Long time no see!

Oct 24, 2013

Wow... I just realized it's been over a year since my last post!  And boy, how much things have changed!

The good news:  I have maintained my goal weight for a year now.  I fluctuate between 125 and 135, but that is right where I wanted to be and keeps me at a healthy BMI as long as I am below 137, so I'm happy with that.  My husband just had his plastic surgery done on Tuesday of this week to remove his loose skin, and he seems to be healing quite nicely.

The not-so-good news: I got laid off back in April, and my life seems to be going in a downward spiral, no matter how much I fight back.  My confidence is completely shot right now, thanks to the lies that my bosses put in my work file to justify firing me, and honestly I'm having a hard time overcoming the resentment I'm feeling for them.  But not just for them... that resentment is starting to spread to other areas of my life.  For example, before I lost my job, my husband and I were planning to start our family this fall.  Now that's not gonna happen because I don't have a job.  Therefore, I end up resenting all of my friends who are happily pregnant right now... it's not fair to them that I feel that way, but every time I get a cute pic of their preggo bellies or see a joyful status update, it's like a kick in the teeth because I'm starting to wonder when, if ever, I'll get to experience that.  I'm also resenting my husband for delaying the start of our family for so long... in my irrational mind, if he had just let me have kids five years ago when I first wanted to, I would already be a happy mother.  And I'm getting to the point where I resent the teachers I see every day while I'm subbing in nearby classrooms.  Why do they get to keep their jobs while I'm suffering?  What did I do to deserve this?  It's making it damn near impossible to even apply for jobs, let alone do well in an interview... I just don't have the confidence to sparkle like I need to if I'm going to stand out, and I can't even pay for the counseling I need to work through all of this because I don't have insurance or a steady income.  So while some may say this is temporary, I'm really starting to think I have landed myself in a mess that will never get better.  And it really sucks.

Any prayers, suggestions on ways to find ways to pay for counseling (I probably don't qualify for sliding fee scales right now), or anything else that might be helpful is certainly welcome.  Sorry for the downbeat post... I just really needed to vent and my husband needs to focus on healing and my friends will get sick of me if I don't stop griping lol.

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Struggling with how to handle attention...

Aug 07, 2012

I went out today to the town where I teach, which is about 30 minutes north of my home.  I try to avoid going out there on days that I don't work, mainly out of effort to retain as much of my personal life as possible, but I had errands to run and had to meet a friend.

While I was out there, I ran into a young man who was not a student of mine, but was in a class across the hall from my room.  He rolled down his window to compliment me on my weight loss and say that he didn't recognize me at first, that I looked like a different person. 

While he was very mature in his compliments (some students have not been in the past), this brought to light a possible preview of what will be coming when school starts in two weeks. 

And suddenly, I'm terrified.

In the past, I have always self sabotaged my weight loss when I have gotten large amounts of compliments.  My "invisibility cloak" of fat has been a security blanket, and now I have to let go of that blanket for good if I'm going to keep my diabetes in remission and be healthy enough to have low-risk pregnancies.  I want more than anything to be a good mother, and in order to do that I need to first BE a mother, and that is less likely to happen if I can't get to a healthy weight. 

But I HATE the attention that comes with the weight loss.  I don't like being in the spotlight.  And with wls, the attention will keep coming until I get to goal, because I'm losing so rapidly... but I'm still losing slowly enough that it will take me several more months to get to goal.  Which is fine, but that's several months of attention that I'm not looking forward to. 

Maybe some counseling is in order to help me prepare for this.  All I know is I can't let this be the source of my demise.  Too much is at stake here. 
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Sorry for the lack of update, in case anyone is reading...

Jul 12, 2012

Life got in the way, and I completely forgot I was posting those... lol!

Just wanted to say that my time in the hospital in Mexicali was great, for a hospital stay.  I would do it again in a heartbeat, and if anyone is thinking about going to Dr. Aceves in Mexicali, GO FOR IT!  You will not regret it!
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Surgery Day!

Apr 01, 2012

We left the hotel at 7:00 am and took the short trip to the hospital, where we were welcomed and lead directly to the rooms that would be our homes for the next three nights. 

After weighing in and a last meeting with Dr. Aceves, I learned that I was going to be the first surgery of the day.  I was very thankful for this, because I was extremely nervous and weepy and would have needed a substantial amount of anxiety medicine to keep myself sane if I had been made to wait too much longer.  I'm pretty sure that Dr. Aceves chose to operate on me first for this very reason, because there was a patient there for a lap band, and Blanca had made a comment yesterday about how generally they do the lap bands first. 

As I was being rolled into the OR, I couldn't stop crying.  My husband walked with my bed as far as he could, and then smiled and waved from the doorway. 

Once I was in the OR, I remember moving from my bed to the OR table, with the help of the anasthaesiologist, who was very kind and comforting.  I remember asking him if he had ever had someone not wake up, and he promised me that he had never ever seen that happen.  Then he asked for "two minutes of my time," during which he explained that he would be "making me feel really good" before having me drift off to sleep.  This went pretty much just like he said.

When I woke up in recovery, I itched all over and was bound and determined to move my legs.  Then my knees.  Then my feet.  I must have fought for half an hour or so to wake my body up, and finally I could move my toes again.  It was hot in there, and I was still itching, so the minute I could wiggle my toes I asked (in English) to be moved back to my room.  Not sure if they understood me or not, but when I woke up again, I was in my room.

Soon after I woke up, Dr. Campos came by.  His first words were, "good morning, Sleeping Beauty!"  This made me giggle, and I couldn't help but smile after that, even though I was sore.  I was immediately given something for the itching, a fan to help with the heat, and something else for pain.  I was offered nausea, medicine, but since I didn't have any nausea, I declined that one.  

The rest of that day is pretty much a blurr, other than a visit from Dr. Aceves, who informed me that everything went well and that I would be able to drink water tomorrow.  The rest of that day, I was allowed to swish water in my mouth to keep my tongue wet, but I could not swallow it.  I also had to begin using my spirometer to keep my airways strong, which was more of a challenge than I thought it would be!

Once I left recovery, almost all of the nurses understood enough English to make sure that I had what I needed when I needed it.  I never once felt insecure, unsafe, or even uncomfortable, beyond pain medicines wearing off.  I'm pretty sure that most of my pain, even through today, has been because of the fact that I had a drain, which is Standard for Dr. Aceves.  But if my results are as great as the rest of his patients, I can deal with a little soreness to have an Aceves sleeve!  

I'll be posting the rest of my journey in Mexicalli in the next day or two... I've just gotten home from the trip and can barely keep my eyes open.  :) 
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March 28th- The Day Before Surgery!

Mar 28, 2012

Since my experience will be so different from most, being that I am travelling to Mexico and all, I wanted to start my blog of my journey tonight so that anyone who is thinking about using Dr. Aceves will know what my experience was, from start to finish.

This all started back in January, when I spoke with Nina, Dr. Aceves's patient coordinator on the phone.  I had already decided I wanted a VSG, and I knew the minute I talked to her that I had found my surgeon.  She was friendly, answered all of my questions patiently and thoroughly, and she also responded to emails with the speed of lightning!  Such a change from the doctor's office that I was going to use in Atlanta!

I was not required to do any kind of liquid diet preop, but instead I did a two week low carb diet.  One week of that was required by Dr. Aceves due to my BMI, but I started a week early so that I could get used to eating that way on my own schedule.  It made the week before surgery that much easier, and I highly recommend it.

Anyways, on to today.  I had to be in San Diego by 11:00 am, which meant flying in from Atlanta bright and early in the morning.  Our flight arrived early, but so did Dr. Aceves's driver, Ramon.  Me, my  husband, and two more people, another husband and wife team in which the wife is having a VSG as well, were on our way to the border within minutes of landing.  Ramon picked us up in a minivan, and the ride out here was very comfortable.  Ramon was friendly and answered all of our questions as best as he could... he's not the normal driver, so I don't t know if he was as knowledgeable about what we were doing as the regular driver is, but he was still a great guy.

We made it into Mexicalli about two hours after leaving the airport and were taken straight to the hospital for our preop tests.  I asked Yolanda if anyone has ever been turned away once getting to Mexico, and she said that the preop tests are just to make sure that nothing has changed since the initial paperwork was submitted, and that they have never had anyone get turned away based on their preop test results.  In fact, she told us that there are only two people in all the years she has worked there that have left without their surgery; one lied about having a pulmonary embolism (?), and the other chickened out and fled the hospital, but he came back a few weeks later.

While I was preparing for my EKG, I voiced my biggest concerns to Yolanda, mainly my fear of not waking up after surgery.  Yolanda was great at calming my nerves and reassuring me that their entire team is committed to making sure that I am 100% safe the entire time, and that the anestheseologist in their hospital has never lost a patient.  That made me feel a million times better.

We also met Dr. Campos, who is the nutritionist in the practice.  He speaks better English than most of my high school students do, and he was also great about answering our questions and easing our fears.  He also gave us permission to eat whatever we wanted for dinner, and to also have up to two margaritas!  I took advantage of this because I figured anything I could do to take the edge off would be great... lol.  :)  We were also given an antibiotic to take tonight, as well as something to help us relax so we can sleep.  I'm to have no food or drink, including water, after ten pm.  

So, here I am in the hotel, digesting an awesome dinner and enjoying a little down time before taking my meds and heading to bed.  I'm still nervous, but nowhere near as fearful as I was this morning, when the least little thing had me in tears.  

I will update as soon as I am alert enough to do so.  Thanks for reading! :) 



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The food funeral is over...

Mar 04, 2012

Tonight I began my pre-preop diet.  Dr. Aceves wants me to eat low carb for a week before surgery, but I am starting it tonight so that I have plenty of time to get used to it before surgery.  I just want to break myself of these carbs altogether, and I'm afraid that if I wait until a week before surgery, I might not do as well post op. 

Dinner tonight was a ribeye steak with green beans and a diet lemon lime soda.  I know I need to get rid of sodas too, but that will be part of my goal for next week.  I honestly feel like I have so many changes to make that, if I try to do them all at once, I may get overwhelmed and not do as well. 

I also know the official preop diet says low fat and low carb, and a ribeye is not exactly low fat.  But again, baby steps are my friend.  I can do this!

Three and a half weeks to go!
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Countdown to my surgery!

Feb 26, 2012



I can't wait for my surgery to get here!  I just realized that I have less than a month to go, so I'm putting this count down in here so I can refer back to it when I get anxious :)
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Two Months and Two Weeks Away!

Jan 15, 2012

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I can't wait to get my surgery over with, so I can move forward and see some serious results!

I know that life after surgery won't be easy.  But I also know that suffering from everything that diabetes has in store for me if I don't get this weight off soon would probably be much worse. 

All that's left to do now is get my passport, prepare my home for the first three weeks after surgery, when I'll be on liquids only, and get on the plane and head to Mexicali!  Oh  yeah, and the little thing called a low-carb diet that the doctor wants me on for ten days before the surgery.

But you know, I don't even mind that idea.  Because I know it's only for ten days, I think I'll be able to manage it better than if I was trying to force myself to stay on something like that permanently.  And yes, I know that after surgery we are supposed to avoid carbs anyways, but at least at some point I know that I'll be able to have some carbs again, just in much smaller amounts. 

I just want to lose this weight.  Sure, I'm trying to watch what I eat now, to get the ball rolling, but  I would just jump on that plane tomorrow if I could.  I feel like March 29th will never get here!
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245 Pounds

Jan 07, 2012

That's how much I weighed at the beginning of this week.  It's also a measley 4 pounds less than I weighed a year and a half ago, when I first started Weight Watchers.

Not that WW was a bad plan.  On the contrary, I lost a good 50 pounds on that plan when I stuck to it.  And then life happened, I had problems at work and with my family, and I fell off the wagon.  The problem is that I didn't get back on the wagon for about eight months.  By then I had regained all but four pounds of what I had worked so hard to lose, and here I am.

I'm scared, because I am always scared of surgery.  I hate the idea of being put under, because I'm always afraid I won't wake up.  I have no reason to feel that way; I've been in two surgeries in my adult life, and did fine in both cases.  It still scares me. 

The only thing that scares me right now more than the surgery is not finding a way to have the surgery.  As a type 2 diabetic, I don't want to die early because of blood sugar complications.  As a woman about to enter her 30's who is happily married, I don't want to miss out on having a fair shot at having healthy children.  I'm not a mother yet, and I'm chomping at the bit to change that... but I don't want to get pregnant as long as I run the risk of so many more complications because of my weight and my disease. 

I'm learning more and more, and every day I get a little more determined to push my fears aside and do this.  I owe it to myself, my husband, and hopefully our future children. 

I have applied to have a VSG with Dr. Aceves in Mexico.  We'll see what he says!
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About Me
23.8
BMI
VSG
Surgery
03/29/2012
Surgery Date
Jan 01, 2012
Member Since

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