mommy-mo-mo
The following is my story in three parts so please scroll down to what may interest you. I hope that what you read may help you in some way or just be plain interesting.
1) Weight gain and depression
2) Weight loss progress
3) WLS journey
*******************WEIGHT GAIN AND DEPRESSION****************
My story, where do I begin? Growing up I had always had a slight weight problem. I think I had more of an insecurity problem as I always thought I was bigger than I really was. I can remember being so shy and timid as early as elementary school. Looking back in high school, I was a size 9-10 weighing 150 pounds. Again, shy, timid, and certainly did not date. My mental view of myself was much worse than the physical self.
Throughout the years from 1982 to 2000 I gradually gained 30 - 40 pounds here and there during stressful times in my life. I am a stress and emotional eater. I went up to 167, 198, 208, to 240 after having my two children in 2003 and 2005.
At this point, 2004 suffered with post-partum depression. I would cry every time my DH would call. In the morning when he left for work I would cry begging him not to leave me. All I could do was take care of my baby and nothing else. I finally talked to my OB/GYN and was put on antidepressants in April 2004. Well, to my surprise (kind of), June 2004, I became pregnant again so I went of my antidepressants. I also was turning 40 in July.
So here I am pregnant, depressed, overweight, and turning 40. I was a bit overwhelmed with the circumstances in my life even though, thank God, my surrounding circumstances were good... loving husband, rent our house, but live in a house none-the-less, and a beautiful baby with another on the way. With me being 40, it wasn't like I was going to wait 2 or 3 years. I wanted to lose weight, and try for baby 2 at age 41. So it wasn't like we were disappointed.
That dreaded depression just took over. I didn't understand it. I was ashamed of it. I isolated myself. I wouldn't go anywhere or wouldn't see anyone. I felt like such a failure thinking why can't I do anything. Literally, I was stuck. It was like someone was holding me down and would not allow me to get up and I also did not have the fight to try to get up. This occurred day in and day out. It was hard to shower, do anything for my family like cook, clean the house. My existence was miserable, yet with the most blessed of circumstances.
My beautiful girl was born Feb 2005 and I resumed antidepressants. I was not on an appropriate dosage. The depression was not as bad as when not an any antidepressants, but it was still there. I didn't cry as much, but I was still stuck. No energy, tired all the time, feeling guilty for not being the mother I wanted to be because I would not go out of the house. I wasn't the wife I wanted to be. I felt like such a failure and still could not make myself do anything about it. I WAS STUCK. As a result of the depression, I continued to gain weight up to 298 pounds and maintained that weight for all of 2006.
I finally started counseling in February of 2006, one year after my daughter. I had been miserable unnecessarily for so long. It took the counselor to convince me to see a psychiatrist to get my medication adjusted in June of 2006. So I was still miserable, but now was finally getting some help with my medication. The medication took time to stabilize me and even now with WLS, I had to change my medication because Effexor XR is not WLS friendly. So I still continue to work on getting my medication titrated to the right dosage as well as being on the right medication. It can sometimes take up to a year or even longer, but you can't give up.
Continued counseling with a new counselor July 2006 and finally learned to accept depression for what it is, chemical imbalance, and not continue to think that it was not my fault. I am finally not ashamed of my depression.
Now 2007, new year still depressed gained more weight up to 308. Then my father passed away in June 2007 and gained to the now all time high of 318.
to be continued
*****************************:: WEIGHT LOSS CHART ::**********************
Date
Weight
Loss This Period
Total Loss
Comments
07/18/07
07/20/07
07/31/07
08/07/07
08/16/07
09/01/07
318
317
314
305
295
-00
-01
-03
-09
-10
-00
-01
-04
-13
-23
Starting Weight
Dr. office
Date of Surgery
One week post op
2 week po dr appt
One month post op
************WLS JOURNEY TO APPROVAL AND DATE**************
to be continued
