mlssadwn
My Story :D
Like everyone here I am doing this to be the best me I can be. For all our different reasons I am so glad I found this place where I can be me and find so much support.
I imagine a lot of you were heavy as children, like me. Now obviously looking back I wish I would have known what to do with those self destructive feelings and thoughts. I wasnt a lazy child either. A tramatic childhood forced me to constantly "escape" outside with nothing more than my body and imagination. From imagining I was Pocahontas and running through the orchard singing to pretending I was Moses and freeing my people through the endless dessert I was constantly in motion.
Fast forward to excelling in softball and volleyball then finding my niche in jazz dancing I was an example of confidence! But under my uniform were girdles holding back what I thought was imperfections. At fourth grade I cried at the idea of having to think of lies to explain why I wore these things...back supports I later decided was a good answer. I was rifficuled at 7th grade securing the name "Water Buffalo" for the rest of my middle school days. I sometimes wonder if anyone had known what was happening at home if they would say those things to me.
Come High School though and everything changed for me. I shot up and with the help of endless dace training sessions and a whole new living situation I toned up. By the time I was a senior I had a six pack and size 8 waist. Never do I remember being made fun of for being fat. Then I met someone who instilled in me the need to maintian perfection. And I did for a long time. Come Dec of 2004, however, a knee injury ended that. Never since (due to my weight) have I been able to put on that dance uniform...my injured knee can no longer support me. After that injury I packed on 25lbs in a month. Apparently eating the same without any excerize to burn it off was not something I had thought about. The weight came on and then came a pregnancy. Never had I felt so fat. I lost 30lbs before I was 6mo along. The idea of gaining weight even for pregnancy was such a turn off to him that I feared losing him. Once I had my baby girl (8lbs 6oz) I dropped the weight as quickly as I could. Went down to pre pregnancy weight minus 25 more pounds. I cant remember a time I was so thin. But he left us anyway. I was alone and a new mother with freedom to eat and not be judged or looked at. So I ate. And ate. Years of suppressed rage, sadness, and guilt all went away with each cheeseburger and fries :) Late night binges and extra helpings could never take a way the damage he caused but it sure helped mask it. I was so weak and vulnerable and food was my knight in shining armor. My friend.
After the birth of my second child I lost some weight and liked how i felt and looked. I started going to the gym with my sister (she lost 200lbs without WLS just diet and excersize) and I really felt like I was on top! I met my husband then and the first yr was amazing! Such trust and passion and love I got complacent. During the courtship I put on about 15lbs (lots of late night dinners and movies) and then the real craziness began. Financial hardships and bad reaction to birth control racked up 55lbs in one yr. Add that to the 15lbs I had put on dating and I was miserable. After the birth of my son in Feb I have lost 35lbs and I am ready for more :D I want to be on the losers bench!!
After a year of researching here I am. Ready to do the work. To feel good about myself. I am a fighter and I am going into this fully dedicated. Below are some goals I have and motivations :D
To wrap a towel all the way around me
To be able to but pants and any store i walk in
To not have to go the furthest side of a rack to find my size
