Regrets?

May 21, 2009

Hello my fellow OHers, it's been SUCH a long time. I hope everyone out there is doing well(unlikely, but it would be nice if everyone in the whole entire world would feel good...no pain...no worries...no problems...no troubles...ha...).

Anyway, as I said. It has been a couple of months since I last posted or even visited the site for that matter. Like I've done several times before I tried to leave this all behind. To live my life as if nothing had happened BUT once again I have come to the realization that I will always be a gastric bypass patient...I will never be "NORMAL"...at least not as "NORMAL" as I would like to be. Lots of things have happened during these last rough months:

HEALTHWISE: I am anemic. I don't remember exactly what the numbers are. All I remember is my ferritin level being 3 and my VITB12 level being in the 200's. I had an issue with health insurance so I had not been able to see a doctor or my surgeon(I missed the 2yr follow up) for almost a year. I'm guessing that by not being able to get regular bloodwork and physicals my overall health just deteriorated a bit(I'm being generous with that statement). I'm currently taking iron supplements which I feel are not working for shit. I'm constantly fatigued to the point of total and completely exhaustion. My NEW PCP ordered them about a month ago and I have yet to feel ANY sort of improvement. I know I'm not going to feel brand new overnight but to be quite honest I actually feel slightly worse with every day, week, month that goes by. I've also been experiencing severe gastric pains with irregular bowel movements that are just ruining my life to be quite honest. I don't think it's normal to experience discomfort AND pain EVERY day when you eat(food goes down either way so I guess that's why people(aka the doctors I have seen) turn a deaf ear to my complaints) and having to go to the bathroom three or four times a day with severe discomfort while I'm at it. Since my new insurance does not cover gastric bypass I was not able to see my surgeon so I made an appointment with a gastroenterologist at the same hospital where my surgeon works. I explained to him everything that I've been going through and his exact words were; "IT'S BASICALLY THE OUTCOME OF THE SURGERY, THERE'S NOTHING I OR ANYONE ELSE CAN DO FOR YOU"...basically, stop your whining and live with it, you made the decision now you must pay the consequences.

I'm to the point where I just give up trying to seek help. Nobody wants to help me. I mean, I don't know if they don't want to or if there's really just nothing they can do but either way I am going to live like this for the rest of my life. I don't think any sane human being out there would want to live their lives full of discomfort and pain on a daily basis. I know I don't. I am going to find my own way of helping myself. Even if it means not eating at all(if I don't eat there's no pain and there's no going to the bathroom so that's pretty much the perfect treatment to my problem).

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