mom4sadie

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Well... I've been gone from OH for over a year... where does time go???  A lot has changed in my life.  I got married 4 months ago and became a stay at home mom to a beautiful 5 year old daughter.  Moved to near NAshville and now live in the country... totally opposite of what I was 4 months ago.  Along with these changes have come some major weight gain.  I'm scared!  I can't seem to stop eating.  I know most of it is emotional.. and on top of that.. having a kid around who wants to snack all the time.. but bad habits have formed and I need to break them.  Maybe coming back I'll find the tools and support to help me get back on track...

Any one that wants to help.. would be greatly appreciated...
Till then...

Got a major decision to make and not looking too forward to it.. well.. maybe I am...  Do you continue to put up with something or fix it?

Well, it has certainly been awhile since I posted anything on here... wow.  October seems so long ago.  So much water has passed under my bridge!!!  No one probably even cares if I post this... but maybe it will be theraputic nonetheless for me.  LOL

I had my last chemo treatment on jan. 20th.  (6 treatments total)  Then had to have another blood transfusion on Feb. 5th.  I ended up having to have three of them over the course of my 4 month treatment cycle.  None of it was fun.. but if it is life saving... It will be worth it.

Sometimes I don't think i can wrap my head around all the stuff that has impacted my life since April 2008.  i thought it was hard to get my head wrapped around RNY.. then get it wrapped again around cancer... then chemo... now RNYCANCERCHEMO and Post chemo... waiting for the next 5 years for the shoe to drop again...  It is all sooo overwhelming.

It has been overwhelming watching your hair fall out.. and not just the hair on your head falls out.. (in case no one ever told you that).  Even my eyelashes fell out.  you can't look in the mirror without being reminded you have cancer (even if you have your wig on... cause you have no eyelashes.. but I was lucky to have thick eyebrows and managed to maintain a few of them.. but it looks weird.  i find myself wondering if i'll ever see myself as anything other then a cancer patient!!!  You know your hair is gone, but every time you look in the mirror it is almost like you realize it all over again!!!  Don't get me wrong.  I am still grateful that mine was caught early, that mine was treatable and maybe even hopefully cured... but I won't get ahead of myself there.  (if any cancer survivors.. or people going through it right now want to talk.. e-mail me at [email protected]  put subject line.. OH reponse to your blog  I'd love to talk to others.)

right before I was diagnosed with cancer I had finally made peace with myself (somewhat) that I would no longer be a gastric bypass victim but become a gastric bypass survivor...  I am wondering now if i can climb the mountain to make it true with cancer???  i guess we'll see if my hiking boots still fit... LOL

Ok.. enough about cancer.;. this is OH afterall not cancer line..  my RNY is ok.  I am struggling with eating way tooo many carbs.  They are the only thing that sits well.  Meats do not for the most part.. and while in treatment I had to eat cause they didn't want me to lose any weight.. which was tough cause my mind kept saying... LOSE THE WEIGHT!  It was crazy!  Now all I want to do is eat... and I think a lot of that is now habit.. and emotional.. cause people let me tell you... I AM A WRECK!  People tell me all the time how well I've done through this and/or how good I am looking... but if they only knew!!  I am reminded at this moment as i said that of the picture a guy drew of me in college.. many years ago...  He was to draw a picture of an animal that he thought represented me.. he drew me as a duck!  i was thinking daffy duck when he said it.. but he had drawn a mallard and this was his response when asked..."Deborah looks so smooth and calm and graceful as she glides across the water but if we could see underneath her feet are pedaling 100 miles a minute to stay afloat!"  Pegged me to the wall then... and NOW!  I think and feel like I'm drowning... but I won't really ask for a life vest... why is that?>  Is it cause I spent sooo much of my life overweight and feeling unworthy of saving?  Maybe....  a lesson for another day.

i still have a long way to travel back... I need to get my behind back here to OH and see if I can figure my way back to a gastric bypass way of life...  maybe that would be a good first step???  (scary huh?)

Boy... a lot can happen in 1 year and 5 days!  Try this on for size...  I had gastric bypass 1 year and 5 days ago...  I have lost 150 pounds, had two different types of cancer, now doing chemotherapy and still trying to juggle all of it!!!  Never in my wildest dreams a year ago did I think #1 that I would lose 150 pounds in a year... and #2 I would have one cancer, let alone two different types of them and have to do Chemotherapy, but let me tell you this... I AM A LUCKY and BLESSED WOMAN! 

I have so much to be grateful for... even though it is REALLY REALLY hard...  I am grateful.  God has taught me a lot through this ordeal... and I'm sure there are more lessons to learn... but I am blessed.

For those who are not up-to-date on me...  On August 5th I was diagnosed with Endometrial cancer and scheduled to have a hysterectomy on August 19th.  In the midst of surgery it was discovered that I also had ovarian cancer.  5 weeks later I began chemotherapy.. more or less a preventative chemo cause both cancers were caught in their earliest stages.. THANK GOD!  I was told at my first oncologist visit that Gastric bypass saved my life in more then one way... not only did I lose weight to save my life that way... but it slowed the progression of my cancer to almost a crawl... THANK YOU GOD.. and DRS. OLDHAM AND WEISS!!! 

As I look back over the past 18 months I can see God's hand in all this.  If Dr. Golden hadn't nudged me towards weight loss surgery (at the time it was lap band, but God himself moved that mountain and moved me to gastric bypass) and to the surgeon's and hospital I used, I saw an internist there for my pre-op stuff but he wasn't going to be there the week of my surgery and I was switched to one of his partners.. and I loved him... Dr. Anthony Martin...I decided to keep him as my full time doctor and he was the one who pursued my first symptoms and we found the cancers early.. if he hadn't been johnny on the spot.. I'd have been in big trouble in a couple of months... THANK YOU DR. MARTIN!  He recommended Dr. Trent.. my gyno and then he recommended to me my Oncologist.. Dr. Ueland.. and this wonderful team of 6 doctors together have saved my life in several ways.  I am soooo grateful to them and to God for all they have done for me.

Anyways... I just had my 2nd round of chemo two days ago and waiting to see how I am going to do with it.  It has been made a little harder with my problems from my bypass.  (since RNY I have had trouble getting fluid in) After my first round of chemo I had to be hospitalized for dehydration but Dr. Martin got me back on my feet in 24 hours and feeling better.  We are experimenting this time with some things to see if we can prevent that... but if we have to rehydrate each time ... WE WILL!  We are going to beat this thing.  As I look at it... 2 treatments down... 4 to go... WE ARE GOING TO BEAT THIS!!!

anyways... This is turning into a novel and it must end now cause I'm getting a headache (another side effect of my chemo) and I need to go lie down.. but I wanted to post an update.. .sorry it is 5 days late... but better LATE THEN NEVER!

Love to all!
Deb- soon to be cancer FREE!

Well... I am now 9 months and 1 day out from surgery and how do I feel... WONDERFUL!  I decided this weekend it was time to stop being a gastric bypass "victim" and start being a gastric bypass "survivor"!  Today I reached a milestone... ONDERLAND!  199.6 which is also 1 oz. less then the 70% goal the surgeon set for me for one year out.  It didn't even take a year to get there.  I still find myself looking in the mirror seeing no change... yet I think it is more I am afraid to see the changes... afraid they will run off and never come back.

I had an awesome weekend with my fellow demon fighter Jesse.  He came down and we met up Friday and slayed demons left and right all weekend.  He took me on my first hike... YES ME!  He got me in a paddle boat and it didn't sink, we went to an arts and crafts festival and then fed some ducks... all in ONE DAY!!!  Still had energy to spare... take that obesity!!!  We slay 'em good don't we Jesse???  I thank you Jesse for being my best friend and encouraging me with a swift kick now and again.  LL my friend... LL forever! 

Well, I'm off to meet my Fab 4 buddies for supper then off to starbucks with another friend I haven't seen in like 6 months... wonder if she'll see a difference?  We'll wait to see.  Anyways... love to all my friends... let me hear from you all.  i think of you often!  Till next time!

I got some great news the other day.. my WLS friend and his wife are coming to visit me Saturday!   I can't wait to see Jesse and his wife Lisa.  I sure needed some good news!  Come on Saturday!!! 

Gonna get some STARBUCKS!!! 

Well, I seem to never get on here to post anymore.  Maybe it is because it is hard to know what to say... or to express how you feel and if you do, some people just want to flame you for it.  Who knows... but i'm here today.  Well, I am a little over 8 months out now and down 132.1 pounds.  Hard to believe.  I still get my "newer" clothes out of the dryer and my first thoughts are... "Who changed my clothes?"  and "I can't fit in that!"  But I can and do.  It is still hard to get my head around.  i am 9.6 pounds away from the 70% goal the surgeon set for me...  I find it hard to believe!!!  Harder to believe is that i will be in Onderland then.  I think the last time I was there was preschool!!! j/k 

This past week I got to spend a few days with my friend mammothman (Jesse) in Lexington/Georgetown.    He is 9 months out (we had surgery with same surgeon/hospital) and it was soooo nice to spend time with someone who understands what I'm going through in many ways.  (even though we are polar opposites with most things)  He is such a kind and understanding man.  Jesse, thanks for the good time.  I enjoyed spending time with the ducks at the park, driving around site seeing (thanks for the castle and the three times at STARBUCKS!)   and going back to the hospital in Georgetown.  Hopefully we can do it again sometime soon.. and maybe next time that wonderful wife of yours will come too. (I'm dying to meet her!)  Just think.. the next step is 1 YEAR!

I still continue to battle my emotional issues along with food/liquid issues, but I continue to claw my way through.  If you are battling the same issues.. hang in there.  Dr. Martin keeps saying, "It will get better!"

I have also had the pleasure of getting to know Shea from London.    She will hopefully be having DS in a few months.  It has been great getting to know her and spending some time at STARBUCKS!!!   (probably can tell that i LOVE STARBUCKS!)  I look forward to finally meeting Jason (her financee') who will be having RNY in Georgetown soon.  She is such a fun person. hopefully we'll get to do Starbucks this week and catch up!!!- Hey, I finally broke the stall... did you see???

Besides that... my doggie and faithful companion Sadie is lying here beside me snoozing.  She is thankful for the small reprieve from the severe storms we've been having.  We are contemplating a trip to Barbourville to feed the ducks today.. or maybe tomorrow afternoon.  We'll see.

Guess that is all I have for now.  hope all my "OH friends are doing well."  Don't hear from many of you.  Stay in touch.
Till Later..
Deb

Well, I survived my birthday on March 31st and am now officially 40 years old... ACK!  At least I made it to 40 years of age 100 pounds lighter!!  (thanks Drs. Oldham, Weiss, Martin and Golden!)  I couldn't have done this with you guys! 

Also a big thanks to all my wonderful support system and my family!  Big thanks to mammothman who has been a priceless treasure through these past few months!  Without you... this journey would have been filled with even bigger holes without someone to give me a hand up!  THANKS!

Well, I'm off to Lexington here in a few minutes for their monthly support group.  If you aren't in a support group of any kind.. I encourage you to FIND ONE!!!  They are priceless as well!!!

Till later.... Deb

I actually took  two days off work this week (Monday and Friday) and went out of town with my niece.  It was mutli-purposed but it was the first time I had taken some time for just "ME".  Monday I had a follow-up doctor's appointment and then went and tried to find some new clothes, but nothing felt or looked right.. and that aggrivated me so I took off and found a park in the town i was in and feed the ducks.  I had taken a whole loaf of bread and that was the best thing i've done in months!  I even walked around and shared my bread with others so they could feel the joy I was feeling.  I have been feeling a lot of frustration lately and this was a gift to myself!!!  I thought about the ducks all week.

Friday I took off for another follow up and then my niece and I took off on an adventure and it was full of ups and downs... but it was just good to get away for a little while.  i am still struggling with dealing with this surgery and all it does to your life but I think I just needed a little time away.  The down side was... coming back home.  Nothing is solved.. but getting away did help some.

So... if you are in the same boat away... maybe take some "ME TIME".

Well, today I believe is my 15th week anniversary and I am halfway to where the doctor said I would be (-70%)  I am down 71.6.  Of course I hope to lose more than that, but that is my first major goal.  We'll see from there.

Still struggling to get my protein and fluids in as well as my vitamins, but hanging in there.  Thanks to all my friends who help me through this journey DAILY!  (espcially qhorsegal and mammothman- I love you guys!)

Continued success to us all!