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Ht:  5'3'' preop wt:  297.4



My weight loss surgery journey began 4 years ago, my journey to that decision has been a lifetime in the making.
I have been obese ever since I was 14 years old, and with each passing year, I become heavier.  I have tried all the diets, fads and tricks.  Some brought weight loss that I regained and then some.  I realized in the past year that I have a food addiction and that I have lived in denial.  A food addiction is no different than any  drug or alcohol.  It is a demon and a very determined one to beat.

I experienced abuse and neglect the entire time I was growing up, this history helped to sculpt and mold the physical me as well as control me emotionally.  I allowed myself to become a prisoner within my fat body.  It protected me, yet at the same time, caused me even more emotional pain due to the looks, stares and comments made by people.  People can be too cruel.

Food was my comfort, my friend, always there for me, it never hurt me, It never judged.  But the comfort was always just a temporary fix.

I have met a wonderful therapist about 1 1/2 years ago.  My psych eval done at St. Vincent's recommended private counseling to deal with my emotional issues from my childhood.  At the time that I received the letter informing me of this, I perceived it as another stumbling block in reaching my ultimate goal of surgery.  Oh how wrong was I.  She has been a blessing ten fold.  It is difficult to put my feelings into words regarding Shellie, she is amazing.  She made me feel at ease and so comfortable.  This stranger made me realize that I am an important and worth while person, that I do matter.  She helped me to realize that admitting I have a problem does not make me less of a person, it makes me a better person.  I always felt so guilty for making food my best friend.  I knew that the food was destroying me, yet I couldn't quit it on my own.  I have been told that any other addicted person feels the same.  Part of me also, never wanted to believe that food is addicting.  I tried for years to play the blame game.  It was my pregnancies, my hypothyroidism that was making me fat.......well you can't get fat without eating.  I am not saying that endocrine issues, slow metabolism, pregnancies do not contribute.....they do and did.  To get from point A to point B, you have to have a vehicle of some sort.  In obesity, that vehicle is food.

Prior to meeting her, I lived in a constant state of denial.  I knew I was fat, and that I was gaining weight with each passing year, but to admit that I have a food addiction, well that would have never happened.  So believe me friends, when it is suggested that you receive counseling to deal with issues, follow thru with it.  It changed my life.

Had I not been told that I needed counseling, and had I gotten approval for the surgery, I would have been having it done without dealing with the very issues that would have destroyed my chances for success.  I would have continued to live in denial regarding the food addiction.  I now realize that I will always be a food addict.  The surgery will be the tool to help me get back my lost life.

I have 2 children and a wonderful husband that I have not appreciated enough.  I want a life with them, a healthy life.  I know it will not be easy and continued counseling will be a necessity, but I am oh so ready.  I will always be addicted to food.  But I feel like I am ready to deal with it, and overcome it.  Weight loss surgery will be my tool, but I am going to contribute a lifetime of labor towards the cause.

My surgery has been scheduled for 8/29/2007.  I guess in some ways, I will consider that a 2nd birthday.  A new beginning.  A 2nd chance to deal with issues with my eyes wide open and my head full of peace and knowledge.  I need to be healthy to battle my issues, I will be, and I will win.

I will share my journey with you all.  I hope to encourage and support people.

Reading over many profiles here on OH sure has helped and encouraged me.

missy-h

About Me
Seymour, IN
Location
32.2
BMI
Aug 02, 2007
Member Since

Friends 86

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