mkvand
Like a lot of people, I have struggled with weight all my life. In my case it started the day I was born, when I got stuck in the birth canal and they had to break my collar bone to get me out. My mom has pictures of me as a toddler where I was so fat I had dimples on my wrists and my eyes were sunk in. The average US woman weighs 164 lbs--I weighed that when I was 10. High school skinny was only being obese, rather than morbidly obese as I am now. The lowest BMI I've ever had was 29, and that took a year of WW and exercising two hours a day, six days a week. It was unsustainable, and I ended up gaining back more than I lost.
Unlike many people, I can't pin my eating to emotional issues. That's not to say I don't eat when I'm upset, but I also eat when I"m happy. I can eat while bored or excited, when stressed or relaxed. The truth is, I feel like I'm always hungry and I can always eat. I remember in college talking with a skinny acquaintance and she mentioned forgetting to eat because she didn't get hungry. That had literally never happened to me. A few years later I tried an appetite suppressant. It was bizarre. I wasn't hungry and had to remind myself to eat three meals a day. I lost 30 lbs in less than two months. Then my body adjusted to the meds. I started getting hungry again and gained it all back.
After years of trying to lose weight and either not losing it, or losing it and having it come back and bring friends, I decided I wasn't going to do it anymore. I would just be fat and as long as I was healthy I didn't care. Unfortunately, I didn't stay healthy. I've had 10 surgeries in my life, four of them in the last five years. As a result, I'm now the heaviest I've ever been. My foot, knee, and back hurt constantly from injuries, but the excess weight definitely isn't helping. Also, as of my last check-up, my BP and A1c have both moved into the borderline range.
What scares me the most is what they found when I had knee surgery recently. I hurt my knee in an accident, but when they were examining it, they found arthritis. At first they were surprised but not too worried--I have a genetic mutation that makes me hypermobile and prone to early on-set osteoarthritis. But, when they put in the camera for the arthroscopic surgery, they found my arthritis was much worse than they ever guessed. It's so bad my orthopedist is talking about me needing knee replacement by 40 if I can't lose weight and exercise more.
That's not the worst of it. Since knee replacements don't last forever, and last even less time if you're morbidly obese, he thinks I'll out live the replacement. Second knee replacements have much lower success rates, and he honestly thinks I'll end up in a wheelchair. Now I know a lot of people have to use wheelchairs and manage fulfilling and successful lives, but I don't want to be disabled because of something I can prevent, and with WLS I can definitely delay the age at which I'll need my knee replaced and extend the life of my artificial joint when I do get it. For that reason, I've decided to have WLS.
I've talked to my PCP, my orthopedist, my chiropractor, and my massage therapist. They're all on board, and we've decided the VSG will be the best choice. My family is supportive, and I have a coworker who has had WLS who offered to be my mentor. There's only one area of my life that's not supportive: My insurance company. WLS is specifically excluded. So now, after years of struggle and finally making my decision, I'm left figuring out how to pay for it.
Right now, I'm looking at getting a personal loan and going to Mexico. We'll see what the bank says, but I just got a raise so I"m going to wait until I have a few pay stubs at the higher rate to apply, because I think it will give me a better chance of getting approved. Also, since I did just have knee surgery, it will be a about six months before I accumulate enough paid leave for the trip--and with having to pay out of pocket, I definitely can't afford to do it with unpaid leave.
So that's my story. We'll see how things play out over the next few months, and hopefully by the beginning of next year I'll be on the losers bench.
