Managing ...

Aug 11, 2007

Well, I didn't go back in to have some of the cc's removed... I have learnt to manage, besides all that I am doing really great in the weight loss department.

I am down another few pounds ... 262!

It's really strange in that I don't see a difference in my weight (which is now 57 pounds) though I can tell in the different clothes that I can now wear ... I have a feeling that I will always see myself as a "fat girl", I need to work on that.

 


Hangin in there ...

Jul 28, 2007

Well, I know what I wrote in my last post about maybe seeing if I was going to need to have a few cc's removed ... well, I have been stickin it out. 

I am pretty uncomfortable most of the time and throw up pretty regularly ... but I am pleased with the weight loss. To date I have lost 54 pounds. Not too shabby. 

My family says they can see the difference ... that there is a big difference - I don't see it, but I do feel it in the clothes that I am now wearing. I started in a 24-26 now I am in a 20 -22. I am happy with that progression. 

I have already gotten rid of alot of my "fat" clothes ... that was a great feeling actually. 

So, as I mentioned I am hangin in there ...  I don't see Dr. Birch until September now. We'll see how things go from here.

Too many cc's ... ?

Jul 10, 2007

Well, I went for another fill yesterday (Monday July 9th) ... and I think I have too many cc's ... everything I ate after the fact I threw up ... I will give it another day or two, but I am thinking I may have to go in and have at least 1/2 cc removed. 

I am now up to 5 cc's, and still looking for the "Sweet Spot" ...

Though the good news is I am down another few pounds ... 272! 

That is a total of 47 pounds since my heaviest point (319) slow and steady baby!

Every thing has changed ...

May 10, 2007

Since my fill of 4 cc's I have been feeling pretty good - other than this darn head cold I have aquired! LOL 

So my heaviest weight was 319 and now I am 287 ... 4 more pounds and I will be at the weight I was 4 years ago when I had my daughter, that's my first milestone. Actually I need to create a list of milestone targets so I have something that I can look at and look forward to ... so let's begin ... 

Weight Loss Goals:

1)  300 reached
2)  290 reached
3)  280 reached
4)  283 ( weight when I had Emily ) reached
5)  275 reached
6)  250
7)  225
8)  219 ( 100 pound weight loss )
9)  200
10) 175 ( Weight I was 9 years ago when I got pregnant with Sameul )
11) 165 ( Grade 12 weight)
12) 155 
13) 145 ( Goal ... I made it!!! )


 
Start 319  287 pounds







275 pounds




Not sure what to think ...

Apr 17, 2007

I think before and right after surgery I had some sort of unrealistic notion that I was going to be so different after surgery.

But guess what ... I am exactly the same - I still crave all the crap I was eating before and only being able to eat strained food for another week sucks. My stomach indeed has only allowed me to eat in small moderation - but I still feel hungry all of the time. 

I dunno I guess I am just feeling crappy today - I am almost wishing I had the Gastric Bypass so that I could lose weight faster. I have only lost 8 pounds this past week. I would have thought with only eatting 500-700 calories per day (most calories from protein drinks) that I would have dropped alot more. Ugh. 

I go next week to see the surgeon again for my 2 week post op. I am sure we will be filling the band to make the stomach opening even smaller. At least when I get to solid foods I won't be feeling so deprieved. 

Until then. 

Monique

Freakin out ... one more sleep

Apr 08, 2007

I don't get it ... so calm this entire time .. and now, a nervous wreak.. oh god. :-(

Not sure how I am feeling ...

Apr 04, 2007

Hey ... so I only have 5 more sleeps and a wake up before surgery. 

This is the current me ... 





This is the halfway point me ... 





This is the Holy Moly New Hot Me ... 



I am pretty depressed

Apr 04, 2007

I made a pretty serious decision yesterday ... I decided that I had waited long enough - 26 nearly 27 years - to have a relationship with my stepdad. 

I was talking to my mom and I told her that I am done trying. That he has made it very clear all of these years that he has a favorite and that he pretty much blows the rest of us kids off. Well, I AM DONE. I don't need to be put back in that place of sadness over and over. 

I didn't make the decision out of anger ... I made it out of neccessity for me. I am tired of always trying to obtain something that I know I will never have ... A place in his life as his little girl. Ain't gonna happen, so I have removed myself from that whole unrealistic view of what a father should be. 

I told my mom that we weren't going to be coming for Easter, she was pretty sad. I didn't mean to make her sad, I just don't even want to be around my stepdad or my sister. I am tired of the crap. 

I need some space from my mom right now. I told her that I wouldn't be coming over anymore when he was home, though nothing would change between the kids and him, just that I wouldn't be a part of it anymore. 

I guess that I am pretty lucky that he works away for weeks and months at a time so I can maintain my relationship with my mom. 

Anyway - after crying for 3 days I feel relieved today. Relieved that I don't have such a burden over me any longer. 

THis has just gone on far too long.

Family tensions ...

Apr 02, 2007

ugh ... accompained with yesterday's shopping fiasco I had yet again to contend with my step dads "favorite" daughter (his biological). 

I have always felt that I never had a place with him especially when she was born. 

Well, let's see ... not only did my mom buy her $75.00 worth of "birthday loot", but they gave her a card with $100 or more in it ... and my dad bought her a tri gold bracelet... they bought her a cake as well. 

I am very hurt by this because I have never been bought any sort of jewelery by my dad (married to my mom since I was 6 - I am nearly 33 now) it really just makes me sad to know that I will never have anything like that with him. 

It was really REALLY hard for me last night not to eat. Being an emotional eatter that I am, it was tough - I laid in bed crying telling myself over and over, don't eat ... don't eat ... don't eat" ... until I finally fell asleep. I woke up this morning still feeling so hurt about everything wishing that I hadn't gone yesterday. 

When I got home I told my husband about what had happened, I didn't know that my gentle little boy, Sam had been listening. He came over to me hugged me and told me this ... "Mommy, I know how you feel and when I see papa at church I am going to tell him that my mom is really sad that you don't buy her pretty things for her birthday - and that you should to make her feel happy." My little Sam is my little angel - I appreciate that he wants to protect his mommy, but this is not something that he should be fixing. It should be me.

Knowing how uncomfortable I feel talking to him about anything emotional I probably won't say anything and just continue to feel as though I am the outsider daughter to a man that I feel never really understood and even tried to understand. 

I am tired of trying to get him to notice me. I am tired of always being looked over, that I am a strong woman. Clearly I am not. 

Anyway - enough boo hooing I guess. 

Oh yeah ... 8 more days.

10 more sleeps ...

Mar 31, 2007

It is getting closer and closer ... I can't wait to be in the single digets! That's tomorrow all! :)

I have only 5 sleeps until my final weigh in ... and well last night I kinda ate some crap ... though a limited amount of crap. 2 slices of pizza, 8 jalapeno poppers, 2 chicken wings, and 1.5 cups of carrots. But when I got on the scale this morning I was 2 pounds heavier - though still under my last weigh in weight. But, I really have to crack down ... I keep reminding myself that if I even gain 1 pound come April 10 my surgery is cancelled. Ugh ... 

More later baters,

Monique

About Me
Thorhild, AB
Location
44.6
BMI
Surgery
04/10/2007
Surgery Date
Mar 12, 2007
Member Since

Friends 20

Latest Blog 18
Managing ...
Hangin in there ...
Too many cc's ... ?
Every thing has changed ...
Not sure what to think ...
Freakin out ... one more sleep
Not sure how I am feeling ...
I am pretty depressed
Family tensions ...
10 more sleeps ...

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