...and it begins

Oct 02, 2010

 My surgery is on Monday. Today is Sunday Oct 3rd. Its 3:22 am and I am wide awake.
Not sure what woke me up, perhaps the fact that i went to sleep very early (8:30pm), or because I was hungry (the no meat/high protein diet is not filling me, cause i never eat enough) or my sleep apnea (I wasn't wearing my CPAP). Who know either way I'm awake and as has been the case with most of my awake hours in the past few weeks, I am very anxious.

I'm scared bout whats about to happen. I have never had surgery, and certainly never something this severe. i made this choice however, so i have to do it. I want to lose weight. I need to lose weight, I'm ready. My mind is with me on this, my heart is hesitant. So many questions...
Will it hurt?
Will i lose weight?
Will there be complications?
Will i survive the surgery?
Will i be hungry?
How soon will i notice change?

I would love to assume all positive answers to these questions but we never really know. It would ease my mind diff other things in my life were running smoothly, but with job issues and personal life stress, it just adds tot he burdens. I have been crying so much, everything making me emotional, its like I've had PMS for three weeks. But still when i think of the future and what it might hold I am calmed. 

So we take this next step and we put the rest in God's hands. I will stay positive, yet realistic... and maybe head back to sleep.

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