mollz007

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Hi everyone! I can't believe how fast the summer is going by. I start my regular job in a few weeks. As much as I like the kids at the preschool, I am so ready to get back to my other job. I am starting at a new building because I was transferred (if you remember, in May I wasn't even sure if I would have a job because some paras got cut) I also start classes again in the fall. I think I am ready. Last semester was pretty tough for me, but I managed to pull through somehow. so I will just have to really focus this semester. i think I'm ready to get rolling again though so that I will hopefully be done in 2016.

Last weekend was my third anniversary with my husband, and we took a trip to New Hampshire where he was born, and we stayed at his grandma's house. She lives on a lake in a pretty secluded area, so it was nice and relaxing. We swam in the lake, did some sight seeing, and went to the beach. One of my NSVs was that we walked about 2 miles on the beach and I didn't get too tired. I doubt that is something that would have happened even a few months ago, I probably wouls have gotten cranky after about a mile. Here is a picture of where we stayed. The view was wonderful!

In other news, I am down 90 pounds, and just 2 pounds away from weighing under 200 pounds! That is just so hard for me to wrap around my head... I haven't weighed below 200 pounds since high school! Yesterday, I wore a dress that I bought at TJ Maxx on vacation (size XL!) and I wore it to work yesterday. Not only did I get a bunch of compliments, I didn't have any thigh chafing at all! I have always loved wearing dresses, but I alwats avoided it when it was hot outside (which it was yesterday, we are getting a heatwave here!) because of the dreaded chafing, but I didn't experience any yesterday! And I did love the way I looked in it. I forgot to take a picture, but I will next time I wear it.

Hey everyone! Happy belated 4th... hope everyone was safe and had fun. It was a quiet day for me, which is just fine since I am not a huge fan of the 4th. My parents were both out of town and my hubby wanted to go visit his family in Oklahoma. I didn't go with him because I had plenty to do here, so he took one of the dogs (the younger, more energetic one) and left me here with the older one, which is just fine with me. I have been enjoying my quiet time, and I am getting some stuff done, which is nice. So last night, my pup and I just huddled together in a corner in our mutual dislike of fireworks. Lol... not really, but I do hate fireworks. Maybe part of it comes from growing up with a doctor (mom) who always told me about all the injuries they saw on the 4th of july. I also don't like loud noises... so theres that.

Today was a nice day too. I have been having some family problems and was feeling really depressed about that, so today I had coffee with a friend and that helped to cheer me up. Also, I've really been in the mood to cook, as it is really theraputic for me, so I have been trying some new recipes, and I have been happy with them all so far. Last night, I made 2 things that I found on eggface's blog- for dinner, I made strawberry cheesecake protein pancakes (http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2008/04/strawberry-cheesecake-pancakes.html) and for dessert I made carrot cake (http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2008/11/more-5-minute-cake.html.) I was really happy with how they both turned out! I wasn't sure about the pancakes at first because I don't like cottage cheese, but they were so yummy! Today for dinner I am making coconut beef curry soup in the crock pot (http://twosleevers.com/2014/06/slow-cooker-coconut-ground-beef-curry/) I'll let you know how that is... but it smells good! 

I am looking forward to another lazy day tomorrow! Oh, and today I weighed in at 209 lbs! It's so surreal to me how close I am to the 100's... a number I haven't seen on the scale since high school! I can't believe I have come this far in such a short time... I keep waiting to screw something up... lol. It just seems like this journey has been too "easy" for me... even though I know damn well that it hasn't been! I don't know... I guess it just seems to good to be true... I'm so scared I'm gonna start screwing things up.

Hey everyone! I can't believe it is the middle of June... summer is going by fast! I've been staying busy working at the pre school. I also got some exciting news. Remember how my job at my old school was eliminated and there was a chance that I would lose my job? Well I got a call from HR about a week ago saying that I have been placed at another high school... yay! Also, I got a raise... double yay!

Also, my pre-surgery clothes are officially too big. Actually, they have been big for awhile, but I hate buying clothes for myself so I have been wearing them for as long as possible, but I saw a picture of myself on facebook wearing an old tee shirt and I looked worse than I did before surgery...lol. So I said okay... time for those to go. So I have been shopping at Target a lot, and recently I bought a size XL shirt that I had to return because it was too big, so I bought a similar shirt in a large. Even the large was kind of loose on me! Three months ago I didn't even shop at target because their plus size section sucks.. at least here it does. I never thought I would be wearing a large again... I can't remember the last time I did!

Hi everyone! I can't believe that it's June already! Summer is definitely here!

Well I have been working at the preschool for a few weeks now and it has been pretty fun. It can be very stressful at times, but the kids are cute and I have fun with them. I have also become friendly with some of the other staff members there. Last night my husband and I had some of them over, and we had a lot of fun. Not sure whats happening right now with the other job, but I am staying busy with this one and I am doing just fine. My summer class that I was signed up to take got cancelled because of low enrollment, so I just decided to take the summer off. Unfortunately, I am not quite done with school just yet. I had some issues with my final project in one of my classes, and my professor is letting me redo it rather than get a bad grade in the class. Pretty sweet deal, but I am kind of disappointed because I thought I was done with school for the semester. Oh well. It shouldn't be too hard to change because most of the problems were just formatting issues.

My weight loss has slowed a lot but I am still losing. I would say I am losing about a pound a week, which is just fine with me, I am sure it will pick up again soon. I bet a lot of it has to do with stress.

Hey, hope everyone had a good memorial day! We spent the weekend here in Oklahoma with the in laws, and we were leaving today when it started raining so hard we literally could not see on the high way. We pulled over 3 different times because we couldn't see, and one time we even skidded! They ended up issueing a flash flood warning. Anyway, we made it about 45 minutes from Tulsa and then decided our best option was to turn back, since the rain was pretty heavy at this point and we didn;t think driving on the highway would be safe. So we are sleeping here again tonight, we will try this again tomorrow and hopefully we can actually leave, lol. I'm ready to get home. I have Tuesday and Wednesday to myself, and then Thursday and Friday I am working with my husband at his school. I will be starting another job as soon as I get all the paperwork turned in, so I am looking forward to that. The job will be taking care of one of the kiddos that was in my class this year since he doesnt do summer school. He is a pretty awesome kid so I am excited. Oh, Wednesday I am going for my first ever massage! Boy do I ever need one, lol! With all this stress I've been under, my neck and shoulder area is so tight.

Well thats about it, just wanted to check in. I hope the weather was nicer for you than it was for me and that it didnt ruin any BBQs!

Hey guys, so I am feeling a little better since my last few posts. I finished my final project for school on Friday, so now I have a few weeks off before my summer class. If you remember, I was thinking about taking this summer off, but I decided that I will be able to handle it. Anyway, I am glad to be done, I was so ready to put this god awful semester behind me. I was so lucky that one of my professors knew me pretty well and was understanding of my situation, so he cut me some slack, the other one did to an extent but not as much. Oh well, I think I did okay in my classes, but I guess I will find out soon. But it is good to have a few weeks off, I feel like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I am still unsure of what the job situation will be this summer and next year, but I am surprisingly not too worried about that. I am doing a little better accepting the fact that I won't be returning to my school next year, and won't be back fir the forseeable future. It still really sucks though, but what can I do. So I've been thinking about taking this time to work part time and focus on school next semester so I can be done sooner, and hopefully raise my grades. I don't know why I didn't do that awhile ago, I was struggling this semster with the decision to return to work full time next year or take some time off to go to school full time, but I guess now the decision is being made for me. I have mixed feelings about that. The year is coming to an end though and it is coming too fast for me because I am not ready to leave my job! I am trying to make the best of the situation but it is hard to do.

Been awhile since I updated, so thought I'd check in. The last few weeks have been stressful. Its like, when it rains, it POURS! Since I last posted, I found out my position at work is being cut (with the potential to be transferred, but nothing is guaranteed,) they have to cut back on the number of paras in the building, and they are cutting the last five people hired, and I am in that category. Also my husband's car is dead and I'm not sure when we will be able to have it fixed because of finance issues. Since we work in completely different directions, he takes the car and I get a ride from someone. I hate relying on anyone for rides though, makes me feel guilty, even though the coworker thats picking me up would basically have to drive by my house aanyway (and she doesnt mind.) It's just very stressful- car problems are the worst! On top of all that, I had two major projects due this week. One got turned in last night, I am not sure how I did, but considering the semester I had I think I did a good job. The other one is due Friday and I'm not too concerned about it. I don't think my grades will be great this semester, but I think I at least passed everything. After everything that's been happening, my goal was just to get through the year in one piece.

So as you can imagine all this stress has not been great for my diet. I will admit that I have had some stuff that isn't the best choice, but I think overall I am doing okay. I am still losing, so I must be doing something right, lol! Well anyway after the semester is over we are really going to step it up as far as exercise goes. I have not been doing nearly as much as I should, some days I am just too worn out and not in the mood. Lately I have been not wanting to be the first one to get home after work (which usually happens) because I will have to walk my dog and she will be all happy and excited to see me and want to play, and I am just in such a bad mood and so worn down that taking her out just seems to be a chore, and I usually really enjoy walking her. That is how much this stress is affecting me! I can't wait until classes are over on Friday so I can finally have a break. The school I work at is almost done for the summer too... but that is no longer exciting for me since I won't be coming back.Such is the world of education.

Well, a lot has happened since the last post. I'm afraid I don't have much good news to report. My grandma died on Easter sunday. Very sad, I just wanted more time- is't that what everyone wants though? Seems like there is never enough time. Anyway, she was in hospice and was very comfortable, so that's good. My mom and dad were both there so I'm relieved she wasn't alone. Anyway, the funeral was Friday in Florida, which is where she used to live. She was buried next to her husband. The service was nice, I did a reading as well as one other cousin, and my dad and one other uncle gave the eulogy. It was a beautiful day, and I think she would have liked it. It was nice to see all my cousins even though it wasn't under better circumstances. Eating well while in Florida was tough, though. This whole past week I have been feeling very depressed and I have had a hard time focusing. I felt like I was eating a lot of bad stuff because I just didn't care, but I actually weighed myself this morning and I lost 4 pounds! Go figure. So now I am trying to get back on track, which includes starting to log again on MFP.

There is also still quite a lot of stuff going on with my sister. We got along ok in Florida, mostly just because I was trying to pretend things were ok for my dad's sake, but we had a huge screaming match when we got home. She just said something rude and I completely lost my cool and just snapped at her and totally unloaded. I had a huge breakdown and cried for and yelled for about 2 hours straight. I have just had it, I can't take anymore from her. My parents feel the same way, so we are trying to leave her alone for now. I know it seems dramatic but it seems like she will never talk to me again, and that just hurts so much because I don't have very many friends, and my husband tries but he doesn't really get it, so I feel all alone. I'm going to see my therapist soon, I hope she can help me. To top that off, I have about a week left of school and 2 major projects to complete. I am trying my best with those but at times, it is very hard to care and I just want to get it done. I'm making pretty good progress on them though, so I have hope. I have decided not to take a class over the summer though, and I don't even know what I'm doing next semester. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time, I cant really handle more than that right now.

Wow… it’s been awhile. The past few weeks have been pretty busy, and this past week was rough. There is a lot of family stuff going on right now. My grandma was in the hospital for a few days because she fell in her room and hit her head. Her head was fine, but then doctors discovered that she had an infection, but they didn’t know what kind of infection. Well, a few days ago we found out that her pacemaker that she had put in a few years ago is infected, and the only way to get rid of that would be to operate and remove the pacemaker, and doctors don’t want to do that because they don’t think she will survive it. So now she has moved to hospice care, and now all there is left to do is keep her comfortable because she will probably not get any better.

Anyway, there is that, and other family stuff going on. My sister has not been talking to anyone in the family and it has been very hard on all of us, but I think it has been the hardest in me. I do not have a lot of friends, so I have always tried to have a relationship with my sister, but she has never really been interested. My problem is that I feel the need to hold on to relationships that clearly aren't worth the pain. It's a pattern with me, I hold on to every dying friendship because I think I can save it. And I've caused myself a lot of pain because of it. My sister and I were very close when we were little, but once high school started she began to drift away (my sister is 23, two years younger than me) It is clear now more than ever that she wants nothing to do with me or my parents, at least at the moment. And the thing that makes me furious is that she knows our grandma is sick and seems to not care. She has not once contacted my dad to see how is is doing (it is my dad's mom, my mom's mom died two years ago) I have always been a daddy's girl, and I hate to see him in so much pain.

School is also really stressful, with all that’s been going on this semester, school has been the last thing on my mind. The good thing is that classes are over soon, the bad thing is that I still have a sh*t ton of work to do. I don’t even care what my grades are anymore, I just want to get it done. I was going to take a class this summer but honestly I don’t think that I can handle it. Part of me really wants to just give up and take some time off school, but I also know that probably isn’t the best idea. So, I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Oh yeah, and my advisor told me I need to quit my job. I was supposed to take this class next semester that requires 180 semester hours of observation, or 11 hours a week. Some school districts will just let you do your observations while working as a para, but apparently my district is the only one that won’t. So my advisor told me my best bet is to find a new job. Wow, how helpful, like it’s so easy to get a job. So I am trying to work something out where I can come in a few hours late a few days a weeks so I can do observations. If I can’t do that, I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to leave my job, it seems like that is the only thing going right in my life right now.

So yeah, to say I have a lot going on is an understatement. And as you can imagine, this has been affecting my diet. I was so focused in the beginning and always on plan, but I am starting to feel myself slip. I am scared of going back to old habits. It’s just hard to care anymore, which worries me for more than one reason. Besides the eating habits, this is a way that I felt a few years ago when I was very depressed. I have been doing very well lately and the feelings I have been having are ones that I am very familiar with, and I do not want to go down that road again. I have worked too hard for my mental and physical health to let it all slip away now! I will not let this ruin all the hard work I have done, especially the drama with my bratty sister. She is not worth it.

Hello! It's been a few days since I've written. I'm feeling much better. The awful cold has not gone away completely, but it is much more bearable. The worst part is that my ear is completely clogged from the cold and I can't hear a damn thing out of that ear. I even went to urgent care this week because I was worried it was infected. Doc said it was not and there is just some fluid trapped in my ear, and he told me to take Claritan D. However, apparently an earring I wore irritated my ear and my earlobe was really red and inflamed, and he thought it may be infected, so I did end up getting an antibiotic. That was on Thursday and still no change. It is really annoying, but it doesn't hurt thankfully.

Anyway, so my hubby went to go visit his family this weekend because his birthday and his two brothers birthdays are all in April. I didn't go because he wants to stay until Tuesday, and I don't want to take off from work any more. He likes to take our dog with him when he goes down because his parents have 4 dogs, and my dog always enjoys going down there, so I have the apartment to myself. I was pretty bored today. I did some unpacking (just moved in last weekend and the place is a mess!) but mostly I just sat around and watched old episodes of greys anatomy on netflix. I decided I wanted to cook something new for dinner, so I went to this website that has a lot of recipes for crockpots that I like. I found this recipe and decided to try it: http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/2009/03/crockpot-albondigas-meatball-soup.html. It was delicious! Tonight was one of those times I wish I could eat more because this soup was so good! I think I will have leftovers for awhile and will be eating this for several meals.