missrocky

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So I'm leaving the gym and some 5 year old boy yells out- "Why are you so FAT?"  then turns to his mother and says, " Why is SHE so FAT?"
Really, really LOUD so the whole lobby can hear...

Don't even tell me- "Kids will be kids"! That's bullshit! I have 2 and they would have NEVER, EVER said anything like that no matter how young they were because I taught them RESPECT for others from the minute they started to TALK!

SO the mother says- "He's only 5, he doesn't know..." and I said, "Well, this is the perfect time to correct him and I don't see you doing it, do I?"

Way to go STUPID MOTHER!! Raise a disrespectful little boy. I mean, we might as well add another rude, thoughtless, superfacial asshole to the gene pool, right?

Smoking...I like it.
1) It keeps me from eating.
2) I enjoy stepping out with friends when we're out and having a puff or 2 (or 10).
3) I love to drive in my convertable- smoking and taking in the sun.
4) I LOVE to smoke and talk on the phone
5) Vegas- Slot Machines- Booze- and Smokes...a great vacation combo!

Smoking....I hate it
1) I stink like an ashtray
2) My sense of smell is shot
3) I can't walk far without huffing and puffing
4) My beloved convertable smells
5) It costs $60 a month
6) Cancer...not that I have it but I'd really like to avoid it.
7) It's aging me

I bought NICOTINE gum last night, smoked the last cigerette in the pack and this morning....I'm ready.

What are the chances that I'll meet a Henry Higgins type guy (Pygmalion? My Fair Lady? You know- the character from the PLAY) who wants to change a fat girl into a thin girl? So he -like- takes me in and pays for my surgery and the plastic surgery afterward AND takes me shopping when it's all done....oh yeah- and he does this out of the goodness of his heart, so I don't have to sleep with him (but I will if he's HOT...HEY! Don't judge me! LOL!)

How about this? I get 25,700 people to send me a dollar...
But how would I pay for the plastic surgery later on down the line?

Hello! This is my internal dialogue! It doesn't have to make sense.

...Whether  I should continue to try and lose MORE weight or just stop and coast for awhile.

I know that Kaiser's program wants you to lose 10% of your current weight and if I continue losing, I'll just have to lose MORE by the time I see the surgeon. On the other hand, if I keep losing weight, my liver will shrink and I will be able to have LAP surgery as opposed to the regular  "cut you from top to bottom" deal.

What to do...what to do.

I thought that MAYBE if I bring in pictures from the beginning of the year until the day I see the surgeon (that is- IF I see the surgeon). I can show him the progress that I've been making and he can see how serious I am...Hmmmm. That may work.

WHAT'S NEW IN MY LIFE? Not a damn thing.
SInce my boyfriend and I broke up, I've had my ex-husband (he's gay) move in with me so I can handle the rent and get caught up on bills and such. I'm still talking to my ex-boyfriend because I'm stupid and I still love him and all that jazz...he said the best thing I ever did was to make him stay in Chicago and not give him the option of coming home after the holidays because it made him take responsiblity for his life...blah...blah...blah....whatever.

Will we ever get back together? Probably not. I'd like to but there are many factors operating against us that I'd rather not go into...this questions always seems to pop into my head whenever I talk to him..."I wonder who's bed he's talking to me from right now." Pretty sick but extremely true.
Inspite of  everything that he's put me through, I still and always will love him with every inch of my soul. Crazy? Yup.

I'm working with a serious "Poor Me" attitude today...I'm jealious- plain and simple. What am I jealious about? I'm reading profiles and forums- seeing all these people who have been able to do what I've been wanting to do for so long. I also see the ones that are not so devoted and I say to myself, "What the f%$k are these people thinking? You're SO lucky...you've been given the gift of a whole NEW LIFE and you're STILL eating?!" Of course, I shouldn't judge because I have failed many times myself...BUT- I haven't been given the opportunity to receive a $25,700 surgery either. I think that I would be a little more diligent and a lot more thankful...but I digress.

I know that there are some people out there who will make comments like-"You have no idea how hard it is" or "When you have WLS, you'll see it's not a cake walk (ummm-cake)" and you're right- I want to FIND OUT FOR MYSELF and it's making me crazy because, I can't!!!