MovingOn09
I was born fat. Weighing in at 10 lbs 5 oz at birth set the stage for what was to come. I was on whole milk by the time I was two months old and getting chubbier and chubbier as I grew.
Weight has always been a struggle for me. I was a chubby kid. A chubby pre-adolecent. The only time i was ever within my weight range was between the ages of 14 and 21. I ranged in weight between 160 and 175 during that time. Just right for my 5ft 10in frame. But you could'nt convince me of that then. I always viewed myself as fat even when i was considered average weight.
I started hoarding food when I was 10 or 11. By the time I was 12 and 13, I maxed out to a size 24/26 plus sized jeans. This was th most difficult time for me. I was picked on at school so much that I had developed migraine headaches and missing school became a pattern. That summer I went on my first serious diet and I dont really recall how much weight I had lost, but I fit into one leg of them sized 24/26 jeans by the end of summer. My one and only successful diet.
At 14 I went through a major growth spurt and my weight became proportionate to my height. I had stayed the same in weight but had gained 3 inches in height all in that summer. People stopped harrassing me about my weight. However, the damage was done and I always viewed myself as fat and a second class citizen because I was fat. At 17 I started the riutal of binging and purging. That got old after a couple of years.
I had three children throughout the years. My first pregnancy was not normal. I lost 30 pounds during the pregnancy. I could not hold food if my life depended on it. Iwas severely anemic during that pregnancy. It was a fight to keep my iron level up as I recall. My second pregnancy I gained 23 pounds and my last pregnancy I gained 11 pounds. Pregnancy weight was never an issue. I was very active during this time of life even pregnant you wouldn't find me lounging on the couch.
It was after my 3rd pregnancy that my weight got out of control. I was experiencing post partum depression and I ate and ate and ate to soothe my feelings. I put on 60 pounds in 6 months. It just got more out of hand from there.
I am at my heaviest weight now. Weighing in at 442 pounds. It is now hard to remember the person I used to be. I feel like a prisoner of my own body. There is this thin person in here that is screaming to get out. I just want to get back to being healthy and participating in life again. This journey is not about vanity whatsoever! It is about being healthy again. About living again and actively pursuing my dreams.
I stopped caring about what people see or even what I see in the mirror. I care more about being healthy and active than what a mirror reveals. This is my life on the line, not a beauty contest.
Good luck to all of you who are moving towards a healthier lifestyle. One step at a time.
take care
