Managing ...

Aug 11, 2007

Well, I didn't go back in to have some of the cc's removed... I have learnt to manage, besides all that I am doing really great in the weight loss department.

I am down another few pounds ... 262!

It's really strange in that I don't see a difference in my weight (which is now 57 pounds) though I can tell in the different clothes that I can now wear ... I have a feeling that I will always see myself as a "fat girl", I need to work on that.


Hangin in there ...

Jul 28, 2007

Well, I know what I wrote in my last post about maybe seeing if I was going to need to have a few cc's removed ... well, I have been stickin it out. 

I am pretty uncomfortable most of the time and throw up pretty regularly ... but I am pleased with the weight loss. To date I have lost 54 pounds. Not too shabby. 

My family says they can see the difference ... that there is a big difference - I don't see it, but I do feel it in the clothes that I am now wearing. I started in a 24-26 now I am in a 20 -22. I am happy with that progression. 

I have already gotten rid of alot of my "fat" clothes ... that was a great feeling actually. 

So, as I mentioned I am hangin in there ...  I don't see Dr. Birch until September now. We'll see how things go from here.

Too many cc's ... ?

Jul 10, 2007

Well, I went for another fill yesterday (Monday July 9th) ... and I think I have too many cc's ... everything I ate after the fact I threw up ... I will give it another day or two, but I am thinking I may have to go in and have at least 1/2 cc removed. 

I am now up to 5 cc's, and still looking for the "Sweet Spot" ...

Though the good news is I am down another few pounds ... 272! 

That is a total of 47 pounds since my heaviest point (319) slow and steady baby!

Every thing has changed ...

May 10, 2007

Since my fill of 4 cc's I have been feeling pretty good - other than this darn head cold I have aquired! LOL 

So my heaviest weight was 319 and now I am 287 ... 4 more pounds and I will be at the weight I was 4 years ago when I had my daughter, that's my first milestone. Actually I need to create a list of milestone targets so I have something that I can look at and look forward to ... so let's begin ... 

Weight Loss Goals:

1)  300 reached
2)  290 reached
3)  280 reached
4)  283 ( weight when I had Emily ) reached
5)  275 reached
6)  250
7)  225
8)  219 ( 100 pound weight loss )
9)  200
10) 175 ( Weight I was 9 years ago when I got pregnant with Sameul )
11) 165 ( Grade 12 weight)
12) 155 
13) 145 ( Goal ... I made it!!! )

Start 319  287 pounds

275 pounds

Not sure what to think ...

Apr 17, 2007

I think before and right after surgery I had some sort of unrealistic notion that I was going to be so different after surgery.

But guess what ... I am exactly the same - I still crave all the crap I was eating before and only being able to eat strained food for another week sucks. My stomach indeed has only allowed me to eat in small moderation - but I still feel hungry all of the time. 

I dunno I guess I am just feeling crappy today - I am almost wishing I had the Gastric Bypass so that I could lose weight faster. I have only lost 8 pounds this past week. I would have thought with only eatting 500-700 calories per day (most calories from protein drinks) that I would have dropped alot more. Ugh. 

I go next week to see the surgeon again for my 2 week post op. I am sure we will be filling the band to make the stomach opening even smaller. At least when I get to solid foods I won't be feeling so deprieved. 

Until then. 


Freakin out ... one more sleep

Apr 08, 2007

I don't get it ... so calm this entire time .. and now, a nervous wreak.. oh god. :-(

Not sure how I am feeling ...

Apr 04, 2007

Hey ... so I only have 5 more sleeps and a wake up before surgery. 

This is the current me ... 

This is the halfway point me ... 

This is the Holy Moly New Hot Me ... 

I am pretty depressed

Apr 04, 2007

I made a pretty serious decision yesterday ... I decided that I had waited long enough - 26 nearly 27 years - to have a relationship with my stepdad. 

I was talking to my mom and I told her that I am done trying. That he has made it very clear all of these years that he has a favorite and that he pretty much blows the rest of us kids off. Well, I AM DONE. I don't need to be put back in that place of sadness over and over. 

I didn't make the decision out of anger ... I made it out of neccessity for me. I am tired of always trying to obtain something that I know I will never have ... A place in his life as his little girl. Ain't gonna happen, so I have removed myself from that whole unrealistic view of what a father should be. 

I told my mom that we weren't going to be coming for Easter, she was pretty sad. I didn't mean to make her sad, I just don't even want to be around my stepdad or my sister. I am tired of the crap. 

I need some space from my mom right now. I told her that I wouldn't be coming over anymore when he was home, though nothing would change between the kids and him, just that I wouldn't be a part of it anymore. 

I guess that I am pretty lucky that he works away for weeks and months at a time so I can maintain my relationship with my mom. 

Anyway - after crying for 3 days I feel relieved today. Relieved that I don't have such a burden over me any longer. 

THis has just gone on far too long.

Family tensions ...

Apr 02, 2007

ugh ... accompained with yesterday's shopping fiasco I had yet again to contend with my step dads "favorite" daughter (his biological). 

I have always felt that I never had a place with him especially when she was born. 

Well, let's see ... not only did my mom buy her $75.00 worth of "birthday loot", but they gave her a card with $100 or more in it ... and my dad bought her a tri gold bracelet... they bought her a cake as well. 

I am very hurt by this because I have never been bought any sort of jewelery by my dad (married to my mom since I was 6 - I am nearly 33 now) it really just makes me sad to know that I will never have anything like that with him. 

It was really REALLY hard for me last night not to eat. Being an emotional eatter that I am, it was tough - I laid in bed crying telling myself over and over, don't eat ... don't eat ... don't eat" ... until I finally fell asleep. I woke up this morning still feeling so hurt about everything wishing that I hadn't gone yesterday. 

When I got home I told my husband about what had happened, I didn't know that my gentle little boy, Sam had been listening. He came over to me hugged me and told me this ... "Mommy, I know how you feel and when I see papa at church I am going to tell him that my mom is really sad that you don't buy her pretty things for her birthday - and that you should to make her feel happy." My little Sam is my little angel - I appreciate that he wants to protect his mommy, but this is not something that he should be fixing. It should be me.

Knowing how uncomfortable I feel talking to him about anything emotional I probably won't say anything and just continue to feel as though I am the outsider daughter to a man that I feel never really understood and even tried to understand. 

I am tired of trying to get him to notice me. I am tired of always being looked over, that I am a strong woman. Clearly I am not. 

Anyway - enough boo hooing I guess. 

Oh yeah ... 8 more days.

10 more sleeps ...

Mar 31, 2007

It is getting closer and closer ... I can't wait to be in the single digets! That's tomorrow all! :)

I have only 5 sleeps until my final weigh in ... and well last night I kinda ate some crap ... though a limited amount of crap. 2 slices of pizza, 8 jalapeno poppers, 2 chicken wings, and 1.5 cups of carrots. But when I got on the scale this morning I was 2 pounds heavier - though still under my last weigh in weight. But, I really have to crack down ... I keep reminding myself that if I even gain 1 pound come April 10 my surgery is cancelled. Ugh ... 

More later baters,


About Me
Thorhild, AB
Surgery Date
Mar 12, 2007
Member Since

Friends 20

Latest Blog 18
Managing ...
Hangin in there ...
Too many cc's ... ?
Every thing has changed ...
Not sure what to think ...
Freakin out ... one more sleep
Not sure how I am feeling ...
I am pretty depressed
Family tensions ...
10 more sleeps ...