10 weeks

Aug 09, 2010

I am 10 weeks out, and down a fair bit now. I am 38 pounds from being in the hundreds...and now know what ONEderland means. I am doing relatively well, although I have become a bit of a puker. A few times a week, usually trying a food I havent tried yet. Yesterday was steak..in a restaurant...yummy. But short-lived. LOLMy 14 yr old star football player son managed to get a compound fracture in his right hand 2 weeks ago, so we have had many many emergency room/pediatrician/orthopedic surgeon/OR visists of late. Surgery means no football....devastation. And he is the starting center, and it is his right hand, which will need major therapy, so...uh...Had a nice...ahem...LONG visit from the best friend AND the parents from out of town. I love them deeply, but I get exhausted enteratining for too long a stretch. I like my peace and quiet. BF has a 6 yr old and a 2 yr old grandchild...can you say NOISY..messy...but fun. I love them. Really, I do.I am learning to live with my new stomach and all its fun little quirks. Food has become somewhat boring, though, which isnt such a  bad thing. A little more variety would be nice, and HOLY God Im sick of chilli. I manage fish well, but not chicken really. Shaved beef is ok, steak notsomuch. I "cheat" a little, and really dont worry about it, with bread sometimes. Like a quarer of a slice, or a bite of the roll in a steak and cheese. I am in the "I want to live and eat like a normal person, not diet my entire life" camp. I dont do greek yogurt, but I do use as many fat free sugar free foods as I can manage. Im working my way up to a nice salad soon. :) I have zero pain with the pouch, but a strange heartburny kinda feeling if I eat things like bread or chicken. My incisions are mere slits, not even red now. I have dropped more than 3 jeans sizes, a shoe size, bra sixes, shirt sizes, etc. My hair is feeling unhealthy, which is probably due to not ALWAYS getting the requisite amt of protein, Im trying, Mom, honest. I do my vitamins pretty well, and am proud of myself for sticking with it. I still do carnation w/2% milk for breakfast, just to be sure I get a good head start most days. The hair thing is weird, it isnt constant handfuls, more like a few strands every time I shower. It is a constant reminder to try harder on the protein/vits. People are noticing now. But it is funny, like they dont want to say "Youve lost weight!" I have heard a lot of "you look GOOD" and puzzled looks. I am learning to say thank you and leave it at that. I have suddenly discovered I am NOT invisible anymore. I think being very overweight must be like having a disability to some people, like they are told not to stare or ask questions, so they just kind of avoid you in general. Suddenly, people are looking me in the eye. Kinda nice, but odd. I remind myself how easy it would be to take attention a wrong way and allow myself to enjoy the attention TOO much. I also admit there is a little part of me that is angry...you didnt see me before, now suddenly you are all smiles? I resent that I was invisible for so long. And if I didnt think I was too much of a sucker for my own good, i MIGHT even consider flirting, just to smack em down. You didnt even know I was here when I was FAT, I just remind myself that my man loved me through it all, and He deserves my time and attention, so I flirt with him instead. :)  I think sometimes we dont think enough about this new found sense of attractiveness, and it hits us pretty solidly, and it can actually be kinda dangerous if you dont pay attention. I am trying to balance owning a business, working my ass off, 3 kids from college to 6th grade, one with Down syndrome, one with terminal attitude issues, and one moping along dragging a cast across the floor. A beloved doggie with cancer and surgery tomorrow, and an elderly cat who keeps trying to sneak off to die (I think), only to be dragged back by the 12 yr old who adores her. School is starting soon, and as much as I love the schedulless summertime, I so look fwd to time to hit the gym without needing a sitter and 10 minutes to watch tv without having to schedule around Spongebob or ESPN. This was long, huh? sorry bout that. :)

0 Comments