry chocolate pudding
WITH:
2 tbsp. fat free whipped cream
Overall
Cals: 765
Fat: 33.5
Carbs: 52.5
Protein: 52
1/4 bowl Starbucks' Perfect Oatmeal
1 tbsp. brown sugar
Snack - Peppermint Candy
Lunch - 1/2 bowl Ham, egg, bacon, lettuce salad
Lite ranch dressing
Snack - 16 ounces Crystal Light lemonade
Dinner - Eggbeaters scramble
COOKED WITH
1 slice turkey bologna
2 tbsp fat free butter
1/4 cup fat free shredded mozarella
Snack - 16 ounces Crystal Light Lemonade
1 ounce light 100% natural string cheese
4 ounces sugar free raspberry chocolate pudding
WITH:
2 tbsp. fat free whipped cream
Overall
Cals: 765
Fat: 33.5
Carbs: 52.5
Protein: 52
About Me
Miami Lakes, FL
Location
27.5
BMI
Surgery
09/28/2006
Surgery Date
Aug 26, 2008
Member Since
